by Nora Roberts
Though he knew it was cynical, he wished it could have been just sex. If it was only sex, he could put it down to hormones and get back to business. But he didn’t just imagine her in bed, or fantasize about finding an hour to lose himself in that trim little body.
Sometimes, when she slipped into his head, she was standing in front of a group of children, directing their voices with her hands, her arms, her whole self. Or she’d be seated at the piano, with his boys on either side of her, laughing with them. Or she’d just be walking through town, with her hands in her pockets and her face lifted toward the sky.
She scared him right down to the bone.
And she, he thought as he measured his baseboard trim, she was so easy about the whole thing. That was a woman for you, he decided. They didn’t have to worry about making the right moves, saying the right thing. They just had to . . . to be, he thought. That was enough to drive a man crazy.
He couldn’t afford to be crazy. He had kids to raise, a business to run. Hell, he had laundry to do if he ever got home. And damn it, he’d forgotten to take the chicken out of the freezer again.
They’d catch burgers on the way to the concert, he told himself. He had enough on his mind without having to fix dinner. Christmas was barreling toward him, and the kids were acting strange.
Just the bikes, Dad, they told him. Santa’s making them, and he’s taking care of the big present.
What big present? Mac wondered. No interrogation, no tricks, had pulled out that particular answer. For once his kids were closed up tight. That was an idea that disturbed him. He knew that in another year, two if he was lucky, they’d begin to question and doubt the existence of Santa and magic. The end of innocence. Whatever it was they were counting on for Christmas morning, he wanted to see that they found it under the tree.
But they just grinned at him when he prodded and told him it was a surprise for all three of them.
He’d have to work on it. Mac hammered the trim into place. At least they’d gotten the tree up and baked some cookies, strung the popcorn. He felt a little twinge of guilt over the fact that he’d evaded Nell’s offer to help with the decorating. And ignored the kids when they asked if she could come over and trim the tree with them.
Was he the only one who could see what a mistake it would be to have his children become too attached? She’d only been in town for a few months. She could leave at any time. Nell might find them cute, attractive kids, but she didn’t have any investment in them.
Damn it, now he was making them sound like stocks and bonds.
It wasn’t what he meant, Mac assured himself. He simply wasn’t going to allow anyone to walk out on his sons again.
He wouldn’t risk it, not for anything in heaven or on earth.
After nailing the last piece of baseboard in place, he nodded in approval. The house was coming together just fine. He knew what he was doing there. Just as he knew what he was doing with the boys.
He only wished he had a better idea of what to do with Nell.
“Maybe it’ll happen tonight.” Zeke watched his breath puff out like smoke as he and his twin sat in the tree house, wrapped against the December chill in coats and scarves.
“It’s not Christmas yet.”
“But it’s the Christmas concert,” Zeke said stubbornly. He was tired of waiting for the mom. “That’s where we saw her first. And they’ll have the music and the tree and stuff, so it’ll be like Christmas.”
“I don’t know.” Zack liked the idea, a lot, but was more cautious. “Maybe, but we don’t get any presents until Christmas.”
“We do, too. When Mr. Perkins pretends to be Santa at the party at the firehouse. That’s whole weeks before Christmas, and he gives all the kids presents.”
“Not real presents. Not stuff you ask for.” But Zack set his mind to it. “Maybe if we wish real hard. Dad likes her a lot. Aunt Mira was telling Uncle Dave that Dad’s found the right woman even if he doesn’t know it.” Zack’s brow creased. “How could he not know it if he found her?”
“Aunt Mira’s always saying stuff that doesn’t make sense,” Zeke said, with the easy disdain of the young. “Dad’s going to marry her, and she’s going to come live with us and be the mom. She has to be. We’ve been good, haven’t we?”
“Uh-huh.” Zack played with the toe of his boot. “Do you think she’ll love us and all that?”
“Probably.” Zeke shot his twin a look. “I love her already.”
