by Lauren Wood
“You know that it could never work. My family is expecting me to marry a certain type of person. Every time I see Casper, he has more tattoos. They would never be okay with it.”
“Yeah, they're pretty hot though.”
“They are, I have always liked the tattoos, but it will never work because he’s so wild. They want me to end up with a nice boy.”
“At some point you’re going to have to forget what your mom wants.”
I was already getting to that point, but it was hard to let it all go. It wasn't just my mom that wanted to make sure that I married a certain person. It was more like an expectation. As of right now, I was supposed to be with a certain type of man. No one else would do for the family.
“I think each of us have pressure to marry well. You already did it. You know that I will be expected to do the same. Casper is…well, Casper. He will never be what they want him to be, or make what they want him to make.”
It was nice when we were in school together and the power couple that everyone was jealous of. We hadn’t seen what was going to happen.
“I told you before, to not try and get us together Ellie, and I meant it. I will always have the same feelings for Casper, but that doesn't mean that it will ever turn into anything. I know that it can’t, so I won’t let it happen.”
She sighed loudly and I wanted to believe that she would let it go. I wanted her to do that, but I knew Ellie better than she knew herself. She was taking a deep breath, just so she could launch into all of the reasons why I should get back with Casper.
“He is the only guy that I've ever seen you really happy with, Heather. That's all. That's all I'm going to say.”
She made a gesture like she was locking up her lips, but I just waved her off because I knew her better than that. Maybe she wanted to believe that she could just let it go, but that’s just not how she was. She hadn’t been able to go five minutes without bringing him up.
“Did you see how big he's gotten?”
I groaned loudly. Not even five minutes.
“Yea, I saw.”
“What do you think made him that big?”
“I don't know, you know he always did like to go to the gym.”
She had this faraway look for a second, and I didn't like it at all. I had a feeling I knew what she was thinking about, and I did not like it at all. I didn’t want anyone thinking about Casper like that, not even Ellie.
I don't know if her whole intention was to get me thinking about him, but now my mind was on the hard muscles that he had displayed when I first seen him. Even though he had been in business attire, his biceps had bulged in the arms of his jacket.
“What was up with the suit? Did you see that? I don’t think I’ve ever seen him dressed like that.”
Ellie agreed that she did, but she did not know why he wore something like that. I was far more used to him in leather jackets and jeans. He did not seem like the kind of guy that would wear a three-piece suit. That wasn’t to say that he didn’t look damn good in it, but it was a little different to see him that way.
“I don't know Ellie, but there is something going on with him. I don't know what it is, but I know that I’m not crazy. There is something going on with Casper.”
“I know. I am not sure what it is, but he certainly seems different.”
We finished getting ready, and I tried to keep my mind off of everything that we were talking about. This was supposed to be a girl’s weekend, but all I could think about was a man. That was the last thing that I should be filling my mind with on this sort of trip. I could really kill Ellie for having him come along. It was only making things more complicated and I could swear, that she had done it on purpose. Ellie knew better than anybody how I felt about Casper. She kept bringing him up, and it was pretty obvious what she was doing.
When we all got downstairs to meet up and go out for the night, of course I was somehow stuck next to Casper in the car. The car was bigger, so that we could all fit, but I was still in a small space, smashed up against him again. My body reacted in the same embarrassing manner and all I could hope for, was a quick exit. I needed some air before I burned up. I felt like it was a hundred degrees in the car by the time we got there.
Me and Casper were still in the car. I was about to get out when he stopped me.
“Are you alright?”
I was breathing a little faster than usual, but I just shook it off and told him that I was fine.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“I don't know, you just seem different, that's all. Like something is bothering you.”
“It's just been a long day. Good news and travel. I probably just have jet lag.”
I got out of the car without saying another word to him, but I don't think I was very convincing. Casper had always known more than I would have liked him to. He was very good at reading me, but this was one of the times that I hoped he couldn't.
I was telling myself that I would not let my fantasies get out of hand. I did my best to keep a little bit of distance in between us. It wasn't all that easy, especially when we ended up getting a booth when we went out to dinner.
Once again, I was pressed up against Casper, and I was really starting to think that this whole trip was one big conspiracy.
7
Casper
Ellie had never been my favorite person. At one point, she had been vocal and happy that Heather had finally broken up with me. Ellie was the one that had stood with her for moral support and ever since, I hadn't really cared for her. She had always been hard on me. Now she was helping, but I wasn’t sure for how long. Or what her angle was.
That became clearer as the evening wore on.
After we had dinner, it was unanimously suggested that we all go out dancing. That was one of the best ideas that I had heard all day. It would give me the opportunity to hold Heather close to me. I would be able to hold her, and nobody could say anything about it.
