His meaning is all too clear and a frozen knife rips a path down my spine, opening a wound which should never exist. He’s letting me know if I try to stop my brother from dying, it will make things more painful. For Jared, or for my family and myself, I’m not sure, but I suspect it’s probably both.
“You’ve been passed out for like an hour, Jules. You need to see Mom, or a doctor. Be thankful I didn’t call an ambulance.”
“An hour? No way,” I say, shocked by this revelation. How out of it am I? I don’t feel too terrible, now. I got overwhelmed. It happens.
“It’s been less than ten minutes,” Marcus corrects.
“I’m tired, and, none of that even matters right now,” I say while trying not to panic.
Jared shifts the car into fourth gear and then third as he gently applies the brakes and steers into the turn lane for the hospital. “Okay, so maybe more like twenty minutes. But, so what? I couldn’t wake you up, Jules. I’m taking you to Mom.”
“J,” I start, and then look over my shoulder at Marcus, “I promise not to pass out again. And, I swear to God I’m not going to take one step into that hospital. Mom doesn’t need to know about any of this. Once the story comes out, I’ll have to tell her what you were doing at Travis’s house. Do you really want her to find out about that?”
Jared parks our car in a space near the main entrance to the hospital, where our mother works inside as a nurse. He cuts the engine and turns to face me.
I can see his jaw moving as he grinds his teeth. Jared is attempting to control his anger. I should shrink back in my seat. He can be a fierce rival when he wants to be, but I have to hold my ground. I press down the lock on my door and then meet his stare with my own stubborn defiance.
“Blackmail may have worked once, but I’m not falling for it again. You don’t have to tell Mom anything. And if you do, I have plenty to share with her about what you’ve been up to. Let her look at you, and then I’ll take you home, or back to Chris, or wherever.” He pauses for emphasis. Then, in case I’m not taking him seriously, he adds, “Jules, I can make you. Remember the slutty table dance? I carried you out of the club with one good arm.”
The fingers on my right hand twitch with a need I haven’t felt since I was about thirteen. It’s the uncontrollable urge to rip Jared’s hair out for being a bratty little brother. Since I’m past that stage of my life, I take a deep breath and realize this may not be the worst place to be if someone may suddenly keel over. The thought stops me cold. Jared’s Angel of Death is sitting behind me this very second. He’s about to leave me forever. I feel my eyes flood with instant tears. Turning away from his deep brown glare, I open the door and slam it closed behind me. I rub my knuckles over my eyes while trying to hide under my hair and then walk around to the other side of the car. Jared is turning the key in the lock. As he turns around, I throw my arms around him in a fierce hug.
“You’re my brother, right?”
Jared stands still, his arms pinned to his sides, as I press my cheek against his chest. He’s too skinny, but still very strong. He smells like every childhood memory I have with him in it and his heart beats reassuringly under my ear. I don’t let go of him until he says something.
“Did you flip your wig? Get off.”
“I will, but please do something for me. Please,” I say.
“What, Jules? You’re acting freaky again.”
“Stay by me. Promise me, Jared. Stay right next to me, okay.”
He finally manages to shrug me off, but not before I feel him lightly squeeze me back.
“Okay.”
I take a deep breath and then say, “Here we go. Mom’s probably busy. And I’m fine, you’ll see.” With that, I walk straight into the hospital, Jared and Marcus by my side.
“Hi, Mrs. Baker,” I say, as I wave at the receptionist. I point a finger down the corridor where my mom’s station is and ask, “Can we go see our mom?”
Mrs. Baker turns her attention from the computer monitor and tips her head down an inch to see us from over the frame of her gilded reading glasses. She nods with approval, but her stern upper lip doesn’t look happy to see us. I think Mrs. Baker is the kind of person who’s not overly fond of the younger generation, but she doesn’t stop us from passing by the desk.
When we get to the nurses’ station, my mom’s co-worker, tells us Mom is busy with a patient and she will let her know we’re here as soon as she sees her. She suggests we go take a seat in the waiting area at the end of the hall. Actually, this is sort of perfect. I mean, how much danger can Jared really be in, sitting inside a hospital?
