“Where did you two meet?” Elle asks.
I blink once, then twice at them. “I was sort of lost...” I start to say, and Becca raises her eyebrows, almost comically. “In the States, I mean. I’m from here originally, but we moved to Russia when I was young. I bumped into Kane and he helped me find my footing here.” I make up a bullshit answer.
“Oh! So that’s where that hint of an accent comes from!” Elle says.
“Accent?” Becca looks at Elle like she just said something truly perverted.
“I think I may have a tiny accent on some words. But I was older when we moved,” I answer.
Elle starts to ask the obvious question. And I can practically see the wheels turning in her head as her mouth slams shut. I wonder how much she knows. How quickly she’ll be able to put two and two together.
“I have to say, you two are an adorable couple. I’m so happy we finally got a chance to meet you,” Becca says, and Elle nods in agreement.
I feel a slight smile pull at my lips and say thank you, but my chest hurts.
How did they meet? At a bar and through work. Like normal people.
“I have to pee. Again,” Elle says, holding her swollen belly and it’s funny, but I don’t laugh.
“Do you have to go, too?” Becca asks.
I do. But I’d rather not right now.
“No, you two go ahead. I’ll wait right here for you.” I smile back at them.
“Are you sure?” Becca asks.
“Of course, I’ll keep an eye out for the dessert tray for us.” I force out a happy tone. But I’m feeling more insecure than ever.
“You’re so sweet,” Elle answers, and turns to her right as someone calls out her name. She leans closer to me with a smile and says, “We’ll be right back to talk more.” She squeals at the end and it forces a smile from me.
But it’s forced nonetheless.
Everyone keeps calling me a sweet girl. Kane thinks I’m a good girl, but I’m not. None of them know me. Not the real me.
I’m not like these women. They’re strong, and obviously in love with their men. But they’re also normal. They aren’t ruined and broken beyond repair. My eyes fall, and I reach for the tall glass of champagne in front of me and put it to my lips. I taste the smallest bit on my tongue, but nausea keeps me from taking more into my mouth.
And they may already know who I am. What I’ve been through. They could be talking about it in hushed whispers in the bathroom right now.
Everyone at the wedding may know. They’ve been sweet to my face, but behind my back, what are they saying?
I’m sick of who I am. I’m sick of hiding it. I’ll never be okay. I’ll never heal. My eyes search the room and I find Kane by the bar. Talking and laughing. It’s genuine, not forced like me.
He deserves so much more.
Shame and guilt consume me.
He’s done so much for me; how can I treat him like this? All I do is lie to him and pretend to be someone I’m not. I can’t keep doing this. I set the glass down and lift the white linen napkin off my lap. As I place it on the table, I see the knife.
I casually slip the knife into my clutch and stand up.
No one will notice me leaving.
My heart clenches at the thought of Kane finding out. But it’ll be better this way. He deserves so much more than me. I’m so fucking selfish. I’ll keep lying to keep him. It’s wrong. I’m ruined and broken.
I’m not his good girl.
Kane
Where the hell is Ava going? I watch as a sliver of her dress vanishes behind the door. It closes slowly and I give it a moment before opening it as quietly as possible so she doesn’t hear me sneaking up on her.
I can’t imagine what she’s up to. She’s not from around here, so I don’t think she’d be doing anything but taking a look around. Still, it’s not wise. She should know that. You don’t go snooping around on mafia territory. It’s just not smart. I hear her heels clicking down the hall as I walk slowly to the corner. And then the noise is gone, replaced by the patter of her feet smacking against the tiled floor.
Maybe her feet are hurting her and she just needs some fresh air? My forehead wrinkles in confusion. She has to know I’d give them a little rubdown for her. I clench my jaw as I turn the corner. Something twists in my gut. This is off. Something’s just not right.
Ava’s my good girl. She never leaves to go anywhere without telling me. I clench my fists as I hear the large doors to the back entrance of the hall open with a soft creak. As my pace picks up, so does my heartbeat.