I liked to believe that Heather wanted me, just as bad as I wanted her. There was no one here making your decisions for us. It would be just the two of us, and I wanted to believe without all of them people telling her that I wasn't good enough, maybe she would finally let it go.
Ever since Heather, I had made sure that I was the sort of man that didn’t have to explain myself to anyone. I was in a position where I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to. When I was with Heather, I felt myself trying to explain myself more. I wanted her to understand things. I wanted to let her know that I had changed, but I still don't think I was ready to tell her everything. I don’t know what was holding me back.
Again, Ellie was on my side, and I was able to sit next to Heather each time we went to a different club. The moment was upon us, and I asked her if she wanted to get out of there.
“You want to leave?”
“Yeah, the music is too loud. Why don’t we go back to the hotel and have a couple of drinks? Then we would have some quiet time, so that we could talk.”
“I have known you a long time Casper, and you've never wanted to just talk.”
I had to admit that she had me there. Every time I was around Heather, I'd always wanted something more from her, but I knew better. For one reason or another, talking would never be enough, from a woman like Heather. I would always want more from her. I couldn’t help it.
“I don’t think going back to the hotel is a good idea. Everyone else is ready to keep going.”
“Well, I am sure that they would be fine without us, don’t you think?”
She gave me this scrutinized look and I felt bad, though I wasn’t even sure what I was supposed to be feeling bad about.
“I thought the whole point of you coming was to keep us safe and virtuous?”
I cursed under my breath and that seemed to delight Heather. The more I cursed, the more she smiled about it.
“You’re right. I don't know what I was thinking.”
“I know what you were thinking. You just weren't thinki
ng with the right part of you.”
I wanted to disagree with that sentiment, because there was only one part of my choosing this. I didn't have enough blood to reach everything and it was certainly not going to my brain, processing information at the moment.
“You could be right. I guess I wasn't thinking. Although once we get back and everybody is safe and sound, I would like to have a drink with you.”
She looked at me like she was not sure, and I told her that she didn't have to give me an answer right now. I wanted an answer, but I didn't think that it was going to be the one I was looking for. So, for now, I was just going to have to take it slow. I was sick of taking it slow.
We went to the another club, and I was hopeful that it would their last. The girls seem to be getting a second-wind and that made me a little nervous. How much longer was I going to have to play chaperone?
I asked Heather if she wanted to dance and after a mental debate she agreed, as long as I agreed that there would be no funny business.
“I can't do much more than dance out on the dance floor. There are too many people dancing. Don't be so paranoid.”
She chuckled a little bit from the comment. The look on her face told me that she knew what I was talking about. I had lost myself with her before in public. She was such an innocent woman, and it was easy to play with her.
Even after all this time, I had a feeling that that part of her personality had not changed. I don't know how that was possible, she looked as innocent now as she had years ago, when we were in high school together. Now she was a stunning woman and that was obvious.
As soon as I got her in my arms on the dance floor, I somehow knew that everything was going to work itself out. Usually I was the type of person that wanted to know the how and the why, but it did not seem to matter as much to me. Just feeling her curves moving with the music was enough to tell me all that I needed to know. I may have to wait a little bit longer for Heather, but it wouldn't be that much longer. I don't know why exactly I felt the way I did, but I had a sincere feeling that tonight was going to change everything.
“What are you really doing here, Casper?”
“Why do you keep asking me that?”
“Because I don't think you're being honest. I want to know what you're doing here really.”
“I told you before, I am here just to make sure that you guys are safe.”
“Is that the only reason?”
She wanted me to admit the obvious. I don't know why she wanted me to say it out loud, but it just came out.
“You know why I am here, Heather.”
“I really don't.”
“I am here because I wanted to see you. I can't see you in town, because every time we're seen together, it gets back to your mother, and I get a visit from her. There's only so many times I can hear that I am not good enough for you, before it becomes too much. So now that we're here, I was hoping that we could talk about some things. It has been a long time.”
She was silent for a moment, and I was afraid that I had said too much. I wanted this to go so differently. I wanted to tell her I was still into her, but not in this way. I wanted to show her, more than talk to her about it.
“How could you think that it would be a good idea? Any of that?”
“I didn't say it was a good idea. I just missed you. We never really talked much after you decided that we were through. You disappeared for months and then I don't know. Things were just different when I saw you again.”
She stopped dancing and looked at me. I knew that I had ruined the moment, but I didn’t feel like I had much of a choice. There was a lot between us and while I was close to her, it wasn’t enough. I wanted to know why she had been taken away from me. It didn't seem fair then and it certainly didn't seem fair now.
“Do you really want to talk about this, Casper?”
I pulled her closer and told her that it wasn’t what I wanted to do at all.
“You know all I can think about is being with you.”
She grinned at the answer and I had to admit, it was a pretty good one. Then with the smile, I went in for the kiss. I had been dying to kiss her all day and now I had the chance. There was music blaring in the background, but everything fell away for a few moments, and it was just the two of us on the dance floor.
