by Liz Isaacson
“Whatever.” Berlin looked away, out across the busy restaurant. “I’m still alive. I go to work. I even made dinner last week. That’s the very definition of survival.”
Caitlyn shook her head, but she wasn’t upset or frustrated. “You’ll get back together with him.”
“I don’t think so, Cait.” She could still see the absolute rage in his eyes as he stood in the comedy club. Though he’d spoken pretty words about being concerned about her, he’d allowed his jealousy to take over. And she didn’t need that every time she left the house.
“Has he called at all?”
“Not even once.” Berlin heard the misery in her voice, and she hated it. “Okay, no more talk about Cole. I really did want to know how Robert was doing.”
“He’ll keep.” Caitlyn took her time to take another bite of soup and then a long draw of her soda. “Just answer one more question. Don’t think about it. Just answer. Okay?”
The conversation paused while the waitress arrived with another woman, both of them carrying a few plates. The French fries, the salad, the potstickers, and Caitlyn’s pasta got placed and moved and arranged.
Berlin picked up her fork, intending to eat the salad first, as the waitresses moved away.
“You ready?” Caitlyn mixed her pasta and sauce, her eyes expectant.
“I’m ready.”
“No thinking.”
“Caitlyn.”
“Just answer.”
Berlin rolled her eyes and speared a cucumber. She had it halfway to her mouth when Caitlyn asked, “Are you in love with him?”
An answer sprang to Berlin’s mind, but she couldn’t get herself to say it.
“You don’t have to answer. But think about this: If you are, what are you going to do about it?”
Later that night, Berlin sat on the cement pad in her back yard, watching Brownie and Cocoa romp through the overly long grass. She should get one of her brothers to come clip it for her.
Anything to get Caitlyn’s questions out of her head.
Are you in love with him?
Yes.
Yes had popped into Berlin’s mind. She’d had enough other relationships to know this one with Cole was different. Had been since the first date. A smile curved her lips as she thought about those disastrous crepes, the horrible silence between them in the car. But their second “first date” had been so much better, and he had taken her heart one piece of a time until he owned it completely.
No wonder she wasn’t surviving. After all, a person couldn’t really live without their most vital organ.
What are you going to do about it?
Caitlyn’s second question really plagued Berlin, even as she made the call to Kyler about her yard, and as she fed her dogs, and as she put on a crime drama at a volume that was almost painful.
“I have to do something,” she said, the loud car chase on the screen in front of her swallowing the sound of her words.
What could she do?
Forgive.
Just like at the restaurant, the answer was simply there. Berlin seized onto it, but fumbled with how to do it. Pastor Peters made it sound so easy in his Sunday morning sermons.
Berlin pushed a button and turned off the television. Instantly her thoughts quieted too. She half-expected a rush of forgiveness to flood her, though she knew it didn’t quite work that way.
“How do I forgive him, Lord?” she asked, her voice on the outer edge of pain. No immediate answer came.
Chapter Fourteen
Seeing Berlin—talking to her—was an exquisite kind of torture Cole never wanted to experience again. At the same time, the desire to see her again had him falling to his knees right there beside the cot in his office.
Only the two night cops remained in the station, and they knew not to bother him unless it was an emergency.
He’d been searching for a while to get Berlin back into his life, and he couldn’t think of a single thing short of loading up his dogs and going over to his house. He imagined himself knocking nicely, hanging his head, and apologizing over and over until she forgave him.
He didn’t take flowers. He didn’t ask her to meet him somewhere. Berlin wouldn’t do that anyway.
He finished his prayer, utterly spent. He worked out in the morning and the evening now, really putting the treadmills in the gym in the basement of the station through long sessions. Completely exhausting himself was the only way he got any sleep at all.
He hadn’t even looked at the audit she’d brought by a few days ago. He was sure it was one hundred percent accurate. Everything Berlin did in her professional life was flawless. She might have made a few mistakes with Cole, but he had too. The biggest one.
He settled onto the cot, the narrowness of it a jab to his broad shoulders. But he couldn’t go home. For some reason, he felt too lonely there.
Sarge jumped up onto the cot like it was big enough for him. “Lay down,” Cole said while the dog tentatively searched for somewhere he could be comfortable. Honor didn’t try getting on the cot. Instead she circled on the floor near Cole’s head and he scrubbed behind her ears after she settled down.
The dogs had spent lots of time at the station, both during the day and at night, so Cole didn’t feel too bad about their sleeping conditions.
In the morning, he ordered flowers to be delivered to Berlin’s home. He hadn’t contacted her or sent anything since they’d broken up, but now that he’d seen her and talked to her, however briefly, the time felt right.
Hours later, his phone buzzed, and he almost fell out of his chair when he saw Berlin’s name on his screen. Thank you for the flowers.
Cole stood, his heart hammering, sending vibrations through his whole body. He knew where she was, and he didn’t think twice before grabbing his keys and heading for the exit. He ignored everyone who tried to grab him for just a quick second, only pausing to hold the door open for Sarge and Honor.
