by Chandra Ryan
She looked around at the figures. Only the dim light of the night sky illuminated them, but she could see several were missing. Their bodies littered the ground they’d fought on. How many more would leave her if she decided to retake her throne? More importantly, if she won, would she be able to leave her home again?
With that question, she had her answer. They may not like it, but she didn’t need their approval. She did, however, need their honesty. If they didn’t want to serve under a queen, then now would be the best time for them to part ways with her.
“I will have my throne. It is mine by birth and was stolen from me. Every man and woman here will have favor with me when I sit upon it again, regardless of your choice. We’ve been through a lot these last ten years, and a crown will not make me forget the loyalty and bravery you’ve shown me. But those who work with me to reclaim that crown will be pardoned for all previous crimes and will have a home in my lands.”
Home and hearth may not hold appeal for all her men, but she would happily take the ones who were craving security and were ready to retire.
“And what would we do for the queen once she is no longer an assassin? Don armor and hold tournaments to entertain you?”
She glared at Kirin. He couldn’t see her. It was too dark to see facial expressions. But it made her feel better.
“You could do whatever it is you liked. I would need guards. And there’s no one I’d trust with my life more than those of you here. Some might want to find a spouse and set down roots.”
“Set down roots?” He laughed harshly. “You think any of us wish to till the land?”
“I meant it figuratively. But I’m sure one or two of you have entertained thoughts of a quiet life after all the campaigns we’ve made it through by only the skin of our teeth.”
There were a couple grumbles of agreement that made her smile.
“This is a good life, but it is also dangerous. I, for one, am not as young as I once was. It might be nice not to have to worry about each dawn bringing with it your demise.”
“Being an assassin is dangerous, but being a queen is even more so. Especially given your history. You were exiled. Your own family wanted you dead. Apparently still does. As far as you know, your people would just as soon have you poisoned as crowned.”
Kirin was quickly getting on her nerves. If he didn’t want to join her, so be it. She would feel his loss. He was one of her best men and a close advisor in normal situations. But he was free to make his own way in this world. She did resent him poisoning the thoughts of her other men, however.
She took a deep breath and collected herself.
“Enough. I’m not here to debate the wisdom of my decision. It is final. I am returning home. The only thing left for you to decide is if you are joining me.” She grabbed her pack off the ground. “I will expect your decision by first light.”
She meant to make her way into the night. She needed space. So much had happened in such a short time. She needed some time on her own. But Kirin seemed unaware of her need as he followed her.
“If you’re going to continue arguing with me, you can save your time and breath. My decision is final.”
“You will go back to your kingdom despite certain death?”
“Nothing in this world is certain. But, if you fear your own mortality, you are free to part company with me. There will be no hard feelings.”
“I guess I’m easy to leave behind when a crown is dangled in front of your eyes.”
She turned around and was glad to find they were out of earshot of the rest of the camp.
“Is that what this is about? You think I’ve chosen a trinket over you? Over all of my men?”
“Of course. We’ve fought beside you for years. Put our trust and lives in your hands. We’ve been your family when your family wouldn’t have you. But now we aren’t good enough? You’d choose a kingdom of ungrateful peasants over us?”
“If I do not go back and set things right, I will be a target for the rest of my life.”
“You always have been and always will be a target. Greatness paints a bull’s-eye on your back. It may not be fair, but that’s the way it goes.”
“I want….” She shook her head. “I need to set things right. I need to protect my people. My stepfather does not have their best interests at heart. He never has. And with my mother gone….” She paused as the words made her eyes burn again. “With my mother gone, they have no one.”
He spit on the sand near her feet. “Already you’ve changed.”
“I will not tolerate this abuse.” She pointed a dagger at his heart to emphasize her words. “And I haven’t changed.”
“You want to go home for vengeance. You want the walls to run with his blood and your people to finally have to admit they chose the wrong side.”
Her blood heated with pleasure at the picture his image painted.
“You are an assassin at heart. You live for the thrill of dispensing justice with your own hands and following your own moral code. Yet five minutes after you’ve made your decision, you’re already speaking the language of diplomacy and sugarcoating your desires.”
Her heart stopped as he leaned forward. He was going to kiss her. She could feel it in her soul. But that wasn’t the scary part. What terrified her was how badly she longed for it to happen. When he stopped a mere breath away from her, she actually whimpered with desire.
“I would follow you through the gates of hell without a backward glance.”
His warm breath fluttered across her skin and made her shiver.
“But only the true you. The assassin. And there are a million and one deaths I am prepared to watch you die. It is the nature of who we are. But I refuse to watch your spirit be cannibalized until you are nothing but a pale shadow of the woman who once held my allegiance.”
“I have been the Assassin Princess for ten years now.” She ran her fingertips over the stubble on his chin and gasped at the raw hunger that emanated from him. “But she is no more.”
“Lilly—”
“Now I am the Assassin Queen. Help me take my kingdom back. Help me find justice for the ten years I was sentenced to exile for the crime of being another man’s child.”
