Tommy
I know when I let go, I’ll never hold her again. She’s lying still in my arms, thinking the same, I’m sure.
So I don’t move. I pretend there’s no reason for her to leave my embrace. That there’s nothing waiting for either of us beyond these walls.
But I’m weak. I’m the weaker of the two of us, because she’s the first to speak.
“Thank you,” she murmurs without looking at me. She’s thanking me, like I did her a favor. Like she didn’t feel that. She didn’t feel the same emotions I felt between us. I rest my head just above hers on the pillow.
“Don’t thank me. Don’t degrade what just happened like that.” The words come out harsher than I intended.
Her shoulders turn inward like she’s cowering from my hard words. I wanna tell her I love her. But it’ll only make it harder. After a minute, she molds her body against me again and relaxes in my embrace. I kiss her hair, and just as I lose my resolve and decide I should risk it all and tell her, I hear my front door open.
My blood turns to ice. I move quickly to get to the other side of Tonya, to block her from whoever just came into my place uninvited. A million possibilities race through my mind. It could be the cops coming to get me for something, a rival prick trying to prove he’s tougher than me. For all I know, I could be on someone’s hit list. I open my drawer for my gun. But then I hear Anthony’s voice as he calls out, “Tommy! Where are you, bro?” My heart only races faster as I look between Tonya and the closed bedroom door.
“Wait here,” I whisper to Tonya as she stares at the closed door with fear.
“Coming!” I yell out to him before leaning down and kissing her.
“Yo! We gotta talk!” I hear Anthony yell, and I resist the urge to hold her longer and finally back away.
I grab my pants and shove them on as quick as I can. I can't let him back here. I can't let him see her.
By the time I get to my living room, I’m pissed and aggravated. And worried. I breathe out slowly as I see Anthony going through the liquor cabinet. He turns to face me with two glasses in one hand, and a bottle of scotch in the other.
“What’s wrong? You’re all good now. Why the fuck do you look like that?” Anthony’s pissing me off, but it’s not his fault. I gotta calm down, but I can’t. My heart’s banging in my chest with the fear that shit’s about to get real.
“I’m fine. What’s up?” I ask him flatly.
“You don’t look fine,” he says.
I exhale heavily and think of a way to get him out of here.
“We gotta talk about Judge Steckel. He wants his--”
I’m quick to cut him off. I know she can hear, and this shit cannot fucking happen right now. “Not now, I can’t talk now.”
He looks at me like I’m fucked in the head. And he’s right, too, 'cause I am fucked.
“You can’t talk to me?” he asks.
“Not at the moment.” His eyes fly to the bedroom.
He looks confused for a moment, and then it hits him. “Are you serious, she’s back there?” His arms lower and he almost drops everything in his hands. “You've gotta be fucking kidding me.”
Tonya must’ve heard him because she comes out, pulling her shirt down and looking all sorts of pissed and upset.
“You’re a fucking idiot, Tommy.” Anthony sneers his words and moves to the other side of the room while she walks to the door. He intentionally turns his back to her, snubbing her, and it’s the last straw.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? Don’t treat her like that!” I grab his shoulder and turn him around to face me while Tonya walks past us.
“Like what? Like a cop?” He raises his voice with disgust as I hear the door open.
“You’re a fucking prick.” I turn away from him. I have nothing to say, and I need to get to Tonya before she leaves.
“Me?!” he yells with disbelief. He grabs my arm to stop me from going to her and I turn around and swing. I don’t hold back and hit him square in the jaw.
His back hits the wall and leaves a dent in the drywall from his right shoulder and head. He winces from the pain and cradles his chin. I feel regret for only a second. But he crossed the line.
He looks up at me with raw anger in his eyes. He spits blood onto my floor and rights himself. I face him, waiting for his response, waiting for something.
He flexes his jaw and avoids eye contact. “I have to tell him,” he finally says with a hard look. His eyes flash with pity, anger, and betrayal.
