by Bowes, K T
“Sleeping,” Hana sighed. “Tama’s there.”
Logan’s eyes darted over figures, copying numbers onto a piece of scrap paper with painstaking care. Hana watched him for a moment, his dark hair flopped in his eyes and his brow furrowed in concentration. “I won’t be a minute,” he promised.
Feeling overwhelmed, Hana pushed herself onto his knee between him and the desk. She surprised him, forcing him to scrape his chair back to accommodate her, letting her drape herself over his neck and push her face into his neck. “Hey babe,” he breathed, “look, I’m really sorry...”
Hana didn’t want him to finish the sentence and kissed him on the mouth, stealing his words. Her kiss was hot and urgent, accompanied by fingers which sneaked into the back of his trousers and parted his shirt from his waistband. Gentle hands in the small of his back seared his flesh and Logan’s mouth opened in surprise as Hana’s palms stroked the prominent muscle either side of his spine. An eager tongue quested with purpose and Logan inhaled and ended the kiss. “Not here, babe,” he whispered.
Hana’s face expression moved between sultry and pouting in an instant. Logan smirked and ran his thumb over her lips. “I’m not on duty yet,” he breathed, “let’s go upstairs.” He tipped her off his knee and gathered his papers together, taking her hand and leading her upstairs. His arm felt strong around Hana’s shoulders as they walked through the boarding house corridors, up to the staff accommodation.
Logan bolted the door in the middle bedroom off the restroom and put his finger to his lips. “We have to be quiet though,” he warned, excitement and risk making his grey eyes glitter. He wrenched the tie from around his neck but Hana pushed away the eager fingers which groped at his buttons.
“I’ll do it,” she insisted, narrowing her eyes. She removed her husband’s shirt with painful slowness, making him wait. Hana revelled in the way he closed his eyes and gritted his teeth with every sensuous press of her lips on his bare chest, her fingers popping each button with tantalising precision.
Logan groaned as Hana stripped for him, pushing her creamy skin between the sheets first. He made love to her, eagerness making him rough as he unwittingly overwrote Laval’s advances with his own. He was strong and passionate, spurred on by the excitement of his wife’s unexpected demands, putting his lips over hers to stem the groans of pleasure which carried to the staff room.
“Tea time’s not your usual hour,” he joked as they lay entwined on the cramped single bed.
“No,” Hana sighed, snuggling in her husband’s strong arms. The physical exertion had chased all fear of Laval from her mind but as she lay recovering, the heaviness in her stomach drifted back like rolling mist. Unaware, Logan ran his fingers in feather light movements up and down Hana shoulders, feeling her body tensing without understanding why.
“What’s wrong, babe?” he asked, his voice a low rumble through her body. Hana closed her eyes, hating her new, dishonest persona.
“Nothing,” she lied. “I don’t want to go back to the unit.”
Logan tutted but his tone was regret rather than pique. “I’m sorry.”
Hana dreaded facing Tama and wondered if Bodie waited around to talk to her. She imagined Jas recounting his tale for both men and didn’t know what she would say in her defence. Neither adultery nor attempted murder were defensible unless she confessed to Bodie about Laval. With a sigh, Hana struggled up from the bed, extracting herself from Logan’s embrace. She pulled her clothes on and ran her hands through her curly tresses, her face ashen.
“Have I made you miss dinner?” she asked her husband. Logan lay on his back, observing Hana through narrowed eyes with his hands behind his tousled head. His olive biceps bulged against the starched pillow and the tangled sheet revealed a stomach rippling with muscle and a thigh dusted in dark hair. Hana yanked her tee shirt over her head.
“It’s fine.” Logan shook his head and leaned up on one elbow watching his wife. “I’ll get something from the kitchen. It was worth it.”
“What were you doing before?” Hana asked, trying to distract him. His grey eyes probed her soul and it felt uncomfortable, disturbing her equilibrium and threatening the thin veneer of lies. Logan sighed and continued his study. “Please, Logan. Stop!” Hana ran a hand over her face and reached for the door handle.
“Don’t run!” Logan moved with a speed disproportionate to his height and build, halting Hana as she wrestled with the lock. His arms enfolded her, stroking her long hair and he kissed the top of her head. “Stay a little longer,” he whispered.
