by Dinah McLeod
When my watch showed it was time to leave, I ordered my kids to pack up their lunchboxes and line up for our next stop: the trashcan. At that moment, Julia walked up, all smiles as usual.
"I can take it from here if you need to run."
"Um…thanks."
"Of course, it's no problem!"
Come on, no one's really this nice, I thought with an inward eye roll. "I guess Josh—um, I mean Mr. Black mentioned that he needs to… discuss some things with me."
"Yes, he did. I'm happy to do it, really. I'd do anything for Mr. Black."
Uh-oh. That didn't sound good.
"He introduced me to my fiancé, so that's a long bill!"
At the word fiancé, I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. "Really?" I squeaked.
"Yep." She proudly wagged her ring finger at me and I stepped forward to obligingly ooh and ah at it. "Thank you. We're very happy. Now, I should probably be getting these kiddos to the playground."
"Right. Thanks again. Oh, and Julia…" Suddenly, I was overcome with guilt for my traitorous thoughts that turned out to be completely unfounded. "I really would like to get together sometime, like you mentioned."
"Great!" Her eyes glittered excitedly at me. "You know, a lot of us teachers get together at the end of the first week to celebrate. You should come."
"Great," I echoed.
"Okay, kiddos, who's my line leader today? That's right, Jason. Lead on to the playground, good sir."
I smiled weakly as I watched her go. What was wrong with me? First, I was letting a man I barely knew—sure, I'd known him once, but considering it was years ago, did it even count?—spank me, not once, but repeatedly. Then I was ready to scratch the eyes out of any woman he smiled at. At this rate, I doubted I'd make it a year.
I arrived at my classroom before Josh did. I briefly debated going to the corner, as he'd instructed earlier, but decided against it. I didn't think we could continue this…whatever it was we had, whatever you called what we were doing. I wasn't sure. The only thing I was even remotely certain about was the fact it confused me and made me have feelings I wasn't entirely proud of.
That decided, I sat on the edge of my desk, my mind whirling. After the first time he'd spanked me, given all the emotions it had forced me to deal with, I'd never expected to let it happen again. Then I had not only let it happen, I'd asked for it, no less! It was a phenomenon I wasn't even close to understanding, I only knew that one look into the unfathomable depths of his beautiful eyes and I was putty in his hands.
It didn't matter that over a decade had passed since my little crush; one look from him was all it took. And the more I got to know him, the farther I fell. My only concern at this point was how hard I was going to fall.
At that moment, Josh came into the room and closed the door behind him. He glanced at the corner where he'd ordered me to stand before looking my way again.
I saw the look and even though his face was inscrutable, I still tensed. I expected him to order me to obey him, or to throw his hands up and leave. What I hadn't expected, or even conceived as a possibility, was that he'd pull the chair out from under my desk and swing it around until he could sit facing me.
"Hello, Michelle. How's your day going?"
"Good," I replied slowly.
"That's good to hear." He left it at that, his eyes intent on me, making me squirm. "Are you sure everything's all right? You seem…different today."
"Different how?" I said without thinking. "Because I'm not being a mindless robot who obeys your every whim?"
He arched an eyebrow, but instead of looking angry as I'd expected, he was grinning. "Oh, honey, you don't have the faintest idea about my whims, trust me. They are varied and there are many."
Why did that sultry proclamation, coupled with the wink he tossed me, make my knees go weak?
"Now, why don't you tell me what's bothering you."
"Who said anything's bothering me?"
"Michelle." His voice was soothing and encouraging all at once as he reached for my hand. Even that slight contact made goose bumps prickle my skin.
"I just…I don't know. It's stupid." By the time I finished, I was mumbling.
"Stop it," he scolded. "I don't want to hear you talk like that. Nothing about you is stupid, I assure you."
I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. He only said that because he hadn't heard it yet. If I ever got brave enough to tell him what I'd been thinking, he'd feel differently. "Can we talk about something else?"
"Sure. What do you want to talk about?"
"How 'bout those Red Sox," I quipped.
"I wouldn't know, I don't keep up with baseball."
"Me either," I admitted with a tiny giggle. I could feel my shoulders relaxing the slightest bit.
"What do you keep up with then?"
"Apartment listings," I quipped.
"Really? Here in Pike County?"
I wrinkled my nose. The apartments here were all ancient—you couldn't even get cable! Not to mention, they weren't far enough away from my father. "Not a chance."
"Where then?"
I shrugged a shoulder. "I was thinking of Evenfalls or maybe Meadowbrook."
"Those are both a good forty-five minutes from here," he observed.
It's a start.
"It'd be quite a commute."
"I guess that means you'll be rid of me soon enough," I said, striving to keep my tone light and belie the emotions I felt at the thought of not seeing him every day. I shouldn't feel anything, except relieved. So why didn't I?
"What makes you think I want to be rid of you, Michelle?"
"Oh, sure, you need a teacher, I know that. I promise not to leave you in the lurch. I'll finish out the school year."
"And what if I said I wanted more than that?"
I blinked in surprise. I was so caught off guard that it took me a minute to regain the power of speech. "I'd say you were crazy."