“You know I’m not saying shit to her.” My heart beats wildly in my chest.
“I can’t fucking believe this, Tommy. What have you done?” His voice cracks on the last word.
“I just wanted her.” That's all this is. We just wanted each other. We fit together in some crazy, fucked up way.
“You wanna get laid, you go to the strip joint.” He looks at me with a pained expression. “You had to settle on a cop?”
“It didn’t happen like that.” He doesn't understand.
“Fuck, Tommy.” He leans back against the wall as I look to the door.
“I have to go get her,” I tell him, feeling like I’m stabbing him in the back.
“How could you even think it’s gonna be alright?” he asks.
“It’s not, I know it’s not. It’s over, she just needed me.”
He snorts a laugh as he sarcastically says, “Yeah, I’m sure she needed you.”
“One warning, Anthony.” I walk toward him and hold his stare. “Don’t talk about her like that.”
He holds my gaze for a moment, neither one of us backing down. And then I break it and grab my keys.
“Tommy, just think about what you’re doing,” he calls out after me.
I look back at him over my shoulder, with my hand on the doorknob.
I’m betraying the familia. I’m risking everything. But I can’t let it end like this.
* * *
I hit the gas pedal on the way to her place. She got a head start, but I wanna get there before she has a chance to think too much. If Anthony hadn’t barged in there, I don’t know what would’ve happened, but something was happening. I know we need to end this. But I don’t want to hurt her. She said she needed me, and I owe it to her to at least make sure she’s okay.
As I pull in front of her place, I see her car and she’s sitting in it, with her head down. Her hands are covering her face, and her shoulders are shaking. She’s crying. The realization makes my heart sink.
I pull in a few cars down and quickly make my way to her as she opens her door. She stands up and goes still when she sees me. Her face is red, and her eyes are swollen. I don’t waste any time pulling her into my chest and hugging her. At first she’s tense and stiff in my arms, but I know she’ll relax. What we have between us is fucked up, but I know I make her feel good. Just like she does for me.
She molds to me and I don't hold back, leaving little kisses on her cheek and neck and shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her. I don’t know what else to say.
She shakes her head and sadly says, “Don’t be.” She wipes under her eyes and pulls away from me. “You were right to end it. This shouldn’t be happening. I shouldn’t have come to you.”
She pushes away slightly, and I almost let her, but instead I tighten my grip on her.
“One more night, Tonya. Just one night more.”
She stares at me with longing in her eyes before saying, “When I wake up, Tommy, you can’t be there.” The finality is evident in her voice. Her hand cups my chin, and her eyes water. I nod my head and kiss the palm of her hand and lean into her touch. It hurts like a bitch, but I answer her, “I know. I’ll be gone.”
Tommy
I don’t know what to expect as I walk up to Aunt Linda’s. I know Vince knows. Anthony called to apologize and told me he wouldn’t say shit. But I told him to. If anything happens, I don’t want the familia thinking Anthony knew something, but didn’t say anything. I kno
w fucking around with Tonya wasn’t smart. I’m going to have to take the consequences. I just don’t know what they'll be.
I grip the doorknob and push the door open. The normal sounds of Sunday dinner fill the air. Gino and Jax are running around the living room making screeching tire noises. The women are in there chatting away and bouncing the kids on their knees like the shrill noise is normal.
I'm already starting to get a headache. I walk past them giving a short wave and head to the right, to the dining room. Most of the family is already here. Looks like I’m the last to arrive. Uncle Dante sees me and smiles. The guys carry on with their conversation. Everything seems normal. It’s not quite what I expected. I anticipated Vince laying a punch on me the second he saw me, but instead he keeps talking and gives me a nod to let me know he’s there.
“Tommy!” Aunt Linda comes up behind me and gives me a hug even though she’s got an oven mitt on one of her hands. She plants a kiss on my cheek and says, “You got here just in time. Dinner's almost ready.”