“Me too.” Zack smiled in relief. Everything was going to be okay after all.
* * *
“All right, people.” Nell pitched her voice above the din in the chorus room. It doubled as backstage on concert nights, and students were swarming around, checking clothes, makeup and hair and working off preperformance jitters by talking at the top of their lungs. “Settle down.”
One of her students had his head between his knees, fighting off acute stage fright. Nell sent him a sympathetic smile as her group began to quiet.
“You’ve all worked really hard for tonight. I know a lot of you are jumpy because you have friends and family out in the audience. Use the nerves to sharpen your performance. Please try to remember to go out onstage in the organized, dignified manner we’ve practiced.”
There were some snickers at that. Nell merely lifted a brow. “I should have said remember to be more dignified and more orderly than you’ve managed at practice. Diaphragms,” she said. “Projection. Posture. Smiles.” She paused, lifted a hand. “And above all, I expect you to remember the most vital ingredient in tonight’s performance. Enjoy it,” she said, and grinned. “It’s Christmas. Now let’s go knock ’em dead.”
Her heart was doing some pretty fancy pumping of its own as she directed the children onstage, watched them take their positions on the risers as the murmurs from the audience rose and ebbed. For many, Nell knew, this concert would be her first test. Decisions from the community would be made tonight as to whether the school board had made a good or a bad choice in their new music teacher.
She took a deep breath, tugged at the hem of her velvet jacket and stepped onstage.
There was polite applause as she approached the solo mike.
“Welcome to Taylor’s Grove High School’s holiday concert,” she began.
“Gosh, Dad, doesn’t Miss Davis look pretty?”
“Yeah, Zack, she does.” Lovely was more the word, he thought, in that soft-looking deep forest green suit, with holly berries in her hair and a quick, nervous smile on her face.
She looked terrific in the spotlight. He wondered if she knew it.
At the moment, all Nell knew was nerves. She wished she could see faces clearly. She’d always preferred seeing her audience when she was performing. It made it more intimate, more fun. After her announcement, she turned, saw every student’s eyes on hers, then smiled in reassurance.
“Okay, kids,” she murmured, in an undertone only they could hear. “Let’s rock.”
She started them off with a bang, the Springsteen number, and it had eyes popping wide in the audience. This was not the usual yawn-inspiring program most had been expecting.
When the applause hit, Nell felt the tension dissolve. They’d crossed the first hurdle. She segued from the fun to the traditional, thrilled when the auditorium filled with the harmony on “Cantate Domine,” delighted when her sopranos soared on “Adeste Fideles,” grinning when they bounced into “Jingle Bell Rock,” complete with the little stage business of swaying and hand clapping they’d worked on.
And her heart swelled when Kim approached the mike and the first pure notes of her solo flowed into the air.
“Oh, Dave.” Sniffling, Mira clutched her husband’s hand, then Mac’s. “Our baby.”
Nell’s prediction had been on target. When Kim stepped back in position, there were damp
eyes in every row. They closed the concert with “Silent Night,” only voices, no piano. The way it was meant to be sung, Nell had told her students. The way it was written to be sung.
When the last note died and she turned to gesture to her chorus, the audience was already on its feet. The kick of it jolted through her as she turned her head, saw the slack jaws, wide eyes and foolish grins of her students.
Nell swallowed tears, waiting until the noise abated slightly before crossing to the mike again. She knew how to play it.
“They were terrific, weren’t they?”
As she’d hoped, that started the cheers and applause all over again. She waited it out.
“I’d like to thank you all for coming, for supporting the chorus. I owe a special thanks to the parents of the singers onstage tonight for their patience, their understanding, and their willingness to let me share their children for a few hours every day. Every student onstage has worked tremendously hard for tonight, and I’m delighted that you appreciate their talent, and their effort. I’d like to add that the poinsettias you see onstage were donated by Hill Florists and are for sale at three dollars a pot. Proceeds to go to the fund for new choir uniforms. Merry Christmas, and come back.”