Hana breathed in his masculine scent and nodded her face against the smooth skin. She ran her finger over his raised nipple and felt the tremor run through her own body from his. His nakedness was intoxicating and she caressed the rugged scar, following it down his rib cage to the soft skin at his hip. Logan’s chuckle rumbled through her chest. “That tickles,” he breathed, his body jerking. “Just stay ten more minutes,” he begged. “I’ll get dressed and make you a drink.”
Hana nodded, a tiny, reluctant movement. She watched Logan straighten the bed and lay his sleeping bag over the top, pulling on his clothes with long, scarred fingers. Her chest heaved at the thought of losing him, Laval’s words returning to dog all rational thought. ‘What’s your worst nightmare, Hana? Another dead husband?’
“I was looking at the accounts,” Logan said, shoving his feet into cowboy boots. He glanced up at her. “You asked before. That’s what I was doing, looking at the accounts for the boarding house.”
“Oh, yeah.” Hana nodded and straightened her back, forcing a look of interest onto her face.
Logan’s brow knitted, but he continued. “The accountants have finished with the books and given me pointers. There’re no big amounts going out which would have been easy to track, but the outgoings don’t match the income. Whatever’s going on, it’s subtle, like an over order.”
“Just put the fees up,” Hana replied, her brain lurching for the easy answer.
Logan shook his head. “They did and it made no difference. The accounts have a leak but the real question is why?” Logan ran his hand through his hair and stood. Hana watched his muscles ripple and sensed a heaviness in her groin, wanting to lose herself again for a while. Laval’s blonde hair and brown eyes pushed at the edges of her consciousness like tight fingers around her heart.
“Hana?”
She jumped, her fingers fixing around the door handle and her green eyes wide. The sentence in her head seemed stuck and Hana’s lips moved, saying nothing.
Logan put his hands on his hips, authority washing over his trembling wife. “Are you gonna tell me what’s going on?” he asked.
Hana floundered and Logan’s eyes flared with a semblance of understanding, growing dark like storm water. She shook her head. “I can’t. I want to, but I can’t.” She swallowed and eyed the door behind her.
“We promised each other last year; no more secrets.” Logan sounded hurt and Hana’s heart constricted in her chest. “You’re pushing me away, Hana. I can feel it.”
She shook her head. “I’m not.” The sob caught in her throat. “I’m not, I promise. I can’t do this, I can’t stay here.” The urge to run made her feet shift under her, knowing Logan read her like an open book.
“It’s more than that.” He crossed the room and held her tightly, his chin on the top of her head. “But I trust you.”
Hana squirmed, his words like a jackhammer in her head. She held his life in her hands and the responsibility overwhelmed her, pressing her body until it reached breaking point. The weight bore down on her shoulders, restricting every breath and crushing her spirit. Hana sniffed and pressed her face into Logan’s chest, desperate to release the burden to him but knowing she couldn’t. Logan didn’t push her and Hana collected her emotions into a knotted ball inside her chest, feeling unworthy of his trust. She plastered a fake smile onto her lips and tried to banish the spirit of fear playing havoc with her nerves.
Logan unlocke
d the door and offered Hana his hand, leading her out into the empty restroom. She sat in a comfy chair next to the floor to ceiling window that looked out over the soccer field while Logan boiled the kettle and made her a cup of tea in a mug displaying the words ‘born here’ on it. Hana looked at it and wrinkled her nose.
Logan angled his chair sideways next to hers, stretched out his long legs and rested one of his ankles on her thigh. Hana placed her hand on it, feeling galvanised by his nearness through the leather of his boot. “You going to be ok tonight?” he asked softly.
Hana thought about returning to the cramped unit and cringed. Logan saw and she fudged it, nodding vigorously and burning her mouth on the tea. “I should go.” She placed her tea mug on the table even though she had drunk little and verged on confessing everything to the perceptive man in front of her. Laval’s presence made her feel violated and afraid and the knowledge made bile rise into her gullet. Hana opened her mouth, knowing everything pressed to gush out into the open but her eyes met Logan’s and she saw suspicion and concern in his face. You can’t do it, she told herself. He’ll go crazy and then Laval will make good on his promise and hurt the man you love. She didn’t doubt Laval meant it –a hidden agenda lurked behind the court case and Hana couldn’t figure out what. She smiled at Logan with bravery she didn’t possess and stood to leave.
