by Bowes, K T
To Hana’s surprise, Pete nodded. Lazy, awkward, difficult, nowhere-to-be-seen-when-there’s-work-to-be-done-Pete nodded and did as asked. “Righto, boss,” he said.
Hana’s eyes opened wide in astonishment. “Come on, sweetie.” She supported the struggling boy with one hand, cradling her daughter over her shoulder. “Not far now,” she reassured him as they walked across the soccer pitch. At the steps to the unit, Logan ran up behind them, retrieving the Honda keys and baby car seat from the hallway. He bundled the boy into the front seat, patting his hand as the child grew paler and more distressed with every movement. “Hey mate, this’ll be quicker than an ambulance on a Sunday; and cheaper for your parents,” he said, his smile unreturned.
Logan was true to his word. Within five minutes, they were back at the medical clinic in town. The doctor remembered them from earlier and looked at Hana with something like dread, but after an x-ray and pain killers, the boy looked much better.
Logan stood outside and made a difficult phone call to Angus on his cell phone, holding Phoenix in one burly arm. “Oh, bloody hell!” came the principal’s deep Scots accent. “I’ll see Carter in the morning. You did right, I’ll not tolerate his shenanigans any more. What an idiot!”
“Will he get a written warning?” Hana asked as she lay with her head on Logan’s chest later. Logan shook his head, his hair shushing on the pillow.
“Na,” he replied, “he’s finished.”
Hana sat up in horror, staring through the darkness to where she knew his face was. “But you can’t do that,” she started. “He needs a verbal and two written warnings.”
“He’s had them babe; he’s on his last chance. He can’t keep it in his trousers so he needs to go. We can’t have that kind of behaviour around the boys; he was supposed to be on duty! That’s how I got caught there with Pete struggling on his own.”
Hana lay down and settled her head on her husband’s broad chest. “So Caroline wasn’t his first affair then?” she said, the woman’s name sealing dread into her heart. She heard Logan grinding his teeth in the darkness.
“No, she wasn’t. He messed around with a girl from the kitchens last year and got a verbal warning and then he started up with Caroline. That gave him a written warning which unfortunately his wife opened. Then he took up with the kitchen supervisor and got another written warning and that little affair obviously never ended. Angus says the guy is ‘seemingly irredeemable’ – his words not mine. So tomorrow he’ll be formally dismissed.”
Hana sighed at the memory of Logan holding Carter against the wall by his throat. “Is that why you reacted so violently when you found us talking that day?” Hana winced. She felt Logan nod in the darkness and cuddled into his strong chest, winding her arms around his neat waist. Amanda’s face rose to mind, pink cheeked from their first walk and babbling happily. “Amanda wouldn’t let him see Millie after the affair with Caroline. This’ll kill her.”
Hana heard Logan sigh deeply beneath her. “You should go see her. Talk to her.”
Hana shook her head making her hair tickle his bare skin. He twitched and chuckled. “I’m the last person she’ll want to see. It’ll look like revenge; she accuses me of adultery and discovers her husband’s at it again. I can’t do it. Someone else needs to support her.”
“Angus will break the news,” Logan said quietly. “She’ll have to leave the staff accommodation. It’s sad.”
Hana lay awake for hours. Thoughts of Amanda disturbed her, knowing she slept next door with her baby unaware of the impending disaster. She writhed with anger at Chris Carter but also herself. Hana replayed the moment in the staff room when she mistrusted Logan enough to contemplate bursting into the bedroom. His total innocence highlighted her irrational trust issues and she tossed and turned, blaming Vik. Amanda’s behaviour towards her glowed in a whole new light. Hana’s meeting with Laval must have looked suspicious and her protestations as though she masked an illicit affair. No wonder Amanda reacted that way.
Hana padded across the hallway to her baby’s room, enjoying the comfort of her soft breathing. She leaned against the doorframe and let her good fortune sink in. “Thank God!” she whispered, understanding what she almost lost.
A series of odd clunks behind the cot made her jump in fright, but then came the sound of sobbing. Hana peered into the darkness, seeing nothing. It came again, drifting through the thin partition wall as Amanda cried in Millie’s bedroom next door and moved furniture.
