by Bowes, K T
“He’s a lovely man,” Hana agreed. “I’ve known him a long time and he’s been a loyal friend.”
Amanda cocked her head like a pretty bird. “What’s your story, Hana? That was a loaded comment.”
Hana nodded. “I met Logan when he arrived in Hamilton and we began a relationship. Not long after, Caroline showed up in pursuit of him and did everything she could to wreck it.”
After they straightened the sheets and stood back to admire the room, Amanda made Hana a cup of tea, probing to find out more about her. Hana sipped her drink and watched her baby sleep the slumber of the just. “I married young and my first husband died nine years ago in a road accident. Angus was supportive back then and we stayed friends. He was the only person who listened when Caroline ended up working in the same office and tried to make life difficult. He gave me a fair hearing and I’m grateful for that.”
“What sort of things did she do to you?” Amanda asked, settling on the floor with her back against the armchair. “Did she threaten you?”
Hana shook her head. “I wasn’t scared of her, but for a while I assumed Logan and I were finished. She put her hands on him in the car park and they got into the car together and drove off. I felt such a fool ever hoping I’d be a match for someone like him. I assumed our relationship was over and decided I’d die a lonely old widow.” Hana laughed hollowly, remembering how the experience affected her, watching the only man she’d allowed into her life since Vik, going off with his ex-girlfriend.
“So, what happened?” Amanda asked. “How come you’re married, with a baby?”
“Oh, it’s a really long story. He did nothing wrong and I believed him, but she’s caused trouble intermittently ever since. She claimed to be pregnant with Logan’s baby and now she’s hanging around again.”
Amanda jumped in fright, looking ashen. “Oh no! Please don’t tell me she’s pregnant!” She put her hands over her face. “Not Chris’ baby. Things are bad enough as it is. He’s so stupid!”
“No, it wasn’t anyone you know and besides, it was awful. She miscarried.” Hana placed her cup on the coffee table. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m splurging my guts to you; we only just met.” Hana wrinkled her nose. “It’s lonely here. I had a good friend, Anka, but I don’t see her much anymore.”
Amanda smiled at Hana. “Yeah well, everyone on site knows my misfortune and I’m sure they’re still gossiping about Chris and Caroline. It makes it hard for us to move on.”
“Just remember you can’t believe everything Caroline says, that’s all,” Hana said. “She’s an absolute fantasist. Maybe Chris didn’t do what she said.”
Amanda shook her head. “She said nothing. I found out because he got an official letter from the Board of Trustees. It was a written warning about staff having extramarital relations and claimed he contravened his contract. It was ‘behaviour unbecoming a member of staff at a church school.’ I was devastated. I opened it thinking it was a bill and we had a row over it. He stormed off and didn’t come back for days. When he did, he had a love-bite on his neck.”
Hana gave a sharp intake of breath, putting her hand over her mouth. “What a git!”
“Yep,” Amanda said with a nod. “So did she definitely have a few affairs at the same time? I heard a rumour along those lines. Wasn’t one of them a gap teacher from Germany?”
“Yes,” Hana said, sadness crossing her face. “Boris was Logan’s flat mate and a friend of both of us. I poured out my heart to him so he knew how she deliberately affected our relationship, yet he still went there. I think he got caught up in something he couldn’t get free of.”
Hana smiled at Amanda, desperate to lighten the mood. “What will you do?” she asked. “Will you forgive Chris?”
Amanda sighed. “I don’t know. Angus offered me the unit because he called to see me and could tell it wasn’t going well at my parents’ place. But I guess if my marriage is over, I have no reason to stay. Chris should move in and I must find somewhere else to go. I don’t want to get back with him for the wrong reasons. He hurt me so much. Millie was four months old when he cheated. I’ll never understand how he could do something so mean.”
Hana nodded. “For what it’s worth, Logan says Caroline can be very persuasive.”
“Aren’t you worried about her going after him again?”
Hana nodded. “Yes,” she admitted. “All the time. But I watched him over the summer and he seemed genuinely revolted by her; like she turned his stomach. At a family funeral in the holidays she approached him in front of everyone and tried to hug him. I thought he was going to be sick. It gave me hope that she’d get the message but then she turned up here a few days ago and the uncertainty began again.”