“Wait,” Logan rose and ran his hand down her upper arm, his face troubled. “Hana...”
A slam made them both jump as the moving shape of Peter North shot through the door, making it bounce back against the wall and rebound onto his slight frame. Undeterred, he ran towards Logan with his arms outstretched and hurled himself at the other man. “Oh, thank you, thank you so much.”
Logan looked alarmed and sheltered Hana from Pete, fending him off with one hand like a matador. “Stop!” he shouted, his face darkening with anger.
“But I’m so grateful,” Pete squealed, “I can’t believe you said I could come. I’m so excited!”
Logan rolled his eyes and Hana’s heart sank into her flip flops. Misery made her cruel and not stopping to consider Pete’s feelings, Hana shook her head, her face blushing in fury. “Fantastic! So, he’s your new off-sider!” She jabbed her finger at Pete heartlessly. “So when he does a disappearing act and you end up doing seven night duties a week, don’t expect me to still be here! That’s it, I’m done!” Hana whirled around and left the room, stomping angrily down the stairs to the front door. A group of boys stepped back for her, holding the door open to allow her to pass. She nodded at them in thanks and moved through, leaving them staring after her as a cloud of temper roiled out after her.
Hana marched back to the unit, finding the door locked. She knocked on it far too hard in her anger and Tama opened it, his face severe in anticipation of trouble. “Oh, it’s you,” he said, his eyes widening in surprise and Hana pushed roughly past him. “Do come in,” he responded with sarcasm.
Jas snored on the sofa and Bodie stood to his feet as Hana walked into the lounge. “Mum...” he began, but Hana fled.
“Not now please, Bo!” She flounced to her bedroom and shut herself in, ignoring the faces of both males who each came to placate her. “Please! I don’t want to talk about it,” Hana sniffed and sent them both away.
Falling asleep in a temper made her groggy and miserable when she awoke later to the sound of Phoenix crying. Hana felt disoriented, getting out of bed and walking into the wall. By the time she righted herself, Tama had retrieved the squalling child and knocked on the bedroom door. “I’ve got her,” he called, alarmed to hear another bump as Hana tripped over the bedspread and landed on her hands and knees.
“Damn it!” she raged, slapping the bed with the flat of her hand and groaning.
“What are you doing down there?” Tama foolishly asked, rewarded by a piercing glare from Hana’s green eyes.
“I fell,” she snapped and threw herself back against her pillows while Tama waited patiently, holding the grizzling child. He handed Phoenix over and then left.
Hana remembered her behaviour at St Bart’s and cringed. The look on Logan’s face chastised her rudeness, even in her memory. She sighed and played with the baby’s tiny fingers as the little girl satiated her hunger. “I’m a bad person,” Hana sighed, her pretty lips down turned and her eyes filling with tears again. “I’m horrid.”
“No, you’re not,” Tama reassured her, poking his head around the door. “Want a cup of tea? Isn’t that the English cure for all ills?”
Hana nodded. “Yes, please. Do you know what he’s done?”
“Who?” Tama’s body stiffened with alarm.
“Logan!” Hana bit. “He’s employed Peter North as his deputy. I could kill him!”
“Oh.” Tama smirked. “Why would he do a dumb thing like that?”
“Exactly!” Hana waved her arm in his direction. “That’s just what I said. I’ve spent the last fifteen years trying to be a good Christian around a lazy, thoughtless, self-absorbed Peter North. I’ve endured his bad habits, rudeness, ability to shirk any labour or responsibility with apparent ease and I’ve done well!” she wailed. “Apart from the odd disparaging remark under severe duress, or the occasional slap on the top of his fluffy, dandruff inhabited head, I’ve kept my opinions to myself, hoping that deep down he was a nice guy. I frequently persuaded myself he had potential, although I’ve no idea what with. Now I’ve ruined it. I’ve slagged him off in front of Logan like a mean girl. Matthew 7 chapter 1 ‘Judge not, that ye be not judged.’” Hana sniffed and wiped guilty tears from her face. Phoenix stopped feeding and looked up at her mother with knitted brows. “Sorry,” Hana said. “The truth is I’ve tolerated Pete for so long because his behaviour rarely affected me. I did my job fine, even when he was at his worst because the team circumnavigated him. He was a careers advisor, but disappeared so frequently, he was impossible to schedule appointments for, so we didn’t bother.” Hana drew the back of her hand inelegantly across the underside of her nose.