Adrenaline races through my blood. I catch the door just before it closes shut and open it as silently as I can. I peek out and see her walking into the edge of a line of trees to the left. I clench and unclench my hands. I want to pretend she’s going to be happy to see me when I get to her, but I’m not fucking stupid. That’s not going to happen.
Ava wouldn’t have gone off by herself like this if everything was okay.
I just need to find out what the fuck is going on.
I take a look to my left and then look to my right. No one’s out here. The night’s dark except for the light from the full moon. The air is crisp and feels cool against my skin. I can faintly hear her steps and the crunching of leaves and branches under her feet just beneath the sounds of the night. The crickets are loud as fuck.
I walk quickly and decide I don’t give a shit if she hears me as I enter the woods. I’m not gonna tiptoe through the trees to find out what my baby’s doing. As a branch cracks beneath my heavy steps, I catch a glimpse of Ava.
I see her silver dress sparkle with the barest hint of moonlight. I see her raise her wrist. Then I see a bright light. A reflection, just above her wrist. I don’t stop as my forehead creases in confusion. It doesn’t register as I speed up my pace to get to her.
Not until her eyes catch sight of me, which is the same moment that I snatch her wrist and yank it away. Her eyes widen and fill with fear. Her other arm lowers to her side and something drops to the ground with a loud thud. Her face pales and her eyes look at the ground.
My breath catches in my throat as I pull her body closer to me. She trembles in my embrace.
No. The reality hits me slowly.
No. This isn’t real. It can’t be.
“Ava?” She’s not looking at me. Her shoulders rise and fall as she takes in a ragged breath. “Baby, what are you doing?” Even as I ask the question though, I know. There’s a serrated knife on the ground by her feet. My heart twists in my chest with agony.
No. I close my eyes and brace myself against the tree next to her. My head feels light and dizzy. She was going to slit her wrist.
“Tell me this isn’t what it looks like,” I say with my eyes closed. I’m answered with silence. My chest hollows and my heart refuses to beat. My lungs refuse to fill.
“Why?” I ask, as I open my eyes and see her looking back at me with regret. “Why would you do--?” My voice cracks and my throat goes dry. I can’t finish it. The thought is just too fucked up. Why would she do that to herself?
She shakes her head and opens her mouth, but no words come out. I grip her shoulders in my hands and rest my forehead against hers.
This isn’t real. I keep my eyes closed, waiting for something. For anything to happen that wakes me from this horrific shit.
I love her. I would give her anything.
I thought she was happy.
I thought she loved me, too.
“I’m sorry.” Her breath hitches and her arms wrap around me.
Her touch is all I need. I wrap my arms around her and pull her close to me. I kiss her hair, her forehead. I cup her jaw in my hand and tilt her head so I can push my lips against hers. I need to feel her. I need to know she’s still with me.
At first there’s passion, but then she pulls back.
No. No. I can’t let her. She needs me.
Don’t pull away from me, Ava.
Her lips leave mine as her body moves away, and I’m gree
ted by the chill of the night.
“I’m sorry, Kane,” she says as she wraps her arms around her shoulders. I quickly rip off my jacket and wrap it around her slender frame. At first she resists, but she caves. She always caves to me.
“This is my fault, but I’ll fix this, Ava. I can make it better. Whatever it is.” I grip onto her hips under my jacket that’s draped over her shoulders. I pull her toward me and whisper, “I can fix this.” I can, and I will. Whatever happened, whatever triggered this...I’ll make it better.
Her eyes turn sad and I see the answer on her face, before she starts shaking her head.
“I’m too broken. No one can fix me.”
“Just tell me what’s wrong. What happened?”
“Nothing. I’m just not normal anymore; I’ll never be normal again.” I don’t understand. Where is my Ava? This isn’t her.
“Fuck, normal? Who fucking cares about normal?” I try to blow it off, like there’s nothing to this. But she’s not okay. I can help her though.