Hana went to the front door and gave herself a stiff lecture. The woman’s alone and in distress. Hana had two choices. She could go back to bed, count her blessings and cuddle up to her gorgeous husband, lying awake worrying even longer. Or she could go next door. Hana looked down at the old shirt of Logan’s and her pale legs, grateful for the knickers covering some of her modesty. Her bare feet looked white in the faint moonlight, but finding other clothing and shoes would disturb everyone. Once awake, Logan wouldn’t let her go next door in the dead of night.
Hana lifted the keys from the breakfast bar and locked up behind her, treading on grit and painful stones along the small road to the adjoining unit. She knocked gently on Millie’s bedroom window, waiting until Amanda’s face appeared and allowing herself to be observed. Hana waited for a long time while a cool breeze whipped around her thighs, but Amanda didn’t open the front door. Feeling stupid, Hana turned to leave.
She heard the front door click as she passed, her slender, vulnerable frame picked up by the light which flooded the area. Amanda stared at Hana’s attire, making her feel naked and foolish. The other woman’s body filled the doorway, dressed in rumpled teddy pyjamas, her eyes raw with crying and her face puffy. “Are you alright?” Hana asked, her voice loud in the dark street.
“You’re freezing,” Amanda said, her voice wobbling. Hana looked down at her shivering legs and nodded, knowing most of the reaction was fear based. Amanda stood back and indicated the hallway with an outstretched arm and Hana climbed the steps, brushing off her feet on the prickly doormat.
The place looked a tip. Hana’s brow knitted in confusion as she stepped over a suitcase with its contents disgorged across the floor. “What are you doing?” she asked, rubbing tired eyes and avoiding a pair of trousers and a large bra.
“I’m moving out,” Amanda said, waving her hand around the room and trying to look like she didn’t care. “Tomorrow.”
Hana looked for somewhere to sit, finding nowhere. Baby items littered the floor and a bag of nappies sat on the sofa while a dress flopped itself over the television. Hana retrieved the dress and rolled it into a sausage, kneeling by the suitcase and viewing the haphazard contents. After a moment’s thought and a tired sigh, she took everything out and began repacking it. Amanda watched. “He said you knew.” Her voice wavered and Hana saw her wringing her hands in her peripheral vision. “He said you must have seen the girl leave after they...” Amanda gulped. “He’s told me everything; about all of them. There’s been so many other women even he can’t remember them all. Apparently Caroline was one in a long line of affairs. He can’t seem to stop.” A tear rolled down her cheek and she swiped it away roughly. “We talked. At least we can be friends, I guess. He said he always loved me but he doesn’t know how to be loved by anyone. He’s messed up in his head and he knows he needs help.”
Hana rolled the clothes, making space on the surrounding floor. She nodded to acknowledge Amanda’s revelation but offered no easy platitudes, sensing they would sound false. “I’ll make a drink,” Amanda said, drying her eyes on the bottom of her pyjama top. “I think I’m done crying.” She busied herself in the kitchen making tea after retrieving cups from a cardboard box on the counter.
“Here.” She handed Hana a cup of tea with a trembling hand. Then she sank into the sofa, her energy sapped.
“Haven’t you slept at all?” Hana asked, her voice soft.
Amanda shook her head. “Couldn’t. I’m sorry for accusing you of having an affair with that man. W
hen I heard what happened, I felt awful. I gave your son a statement of what I heard through the toilet wall. You should’ve told me he threatened you, not let me jump to stupid conclusions.”
“I couldn’t,” Hana said, focusing on the tiny socks in her hand. “He said he’d hurt Logan and I couldn’t take the risk. But I understand what cheating does to a marriage and the legacy it leaves. When I saw that girl come out of Chris’ bedroom, I doubted Logan just for a minute. He’s done nothing to deserve it and yet I still can’t trust him. Because of Vik, I punish someone who doesn’t deserve it. At least you got to talk to Chris and ask him why. Vik never gave me that opportunity. I couldn’t shout or scream or ask him why – he died and left me with nothing but hurt and questions. When I think I’ve forgiven him, I discover I haven’t.” Hana ground her jaw and closed her eyes, Amanda’s pain mixing with her own.