“I’ll make a drink,” Tama said, withdrawing his head and disappearing.
Hana let the baby grip her index finger in her tiny hand and admired the perfect olive skin and intricately formed nails. “Pete’s meant to be a sports studies teacher, but his bizarre teaching methods have made him something of a joke with the boys and last year he got fewer and fewer classes. I don’t think Angus trusts him. So why on earth Logan’s allowed him to be his deputy, I have no idea. It’s so stupid and it’ll affect you and me.”
Hana sniffed disgustingly and tried to feel sympathy for Pete, summoning up all the times he was ever kind or caring towards her, wanting to muster up some positive feeling. “Oh, it’s too hard!” Hana grumbled, only able to think of a few. She cried some more, wiping her eyes on the corner of Phoenix’s blanket. A clatter against the bedroom door made her jump and wail. “I can’t live like this!”
Tama opened the door cautiously, making his way around the bed with a cup of tea. “You egg!” he soothed, sitting next to her and budging her over with his hip. “Stop letting everything rattle you!”
Hana made room and the teenager relaxed, laying his arm across her shoulders. He kissed her on the temple. “Life sucks sometimes, doesn’t it?”
Hana nodded and in her vulnerability, everything came tumbling from her mouth. “I went for a walk this afternoon after I argued with Loge and Laval followed me over the bridge on the way home. He kissed me...twice and I pushed him. That’s what Jas must have seen.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes on the cloth again.
“Well, that explains it. The kid was coming back from a school trip on the bus,” Tama explained. “He kept asking questions after you left. I think he was upset you walked out. He brought something to show you, a thing he got from the trip.” Hana let out a sob. “It’s ok,” Tama soothed, “he left it for you. It’s a flower thing, but bugs started coming out, so it’s in the sink.”
Hana broke down at the sense of cruelty she felt, rejecting the generous litt
le boy’s infested greenery. Tama shook his head, stroking her shoulder and trying not to laugh at Hana’s self-pity.
Phoenix stopped feeding and looked at her mother, perplexed for a moment and running her cool little hand over Hana’s finger as though trying to infuse her with love. “Bodie probably thinks I’m having an affair,” Hana wept. “You have no idea how much he’d enjoy seeing Logan divorce me.”
Tama shook his head. “No, it’s weird, because he didn’t want to talk about it. Are you sure he doesn’t know what’s going on?”
Hana shook her head emphatically. “I only told Bobby, and he told you. Nobody else knows.”
“You have to tell Uncle Logan though,” Tama said sagely, “because if Jas lets it slip he saw you snogging some guy in town, Logan will blow a gasket trying to find out who it was.”
“He wouldn’t hurt me,” Hana wailed, “but I don’t want him to know yet. I’m trying to handle it.”
“He wouldn’t physically hurt you,” Tama said with authority, “but he hates unfaithfulness and he’d cut you off in ways you couldn’t imagine.”
Hana gave a hiccough of pure misery and Tama pulled her closer. “What are we gonna do?” he asked, “How can we sort this out?”
“I have no idea,” Hana answered. “Laval always seems to find me in town or at school, so maybe I should try and flush him out. But I’ll need you there.”
“He won’t approach you with me there!” Tama scoffed, flexing his biceps and pleased with what he saw.
Hana poked him hard in the ribs. “I know that! But you’re meant to be a bodyguard so you could follow at a safe distance...doing bodyguard things.” She cheered up at the thought of taking positive action. “Maybe we could go for a walk tomorrow around the same time as I did today. You could follow and try not to attract attention. He intimidates me but I don’t think he’ll do anything in public, other than be creepy. But he can’t know I’ve told you; it would change the game plan.” Hana thought for a minute, “It’s a pity I trashed...lost my old phone. He’d been texting me so I could have arranged a proper chat. A chance meeting is risky.”