The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus 3

by Michael Anderle

  “I have no reason to deceive you, James Brownstone. I will benefit greatly if you slay the balaur.”

  20

  Two things struck James as notable as he followed the now-silent lele through the forest. First, there was something both absurd and amazing about a man encased in alien biomechanical armor stomping through a forest after a naked nymph as part of a plan to kill a three-headed dragon. Every bounty hunt or tomb raid with Shay, he always wondered if he’d hit the limit for new experiences, and yet he often ran into something new. That didn’t even include alien artifacts or the fact he’d only been to Oriceran a handful of times.

  Second, he’d thought the trees in the deep forest were crooked and twisted before, but as the minutes passed and they traveled toward his pick-up bounty, the branches on the increasingly blackened and fungus-infested trees around them grew steadily more gnarled. There was only the occasional normal tree now.

  Never thought this place could get more messed up than it already is. No wonder the Romanians want to keep it locked down.

  Whispy alternated between periods of quiet and near silence to issuing excited orders to James about fighting the upcoming enemy.

  I wonder where Shay is right now? Since she’s got the pendant, ring, and tachi, she’s at least safe.

  James nodded to himself, satisfied. “It was a good engagement ring.”

  The lele looked over her shoulder curiously. “What?”

  “My fiancée. Her engagement ring works as a shield.” James shrugged.

  The lele turned back around. “Do many assassins seek the life of your woman?”

  “It’s not so much assassins as that she ends up in a lot of dangerous situations. Kind of like wandering around a cursed forest.”

  The lele sniffed disdainfully. “This place is not cursed. It’s blessed.”

  “Blessed? You’re taking me to go kill some weird-ass monster. Zmeu were running around trying to eat people. You think it’s blessed?”

  “You wouldn’t understand, warrior. You’re not a magical being, even if you use magical items such as that armor.”

  James didn’t feel the need to clarify the nature of his armor.

  The lele sighed. “For so long, this world was all but devoid of magic. It was hidden in the shadows. Many of us were forced to cluster around kemanas, desperate to live off the residual magic stored there like sad, pathetic visitors who didn’t belong on this planet. Then the gates re-opened and magic began its return, but it’s still only a trickle; a mockery for some of us.” She took a deep breath, her eyes half-closed. “But in a place like this, the magic flows strong and directly. It shows us what could be.”

  James grunted. “Again, all the fucking monsters make it seem like it’s dangerous.”

  “That’s only because they’ve trapped so many here.” The lele shook her head. “If we were all free to wander everywhere, it’d be different. You wouldn’t understand, human.” She sniffed disdainfully.

  “Why not go to Oriceran?”

  “I was born in this land. I will die in this land. I am part of the water. Part of the trees. Oriceran is not my home. Earth is, and this land is, and I welcome the magic that would spill forth.”

  A triangular portal opened over a branch, slicing it in half. It fell to the ground, hitting the moldering fallen leaves.

  The lele cleared her throat. “That isn’t to say a few things couldn’t be improved.”

  James frowned, eyeing the cleanly sliced branch as they walked past it. “Does that kind of shit happen a lot?”

  “A lot?” The lele looked over her shoulder, her hair as wet as it had been when she’d first left the pool. “Portals appearing, yes, but dangerous portals like that are rare. It gets worse the closer you go to some places. I think that is why the balaur chose the location for his lair. I believe he enjoys such chaos.”

  James pointed to a fallen tree in the distance, and then another. “There are lots more downed trees here. Is that from the portals too?”

  The lele shook her head. “That’s from the balaur. He enjoys knocking things down. He’s a newer resident of this forest. He came in through a portal shortly after the gates opened.”

  “And what about you? How long have you lived here?”

  “About two centuries.”

  So, this is really about some scummy new guy who moved into the neighborhood who you want removed.