As I round the corner, expecting to see some nice padded chairs and a coffee table covered with boring magazines, I’m nearly struck down by my own ignorance. Sure, Jared may be safe in here, but I never thought for a second there might be dead people in the hospital. Duh.
Six sets of eyes look at us as we enter the small waiting area. I gasp with the shock of seeing so many of them together. The woman breaks eye contact first. She looks grief-stricken so I don’t stare at her for more than a second. She needs privacy right now, and if I were her, I wouldn’t want to be stared at if my eyes were shadowed and red, which I’m sure mine are. A small boy with sandy colored hair sits on her lap. He buries his face against the woman’s chest when our eyes meet. These two are not the problem; they’re breathing the same air I am. It’s the two men who don’t have an aura around their bodies, and look tense and upset, that made me gasp. They’re dead. I know it, and so do the two angels in the room. No, make that three angels in the room, including our tail, Marcus. No doubt, he is fully aware of who is living and who isn’t.
“Oh, Marcus, you couldn’t have chosen a better time for an entrance,” the angel with the blonde hair says.
She turns away from the mixed group of the living and the dead and walks straight over to us. She’s gorgeous and exudes otherworldly power. The other one, who I would guess is also an angel, although she has a different color about her aura, sits down in the chair next to the woman and child.
“Miss Harmony, you’ve got it backwards. It’s always my pleasure. How’s everything?”
“Not well. I’ve run into an upset.”
Jared plops down into the farthest chair away from the woman and her child. He slouches down in his seat and sticks his feet far out in front of him. His long legs take up half of the waiting room. Jared has no idea about any of the drama going on in the room.
I, on the other hand, want to get far away from this scene. I gaze down the hallway with longing, wishing I could escape, but I don’t want to draw any extra attention to myself. All I need is a plausible excuse. My best efforts at ignoring a room full of dead people fails as I can still hear the conversation between Marcus and Harmony.
“They each have their own agenda. It’s a complicated mess,” the angel, Harmony, is saying. Then her tone changes and she says, “Oh Marcus, have you heard about Nathaniel?” she asks.
“Yes. It’s…well, it is what it is. I would have helped him if I could have, but I was too late. I will miss working with him.”
Now, instead of trying to block them out, I strain to hear every word.
“You haven’t heard the latest news, Marcus. Nathaniel has been—”
Jared nudges my ankle with one of his size fourteen shoes. “Sit down, Jules,” he says in a low voice. He tips his head to the chair next to him.
I missed it. I didn’t hear what she said about Nathaniel. He has been what? I glare at my brother and try to hear the rest of what they’re saying but they have moved on to something else.
I glance over at Marcus and Harmony and then back down the hall. Unfortunately, I also see, and hear, the two dead guys in the room. One of them is saying, “Tom, go away and leave me alone. She’s my wife and I don’t want to hear another word out of you.”
The one, which I presume to be Tom, argues back. “You can’t make me leave.”
“Want to see me try?” the first one says.<
br />
“Jared, we need to leave okay?” I ask with desperation.
“We already did this, Jules. Mom is going to look at you before I take you anywhere.”
“I meant, let’s go sit somewhere else,” I say. The two dead guys behind me sound as if they’re about to start brawling.
I hear Marcus say behind me, “They can’t hurt each other. Could be the best thing for them.”
“Just chill, Jules. Would you sit? You look like you’re about to hurl.”
Just as I’m about to start begging Jared to move somewhere less crowded, Tom, the dead guy, says, “He’s my son. I don’t have to leave if you don’t.”
“Of course you have to bring that up. Being the sperm donor doesn’t give you any rights. You’re an asshole of a brother, you know that.”
I turn my head just in time to see Tom take a couple of steps backward as the first guy comes at him.
“Ahh! Excuse me,” I say, and jump out of the way before I’m about to get stepped on.
Someone who doesn’t have a body cannot really step on someone who does. I realize this too late of course. Jared gives me a queer look — something he’s been perfecting lately. Blood drains from my face and pools somewhere below my ankles.
Tom and the other man stop their about to be fight to stare at me.
“You can see me?” he asks.