“I’m not okay, Kane. I’m happy I killed them!” she yells out, and I find myself covering her mouth and holding her close to me. You never fucking know who’s listening to this shit. This is a public place, and the fucking cops know it’s a family wedding.
“Shh. Don’t say that shit, Ava,” I whisper in her ear, and she starts fighting my hold on her. I fucking hate it. I hate her fighting me. She never has before. Not once. She struggles in my arms, and it fucking destroys me.
I let her go to try to calm her down. I’m not helping this situation. And I fucking need to figure it out fast.
“I’m not the woman you think I am, Kane,” she finally says in a calmer voice than I expected. It’s a voice with resolve. I shake my head as as an uneasy feeling settles in my gut.
She tried to kill herself to get away from me.
“I thought you wanted to be with me,” I say. I know she did. I gave her a chance to go. She said this was real for her, too.
“You’ll never love me.” She whispers her words.
I shake my head and hold onto her hips, forcing her closer to me. “I love you, Ava.” I search her eyes for a reaction, but there’s nothing. “Is that what you need to hear, baby? I love you so fucking much. I’m so damn proud to have you as my girl. I’ll make you my wife.” Tears prick at my eyes. I almost bought a ring to go with those earrings. The only thing holding me back was I wasn’t sure what design she would have liked. I’m so fucking ready to have it all with her.
But I can see it in her face that she’s leaving me.
Her mind is already made up.
“I can’t be with you. If you love me, you’ll let me go.” My heart sinks in my chest as I watch tears stream down her face. “I can’t be with anyone right now.” She heaves in a breath and wipes her eyes, smearing her mascara. Her tear-stained cheeks and wide, glassy eyes only make her more beautiful. Everything in me pushes me to comfort her. I know she needs me. If only she’d let me help her.
I take a step forward to pull her into my arms and calm her down. She’s just worked up over something. This is all a mistake.
But she steps back.
She pulls out of my arms.
I stare at her with disbelief as she wipes away her tears and bends down to pick up her clutch.
“I’m sorry, Kane,” she whispers, and then sobs into her hands.
She’s leaving me.
She doesn’t love me. It doesn’t stop me from pulling her into my arms and rocking her. I try my best to soothe her. This time she lets me, but I know as soon as I let go, she’s not going to be mine anymore.
Kane
It’s fucking silent in the car. Vince is next to me and he doesn’t like what I’m asking him to do. He’s either going to help me, or I’m doing it on my own.
“What do you mean, ‘for her’?” he asks with what seems like disbelief. I haven’t told anyone. Last night I made her stay with me. No fucking way was I going to let her go in the state she was in. I took off with her and didn’t leave her alone till just now. No one else knows and I want to keep it that way, but I know it’s going to get out.
“I mean, I need you to set her up with a place and a job.”
“You have a place.” He looks at me dumbfounded.
“I mean for her. Without me.” It fucking kills me to say the words. My heart hardens and my eyes narrow. I speak clearly and look him dead in the eyes. “I need eyes on her, Vince. She needs space, but that’s all she’s getting.”
“She’s leaving you?” he asks, and I want to knock him the fuck out. She thinks she’s leaving me. And I’ll let her think that until she’s feeling better.
Doubt creeps in on me. I’m the one who made her kill Felipe. I brought her to that massacre. Even worse. My stomach churns with sickness. I took advantage of her. I never should’ve touched her when she was so vulnerable.
I’d take it all back if I could. I fucking wish I could.
I don’t answer his question. I refuse to believe she’s really leaving me. “I need cameras in there, Vince.”
“Are you out of your fucking mind?” Vince asks, with his anger coming right through. I know I need to tell him, but I don’t fucking want to. I don’t want him to think less of her. She just needs time to heal. I thought she was, though. What kind of asshole am I that I didn't know?
I’ll do everything I can to make it right. Starting with her getting her freedom back. Freedom away from me. I fucking pray she comes back to me. She just needs a little time.