  James nodded slowly as they continued toward the balaur, half-wondering if the whole thing was a trap, but he was having trouble coming up with reasons the lele would go out of her way to participate in such a plan. It wasn’t like the denizens of the forest kept up with current events by watching tv or surfing the net. He was just another outsider she didn’t know from anyone else.

  Another few minutes passed before the lele slowed, her face and body tense. A large swath of trees that had been knocked down surrounded them. She pointed ahead in the direction they’d been walking. “He’s that way. There’s a cave. If you’d excuse me, warrior, I intend to hide until this is over. If you survive, I shall return with your payment and lead you to your woman.” She turned and hurried off in the opposite direction with surprising speed.

  James shook his head. “The weird shit I get involved in! Aliens, water nymphs, and fucking reptile guys. I wouldn’t believe the movie if they made it.” He advanced in the indicated direction.

  What about extended advanced transformation? he asked the amulet, unsure how much trouble the coming enemy would be.

  Insufficient power at this time. Further base matrix modification needed.

  But I’m barely pissed off and you managed an advanced transformation.

  Insufficient power at this time, the amulet repeated. Further base matrix modification needed.

  The implications for his ability to use his suit outside a highly magically charged area were questionable, but he wasn’t that worried. Every time he’d needed more power it’d been available, and as Shay had pointed out, it wasn’t like he’d hurt any of his allies even when he was borderline berserk.

  A man never knew on a given day if he was going to need to kill a Romanian dragon monster or an alien.

  A dead zone spread out from a large opening leading into a nearby hill. Flat, cracked earth spread from the front, and hollowed-out tree trunks littered the ground. It was as if the cave was sucking the life away from everything around it.

  James stopped about thirty yards away from the cave. “Hey,” he yelled. “You in there? I’ve got an ass-kicking scheduled for you unless you can give me a reason why I shouldn’t.”

  Engage and kill the enemy, Whispy demanded.

  Almost ready to, Coach.

  The cave entrance shook and rocks fell from the mouth as heavy thudding footsteps echoed from within.

  James walked toward the cave. “Looks like our guy is coming.”

  A serpentine neck covered in black scales topped by a squat jet-black reptilian head with deep red eyes with slitted pupils poked out of the cave. Two more heads joined that one a moment later. The dark scales covered the body, and six thick legs propelled the monster forward. Though two spindly wings protruded from the back, they were so thin and hole-filled that James doubted the creature could fly, but that was assuming the wings didn’t generate some sort of magical field or some other less obvious means of flight. He didn’t know half the time with magic.

  Once out of the cave, the balaur bellowed from all three mouths which were filled with razor-sharp teeth. The creature stomped toward James. With its heads fully extended, the creature stood over twenty feet tall.

  Engage and kill the enemy, Whispy demand. Moderate adaptation potential estimated.

  Maybe. It’s just a big monster in the end.

  “You talk, or you just a beast?” James yelled.

  All three balaur heads roared. The farthest left head reared back and opened its mouth.

  James snorted. “Gonna breathe fire? Good luck. That shit isn’t going to work.”

&nbs
p; A blinding ball of white light blasted from the mouth and struck James, knocking him backward. He landed hard, his clothing smoking and his muscles twitching as electricity arced over his body. He grunted and staggered up, slightly dizzy but not in much pain. A blackened scorch mark covered the armor over his chest.

  Near maximum adaptation previously achieved for attack type, Whispy reported. Adaptation potential minimal. Kill enemy. Find and engage new and stronger enemy.

  Yeah, I think that was an electrical attack. Can’t say I was expecting that.

  The second head reared back, and a more traditional stream of flame blasted from its mouth toward James. He threw up an arm to protect his head. Even if he was still partially protected due to his symbiont, without his helmet, it was a vulnerable spot.

  James growled as a few remaining blackened fragments of his shirt drifted away on the now-hot air. There were mild burns in the few places his skin was exposed, including his head, but the armor was only scorched.