"Why crazy?" he asked with an easy grin.
"All I've done is cause you aggravation since I got here!"
"Maybe I like a woman who's a bit of a challenge."
I fell silent as I thought about what he'd said. It didn't seem possible. "Why?"
He laughed softly, surprising me by putting a hand on my knee and giving it a squeeze. "What fun is a mindless robot? I'd pick a girl with some spunk over a 'yes girl' every time."
"Because a girl with spunk gives you a reason to spank her?" I guessed.
He gave me a wink that made my heart flutter. "Now you're getting the idea."
"How did you get into it? The spanking thing, I mean?"
"I think I've always been into it, if you want to know the truth. It's something I've known about myself for a long time."
"Why?"
"Why what?" he asked. "Why is spanking my kink? I couldn't answer that, though there was a time where I would have tried. It's just a part of me that I can't shake, and frankly, I don't want to live without."
I nodded, pleased by his honesty even if I still felt confused by the whole thing.
"And what about you, Shelly?"
"I…what about me?"
"You like being spanked, don't you?"
Even though he spoke softly and I knew he'd closed the door, I still craned my head around to look as though I expected someone to be lurking in the doorway, eavesdropping. "I never said that!" I hissed.
"Okay. So tell me that it's not true," he replied with irrefutable logic.
"I….I don't," I insisted, but it sounded half-hearted even to my own ears.
"Okay. You don't. So next time, take the write-up, huh?"
Even though I knew he was only teasing me, I still felt the flames of embarrassment lick my cheeks. "I just…that was…"
"Honey, you don't have to explain yourself to me. I understand."
"But…" I dropped my eyes and stared at the speckled linoleum floor.
"What is it, Shelly? Talk to me."
Why did his voice, esp
ecially when he spoke so gently, make something curl low in my belly? The man held some strange power over me, that was undeniable. "But you'd never be with a girl who didn't like it, would you?" Not that it mattered; he'd never be with me, spankings or no spankings. Who was I trying to kid?
"Not only would I, I have been with women who didn't like being spanked."
"But you're not with any of them now," I pointed out.
"No, I'm not. But I'm not sure what that proves."
"That you can't commit to someone who doesn't share your…kink, as you called it."
His brow furrowed as he looked at me. "You know, I don't really appreciate your making assumptions about me. How do you know that those women didn't end things with me?"
Because I simply couldn't imagine anyone not wanting to be with him. What were they, delusional? Even I could concede that a little spanking every now and again was worth the pleasure of being his girlfriend.
"And furthermore, if you're going to discuss my 'kink', I'd prefer you didn't use that judgmental tone."
I could see that he was annoyed and as his eyes flashed, I wondered if he was considering spanking me right then. The idea of him pulling me off the desk and over his lap made butterflies flitter in the pit of my stomach. I could feel heat pulsing between my legs, and my mouth dried as I waited to see what he would do.
"Is that understood, Michelle?"
"Yes, Sir," I answered quietly, only to be rewarded by his smile.
"Good girl."
Oh, I loved when he called me that. It made me feel weightless, like I could soar into the sky if his eyes were keeping me rooted to Earth.
"Do you feel better after our talk?"
I nodded absentmindedly, but all I could think about was the strange disappointment I felt. Was he right? Did I want him to spank me? The idea was absurd, but at the same time, I felt a strange sense of loss that I couldn't name. Was this what he felt all the time?
"Recess will be over shortly."
I looked at the clock on the wall, feeling another pang of disappointment to see that he was right. I wanted to keep talking to him, I wanted to figure this thing out—whatever it was.
"Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?"
"But…I told you I…" I trailed off helplessly, my emotions in a confused tangle.
"Tell you what, why don't we talk about it some more tonight? Say, seven?"
"But I…I don't have a lot of money right now."
"I wasn't planning on going Dutch."
"Oh, I don't know…" I waffled. I wanted to go, but I hadn't been on a date with anyone in six years. If he paid, that definitely made it a date, didn't it? As much as I wanted to spend more time with him, I wasn't sure I was ready for that just yet.
"I asked you out to dinner, Michelle. I always pay for my dates."
There it was, the dreaded d word. "No, I couldn't let you do that…"
He leveled me with his stern, unyielding gaze that stopped my floundering short. "You may not like being spanked, but if you suggest paying again I might not be able to honor that."
There was no ignoring the shiver of excitement that ran through my body. "All right. Seven."
"I'll pick you up."
"Oh, no, why don't I—"
He arched a brow and I fell silent. "Don't push it, little girl."
Oh, God, the things his words did to my body. I didn't have a fighting chance.
When Josh pulled up in his black Ram—the same one he'd had since he'd gotten his license, if I remembered correctly—I was waiting for him. He was five minutes early, but considering how much of a stickler he was for punctuality, I wasn't surprised.
"I'm leaving!" I called out, throwing the door open and dashing out without waiting for a response.
He was opening his door as I approached and seemed surprised to see me. "I can come to the door, you know."
I shrugged. "Well, I saved you the trip."