Before she could step away from the mike, Kim and Brad were standing on either side of her.
“There’s just one more thing.” Brad cleared his throat until the rustling in the audience died down. “The chorus would like to present a token of appreciation to Miss Davis for all her work and encouragement. Ah . . .” Kim had written the speech out, but Brad had been designated to say it. He fumbled a little, grinned self-consciously at Kim. “This is Miss Davis’s first concert at Taylor High. Ah . . .” He just couldn’t remember all the nice words Kim had written, so he said what he felt. “She’s the best. Thanks, Miss Davis.”
“We hope you like it,” Kim murmured under the applause as she handed Nell a brightly wrapped box. “All the kids chipped in.”
“I’m . . .” She didn’t know what to say, was afraid to try. When she opened the box, she stared, misty-eyed, down at a pin shaped like a treble clef.
“We know you like jewelry,” Kim began. “So we thought—”
“It’s beautiful. It’s perfect.” Taking a steadying breath, she turned to the chorus. “Thanks. It means almost as much to me as you do. Merry Christmas.”
* * *
“She got a present,” Zack pointed out. They were waiting in the crowded corridor outside the auditorium to congratulate Kim. “That means we could get one tonight. We could get her.”
“Not if she goes home right after.” Zack had already worked this out. He was waiting for his moment. When he saw her, he pounced. “Miss Davis! Over here, Miss Davis!”
Mac didn’t move. Couldn’t. Something had happened while he sat three rows back, watching her on the stage. Seeing her smile, seeing tears in her eyes. Just seeing her.
He was in love with her. It was nothing he’d ever experienced. Nothing he knew how to handle. Running seemed the smartest solution, but he didn’t think he could move.
“Hi!” She crouched down for hugs, squeezing the boys tight, kissing each cheek. “Did you like the concert?”
“It was real good. Kim was the best.”
Nell leaned close to Zeke’s ear. “I think so, too, but it has to be a secret.”
“We’re good at keeping secrets.” He smiled smugly at his brother. “We’ve had one for weeks and weeks.”
“Can you come to our house now, Miss Davis?” Zack clung to her hand and put all his charm into his eyes. “Please? Come see our tree and the lights. We put lights everywhere so you can see them from all the way down on the road.”
“I’d like that.” Testing the water, she glanced up at Mac. “But your dad might be tired.”
He wasn’t tired, he was flattened. Her lashes were still damp, and the little pin the kids had given her glinted against her velvet jacket. “You’re welcome to come out, if you don’t mind the drive.”
“I’d like it. I’m still wired up.” She straightened, searching for some sign of welcome or rebuff in Mac’s face. “If you’re sure it isn’t a bad time.”
“No.” His tongue was thick, he realized. As if he’d been drinking. “I want to talk to you.”
“I’ll head out as soon as I’m finished here, then.” She winked at the boys and melted back into the crowd.
“She’s done wonders with those kids.” Mrs. Hollis nodded to Mac. “It’ll be a shame to lose her.”
“Lose her?” Mac glanced down at his boys, but they were already in a huddle, exchanging whispers. “What do you mean?”
“I heard from Mr. Perkins, who got it from Addie McVie at the high school office, that Nell Davis was offered her old position back at that New York school starting next fall. Nell and the principal had themselves a conference just this morning.” Mrs. Hollis babbled on as Mac stared blankly over her head. “Hate to think about her leaving us. Made a difference with these kids.” She spied one of her gossip buddies and elbowed her way through the crowd.
Chapter 9
Control came easily to Mac—or at least it had for the past seven years. He used all the control at his disposal to keep his foul mood and bubbling temper from the boys.
They were so excited about her coming, he thought bitterly. Wanted to make certain all the lights were lit, the cookies were out, the decorative bell was hung on Zark’s collar.
They were in love with her, too, he realized. And that made it a hell of a mess.