He drove rationally, at least until he turned onto Berlin’s street. Her car sat in the driveway, and he pulled behind it at an angle so she couldn’t get out. He flipped on the lights on top of his car and said, “All right, guys. It’s now or never. Should we go see if she’ll talk to us?”
Sarge whined, and Cole felt the same way. Anxious. Jittery. Unsure.
He got out of the cruiser anyway, letting the dogs follow him out the driver’s door though he normally made them wait for him to open one of the back doors. His steps slowed the closer to the front door he got, and he stopped completely when Berlin opened the door and filled the frame.
“Berlin,” he said, his voice a little more beastly than he liked. He tried to soften it, but several feet still separated them, and his dogs had started barking at the sight of her two pups. She bent down and acknowledged the German shepherds before going back into her house, taking all four canines with her.
She hadn’t said anything. Not a single word, and Cole wasn’t sure if he should go inside or wait right where he was. He climbed the steps but paused short of entering her home. Her private space.
The red and blue lights rotated, splashing color into her living room—and across her face as she turned from the back door. “What are you doing here, Cole?”
Oh, she couldn’t say his name. That tore a hole right through his chest, and he stepped through the door, a speech coming into his mind.
“I’m in love with you.” He cleared his throat so he didn’t sound so growly. “You’ve stolen my heart, and I need to take you down to the station to ask a few questions.”
She leaned against the back of the couch and folded her arms. “A few questions?”
“Yes, ma’am. It’ll only take a few minutes. I’m sure the dogs will be fine.” He was not going to be fine if he couldn’t make things right with her.
“Ask them here.”
Cole couldn’t seem to find a comfortable position with which to stand. “All right. Do you intend to stay mad at me forever?”
She blinked, her eyes lovely
and intense as they watched him. “No.”
Hope ballooned inside his chest. “Did you hear me say I’m in love with you?” The order of his questions was all skewed, but he didn’t exactly have a script.
“I did.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“I’m so sorry, Berlin.” His emotions caught on her name. “I don’t think I own you. There’s no way anyone on this earth could own you. You’re smart, and driven, and beautiful, and I know you don’t need me.” He took a step closer, his throat so, so dry. “But I need you. I’m dying a little more each day without you.”
She straightened, opened her mouth, and promptly shut it again.
Encouraged that she hadn’t thrown him out yet, he inched forward again. “Tell me what to do,” he begged. “And I will do it.”
She sighed and shook her head. “You don’t need to do anything.”
“Obviously, I do. Please.” He wanted to fall to his knees and beg, but he didn’t. “Please forgive me.”
Berlin gazed up at him, warring emotions streaming through her expression. She never was great at hiding how she felt, and Cole wanted to keep talking but he’d run out of things to say.
“Have you had lunch?” she asked.
“No.”
“Want to take me to lunch?”
“When did you start to ask the questions?” He smiled, his hope soaring when she returned the gesture.
“Want to get over here and kiss me? Make me stop with all the questions?”
Cole didn’t need to think twice about that. He swept her into his arms, murmured, “I’m so sorry,” one more time, and then kissed her like he loved her—because he did.
She pulled away earlier than he would’ve liked, given that he hadn’t held her or kissed her in what felt like a lifetime. His love blossomed, and bloomed, and swelled as they breathed together.
And when she said, “I love you too, Cole,” in the softest, sweetest voice, his life was indeed, complete.
“Do you think the third time will be the charm?” She pressed her forehead against his collarbone and swayed with him.
“The third time?” He ran his hands up and down her back, completely mesmerized by the smell of her, the taste, the feel of her body beside his.
“Our third first date.”
A chuckle started deep in his gut and grew, expanding until it filled his whole chest, his whole soul, and her whole house. He sobered and looked into her eyes. “I sure hope so, sweetheart. I can’t lose you again.”
“You’re not a bad catch yourself.” She tipped up on her toes and kissed him again. He liked what she’d said, but she’d gotten it all wrong. He wasn’t the good catch here. She was, and he needed to do everything in his power to make sure she didn’t get away from him again.
Berlin kept Cole to herself for another month. Then two. When he pulled up to her house to take her to dinner on her birthday, the evidence that her family had been there overwhelmed him. At least two dozen balloons billowed in the autumn breeze, though their colorful strings kept them tied to the porch railings.
He hit a baby blue one out of his way as he mounted the steps. Her front door had been covered in long sheets of yellow paper and a huge number 28 had been painted in bright purple. So he was officially not a decade older than her anymore, and that felt mighty nice as he rapped on the door.
“Come in!” she called, her voice with a fringe of franticness in it.
He opened the door and went in, the scent of chocolate and cream obvious in the air. So she’d already celebrated, and that didn’t settle well in his gut. He caught a flash of her as she darted down the hall.
“I’ll be right back,” she called.
Cole had spent many hours on her couch, holding her, talking, and falling asleep to the sound of a movie they’d put on. He sat down there again, trying not to feel too depressed about being the last one to wish her happy birthday.
