by Livia Grant
That was when Crystal was there, when she wasn’t, sleep always seemed to want to evade her; sometimes for hours. This was one of those nights. With thoughts of Crystal’s soft skin against her own naked bottom, her hand snaked between her legs, flicking her clit to coax it out of its hood. In her head, Crystal’s arms were around her and she was playing with her breasts from behind; pinching her nipples and rolling them between her fingers. She was kissing her neck, nipping a trail along her shoulder. Her fingers worked faster, rolling her now swollen pearl around as she savored the first tingles of pleasure.
Oh she wished that Crystal were really there. Her fingers kept moving, circling her clit and slipping in and out of her wet tunnel. She could have cried in desperation, she wanted release so badly. Finally it hit, tipping her over the edge. It wasn’t mind-blowing or earth-shattering, but it was a relief and she was able to find sleep.
* * * * *
“Where do we go from here? That’s the question,” Jen said the next day as they sat in Sienna’s kitchen this time, sipping their coffee.
“Jonathon thinks I’m wrong to do this without Crystal knowing,” Carol said.
“What do you think?” Jen asked.
“Do you really feel like you’re doing the wrong thing?” Sienna asked. “I mean, you did give Crystal the chance to plan with you.”
“It’s Carol’s decision,” Erin said. “We shouldn’t pressure her.”
All eyes were on her. Carol grinned. “Can’t hurt to just check out the next step in the process can it? I mean, I’m not going to do anything about it, just look.”
“Yay!” Sienna yelled.
“Okay then,” Jen said.
“This will be our next big project,” Sienna said, cracking open her laptop. “Where do we start?”
“Sperm banks in the greater Colorado area,” Erin said. “I guess. I have my tablet. I’ll look too.”
“Oh hang on, look at this site. ‘Options for lesbians who want to have a baby.’ That’s you,” Sienna blurted.
“Oh my, is that what I am?” Carol asked sarcastically. “I always wondered why I didn’t like boys.”
“You know what I mean.” Sienna giggled. She clicked on the site that argued the points for and against sperm banks or a known person as a donor. The second not being an available option, they went straight to the pluses of sperm banks.
“Well it’s healthier at a sperm bank, that’s one thing. They seem to take a lot of care to make sure the sperm you’re getting is free from any diseases.”
“And it’s anonymous,” Erin said.
“They test for inheritable diseases.”
“And physical characteristics. You can choose what you want the donor to look like,” Sienna said. “Amongst other things.”
“Can we look at an actual sperm bank site?” Carol said. “I mean, that’s good and all but it’s just someone’s opinion. I want to see what an actual place that does this has to say.”
“Of course we can,” Sienna said. “How far from home do you want to go?”
“Denver maybe?”
“Ooh, ooh, ooh,” Erin said. “Look at this. You can pick hair color, eye color, race right on the first page.”
“You don’t have to pay anything?” Carol asked.
“Not to inquire at least,” Erin said. “Oh no, hang on. No, it’s not. Sixty-five dollars per view or more for a three-month access.”
“They ship worldwide,” Jen said. “What’s with that? Do they pop it in a fragile overnight bag or does it come in a refrigerated truck?”
“Oh yeah,” Carol said, giggling. “They pop it right in there with the popsicles.”
“Not an actual ice-cream truck, but they’d have to keep it frozen wouldn’t they? Well look at that, they just might,” Sienna said. “The whole thing is regulated by the FDA.”
“Food and Drug Administration?”
“That’s what it says here too,” Erin said.
“To have it shipped to you, you have to have a doctor’s authority.”
“That would go down really well with Dr Marcus.”
“Would he give you a note?” Erin asked.
“Oh yeah, I’m sure he would,” Carol said. “I could hear the conversation now. ‘What can I do for you?’” she mimicked. “‘Well doctor, I’m not sick, I just need a note so I can buy some sperm. Just one small thing, don’t mention it to Crystal, I want to surprise her.’”
The other three collapsed in a fit of the giggles.
“Try another site,” Carol said. “You never know, there might be a free one, one without rules and regulations.”
“For people who can’t afford to buy sperm but can afford to raise a child?” Sienna asked.
“I’m not a cheapskate but this is hypothetical remember? I don’t expect to get the sperm for free you dork. Just look for free and see what kind of people are on the lists.”
They spent a good couple of hours scanning the web but didn’t come up with anything that was a lot of help. Carol wished she’d paid more attention when they’d gone through this with Brianna. She’d gone to all the big appointments and obviously she was supportive throughout the pregnancy with Crystal, but she hadn’t been that into the thought of it all until she’d seen and felt the baby moving inside Crystal’s swollen belly. That’s when the magic had seeded for her, but that didn’t help her much now.
“We can keep looking for a while, hon,” Jen said. “But I’m wondering if at some point, we might not need to go to the city and look at a couple of these places in person.”
“What would I tell them?” Carol asked. “About my partner I mean.”
“I could be your pretend partner,” Jen said.
“Yeah and we could be your pretend sisters,” Sienna said.
“We don’t look related at all,” Erin said.
“Sister wives?” Sienna tried, desperate to get involved somehow. “If we were sister wives, we have to come up with at least one husband.”
“If you suggest Jonathon again, I’m going to smack you,” Carol said with a grin. “You two can be my concerned friends.”
“That’d work,” Sienna said happily. “You two do make a cute couple.”
“Eww!” Carol said before she could stop herself. “Sorry, hon, I love you though.”
“I love you too, as a friend,” Jen said.
“Not to mention our significant others.”
“Yep.”
“I hate to break up this awkwardness, but I have to go home and do a bit of tidying up,” Erin said. “My house looks like a bomb hit it.”
