by Jordan Ford
He knew how inexperienced I was.
Slowly pulling my blazer back on, I straighten my shirt underneath it and wonder how I’m supposed to act normal for the rest of the day.
My insides are still jumping with this weird, euphoric happy dance. Kissing Jace was thrilling.
But it ended so suddenly.
Almost painfully.
And I don’t know what to do with that.
Crossing my arms, I slowly shuffle back to the beach. I look for Jace the whole way there, but he’s long gone. When I finally reach the sand, my insides have settled a little, but my brain is still burning, reliving every second of our heated kiss.
The way he pulled me onto his lap like that, with such strength and power. It was so sexy.
My cheeks burn as I fight a smile.
It becomes way easier the second I spot Savannah walking toward me.
She has a slight frown on her face, and I change my expression to match.
“Where were you? I was worried.”
“Sorry,” I mumble and start drawing patterns in the sand with my shoe. “You could have texted me.”
She doesn’t say anything, and I look up to see her tuck her hair behind her ear and look to the side. “I didn’t want to mother you. I was going to get Dad to call you, but then I saw you walking down the stairs, so…”
I give her a pained smile, appreciating what she’s trying to do.
An apology lodges in my throat. I should say sorry for the way we argued last weekend. She’s been so quiet and distant this week. I’ve been trying to tell myself that I like it better that way, but I still can’t deny that it’s weird. I hurt her feelings, and I feel bad about that.
Griffin approaches, smiling at me as he runs his hand along Savvy’s shoulders. She leans in to him and rests her forehead in the crook of his neck.
I wonder if they’ve ever had sex.
They seem pretty loved-up and into each other.
I bet they’re not confused about it at all. From the second she started dating Griffin, Savvy has grown in confidence and happiness. They just seem so in sync.
Like soul mates.
Like Bass is to me.
Bass.
I swallow, guilt swamping me. I feel like I just cheated on him.
I mean, the kiss with Jace was definitely not planned, but it’s not like I pulled back. I was into it. Big-time. I didn’t think once about Bass.
“So, you ready to go home?” Savannah’s words are kind of clipped, and I can’t help wondering if she’s resisting the urge to ask me where I’ve been.
There’s no way in hell I’m telling her, so I force a closed-mouth smile and nod.
“I’ll meet you there after I’ve locked up here.” Griffin kisses Savvy’s forehead, and she smiles up at him.
“See you soon.”
Spinning on my heel, I start walking up the sand. Savannah joins me, and we walk together in silence while I desperately try to come up with something to say.
Anything.
Anything to try and make some kind of connection with my usually chatty sister. She’s always trying so hard to draw me out, but this week she’s said nothing.
When we reach the stairs, I step back to let her go first, and as I follow her up to the parking lot, I feel like I have to talk or scream.
“So, what’s Jace’s story?” The words pop out of my mouth, and I’m so glad Savannah isn’t facing me because my eyes are rounding big-time.
Why did I ask that? Why did I draw attention to Jace?
Will she be able to smell him on me? Figure out what I’ve just been doing with him?
I press my lips together and try to smooth out my expression.
She glances over her shoulder while weaving around a car. “Jace?”
I swallow and nod.
“Well, Griffin hasn’t really told me much.” The car beeps as she unlocks it. I slip into the passenger seat, my ears burning for more. “I know he’s from Virginia and moved here to live with the Swintons because his parents wanted to get him away from a bad influence or something.”
“A bad influence?”
“Yeah.” Savannah pulls out of the lot. “I think he was partying too hard and broke the law. Marshall and Denee don’t really want Griffin talking about it. They don’t want people to make judgments about Jace. He needs all the help he can get for a fresh start.”
“Wow.” I lean back in my seat, gazing ahead as I wonder again who called Jace and what made him cry.
The expression on his face broke my heart.
I wish I could help him.
I wish I could find the perfect words to make it all better.
31
All I Need
JACE
I can’t stop thinking about Lettie.
And feeling bad about that kiss.
I kept to myself on Saturday, spending most of the day in my room watching Netflix, reading, doing homework, and avoiding my inbox. I couldn’t bring myself to email Snap Dragon. I still can’t voice or confess anything about Hayes. It’s cut deep, and the wound is too tender to do anything with.
And then there’s Lettie.
I can’t tell Snap about Lettie. I’ve asked to meet her, and then I go off and kiss another girl?
Another girl who is already taken. Oh yeah, that little tidbit came back to me in the middle of the night, when I was tossing and turning over what a jerk I am. My eyes snapped open and I suddenly remembered about her secret boyfriend. It just made me feel a million times worse.
I don’t know who her guy is. Probably that dude from the beach. My upper lip curls with a jealousy I shouldn’t be feeling.
Whether it’s him or not, she said she had someone. And I had no right to kiss her.
Shit. I really am scum.
I acted just like my dad would, impulsively taking what I wanted.
I know she kissed me back, but she was probably just trying to make me feel better. I was a crying mess, and Lettie’s so sweet.
“Dammit,” I mutter, pulling on my sneakers.
I can’t spend all of Sunday in my room as well.