I chuckle at her as she keeps on moving to the kitchen, “Dinner's always almost ready,” I tease.
She smiles over her shoulder, but keeps moving. I take a seat at the table and listen in as Dom rattles off some numbers and argues with Joey about a college football game. If I had to guess, I’d bet Joey made a dumb bet. And judging by Dom’s smile, that bet was with him.
“Anthony.” Vince calls out my name, but so quietly, only I hear him. The rest of the conversation carries on around us as I look at him down the table.
“Yeah?” I ask.
“Help me with something outside real quick. I gotta carry this painting shit to the car for Elle.” I stand up and follow him out. No one seems to notice.
My heart beats a little faster as we walk out front. This is it. I take a deep breath. I went against orders. I fucked around with a cop. Shit could get real ugly, and I’d fucking deserve it.
“Anthony told me what was going on,” Vince says as we stand out on the porch.
“Yeah, I know.”
“How long?” he asks.
“Not long. It’s only been a few times.”
“A few times is a few times too many.” He lowers his voice and he leans into me as he says, “You lied to my face.”
“I didn’t.” I shake my head. “I never lied to you.” I would’ve told him if he’d asked. “Things got carried away.” He steps back with a real pissed-off expression, and I put my hands up in surrender.
“I fucked up. I know that, Vince. It wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“A cop though, Tommy, what the fuck? I told you to stay away.” The anger he's feeling at me comes out in his voice.
“I know. I--” He cuts me off before I can finish.
“You can fuck any broad you want, Tommy. You got ‘em hanging all over your dick at the club. Why would you settle for a fucking cop? One I told you I wanted you to stay the fuck away from.”
I look away, not liking how he’s talking to me. I also don’t like the way he’s talking about Tonya. Like her being a cop is such a bad thing. She’s good at keeping her mouth shut. She trusts me. It could’ve worked. Even though we’re done with, I find myself defending her. “We have judges in our back pocket. Why not a cop?”
“She could never be with you if we had her on our payroll. It doesn’t work like that. Red fucking flags everywhere, Tommy. The whole point is for us to stay far away from those people. So there’s no goddamn connection.”
“I’m sorry, Vince. She didn’t get anything from me,” I tell him.
“She could’ve though. You let a cop get close to you. That looks real fucking bad.”
“It doesn’t matter, Vince. It’s over.”
“You're damn right it’s over. I have no fucking clue what to do with you.” He runs his hands through his hair and starts pacing. “If you were anyone else, you’d be dead. You know that?”
His bold statement makes the air leave my lungs. I do know. I knew it was stupid, and it was risky. But he’s gotta know I’d never say shit.
“And thank fuck it was your brother who saw. If it was someone else...If anyone else knew?” He shakes his head but his eyes aren’t angry anymore. Now he just looks sad as fuck. “Don’t you fucking put me in that position.”
“I won’t. It’s over.” I say the words with a defeated tone. Any thought of going back to her is gone. If they’d kill me, I know they’d get rid of her, too. I can’t risk that.
“It’s over, over. It’s completely done with?” he asks.
“Yeah, it never should’ve happened.” My heart twists in my chest as I say the words. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and pats my back.
“Thank fuck, Tommy.” He walks us back inside and we stand in the foyer. Aunt Linda is setting dishes down on the table and Elle’s strapping Angelo into his high chair.
Vince lowers his voice and reminds me, “No one can know about this. You know that, right?”
“Of course I know.” I nod my head as I watch the scene in front of me unfold as though I’m not even there.
I watch in a daze as Elle sings in an upbeat voice to Angelo. “Sitting in my high chair, my chair, high chair. Sitting in my high chair, banging my spoon!” She bangs on the tray in rhythm to the words, and the little one squeals with joy.
Vince is saying something, but all I can hear is Elle. The happiness in her voice, the love in her words. I want Tonya to have that. She deserves that. I could give it to her. I should go to her and beg for her to take me back. I’d give her the world. I’d change for her. I swear I would.