Amanda unexpectedly laughed. “You know what? Chris popped in to see Millie yesterday. He told me to stay away from you and Logan. He said you were trouble.” She smiled shyly at Hana, her brown eyes glittering in the sunlight. “I’m glad I ignored him. I was dreadfully lonely here before. It was depressing because the other wives go out to work so nobody’s here during the day. It’ll be nice having you living next door.”
Hana figured Chris hadn’t told Amanda how Logan bodily lifted him up and splatted him on the side of St Bart’s. She smiled and glanced at the digital oven clock, her eyes widening in horror. “Oh no! I was supposed to meet Logan quarter of an hour ago!”
Amanda shrugged. “Don’t you have a cell phone?”
“No,” said Hana, guilt rising into her chest like a hard lump. “I lost it.”
Amanda dug around in her handbag, pulling out her phone. “Here,” she said kindly, “use mine.”
A few minutes after Hana rang Logan’s cell phone, Amanda opened the door to the tall, handsome Māori. He smiled and nodded to her, bending to get through the door and into the hallway. His shirt was crisp and white and his trousers well fitted. She noticed the black cowboy boots and shook her head as he bent to take them off. “Don’t worry. I need to vacuum.”
Logan’s hair was neat at the back, but his fringe was longer and hung over his eyes. Amanda admired him from behind, comparing him to her husband. Chris was good looking but arrogant with it, using his easy charm to further his advantage, especially around women. Amanda was vulnerable as his wife, inadequacy forcing her to believe she punched above her weight. She looked down at her rounded tummy and regretted the analogy.
Amanda followed Logan into her living room, seeing him embrace his wife and kiss her on the mouth. “Why aren’t you answering your phone again, wahine?” he said, his voice soft. He ran his hands down Hana’s sides, resting his long fingers over her hips. “You stood me up,” he whispered, faking pique.
“Sorry. I feel bad.” Hana put her arms around his neck and wrinkled her nose. Amanda looked away, embarrassed. “About the phone,” Hana began. “I’ve dropped it somewhere.” It wasn’t a complete lie. She did drop it, but missed out the important fact she did it on purpose. Hana hoped God would forgive her untruths and see the motivation behind rather than the outworking of it. She bit the inside of her cheek and looked worried. Logan tutted at her and kissed her on the mouth.
Amanda sensed an irrational jealousy stirring in her chest. She tried to beat it down, attempting to replace it with hope instead. This couple survived Caroline’s interference. Perhaps she and Chris could too. He seemed to be sorry and punishing himself for his indiscretion. “Would you like coffee?” Amanda offered and Logan turned his stunning grey eyes on her and nodded his acceptance.
“Thanks,” he said.
Phoenix and Millie woke at the same time. Millie crawled around the floor, hauling herself up on the new furniture. She eyed the newcomers with suspicion, wanting her mother to pick her up and carry her around until she convinced herself they weren’t going to separate her from the only security she knew.
Logan changed his daughter’s dirty nappy, teasing Phoenix and making her smile. The tiny girl opened her mouth wide as though trying to eat him, making little squawks in
response to his games. He blew raspberries on her tummy and rubbed her feet along his jaw line, rasping the stubble against her delicate skin. “Gorgeous girl,” he laughed as she screeched with excitement.
Amanda stepped into a whole new world of trouble, falling in love with Logan Du Rose. She studied the stunning grey eyes which changed colour from smoke to grit depending on his mood and coveted his muscular physique. Slight greying in his sideburns made him appear distinguished and she imagined herself in Hana’s place. Millie sat on Amanda’s knee at the new dining room table, eating a sandwich while her mother picked at a slice of bread.
“You’ve gone very quiet,” Hana said, sitting on the sofa breastfeeding Phoenix.
“Just thinking,” Amanda replied. Logan’s presence intimidated her and set her heart racing. She opened her mouth several times to speak, but nothing sensible came out. Logan’s demeanour was respectful and quiet, but inner strength and mana oozed out of him, filling the tiny house.