I don’t want to answer, but I feel my head shaking no.
“She can see us, Tom.”
The first man steps around Tom and walks right up to my face.
“You can help me. Please, my name is Carl Davis and this is my wife and son. Oh Jesus, this is exactly what I needed. You have to help me!”
My head continues to shake as I stumble away from the dead man. I trip over Jared and fall in slow motion. First my knee bumps his leg, then my hip hits the floor, and last my upper body sprawls across the carpet.
“Bravo, Jules. Twenty points for style, ten for gracefulness,” Jared says. He reaches down and helps me to my feet.
Marcus, Harmony, and the other angel encircle Tom and Carl.
“She is not here to assist you, Carl,” the other angel, an elderly woman with dainty bones and pale green eyes, says.
“Listen to your mom, Carl. She knows what’s best for you,” Harmony says.
Carl pays little attention to any of them as his watery brown eyes fix on me.
Grabbing Jared’s sleeve, I leave the room, stretching the cotton fabric of his T-shirt to its limit. “Come on. Now,” I order.
Carl darts out of the group and blocks my path. Tom follows suit, and the two of them effectively create a ghostly barrier.
Their mother, also a member of the undead, attempts to speak some reason. “Leave the girl alone. We will figure this out. Please, boys.”
Meanwhile, I spin around, release Jared’s shirt and then grab a hold of his good hand, and make my best attempt to yank him to his feet.
“Fine. If it makes you happy, we’ll go sit somewhere else,” Jared says.
But I can’t get away.
“Please, her name is Gayle. Just tell her—”
I cut Carl off by saying, “I have to leave now.”
He goes on, “Tell her, the accident, the whole thing was Tom’s fault.”
After this statement, Tom looks like he’s going to explode. The elderly lady/angel steps between me and her two dead sons. I take that as my opening and, with Jared firmly attached to my hand, I slip through a narrow gap left by her running interference. Jared passes right through Carl and it makes me shudder, but he looks as if he felt nothing at all. As I rush around the corner and into the corridor, Jared and I almost have a head-on collision with Marcus and Harmony. They’re both in the physical now. Marcus is even more overwhelming with a body. He’s at least as tall as Jared, which is impressive at six-foot-four, but Marcus is built like a bodyguard.
My breath catches in my throat as I try to dart around the angelic pair. Carl and his mother continue to bicker behind us.
“Pardon me, Jules,” Marcus says.
“No problem,” I say, as I pull Jared in close to me.
He doesn’t move to the side, however, and there’s not quite enough room for us to get by.
Harmony looks at me wide eyed. “Hello,” she says.
Kindness radiates out of her, not only because the sound of her voice is like a warm sunny day, but also because of her open and welcoming expression.
“Hi,” I say with a little too much apprehension. I tuck my hair behind my ear and look down at the floor. I wish they would move out of my way.
“Do not fear what is out of your control, Jules,” she says to me.
Looking up, I find her smiling kindly at me, eyes so bright and with a depth of understanding and recognition that I feel an electric shock zing through me. Who is this angel? Disturbed, I take a step back and am unable to speak.
“My friend is having some trouble. We’re gonna make it right, and then I’ll be back later,” Marcus says.
“Um, yeah,” I say.
“Take care now,” he says, and finally steps to the side.
“Nice to meet you,” Harmony says to my retreating back.
If I could run away and not look ridiculous, I would. As it is, I also have a hundred and seventy pounds in tow, and he’s in no hurry.
“Who was that?” Jared asks, once we are out of earshot.
“No one,” I say.
“Sure, Jules, try again.”
“Jared, can we please go home now?”
“Nope. Mom, remember? And who were those people? This time, tell me.”
We’re in sight of the nurses’ station. In desperation, I glance over at it. I’m not sure if I want to see her there, or not. I definitely want Jared to see her. It may be his last time ever. I swallow hard. She’s not there.
I halt our retreat, let go of his hand, and close my eyes for the space of a heartbeat. Then I look Jared in the eyes and say, “J, they were, those people, were not people. I’ll tell you everything if you just let us leave.”
Jared cocks his head to the side and peers down at me with skepticism.