  “Now you’re just pissing me off.” James hissed as stinging air touched his burns. With Whispy’s ability to regenerate him, he knew the wounds wouldn’t be a problem soon. It was time to show his enemy why no one tried to fry James Brownstone.

  The monster issued an almost barking noise from its third mouth.

  James ran toward the balaur’s side. “They should just call you a three-headed dragon or a hydra or some shit. Everybody’s got to have their own name.”

  A viscous yellow-green blob launched from the third mouth. James jumped to the side, unsure about the nature of the attack. The liquid splattered against a boulder, sizzling and burning the top layers away.

  “Acid, huh? Glad Shay was so obsessed with adapting me for that. That could have hurt.” James reached for his holster and grunted. It was gone. It’d been burned to ashes, and his pistol was a half-melted mess yards away. “Fine. I’ll do this the fun way.”

  The balaur stepped back and roared, its heads bobbing back and forth. It pushed off with its six legs, charging straight toward James, and the bounty-hunter-turned-dragon-slayer rushed to meet the monster. One of the three heads swung and smashed into him, sending him careening through the air.

  James crashed to the ground with a grunt, the force of the blow more an inconvenience than painful, but his blade sank deep into the hard-packed soil. He stood and yanked it out of the ground.

  “Better stick with the other shit, you three-headed asshole,” James yelled. “I’m so adapted to kinetic attacks that I bet a fucking train could ram into me in advanced mode and I’d survive.”

  The monster roared again, the barking noise following.

  James waited for another barrage of deadly breath, but none came. He wasn’t sure if that meant the monster was holding back or if it took him a little while to regenerate the attacks.

  “What are you?” came a deep bellowing voice from one of the heads.

  Hey, it’s English, or at least it sounds like it to me. That makes this shit easier.

  “Oh, so you can talk,” James replied. “I’m James Brownstone, a bounty hunter from LA. That means I take down dangerous fuckers for money. Fuckers like you.”

  “You aren’t human,” came a different but still low voice from another head. “You’re barely hurt. You should be dead. I should be using your bones to clean my teeth.”

  “Yeah, a lot of people get confused by that. From what the lele tells me, you’ve killed a lot of people. It’s too fucking bad they’ve closed this entire place off. I bet you would have made a nice level-five bounty, but she’s paying me, so I’ll still make some money out of this.”

  “You are arrogant, James Brownstone,” the balaur responded, this time from all three heads at the same time. “A creature can’t win a battle merely by not dying. They have to kill their enemy. Your little sword arm won’t get through my scales. I acknowledge that you are a worthy foe, but you are not a superior enemy.”

  “You really that confident, asshole?”

  “I will leave this place today with your help,” the balaur announced. “Your presence means there might be an opportunity to escape. Aid me, and you will be rewarded. Once I’m free of here, my power will be greater.”

  James pointed his blade at the center head. “How about I offer you another deal? I kill you, and the lele pays me.”

  The monster roared and stomped toward James. He didn’t bother to dodge as the fire head clamped down on him. It lifted him as the acid head moved toward him.

  Kill enemy, Whispy demanded.

  “You breathe, James Brownstone,” the balaur’s acid head bellowed. “I have seen it. I will smother you. All creatures have weaknesses, and your arrogance has blinded you to yours. Then I will feast on your flesh to grow stronger.”

  James thrust his blade arm directly above him. The balaur roared in pain, and its mouth shot open. The bounty hunter fell to the ground, landing with a hard thud and a groan, the armor taking the impact.

  He hopped to his feet and sprinted toward the creature’s body. Another lighting ball exploded right behind him, and James dodged the follow-up acid attack. A small amount splashed on him and burned through his pants, but it didn’t shave any layers off his armor.

  James’ charge ended with his blade impaling the front of the balaur. The creature roared and writhed as the bounty hunter jogged around the body, his weapon still embedded, and created a deep laceration extending from the front to the center of the body. A well-timed kick sent James rolling away, but blood spilled in a torrent from the wound, along with some muscle and what James took to be organs hanging out. It wasn’t like he was an expert in magical zoology.