Amanda tried to make small talk, hearing the sound of her own voice with disdain. You’re overweight, unsexy and stupid, she chastised herself. No wonder Chris looks elsewhere for his fun.
“I should get back,” Logan said, kissing Hana on the forehead. “Thanks for the coffee.” He put his cup in the sink and smiled at Amanda, the oestrogen filled house making him uncomfortable. Amanda remained strangely tongue-tied and offered a goofy wave of her hand in response.
Hana followed him to the front door, winding the baby over her shoulder. “See you later, babe,” she whispered, raising her lips for a kiss. “Sorry about the phone.”
“And standing me up!” He faked offence but ruined it with the twinkle in his eye.
“Yep, that too,” Hana conceded. “I’m a rubbish wife.”
“Liar! You’re a gorgeous wife,” he whispered. “I’ll show you later.”
“Aren’t we leaving as soon as we get our stuff together?” Hana asked, knitting her brow and hoping he hadn’t changed his mind.
“Maybe,” he replied and winked. He kissed Phoenix on the top of her head and then smiled at Hana. “Think you can manage not to forget to pick me up after three thirty?” he asked and Hana looked hurt.
“Of course I won’t, idiot!”
“I love you,” Logan whispered into her ear and kissed the side of her face. Hana kept hold of the baby one handed and used the other to trace the line of his shirt buttons, keeping eye contact with him. He whispered something in her ear and raised his eyebrow at her. She giggled and kissed him again.
“You’re a worry!” she chastised. Then, with a covetous smile, he left.
Amanda seemed sombre as she sat at the dining table. Hana smiled at her but sensed something wrong. Amanda jerked her head towards the front door. “Logan really loves you guys, doesn’t he?”
“Yes, he does,” Hana replied. “But our history goes back over twenty-six years and is complicated. We went through a whole heap of stuff last year, not to mention falling pregnant at forty-five.”
Amanda nodded. “I’m thirty-seven and old enough to know better; I’m not a silly schoolgirl. Yet I look at how Logan behaves with you and the fact is, I don’t believe Chris ever loved me that much. Maybe I’m wasting my time contemplating letting him come back.”
Hana sighed. “Can’t help you with that, sorry. Only you know the answer.”
Amanda turned towards Hana with a look of desperation in her eyes. “I need to sort myself out and feel better about myself. Would you consider walking with me during the week? It’d be great to have somebody to go with and a way of getting fit.” She glanced at Hana’s slender figure and sighed. “Not that you need it.”
Hana watched as Amanda implored her with her eyes, seeking friendship as hungrily as the tide seeks the land. “Ok,” she agreed. “I’ve been tired since I had Phoe and find it hard to catch my breath sometimes. Exercise would be good for me.” She smiled. “How about we start right now?”
Hana stayed with Amanda until Logan finished work. They went for a vigorous walk, each pushing their respective prams and sweltering in the heat of the day. Amanda showered in her new bathroom, but Hana waited for Logan to finish work. “I stink now,” she complained, sniffing her shirt and wrinkling her nose.
“We’ll go again on Monday,” Amanda said with enthusiasm, appearing in the hallway wrapped in a towel. “Is Logan meeting you here?”
Hana shook her head and hefted her baby onto her shoulder. “No. I’ll drive across to the main building. See you Monday.”
Logan emerged from the main building, shedding his tie in the heat even before he reached the car. He undid the top two buttons and pulled his shirt away from his neck, revealing a downy covering of dark hair. “Is February usually this hot?” he asked, climbing into the passenger seat. “Today’s been a scorcher.” He peered at Hana’s red cheeks and damp fringe. “You ok?”
“Went for a walk with Amanda,” Hana said, turning the air conditioning on full.
Logan nodded. “She doesn’t say much, does she?”
Hana laughed and turned onto Maui Street. “Not when you’re around, no. Like most females, she’s bowled over by your animal magnetism and sex appeal.”
Logan winked at her. “I can’t help it.”
Hana snorted and slapped his leg, choosing to ignore him. They travelled through the school traffic, heading north to Culver’s Cottage as Phoenix chortled to herself in the back seat. Logan put his hand on Hana’s thigh and stroked her leg through the material. “I need to work next weekend,” he said.