She felt a light touch on her arm. “I’m sorry, Hana. I wish I’d trusted you more,” Amanda said. “I enjoyed having you as a friend. I gave up everything to move to the school with Chris and the isolation is killing me.”
Hana put her hand over the other woman’s as a sign of solidarity. “Where will you go?”
“I don’t know,” Amanda said, tears springing into her eyes. “I won’t go back to my parents; it was unbearable. I need a job and someone to look after Millie for me. I’ll have to fend for myself from now on. Chris will struggle to get another teaching job with the reference Angus will give him.”
Hana shifted onto the sofa and put her arm around Amanda. “I have no answers, love. But I can pray for you,” she offered.
“I’m desperate enough even for that, although I don’t believe in God,” Amanda acknowledged.
Hana smiled with confidence. “That’s ok,” she said. “I do. He’ll work something out.”
Chapter 34
Desperate knocking on the door dragged Hana from her nap and she sat up, wondering where she was. She groaned with back ache and felt dribble on the cushion she’d used as a pillow.
“Ok, ok!” Hana wiped her face on her sleeve and tried to work out how to move her feet. The knocking began again and she stumbled to the front door and pulled it open.
Amanda burst through the gap, her face alight with excitement. “You said something would come up,” she said, switching Millie onto the other hip. “And it has!”
“Sorry, what?” Hana slumped back onto the sofa and rubbed her eyes, trying to get her brain to catch up. “How can you look so awake?” She shifted in her seat, pulling her legs up next to her as Amanda jiggled her daughter on her hip, looking healthy and refreshed. “We were packing until six this morning. I’m shattered! Have you been licking the coffee canister again?” Hana groaned and closed her eyes.
“About the packing,” Amanda said, wincing with guilt. “I wondered if you’d help me put it all back.”
Hana shook her head. “I hate dreams like this,” she murmured, squinting at Amanda and imagining she wasn’t really there.
“Angus came to see me,” Amanda gushed. “He saw everything piled by the front door and seemed surprised Chris confessed. He asked if I was interested in a job at the boarding house. He sacked the kitchen supervisor and promoted one of the other women to her role, so he’s offered me a job in food preparation. It’s just mornings but he rang the child-care centre up the road and spoke to a friend of his who owns it. They’ll take Millie while I’m at work for a reduced fee.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” Hana breathed. She thought about leaving Phoenix with strangers and her heart quailed.
“You don’t look pleased,” Amanda said, her brow furrowing.
“I am,” Hana said, pushing aside her own separation anxieties and struggling not to yawn.
“If I go back to work,” Amanda enthused, “I’ll lose weight, regain my focus and maybe my self-esteem. This will be great. I know it’s only chopping veg and making meals for the boys but I’m not fussy; it’s a start. And the best part is I can still live here. Angus will take the rent out of my wages and he’s offered me a good rate, so you were right. Something has come up.”
“Where did you work before?” Hana asked, her brain still foggy.
“I was a real estate agent,” Amanda said, “so from house deals to meals on wheels.”
Hana burst out laughing. She put her hand over her mouth and kept saying sorry, but still the giggles poured out. “It’s not funny; I’m sorry, I know it’s not funny,” she snorted.
“It is actually.” Amanda threw herself onto the sofa, her eyes bright with energy. “Wait till they figure out I’m a rubbish cook and I burn water.”
Tiredness swept through Hana’s body and she felt crowded out by emotions she couldn’t control. Healing laughter spilled from her lips and her eyes watered at Amanda’s continued analogies. “I cooked broccoli once,” Amanda confessed, rolling her eyes. “Even the cat stank of it for a week!”
Tears of mirth poured down Hana’s cheeks as she gave up seeking dignity or control. Millie joined in, hauling herself up on the furniture and letting out giant whoops of fake delight. Amanda sniggered and Millie’s eyes widened as she put her whole tiny being into a ferocious cackle, fists balled and face intense. “Mills, you look like a maniac,” Amanda snorted.