He should have known better. He had known better. Somehow he’d let it happen anyway. Let himself slip, let himself fall. And he’d dragged his kids along with him.
Well, he’d have to fix it, wouldn’t he? Mac got himself a beer, tipped the bottle back. He was good at fixing things.
“Ladies like wine,” Zack informed him. “Like Aunt Mira does.”
He remembered Nell had sipped white wine at Mira’s party. “I don’t have any,” he muttered.
Because his father looked unhappy, Zack hugged Mac’s leg. “You can buy some before she comes over next time.”
Reaching down, Mac cupped his son’s upturned face. The love was so strong, so vital, Mac could all but feel it grip him by the throat. “Always got an answer, don’t you, pal?”
“You like her, don’t you, Dad?”
“Yeah, she’s nice.”
“And she likes us, too, right?”
“Hey, who wouldn’t like the Taylor guys?” He sat at the kitchen table, pulled Zack into his lap. He’d discovered when his sons were infants that there was nothing more magical than holding your own child. “Most of the time I even like you.”
That made Zack giggle and cuddle closer. “She has to live all by herself, though.” Zack began to play with the buttons of his father’s shirt. A sure sign, Mac knew, that he was leading up to something.
“Lots of people live alone.”
“We’ve got a big house, and two whole rooms nobody sleeps in except when Grandma and Pop come to visit.”
His radar was humming. Mac tugged on his son’s ear. “Zack, what are you getting at?”
“Nothing.” Lip poked out, Zack toyed with another button. “I was just wondering what it would be like if she came and lived here.” He peeked up under his lashes. “So she wouldn’t be lonely.”
“Nobody said she was lonely,” Mac pointed out. “And I think you should—”
The doorbell rang, sending the dog into a fit of excited barking and jingling. Zeke flew into the kitchen, dancing from foot to foot. “She’s here! She’s here!”
“I got the picture.” Mac ruffled Zack’s hair, set him on his feet. “Well, let her in. It’s cold out.”
“I’ll do it!”
“I’ll do it!”
The
twins had a fierce race through the house to the front door. They hit it together, fought over the knob, then all but dragged Nell over the threshold once they’d yanked the door open.
“You took so long,” Zeke complained. “We’ve been waiting forever. I put on Christmas music. Hear? And we’ve got the tree lit and everything.”
“So I see.” It was a lovely room, one she tried not to resent having only now been invited into.
She knew Mac had built most of the house himself. He’d told her that much. He’d created an open, homey space, with lots of wood, a glass-fronted fireplace where stockings were already hung. The tree, a six-foot blue spruce, was wildly decorated and placed with pride in front of the wide front window.
“It’s terrific.” Letting the boys pull her along, Nell crossed over to give the tree a closer look. “Really wonderful. It makes the little one in my apartment look scrawny.”
“You can share ours.” Zack looked up at her, his heart in his eyes. “We can get you a stocking and everything, and have your name put on it.”
“They do it at the mall,” Zeke told her. “We’ll get you a big one.”
Now they were pulling at her heart, as well as her hands. Filled with the emotion of the moment, she crouched down to hug them to her. “You guys are the best.” She laughed as Zark pushed in for attention. “You, too.” Her arms full of kids and dog, she looked up to smile at Mac as he stepped in from the kitchen. “Hi. Sorry I took so long. Some of the kids hung around, wanting to go over every mistake and triumph of the concert.”
She shouldn’t look so right, so perfect, snuggling his boys under the tree. “I didn’t hear any mistakes.”
“They were there. But we’ll work on them.”
She scooted back, sitting on a hassock and taking both boys with her. As if, Mac thought, she meant to keep them.
“We don’t have any wine,” Zack informed her solemnly. “But we have milk and juice and sodas and beer. Lots of other things. Or . . .” He cast a crafty look in his father’s direction. “Somebody could make hot cocoa.”
“One of my specialties.” Nell stood to shrug out of her coat. “Where’s the kitchen?”