Hana’s heart sank and she felt the familiar constriction of her heart. “Thank goodness it’s only for another fortnight. Angus intimated he wanted you to stay on, but surely you won’t have to do night duties then?”
“Dunno.” Logan shrugged as Hana coaxed the Honda up the steep driveway. “You might be all right now you’ve made a new buddy at the units.”
Hana curled her lip back in annoyance. “I’m not a child, Logan!”
“Never said you were!” he muttered under his breath. “Just saying!”
Hana recalled the afternoon walk with Amanda. They covered over five kilometres in the baking sunshine, sweating and chatting in equal measure. Hana’s new friend seemed refreshed and full of purpose, beginning this new phase of her life with determination.
At the house, both parents rushed around packing for their trip north as Phoenix slept in her car seat. “I’ll feed Phoe before we leave,” Hana said, stripping off her damp clothes and gathering them into a ball in her arms. “Yuk, I feel gross,” she groaned. “I struggled more than Amanda with that walk. I had no idea I was so unfit!”
“Wahine, you expect me to watch you run around naked and listen to what you’re saying?” Logan moaned, accosting Hana at the door. He growled and nipped her neck, pulling her body into his.
“I stink!” she squeaked and Logan picked her up and tipped her onto the four poster bed.
“Don’t care,” he whispered, settling his body over hers. “I want you so bad, Hana Du Rose.” Logan’s fringe tickled Hana’s delicate skin as he dragged his lips over the soft curve of her stomach. She arched her back and moaned.
Hana encouraged her husband’s advances and held onto him tightly as he made love to her. Their closeness made her vulnerable and she struggled to keep her emotions in check, understanding the fragility of their peace.
“I love you so much,” Logan breathed as they lay sated, arms and legs entangled on the bed. He kissed her bare neck and clasped her round the waist. “You know that, don’t you?”
Hana nodded, hiding the sadness in her eyes by burying herself his chest. Awful at keeping secrets, the encounters with Laval burned in her heart, sobering the moment.
“I got you something,” Logan said, putting his fingers under Hana’s chin to lift her head. He reached towards the floor, pulling at his discarded trousers and groping around in the left pocket. The small velvet box nestled in his palm as he sat up, handing it to her with a smile on his fa
ce.
“What is it?” Hana asked. She sat up, hugging her arms around her nakedness.
“Open it.” Logan lay next to her, propping his head on his hand while she opened the box with shaking fingers. Inside the folds of cushioned fabric lay a gold ring, encrusted with a line of sparkling diamonds.
“Logan!” Hana gasped. “It’s expensive; I can’t keep this!” She fingered it gingerly, fighting the growing lump in her throat. At the centre, the largest diamond rose above the others, glittering in the late sunshine.
Logan’s face lost its smile of happy expectation. “You don’t like it?” he asked and anticipated pain glittered in his grey eyes.
“I love it,” Hana sniffed, losing the battle as tears coursed down her cheeks and dripped onto the sheets. Her chest heaved and the day’s stress flooded her senses.
“Sweetheart,” Logan crooned, pulling her into his chest and kissing the tears away. “Remember when we bought the wedding rings, the lady in the shop said you should have an engagement ring? You didn’t want one then, but she said we could get an eternity ring when we had our first baby. You said it would be fine.”
“But I assumed I was too old for babies,” Hana sobbed, touched by her husband’s kindness; kindness she didn’t deserve.
“Well, you weren’t...aren’t too old. So I got you an eternity ring because I love you and because we’ll be together for eternity.”
Logan took Hana’s finger, easing the gold band over her knuckle and sliding it along her slender finger until it touched her wedding ring. His alarm grew as her tears poured onto his fingers. “Babe, what’s wrong?” he asked, urgency in his voice. “This is about more than a gift, sweetheart.”
Hana couldn’t bear to lie to this wonderful man, sobbing into his chest and holding on until she got control. He kissed her, tasting salt and searching her face, sure he could see into the essence of her and identify the source of her angst. But Hana wouldn’t let him, denying him access to her soul until she calmed.