  The creature bellowed and twitched, stumbling backward. “Brownstone!”

  James growled and charged the balaur again, this time targeting the other side. The creature tried to kick his tormentor again, but his stiff moments allowed James to slice open the entire other side. The balaur collapsed to the ground, the roars from its three heads echoing in the nearby woods.

  “I’ll destroy you, Brownstone,” the creature shrieked in unison. “You will suffer for this.”

  James leapt onto a leg and then atop the main torso. He ran toward the necks. A few quick hacks hewed through the neck of the acid head. The other two heads rushed toward him, and he removed the fire head from the body. The monster writhed in pain, a deep mournful groan issuing from the remaining mouth until James finished the removal of the last head. The body slumped.

  An acrid stench seeped out of the necks.

  James wrinkled his nose. “Fuck. That smell is deadlier than its damned breath.”

  All of James’ wounds had healed by the time he returned to the pond, but that didn’t do anything for his mostly missing clothes. If he didn’t have his armor, he would be almost as naked as the lele. It was rare that he walked around in any stage of transformation for such a long time since normally he couldn’t sustain the level of anger necessary to keep it going. It was an interesting experiment, and he liked having power on demand.

  The lele stepped out of the pond as Brownstone approached, the diamond in her hand.

  James imagined a shallow pocket in the side of his armor and it formed. He accepted the diamond and dropped it into the pocket. “Thanks. Now can you lead me to Shay, or is that going to be hard?”

  The lele shook her head. “No, that task will be rather easy. Right now there’s only one other human in this entire forest. Your woman.” She started walking. “Let’s go find her.”

  21

  You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Shay thought as she lay on her stomach, peering over a small mound into the distance. The cobza raid had proven annoying enough, but she’d hoped that finding the instrument rather than recovering it would prove the primary issue.

  The sight ahead of her let her know just how wrong she was.

  Correk’s damned chicken had led her to a single-story wooden fort infested with Zmeu. Dozens of the creatures were scattered around within the first zone of d
efense behind the seven-foot gated wooden fence.

  How the hell did they even build this thing? I can see nearby stumps, so I get where they got the materials, but what did they use for tools? How did they plan it?

  The Zmeu had proven to be far more industrious than she’d anticipated. Now she needed to figure the best way through them so she could get the instrument and rendezvous with James, wherever he was.

  Some of the monsters stood or sat near firepits roasting some sort of green-brown meat she didn’t recognize. There was some barbeque she couldn’t get behind.

  A taller gate blocked Shay’s view inside, but there was enough screeching and hissing to convince her there were probably dozens more inside the fort. She frowned at the chicken figurine on the ground beside her head. It was pointing straight at the fort.

  Shay clung to the ridiculous hope that it might change for some reason, but it didn’t. The cobza’s location was clear, and while she didn’t always trust that the Fixer’s agenda would overlap with hers, the elf wasn’t the kind of person who’d lead her and James into danger for the sake of a joke.

  Makes sense that the cobza’s there. The Zmeu must understand what it is and hope to use it somehow. All the more reason to get that thing out of there as quickly as possible.

  A leaf crunched behind her, then another.

  Shay whipped out her gun and rolled onto her back. She pointed the weapon behind her, ready to shoot whoever was coming. She relaxed as a familiar Los Angeles bounty hunter approached, and raised a curious eye at his companion.

  James closed the distance between them until he was right in front of her. His body was mostly covered by his armor, but his pants were now more a loincloth rather than an article of clothing. The man being in his armor obviously post-fight wasn’t surprising, but the smiling woman to his right was.

  Okay, play it cool. Don’t want to come off as a jealous harpy, but there’s at least one question I have to ask.

  Shay holstered her gun. “Why are you with some random naked chick? Who the hell is she?”