She asked me for one thing, and I never even gave it to her. All this time I could’ve told her. I should’ve told her that Petrov’s dead. But I didn’t.
“Jesus, Tommy! Are you even listening to me?” Vince’s voice snaps me out of it and I turn to look at him. I feel all choked up like a little bitch.
“You gotta get your shit together,” he says.
“Yeah, I know, boss.”
“I’m talking to you as family, Tommy. What the fuck is wrong with you? You should be happy. The charges were dropped. You’re a free man, but you look like death.”
I shake my head, not knowing how to tell him. I look back at my cousin and know that I can’t. You don’t leave the familia. Well, there’s one way to leave.
I turn my head back to Elle as Vince leaves me with a pissed-off sigh.
“Bring on the carrots, bring on the peas,” she lowers her voice, “Somebody feed this baby, please.”
Both she and her baby laugh. My eyes drop to the floor.
I don’t deserve Tonya. I won’t ever be able to give her that. I'm only going to bring her more pain or worse...
Tonya
I feel like hell, I look like hell; I’m fucking living in hell. I’m in a meeting with half a dozen cops going over the portfolio of several suspects in the investigation. There have been three reports of missing women in the upper east side suburb over the last two months, all fitting the same description.
I can’t even look at their pictures. Melissa was a tall blonde with dark brown eyes. These women look nothing like her. Yet I only see her face. She’s staring back at me. And I can’t face her. I have nothing. I’ve come this far, for nothing.
“I wish we’d known when the other women were abducted.” For some reason I blurt out the words, and Harrison pauses his presentation.
“Which women?” Jerry asks from my left. “All their data is in the portfolio.”
I shake my head. “The twelve. Petrov’s dozen.” That’s what they named them at the station. It’s what the media used when they released the story. I hate it. I hate the name. Each woman was her own person, with her own name. But that’s how they’re referred to here. And I’ve been trying the 'fake it till you make it' approach. So I’ll do what’s expected and call them that. But I hate it.
“What do you mean? We knew,” Carl answers from across the table. He’s an officer like me, with a few years of exper
ience under his belt. But a nice guy in general. He’s got a wife and two kids. One’s in middle school and the other is in kindergarten. I stare at him blankly, thinking I must’ve heard wrong. We didn’t know Petrov’s men had them. We had eyes on two locations. We were waiting for him to be seen so we could arrest him. We had enough against the other men, three were wanted in multiple countries. We left them as bait for Petrov. But we didn’t know about the women until the day we found them.
“You were a bit wet behind the ears, so you weren’t in on that intel, but we had eyes on a Felipe Barros.”
Harrison continues for Carl, and I look between the two of them with a mixture of disbelief, hate, and disgust. “It was important that we waited until Petrov was spotted so that we could link him to the abductions.”
“You knew where the women were located?” I ask in a voice I don’t recognize. It’s almost like I’m watching the scene, rather than participating.
Jerry puts his hand on my forearm in an attempt to placate me, but I pull away and stare at him. “We felt it was best since you were new on the case to keep you in the dark on some aspects. We were planning on telling you, but everything just happened so fast.”
They knew. I look around the table and everyone’s eyes are on me.
“You all knew?”
“Not about all of them. We had reason to believe that three of the women were being held at their headquarters,” Harrison says.
“But you didn’t go in?” I look at him with confusion.
“We couldn’t risk the operation,” Harrison responds simply.
“But we could’ve saved them.”
“We did.” Harrison speaks up and I find myself biting my tongue. We didn’t save anyone.
“What about Georgia Stevens?” I ask them with a dull voice.
“Which one is that?” Carl asks. My eyes bore into his skull.
“She was the victim in Abram’s car,” Jerry answers to my left. I clench my teeth and feel the tears prick at my eyes, waiting for an answer that doesn’t come.
Those Boys Are Trouble: Valetti Crime Family Box Set Page 59