Without warning the child let go of the coffee table and with little hands held high in the air, she took her first steps. They were precious, faltering footsteps on bare feet and the baby stopped for balance, holding out her fat little arms to her mother. “Oh, God!” Amanda breathed and pressed her fingers to her lips.
Hana caught the wavering arms and Millie’s momentary panic turned to satisfaction. “Clever girl!” Hana told her and the child beamed, her graduation from baby to toddler complete as she used the stability of Hana’s grip to walk the rest of the way to Amanda’s knees.
Hana’s eyes shone with delight at the privilege and she turned to find Amanda silent and weeping. “He missed it,” she sobbed. “He’s gonna miss everything from how on. I’m alone.”
“Not necessarily,” Hana soothed. “You and Chris can still work together. It’ll be ok.” She lifted Millie onto her mother’s knee. “Nobody can take this from you, Amanda, so don’t destroy it for yourself.”
Hana fed Phoenix while Amanda made sandwiches in the kitchen. Millie slept on the rug in the middle of the floor after wearing herself out with repeats of her cleverness. “They’re both growing up,” Hana said, holding her daughter’s tiny fingers and feeling her firm grip in response. “Phoenix slept from her ten o’clock feed until six this morning. Logan didn’t even realise I’d gone until he turned over for...” Hana bit her lip and tried to cover her embarrassment. Her pink cheeks flared at the thought of what she’d missed.
Amanda placed the cheese sandwich on the sofa next to Hana, sitting in the two seater opposite and tucking into her own. “I was nervous at seeing you again,” she confessed, swallowing. “When I pulled the curtains back and saw you standing there in your shirt I felt so relieved. I couldn’t imagine wanting to spend the night packing with anyone else.”
Hana smiled, failing to cover her yawn quickly enough. “Aren’t you shattered?” she whinged and Amanda laughed.
“No, I’m wired! Aren’t you? Let’s go for a walk.”
Hana pushed the pram towards the river, hoping the fresh air would wake her enough to last until bedtime. The women stopped at the end of Comries Road. “I never want to see Day’s Landing again,” Hana complained as they made the detour and turned for home.
“I need coffee,” Amanda decided and they found a cafe and sat outside, enjoying the lattes the pretty barista produced. She brought the coffees to them with a smile, her blonde ponytail bouncing on the back of her head. “I want to be that gorgeous,” Amanda mused as the girl held the door open for an elderly couple before disappearing inside.
“I’d just settle for her energy,” Hana grumbled. “Or her body; mine’s falling apart.”
Amanda eyed the open wound at her wrist
and nodded. “How’s the infection?” she asked.
“The antibiotics are working,” Hana conceded. “It still hurts but at least it’s stopped oozing. I’m scared there’s still glass inside.” She flexed her wrist and winced.
“There won’t be,” Amanda reassured. “It’s all the stitches.”
The walk east seemed endless for Hana in the heat and she felt overwhelming gratitude upon passing the Fairview Downs suburb sign. They entered the front gate in time for the final bell and Amanda convinced Hana to detour to the main building. “Please, Hana? I won’t be long, I promise, but if I don’t sign my contract today, Angus might change his mind.”
“He’d never do that,” Hana grumbled. “Just do it tomorrow.”
Amanda begged and so Hana waited in reception with both prams, playing a game with Millie. “You’re so clever!” Hana turned the red teddy bear upside down and waited for Millie to spin him on her activity rail. The child squawked with delight. Hana avoided the gaze of the receptionist, feeling the woman’s animosity through the back of her skull. Angus’ open office door allowed Amanda’s excited tones to drift out. “Thank you, God,” Hana whispered under her breath. “Your timing’s pretty awesome.” She stood the red bear on its head again and watched Millie bat it with infantile precision.
The telephone rang in reception and the receptionist answered crisply, distracting her from glaring at Hana’s back. “Oh yes, I’ll put you through to our principal’s assistant.” The woman bobbed her brunette page-boy cut and pressed buttons on her switchboard. Hana heard the phone ring in the office next to Angus’ and the click of the receiver being picked up.