“We’re running out of time. Can you please trust me on this?”
Something clicks inside him. I see the change in his energy field and feel him make up his mind about something.
“Yeah,” he says, then adds a condition, “But no more passing out.”
“Fine,” I agree quickly, and follow with an exasperated, “Thank you.”
We turn to leave. I’m determined to get Jared out of here and far away from Marcus. Even knowing it’s a futile attempt, I have to try to save my brother from death knocking at his door. As I rush past the nurses’ desk, I hear a familiar voice call out.
“Hey, what are you two doing here?”
Mom already looks preoccupied and tired even though it’s only the beginning of her shift. There’s a slight shadow under each of her eyes and many loose strands of hair hanging down around her face. She smiles at us and then goes immediately to her desk and bends over a chart to scribble something down.
I say, “Just wanted to see you. It’s been a couple of days.”
“It has been, hasn’t it? Everything okay?”
“Mmm-hmm,” I make a noncommittal sound. I hate lying and try to avoid it whenever possible.
Jared and I stand on the opposite side of the high counter and watch as our mom moves to the computer and types in some information. It only takes her a minute and then she looks up at us.
“You look really busy, Mom. We’ll leave you alone so you can work. Sorry to bother you,” I say.
“No, wait. Don’t go. I am busy but we can go get some dinner together in the cafeteria. Oh jeez, that’s why you’re here, isn’t it? I’m sorry kids. I’ve been meaning to go grocery shopping. There’s nothing in the house. I’ll give you some money if you want to go pick up some things.” She bends down under the desk and reappears with her purse.
“No, no, it’s not that. We’re
fine. And besides, I have my own money.”
“Oh, that reminds me. Your grandmother called. She left a message, wondering why you didn’t come into work.”
Work? I don’t even know what day of the week it is. My life is falling apart. “Crud. I hope she’s not mad at me.”
“I don’t think so,” Mom says as she walks around her station to come stand by us. “I think she was just checking to make sure you were feeling well. You’re not sick are you?” Her hand automatically rises to my forehead. “You look different,” she says scrutinizing my appearance. “What’s wrong?” she asks and I can hear her mother instincts kicking in.
I bite my lower lip as I come up with the best answer that’s not a lie, but also doesn’t tell her anything.
“Jules had an upset stomach,” Jared says.
“But it’s totally better now,” I add.
“Are you sure? I could have a doctor look at you. You’re here anyway.”
“No, really, it’s okay. Actually, I need to get home. Come on, Jared.”
“Well, if you change your mind, it’s no problem. And, here,” She hands over some money. “So you can get some dinner.”
“No, no” I say, and shake my head refusing the cash.
“You have to eat. Get something healthy. Especially if your stomach has been acting funny.”
She stuffs the bills into my hand.
“Thanks.” I lean in and give her a hug, and then I remember. “I love you so much, Mommy.”
After I let go she gives me a slightly surprised look mixed with uncertainty and pleasure. I nudge Jared forward. “Give Mom a hug J, and tell her you love her.”
He takes a step backward instead of forward. Jared isn’t one to openly display affection toward his family members, even though I know he loves us. He gives me the crazy look again.
“Do it,” I demand, and surprisingly, he does.
“I love you too,” she says. “Now, be safe, kiddos.”
Chapter Sixteen: Thumb Screws Preferred
Nathaniel
Dying was a curious event. My second death, that is. Painful is not the word for what happened to me. It lacks in intensity to the thousandth degree. Travis and his demons are expert at what they do. His soulless monsters tore me apart, bit by bit. They were efficient at their task and I suffered for it. Now I know. Now it’s too late. Should I feel fortunate to have another chance? Can I call what I have become another chance? I’m no longer an angel, and I’m no longer dead. The powers that be have granted me another pass. If I succeed, then I’ll be reinstated to my last position. If I fail, then I’ll be stuck in this strange limbo. The other side will not be there waiting for me. And the other side was not an unpleasant place to be. It was freedom at last, but I pleaded to return. My case needs me. She’ll commit suicide without my intervention. That was my argument. They let me come back, but with restrictions that I didn’t fully grasp before asking to return.
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