His teeth reflected a glint of moonlight as he smiled. “Aye. That I will do. I serve at the pleasure of the Assassin Queen.”
He ran the pad of his thumb over her cheek and then stepped back. “But if I see you’re fading into a life of politics, I will kill you myself.”
She laughed. “If you can take me in a fair battle, I deserve to die.”
“In all the years we’ve fought side by side, have you ever seen me fight fair?”
He turned and walked into the night before she had a chance to answer.
Chapter Two
Kirin clenched his jaw tightly to silence the string of curses that begged to be let loose. He’d almost kissed her. She’d been so close he could actually smell the mint she’d chewed after dinner.
“That’s all of them.”
Nathan’s voice pulled him out of the memory. Sure enough. The bodies from that night’s fight were piled just to the left of where he stood
“Good. Can’t be too careful with the scavengers around here.”
He’d seen lizards the size of small horses just the day before. They made for an excellent stew, but he didn’t relish the idea of waking to one standing over him. He shuddered at the image as he cast a spell over the pile. The bodies disintegrated into a pile of ash. He was sure it looked easy enough to the rest of the group, but the resulting pain that echoed through his head made the world swim around him. He crouched down on his haunches and took a breath to steady himself. In this moment of weakness, he wasn’t surprised when his thoughts returned to Lilly.
She is returning home to her knight.
He honestly hadn’t seen this day coming. That the dolt hadn’t followed Lilly into exile proved his unworthy nature to Kirin. But she’d always sworn he’d stayed behind in order to
ready the kingdom for her return when the winds of fate had changed. She’d always said that, by staying behind, he was proving his love to her. And who was Kirin to argue? He figured, with enough time, she would see the truth anyway. Apparently, he was wrong, however, because now she was be returning to her love.
He grimaced at the thought. He’d known she was betrothed from the moment they’d met. She’d eyed him up and down as if she were appraising a new steed and then told him she was promised to another. At the time, he had no idea why she thought he’d care. But he’d quickly discovered the truth. There was something between them. Some spark of attraction that made him tingle when they touched. She must have sensed it from the moment they’d met. And, since she’d always believed in being honest and open, she’d taken any chance of a relationship off the table. Unfortunately, she’d also made herself forbidden fruit. Even if she hadn’t been royalty, she would be off limits. Another had already claimed her. Sure, she’d occasionally find someone to work out some stress with, but she never let it get emotional. And she never shared a dalliance with her men. It had made the attraction only that much stronger and frustrating on his side. And now he was going to get the delightful experience of meeting the man who had won her loyalty.
“Are you okay?”
He glanced up to find Nathan looking at him with actual concern.
“I’m good.” He stood to prove the words, only to wobble slightly. “Or, at least, I will be in a few minutes.”
Nathan smiled and thumped him on the back. “Of course you will be.” He handed Kirin a wine skin. “You just need something to restore your energy, aye?”
“You’re a good man, my friend.” Kirin took a long drink from the skin.
“You’re in the minority for thinking so.”
“I never put stock in idle gossip.”
It wasn’t that he hadn’t heard the gossip about Nathan. He’d listened to enough of it to turn a priest’s hair white over the years. He even believed most of it to be true. He’d seen Nathan slaughter enough men for coin to believe the man was capable of taking a life or two for pleasure from time to time. But they all had their secrets. It was the nature of their business. And he couldn’t exactly fault the man for enjoying a craft he was good at. Not only would it be hypocritical, but his skill was why he’d been brought into their group in the first place. It takes years of practice for any expertise to develop. So who was he to find fault in the hobbies the man may have pursued during his apprentice years? As long as none of their group went missing, everything balanced out in his mind.
“But speaking of minorities…. I couldn’t help but wonder if you were going to come with us to reclaim the throne?”
Nathan looked down at the ground as he shifted his weight. “It’s not that I don’t owe her my loyalty and my life several times over.”
“But?”
Even if Kirin couldn’t hear the reservation in Nathan’s tone, he could see it in the man’s posture.
“But I’m not exactly the settle-down-and-start-a-family kind of guy. Look at me, Kirin.” Nathan shook his head and then held his hand out for the wine.
Kirin let his gaze flow over the man’s face and allowed himself to really look at Nathan for the first time in years. He didn’t remember the last time he’d actually noticed the red, angry lines that marred the man’s complexion.
“We’ve all seen our fair share of battles. We all have our scars. Some of us just wear them deeper under the skin than you do.”
“Says the man who can get a wench to drop her panties with only a smile.” He shook his head.
“And some gold. By the way, none of those wenches were worth the coin I spent on them.”
He’d done his best to slake his hunger for Lilly with as many available women as possible along the way. It’d been as successful as filling his stomach with dirt when it craved steak. The more women he took to his bed, the more he craved Lilly.
He shook his head as he took the wine back. This was about Nathan, not him. He needed to focus. He gulped down a long drink in an attempt to drown all thoughts of Lilly from his mind.