"Are you afraid your dad is going to give me the third degree?"
I smiled at his teasing tone. "No."
"Then what is it?"
"What does it matter? It's not like he's expecting you to come in."
"Manners matter, Michelle. I guess I haven't done as good a job getting that point across as I'd thought."
My cheeks were warm, but he ignored it my embarrassment and took my hand, walking toward my front door. "Wait! What are you doing?"
"I'm going to introduce myself," he said, as though it were obvious.
"He knows who you are, Josh."
"You're right, but I think considering that I am taking his daughter out, he and I should be getting reacquainted."
I was about to say that he didn't deserve that type of consideration, but I could see by the look on Josh's face that it would be a waste of energy. "Fine," I sighed. Like I had a choice.
When we got to the door, I tried one last time to soften him with an imploring look, but he just shook his head and gestured toward the door. I slid my key in the lock and let us in, but I wasn't happy about it.
"Dad? Dad, where are you?"
He came walking into the living room, looking just as surprised to see me there as I was to be back. "Hey, Shelly. Hello, Joshua."
"Josh, please, sir," he said, holding out his hand.
My dad stepped forward and took it, shaking it firmly. "It's good to see you. Do you want to have a seat?"
"I would love to, sir," Josh replied at the same time I said, "We're in a hurry." We traded glances and I sighed again, loudly, before conceding and walking toward the loveseat. I plopped down, pulling my feet up so that there was room enough for only one.
I could tell by the look on Josh's face that it wasn't lost on him, but I didn't care. He deserved what he got for putting me through this.
"Where are you two headed to tonight?" Dad asked conversationally.
"We're just going out to dinner, sir. I'll have her home by ten."
Ten? I seethed, narrowing my eyes at him. Not to mention, why did he feel the need to check with my dad—he did realize I was an adult, right?
Though he didn't acknowledge my glare, I was sure he must have felt it, because he added, "it's a school night" and I knew it wasn't just for my father's benefit.
"We really should be going," I put in, arms across my chest.
"In a minute," he replied, giving me a warning look. "How's work, sir?"
"Oh, same ole' same ole', I guess, but I reckon you know all about that."
"Yes, sir, I sure do."
"I sure appreciate you giving my Shelly a job."
"Oh, it was my pleasure, sir," he replied, glancing in my direction. "She's been a great addition to our school."
I snorted aloud, only to get both of their attention. Dad was beaming at me with a proud smile, but Josh was giving me the stern look again.
"Well, I am so glad to hear that. Y'all go on and have a good time now."
"It was a pleasure to see you again, sir."
"You too, son. You too." Dad stepped forward and clapped him briefly on the shoulder as I rolled my eyes and pretended to gag. Another second of this happy-family bullshit and I wouldn't be pretending.
"Thank you. Have a good night."
"Have fun you two."
Josh took me firmly by the arm and led me out the door. We walked to the truck but he didn't make a move to get in. Instead, he turned to face me with his arms across his chest, his displeasure written clearly across his face. "What was that?"
"What was what?" I asked, caught off guard.
"You know what. That attitude in there. I was starting to feel embarrassed by your behavior, Michelle. Do you always treat your dad so poorly?"
I took a step back, stunned. He was criticizing me? What made him think he had the right to say anything to me about my dad? "How dare you?" The words were spoken quietly, but there was heat behind them. "I mean, who do you think you are?"
"I—"
"No. You don't get to talk to me like that, you don't ge
t to make judgments based on spending five minutes with that man. You want to tell me what to do in school, that's fine, that's your right, but don't you even try to lecture me about something you don't know anything about!"
Now it was his turn to be taken aback, but as usual, he recovered quickly and the shock on his features faded, leaving his expression inscrutable. I felt like an idiot for going off on him, but not enough to apologize. I'd apologized more than enough for my father, had spent my whole life doing it.
"Are you ready to go?"
"I…you still want to?"
"Of course I do, Michelle. It looks like you could use an evening to de-stress."
I tensed at the remark and was about to snap back a reply when I realized that he was right. I could use a break. Maybe some fun was just what the doctor ordered.
Josh walked around the car to open the door for me, waiting until I'd climbed in and put my seatbelt on before going over to the driver's side. He turned the key in the ignition and his old truck puttered to life. He didn't say anything to me—in fact, he seemed to be deliberately ignoring what had happened, but the silence felt tense to me.
"He doesn't deserve your sympathy, or mine for that matter!"
"I see."
"No, you don't. How could you? You weren't there when he stood up me and my sister again and again rather take us for the weekend, like he promised. You have no idea how many father-daughter dances I missed out on because of him. My mom always offered to take me, but…it wouldn't have been the same. You couldn't possibly understand."
"That's where you're wrong." There was nothing but gentle compassion in his voice as he reached for my hand. "I do understand, Michelle. Do you think I was blind to how you felt about him all these years? Do you think I didn't see how he let you down?"
I considered his words in shock. "I didn't think you paid any attention to me at all."
He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye before turning back to the road. "Why would you think that?"
"Because!" I couldn't help but laugh. "You didn't even seem to know that I existed!"