I have to get out before Denee forces me to. Yesterday afternoon she said I’d done enough moping and ended up giving me a list of chores. I won’t admit that mowing the lawn and weeding her garden were a great way to burn off some energy. I don’t want to get stuck cleaning a toilet or something.
I have to get out of here.
I have to do something.
The itch for danger scratches the back of my neck, but I punch the mattress, begging it to go away.
“Remember Hayes,” I murmur.
Poor Hayes, stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of his life.
I thought I was so cool with my roof hopping, my need for constant danger. But look where it got me. Cut off from my friends, banished to Ryder Bay. And my best friend, the best person I’ve ever known, pays the highest price for my inability to play it safe.
A knock on the door distracts me, and I glance up as Denee calls, “Can I come in?”
“Yep.” I stand, grabbing my wallet and shoving it into my back pocket.
“Going somewhere?” She smiles at me.
“Uh, yeah. I don’t know where, I just thought I’d…get out today.”
“Good. That’s great. Come have some breakfast first.” She tips her head toward the kitchen, and I reluctantly follow her.
My traitorous stomach grumbles the second I smell the bacon. Denee chuckles when she hears it, then piles my plate high with scrambled eggs, bacon and this green stuff. Probably more kale.
I make a face, but she just snickers. “It’s spinach and it’s good for you. Helps build those amazing muscles. Gotta keep those bad boys strong, am I right?”
A grin tugs at my lips, and I take the plate with a murmured, “Thanks.”
“Marshall’s already left for work.” Denee joins me with her cup of herbal tea. “He wanted to give Griffin and Aidan a day off, so he’s covering Ryder Rentals today.
You know, if you ever want to earn a little extra cash, I’m sure Marshall would be happy to give you a shift or two.”
I shrug, going for noncommittal. I probably should get a job, but I don’t know if I want to work for Marshall. Besides, the allowance Mom transfers into my bank account each week is enough to keep me happy.
“Maybe you could hang with Griff today. I don’t know what he’s up to, but if Aidan’s off as well, they’ll no doubt go surfing or something.”
As if on cue, Griffin opens the sliding door and steps into the house. “Morning.” He gives us a friendly smile, then yawns.
“You stayed up too late studying last night, didn’t you?” Denee shakes her head.
He gives her a sheepish grin. “I want to graduate online the same time Savvy does. She spent most of yesterday helping me, and I didn’t want her to have to study today, so I stayed up late to finish my assignment.” He rubs his eyes and yawns again.
“The judge is going to be so impressed with your work. I spoke to the social worker on Friday, telling her how great you’re doing.”
I glance at Griffin, wondering about his story. I know he broke the law as a kid and then ran away after juvie. I don’t know why he split, but Denee and Marshall are getting him back on track. I’m guessing he has no parents.
Looking into the kitchen, I watch Denee load up a plate for Griffin and can’t help loving her just a little. She doesn’t have any kids of her own, but she’s pretty damn good at taking in strays like me and Griff.
Her wink and smile as she takes a seat beside me make my lips twitch with affection. I shovel in a forkful of eggs and focus on chewing.
“So, I’m heading to Savvy’s today. Wanna come hang?” Griffin sprinkles salt on his eggs as my insides hitch at the information.
Savvy’s house.
Where Lettie will be.
I have to go.
I have to see her and apologize.
I’m not big on the whole “I’m sorry” thing, but I can’t leave things the way they are. Even if I decide never to see Lettie again, this whole thing will end up eating me alive. I treated her like crap. She deserves better, and as much as I hate apologies, I have to make this a good one.
“Um, yeah. I’ll come. Thanks.”
“Excellent.” Denee finishes her tea, jumping up like my acceptance is a triumph.
I share a quick look with Griffin. He just grins at me and keeps eating.
The second we pull into Lettie’s driveway, my nerves kick into overdrive. I nearly chicken out, pull my board from the back and take off.
But that won’t stop the guilt.
It’ll only make it worse.
Just get in there and say sorry. Then you can take off.
I slam the door shut, making Griffin frown at me. “Hey, watch it. She needs to be treated gently.” He affectionately rubs the hood of his beat-up truck and I roll my eyes, trailing him to the front door.
Savannah answers with a big grin, wrapping her arms around Griffin’s neck and planting a very good morning kiss on his lips.
I scratch the back of my neck and look away until she starts to giggle. Griffin laughs too, then kisses her forehead.
“Everyone’s already here. Come through to the family room.” She waves us inside.
“Actually, uh, can I…” I point to the stairs. “Can I talk to your sister for a minute?”
Savvy gives me a confused frown.
“I need to ask her a question.” Lies!
“Uh.” Savannah shares a quick look with Griffin, but he just shrugs. “I guess that’s okay, but I don’t think Dad will be too happy about you hanging out in her room.”
“I won’t go in, I’ll just talk to her at the door.”
“Cool.” Savvy nods and forces a smile. I can feel her eyes on me the whole way up the stairs, but when I glance back down, she’s shuffling into the family room with Griffin.
My heart starts to pound as I raise my fist and lightly tap on Lettie’s door.
“Who is it?” Her quiet voice has an irritated edge to it, and I nearly call out, “Never mind.”