“Any woman worth starting a family with wouldn’t care about your face. You have the best heart I know.”
“We’re brothers-in-arms, you and I, so I understand what you’re trying to do. But don’t. We both know that no woman would hang around long enough to get to know me or my heart.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. This is the only life I’ve ever been good at, but it’s not the only life I’ve even known. There have been women. Some have even managed to capture my heart. They all tossed it aside for a prettier face and better pedigree.”
Nathan’s snort was harsh with disdain, but Kirin didn’t know if the scorn was aimed at the women or himself.
“My own mother couldn’t even find the room in her heart to love this face. I’m not meant for civilized worlds or women. This is the only family that has ever accepted me.”
“That is something we have in common.”
Kirin hated the pain and anxiety thoughts of family always brought him, but he would bear that discomfort if sharing it would help his friend.
“I find it hard to believe any family would turn its back on a mage. Especially one of your ability.”
Kirin’s laughter was harsh and abrasive. If only magic solved as many problems as non-magic users believed it could. Some sins wouldn’t be overlooked, no matter how much there was to be gained by forgiveness.
“If I had been born to my father’s wife, I’m sure they all would’ve been lining up to sing my praises. At least, they did with my half-siblings. Since I was born to her sister, however, they weren’t as enthusiastic. Even with my abilities.”
Nathan was silent for a moment as he took a drink of the wine. “Sounds like you have an interesting family.”
“Interesting would be one way to describe it.”
Insufferable, tortured, bitter, and traumatizing would be other ways to describe his family, but he kept those descriptors to himself.
“But that is the way of things in powerful houses. They manipulate each other out of boredom and destroy lives just to prove to others they hold enough power to possess anything they wish.”
“It sounds like there is little love lost between you and your kin. I take it you have no plans to return to them?”
“No. I will never go back there.” His throat clenched with emotion as he said the words, but he cleared it before Nathan could notice. “I understand your concerns about settling down. I may even share one or two of them with you. Paying for a woman to warm your bed is a far cry from trusting one with your life while you sleep.”
He couldn’t stop the shudder that worked through his body at the thought. “But farming isn’t the only option Lilly offered us. Come with us. Help us win. She’d make you one of her guard. You’ll get to do what you love, stay with your family, and be on the right side of the law for once.”
Nathan was quiet for a moment as he stared off into the night. “Having a soft bed waiting for me at the end of the day would be a change.”
“You’ve got the night to think it over. I hope you’ll ride out with us in the morning.”
Nathan nodded, but Kirin could still feel waves of unease radiating off the man. “You’ve given me something to consider.”
He turned and walked away without further comment. Not that Kirin was expecting him to say anything else. The man had said more than enough as far as he was concerned. Nathan was going to leave them. And he’d most likely do it during the night while they slept. Kirin would do the same if he hadn’t already given his word to Lilly.
He walked over to his bedroll and picked it up before making his way to the edge of the camp. He didn’t want to hear the others packing up. Lilly might be okay with her men deserting her in the dead of night, but, after the night he’d had, his nerves were strained to the breaking point.
He wanted nothing more than to relax and enjoy a co
uple hours of sleep, but, when he closed his eyes, red ribbons of magic danced through his mind, calling to him softly. Magic might not be able to solve all of life’s problems, but that didn’t make it any less tempting. There were enchantments that would make Lilly think she was in love with him. And there were blood spells that would kill his mother and father, even from this distance. After all, distance meant nothing to blood. But he couldn’t force love on Lilly any more than he could kill the two people who had given him life. There were lines that not even he would cross. So, instead of doing anything he would regret, he lay in his bedroll and allowed sleep to mock him.
Just before the golds and reds of daybreak streaked across the sky, he gave up on trying to force himself to rest and rose to greet the day. The camp was quiet, but its peace only made him more agitated.
How can the morning be so calm when it marks the beginning of the end?
He resisted the urge to growl as he started the fire. He could have used the flint and kindling that had been left for just such a purpose, but using his magic was easier. It also came with the added benefit of draining a bit of his energy. After being bottled up for the last six hours, his soul was burning with the need to cast.
“You look like hell.”
Kirin jumped and then whirled around on one heel to face Nathan. “You’re one to talk.”
He’d been wrong. Nathan had stayed. Kirin had to bite the insides of his cheeks to keep from smiling. Maybe this dawn wouldn’t be the end as he’d originally thought. Maybe others had stayed as well.
“You sound as if my face isn’t the one you long to see first thing in the morning.”
Kirin put a pot of water on the hook over the fire so it would heat. “Not to mention the last thing I look upon before I go to sleep at night,” he teased in return.
Nathan laughed. “Guessed that was the case.”
“What made you stay?” He threw some dried meat and herbs into the water.
“I may be ugly as the night is long, but I still have a brain between these two ears. I said you’d given me something to think on and you had.” He picked an apple out of the burlap sacks that held the fresh produce and took a bite before continuing. “I may not find a wife in this kingdom of Lilly’s, but I will always have a home.”