8
Heather
One minute I was about to tell Casper off, and the next minute, I was getting kissed and everything I was about to say, just went right out the window. I was first just letting it happen, but then his arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me in closer to his rock-hard body and I was then kissing him back. It was a big distinction and one that I didn’t want to bring to light. I was hanging off of him for dear life, again.
All of a sudden, my body was melting against him and the act made me nervous. I knew that I was going to have to do something to keep myself from falling for him again. I certainly was not going to be able to do so if his hands were on me. With his lips on me, I could barely think straight.
Finally, I pulled away and tried to put a little bit of distance in between us. I didn't get very far before he was pulling me back to him.
“Where do you think you're going?”
“I need some air, Casper. You tend to suck all of it out of the room you are in.”
That actually seemed to make him happy and he moved back in for another kiss. I wanted him to kiss me again, but at the same time, I knew better. He was going to get me where I couldn't even think straight and then I don't know what was going to happen.
Casper had almost talked me into many things that I wouldn’t have tried before. Just being in his arms was dangerous, and I started to realize that I was the one that was messing with fate. I knew what kind of reaction I had to him, so I should have known better than to try and pretend like I was immune to it. I wasn’t and every time I was with him, all I could think about was being with him forever.
“You don't want to dance anymore?”
I shook my head and told him that I didn't. The truth was, that I was afraid. He had always scared the crap out of me and this was no different. The more I was with him, the more I was reminded of how badly he turned me on. This was why I had almost lost everything to Casper. It was impossible to tell him now, because everything he asked for, I wanted just as badly. If that was even possible.
“No, I think I'm going to head back to my room.”
“I don't want you going by yourself. I will get everyone else together. It's late enough.”
I knew that the rest of the girls were not going to feel that way. They wanted to stay until the place closed down, but I wasn't going to make it. Not if I was going to be around Casper the whole time. He was really starting to mess with my head, and I needed to put some distance between us. I needed my friend to tell me that I was just overthinking everything, but she was too far gone from all the drinking to help me.
“No, I'm just going to get there. You don't have to worry about me.”
“I wish that were true, Heather. I haven't been able to stop worrying about you all this time. Let me get the girls together and we will go back to take you all back, okay?”
It wasn't really a question, because he had already made up his mind. I had barely agreed before he started walking towards the trio that were beyond wasted at this point. Ellie had taken off with some guy, and I knew that I would find her making out with him in the hallway. She was not going to be happy that I was breaking it up. Apparently, her marriage was off to a pretty rocky start, if she was already kissing someone else.
When I got to the hallway, sure enough, she was doing exactly what I knew she would be doing. When she had gotten married, I wasn't sure if it was going to work, but they had seemed to be in love. Now I was wondering if it was something else. What was it with Casper?
I had always thought that it was love, but maybe it was something else. Maybe it was familiarity. I'm not really sure what it was, but whatever it was, I needed to forget about it.
>
“We have to go, Ellie.”
“Why are we going?”
“Because it's late and you need to call your husband. Michael, remember?”
I said the last one loud enough so the guy she has making out with heard me. He got this look on his face and made an excuse to go back to the dance floor. She wasn’t very happy with me, but in truth, I wasn’t all that happy with her either.
The whole reason that Casper was here, messing with my head, was because she thought herself a matchmaker. It only served her right, as far as I was concerned.
“That was uncalled for, Heather.”
“Yeah, it probably was. Casper was uncalled for too.”
That got me a dirty look for a minute, and I smiled back at her. I don't know why, but I found it suddenly funny.
When we got back out to Casper, he was helping the other two girls get ready to leave. He had a lot of patience. Ellie was the only one that was a little bit upset about leaving. She was going through some things and she wanted to work it out with some cute stranger that she met at a bar.
I could never let her do it, because I knew tomorrow, she was going to be regretting it. I wouldn't be a good friend if I didn't try to stop it.
When we got back to the room, Ellie got in the bathtub with the phone and about fifteen minutes later, she was laying down for the night. As much as she said she wanted to stay and party a little longer, it didn't look like she had much on her. She was asleep within forty-five minutes, and I was left with nothing to do.
I thought about the offer of drinks with Casper, and I was thinking about it. I told myself that it wouldn’t be a big deal. It was just drink, but at the same time, I knew that it had a very real possibility of turning into something more.
Finally, instead of second-guessing everything, I just went over to his room. I was glad that Ellie wasn't up, because now no one would be there to see me do it. I still didn't even know what I was thinking. Everything about me and Casper turned into chaos. As much as I wanted to believe that we could pretend like the past didn't happen, it was kind of hard to. No matter what happened during the trip, we would all go back home and there were certain aspects that would not change.