But I have to get this done, so instead, I cross my arms and croak, “It’s Jace.”
A thick, foreboding silence follows my reveal, and I’m wondering if she’s ignoring me, or trying to climb out her window again, when the door opens.
Not just a crack.
She pulls the whole thing back and stares at me, her beautiful brown eyes taking me in. Her hair is mussed from obviously lying on her bed, and there’s a book still clutched in her hand. I read the title and picture her curled up and escaping to a world of adventure and romance. At least that’s what the cover seems to indicate.
The thought makes me smile.
She blushes and looks down, combing her fingers through her hair to tidy it up.
I kind of wish she’d leave it. Messy or not, her hair always looks great.
She always looks great.
And I should totally not be looking.
I’m here to apologize. To do one thing right with my life.
I clear my throat and look down at my feet, which I can’t seem to keep still. “So, uh…”
“What are you doing here, Jace?” Her quiet question comes out the same time as my mumbled start, and we both let out jittery laughs before going quiet again.
Shoving my hands in my pockets, I scuff the floor with the toe of my sneaker. “About the other day. I’m… I’m sorry.”
I glance up to check her expression, and for a second I think she’s gonna cry. Shit, I hurt her worse than I thought. My kiss probably scared the crap out of her.
I made her cheat.
I’m an asshole.
I wince and scramble for a better apology. “I mean, I shouldn’t have used you like that. I was upset and you were being so nice to me and I just…” I shrug and cringe, wishing I had better words to say. I can feel myself getting flustered and I’m not used to it. “I just… Um. I mean, wow, you know, the kiss was great. Really great.” I can’t help a smile as I relive the taste of her, the feel of her.
Which I have no right to do!
Clenching my jaw, I pull in a sharp breath and wrap up my terrible apology speech. “But I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. I shouldn’t have kissed you, and I’m sorry.”
She bobs her head and swallows, her hand gripping the door as she puts on what feels like a brave smile. “It’s okay,” she whispers.
I give her a skeptical frown.
“Really. It’s fine. The kiss was great, so…” Her lips purse to the side, her cheeks tinging red.
“Was it your first?” I shouldn’t ask. I don’t really want to know. It’ll only make me feel worse.
She nods.
“I didn’t even ask your permission. That’s… that’s really bad. I was so disrespectful and—”
“Jace, it’s fine. Please stop apologizing. You’re forgiven, okay?” She lets out a huff and then crosses her arms, her voice softening. “Are you better now? Do you need to talk about anything?”
The question makes my chest constrict and I shake my head. I can’t think about Hayes right now. I can’t talk about it. I can’t even tell Snap. How the hell could I possibly tell Lettie?
She looks sad, tipping her head to study me. “I’m sorry you were so upset. I really wanted to make it better for you.”
Without thinking, I reach forward and brush my fingers down her cheek. “You did.”
Her lips pull into a soft smile, and I realize I’m doing it again. I’m crossing lines that shouldn’t be crossed.
With a thick swallow, I force my hand back into my pocket. “I’m okay. Really. I’ll just… Some bad news that I can’t talk about. But I’ll deal with it.”
“I’m here if you need me.” Her soft, sweet voice, that look in her eyes, it’s turning my insides to goop. She’s just like Snap. Sweet and good, right through to her core.
Scrubbing a hand over my short hair, I cringe. “I just… I hope I haven’
t messed anything up with this guy you like.”
The guy who deserves you way more than I do.
“Oh.” She purses her lips and shakes her head. “I’m not going to tell him. It was just a kiss, right?”
The words burn for reasons I can’t understand, and I glance away from her, muttering, “Yeah. Yeah, right. Of course that’s all it was.”
“And besides.” She sighs. “I don’t know if he’s into me anymore. We’re not…talking…as much as we used to.”
“What?” I frown. “He’d be crazy not to like you.” I wink, trying to hide how much I mean it.
She smiles, her blush adorable. Curling my fingers inside my pockets, I resist the urge to reach out and touch her cheek again.
“Just talk to him.” I force the words out of me, wanting to do this for her. Wanting to give her every good thing I can. “Tell him you miss him and see what he says. If he’s not missing you too, then he’s a dick and he’s not worth it.”
She giggles. “Yeah. I guess.” Her head bobs up and down. “I mean, that’s good advice. You’re right. I just need to talk to him. Be honest. Get things back on track, right?”
“Yeah.”
We smile at each other, and all I want to do right now is go home and email Snap.
Get things back on track with us.
“Thanks, Jace.” I take a mental snapshot of Lettie’s sweet face to store away for later.
I need to focus back on Snap—the one good thing in my life that I can’t screw up.
Maybe it’s better if I never meet her face-to-face. I can’t ruin it that way.
We’ve got our words and that’s enough.
She’d be proud of me today. Doing the right thing and apologizing to Lettie.
As I walk down the stairs, I can’t help but feel really good. The weight of how I used that sweet girl has been forgiven. I’ll leave her alone now, and she can be with that guy and I can have Snap.
That’s enough.
She’s all I need.
32
I Miss You
LETTIE
I watch Jace walk down the stairs, then close the door and go straight to my computer.