“She’s not alright, Vince.” I run my hand through my hair and look up at our apartment. Fuck. She loves that apartment. I told her I’d go, and she could keep it. My heart feels like it’s breaking in two. She said she couldn’t stay there though, not with all the memories of the two of us together. She wants to erase me. She wants to forget it all. Including me and what we had together.
I push my bitch emotions down and give my full attention to Vince. “She’s not alright, she just needs some time to heal. She tried to hurt herself. I can’t let her go without knowing she’s okay.”
“What happened that set her off?” he asks, and I wish I had something with weight to tell him.
“Nothing.” I shake my head and I fucking hate the answer. “She said she’d just occasionally remember things and it hurt her. She said she wants to deal with it, and that I can’t be a part of it.” My bitch emotions come back as I remember her telling me I deserve better. Better than her? No fucking way. She’s it for me.
I’m a lucky bastard to have her. I’m not letting her go. I’d be a dumb fuck to do that. I’d be reckless to let her have space without watching her, too. I’m worried she’s going to hurt herself. I can’t let that happen.
“So you want eyes in the apartment?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I say, as I take another look up to our apartment. She’s sleeping now. My poor girl cried all night in my arms. I kept begging her for another chance or to think of another way that we could still stay together. It just made her cry harder.
The sick feeling in my stomach is the same one I had when I took out everyone I ever knew as family. It’s not a feeling of revenge, it’s a feeling of being utterly alone.
I remember thinking, it’ll be alright, when Vino set me up. I was wrong. It was a mistake. Vino was my best friend. We grew up together. We were so close, we were practically brothers. But he didn’t tell me to run, didn’t give me a heads-up. He’s the one who told me that my father and I were needed for the drop. I had this twisting hollowness in the pit of my gut that it was wrong. That everything was wrong, and it was going to end badly. But I ignored it. I couldn’t imagine Vino would set me up.
But he did.
And everything changed for the worse that day.
He was the first one I killed. I went straight to his house. He was there with his girl. He tried to play it off for her, like we needed bro time, but he knew what was going to happen before he even saw the gun I had pointed at him in my
jacket.
I couldn’t look her in the face as she left. He didn’t even kiss her goodbye. I know he loved her, so maybe he thought it was better that way. If the last time she saw him he was a dick, maybe it’d be easier for her to get over him.
I kept waiting for him to reach for a gun, to plead for his life, or to at least deny everything. But when he shut the door and turned to me, he just shook his head and said he was sorry.
It fucking sucked pulling the trigger on him. The others, not so much. They didn’t see it coming. They didn’t even know I was still alive. It didn’t feel like much of anything for them. But for Vino, it felt like the end.
And that’s how it feels right now for us. But I won’t let it be the end.
I can fix this. I can give her what she needs to get better.
“I know she needs this. She’s got to have a little time to deal with what she’s been through.”
“She needs more than just a new place to live, Kane.” Vince tilts his head and cocks his brow. I know that, really I do. With all the shit she’s been through--it’s a miracle she made it out as well as she did. I should’ve known something was off. I fucking hate myself for not realizing how hurt she was.
“I know that. That’s why I want you to get her a job. She needs a normal routine.” I pause before adding, “I got her the psychiatrist too. Anthony told me to call Mae.” I had to get someone who knows what’s what and is trusted. She’s the familia shrink according to Anthony. I think it’s the only thing that will help and she was really receptive to it. I already scheduled an appointment for today. I told her I’d take her, but she didn’t want that. She wants to go by herself.
“What if,” Vince pauses, “What if when she’s better, she doesn’t wanna stay?”
I know what he’s really asking is: if once she’s better and she doesn’t want me, how am I going to react. What am I going to do once she comes to her senses and realizes she’s the one who deserves better?
“I don’t want to think about that, Vince,” I tell him simply.
“It’s a possibility, Kane. I like you and all. And I like her, so I’m going to do what I can to help. But when she’s doing better, if she wants out, I’m out.”
Those Boys Are Trouble: Valetti Crime Family Box Set Page 46