With the Halloween children’s parade and the town trick-or-treat festival coming up, it had been all hands on deck at the station. They’d had the County Sheriff’s department in town for trainings, and Cole had spent long hours at work recently.
Including today. He’d given two assignments away so he could be at Berlin’s at a decent hour—and it was still too late.
Her heels clicked behind him, and he stood to receive her. She wore a beautiful, form-fitting black dress with sleeves that went just below her elbow. He whistled as he scanned her. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”
A grin graced her face, and he thought she looked older. More mature. Or maybe he just hadn’t seen her for a few days. Her hair had grown back out to its normal color, and he liked the blonde locks much better than the dark.
Her penetrating blue eyes drank him up as well, and he realized she was gripping something in her hand. “What’s that?” he asked.
Silently, she extended her hand to reveal a black velvet ring box. Cole’s pulse rioted and he locked his eyes on hers, unsure of what to say. No way she was proposing to him. No way.
“I don’t really know what you got me for my birthday,” she started.
“Berlin,” he interrupted, his tone a bit on the beastly side. “Please don’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“I want to ask you.” The last couple of months had been some of the happiest of his life. He’d thought long and hard about how to propose to Berlin, and while he wasn’t much for grand gestures and huge, romantic affairs, he thought he could do a decent job of buying a ring and getting down on one knee. But not if she asked him first.
“Ask me what?” She tilted her head as if she really didn’t know.
“To marry me,” he said bluntly. “I want to ask you to marry me.”
The surprise wasn’t hard to find in her eyes. Nor the panic. “Oh.”
Confusion filled him too. “Are you—what is that?”
She cracked the lid of the box and said, “It’s a ring for my mother. Her birthday is next week, and I thought it would be a great time for you to finally come meet my family.”
He stared at the silver ring with the green gem in it, still reeling. “So…you bought me a gift to give her?”
“Something like that.”
“What does this have to do with your birthday?”
She shrugged and took a tentative step closer, her face open and vulnerable now. “I was just going to say that I didn’t know what you’d gotten me, but that all I really want is for you to be part of my family.” She ducked her head, her hair falling over her shoulder.
Cole moved forward and pushed it back. “That’s all I want too.”
She looked up at him and let the ring box drop to her side. He encircled her in an embrace as she said, “So you’re going to ask me to marry you?”
“Well, not today.” He forced a laugh out of his throat. “But yeah. I mean…yeah.”
“When?” she pressed.
“I don’t know.” Honestly, he’d been waiting to meet her family. He told her that, and she said, “So I guess we’re on the same page then.”
“Close to it,” he said, stepping back and taking the ring from her. “Is this an emerald?”
“Yep. My mother loves emeralds.”
“So we’ll go to the family dinner next week.”
“Six-thirty.” At least she didn’t look as unsure this time as she had the last time she’d invited him to come.
“You sure you want to go out tonight?” he asked, his self-consciousness rearing its ugly head.
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“You’ve already had a celebration.” He glanced around her house. “Several, it looks like.”
Her gaze was filled with fire and passion when she said, “You’re the only one I want to see on my birthday. Of course I want to go to dinner.”
Cole smiled and swept one arm around her waist. “And you want to dance.”
She laughed and hugged him tight. “Yes, I want to dance. And I want some of
that chocolate tuxedo cake for my birthday.” She sobered and looked at him. “And you. I want you.”
I want you wasn’t quite the same as I love you, but it made Cole’s blood burn through his body just as hot.
“I want you too,” he whispered just before kissing her. “Happy birthday, sweetheart.”
Chapter Fifteen
Berlin paced on her front porch, her eyes stuck to the road in front of her house. Cole was late. He was hardly ever late, though his job did keep him past when he said he’d be done from time to time. It was something she’d gotten used to, but her family wouldn’t like it.
Six-thirty had come and gone ten minutes ago, and he’d texted two minutes ago to say he was on his way. Sure enough, he came around the corner on her next breath, and she flew down the front steps to meet him at the curb.
“Sorry,” he said when she opened the door. “I got hung up.”
“It’s okay.” The five-minute drive wouldn’t kill them. Her mom had said they’d hold dinner until Cole and Berlin arrived. So why did Berlin feel like she’d swallowed jumping beans?
Everyone knew about her and Cole, about the break up over the summer, the bad first date, all of it. They’d actually met him before. But this family dinner felt bigger and more important than her father’s retirement party, where the whole town had been invited.
Cole pulled past the house and parked on the street before turning to face her. “Okay? You have the ring?”
“Yes.” Berlin opened her purse and handed it to him. She’d wrapped a white ribbon around the ring box and added a tiny card that she’d made during work that day.
“Let’s do this then.” Cole exhaled and got out of the car still wearing his uniform, complete with his police utility belt and gun. He really was one of the sexiest men Berlin had ever met, and she couldn’t believe he was interested in her.
Stop it, she told herself. She deserved a man as wonderful and strong as Cole, even if he did have a beastly streak sometimes. He’d softened considerably since she’d first met him, and even more since they’d gotten back together.