“Yeah. It wouldn’t kill me to tidy up a bit. Crystal will be home tonight and I’m in trouble again already.”
“What did you do?” Jen asked.
“Apparently I have an attitude,” she said with a grin. “Don’t see it myself.”
“Me either. These tops just don’t appreciate humor. In saying that, I better clean up a bit too. They’ll both be off tomorrow. Will we get together Wednesday then at my place?” Jen asked.
“Yep, sounds good to me,” Carol said.
Chapter 4
Crystal was bone tired and feeling uneasy. The last conversation she’d had with Carol had been on repeat in her head, and she didn’t feel good about it. Maybe it was time she talked to her mentor Marilyn.
She was sure that Marilyn would have all the answers in that wise old head of hers. She shouldn’t refer to her as old. Marilyn was anything but old. She was young in spirit and yet wise as an owl. She was slow to seep out her vast knowledge though, usually opting for her to straighten out her own head by asking a million and one questions. Whatever her methods, they usually worked and Crystal knew that she would only benefit by talking with her, if of course she were home. She should have called first, but she could make a quick detour on her way home.
* * * * *
“Crystal!” Lizzy said enthusiastically as she opened her front door. “How lovely to see you! It’s been a while.”
�
�Hi, Lizzy,” Crystal said, kissing the older woman’s cheek.
“Here to see Marilyn?”
“I am if she’s about.” Crystal smiled widely. Lizzy was always so full of life and it was contagious.
“I am,” Marilyn said, appearing behind her wife. “Come in, don’t stand there in the doorway. It’s good to see you, Crystal.”
Crystal followed the two women in, the usual envy she felt for their seemingly perfect relationship washing over her. It wasn’t a bad feeling, she didn’t begrudge them what they had, quite the opposite. It was like a shining beacon to her, a symbol of what she hoped to have one day with Carol. What she and her girlfriend had was great but it wasn’t seamless. They were still working to make things better.
Marilyn pointed to a chair. “Why don’t you sit down and tell me what I can do for you.”
Crystal sat but didn’t immediately start talking. Not being able to put her finger on what exactly was wrong made it difficult for her to start.
Lizzy placed her hand on Marilyn’s shoulder. “I think I’ll get us both some tea,” she said. “Or would you prefer coffee, Crystal?”
“I’m fine really.”
“Well I would like some.” Marilyn patted the back of Lizzy’s leg and smiled. “And you could bring out some of those cakes that I picked up from Ange’s. I do love those little apple tart things she makes, don’t you?”
“Of course I do, everyone loves Ange’s cakes, Carol does too,” Crystal said. “She and her friends are always picking stuff up from there to have with their coffee.”
“Hmm,” Marilyn said. “Why did you say it like that?”
“Pardon?”
“You emphasized the word coffee; like coffee.”
“Did I?” Crystal asked, really not remembering saying it that way at all.
“You did. Thank you, honey,” Marilyn said to Lizzy, taking the steaming cup that was held out to her.
“You’re welcome. I made one for you too, Crystal,” Lizzy said. “I thought you might change your mind.”
Crystal found herself sipping the tea regardless of that fact she hadn’t really wanted it. She watched as Lizzy made a quick dash to retrieve the plate of sweets.
“I think I’m going to leave you ladies to talk now,” she said with a grin. “I’ll probably just pop into my music room for a bit and stay out of your hair.”
It was said as a statement, but Crystal didn’t miss the look that passed between Lizzy and Marilyn. The former waited for a split second, when Marilyn nodded, Lizzy hurried off with a beaming smile, looking like a child that had been given permission to watch cartoons.
“Now what were we saying about your, shall we say, dislike for coffee?”
“I don’t dislike coffee,” Crystal said, smiling in spite of herself. Marilyn’s thought sifting had started.
“Oh I see.”
“Well I wish that you would let me in on what you see because I’m at a bit of a loss. I feel odd sometimes about Carol and her coffee mornings. There was always a twinge of something not being right, but lately it’s been worse. I always thought I felt that because the house was so much of a mess, I blamed the fact that Crystal was always out socializing and didn’t have time to clean or even just to organize.”
* * * * *
“Can we go to the playground, Mommy?” Brianna asked, slurping ice-cream from her wrist before it ran down her arm.
Carol winced. “We shouldn’t,” she said. “Momma’s back tonight and I haven’t cleaned up.”
“Please, pretty please? Just for a little while?”
Carol blew out a sad breath. They were about to drive past the playground close to their house and it was still full of children. “Fifteen minutes, that’s all, then I really have to go home and clean.”
“Yay!” Bri jumped out of the car and ran to the park to join her friends.
Twenty-five minutes later, after an impromptu game of soccer that broke out, Carol and Bri ran back to the car puffing.
“What are we havin’ for dinner?” Bri asked.
“Um, good question,” Carol said. “Left over surprise?”
“What’s that?”
“It’s really special, wait until you taste it.”
“If I don’t like it, can I have a sandwich?”
Bri’s distasteful look made Carol squirm. She wanted to tell her little girl that it was as much her fault that they were running late to get everything done but she knew that wasn’t fair. She was supposed to be the adult, and besides, it had been her idea to get the soccer stuff out of the car and start a game.
“It’ll be really nice, Bri, you wait and see.”
When she opened the door, Carol sighed. She hadn’t remembered the mess being that bad. Granted, she hadn’t cleaned up after dinner, or after breakfast. There were several pairs of shoes crowding the doorway, including a pair of muddy soccer cleats and now they just added to it with the stuff from their soccer game. “Here’s what we’re going to do,” she started.
“What about my homework?”
“Right, your homework. You go and do that while I start the dinner and the tidying. Come and help me when you’re done.”
“I have math.”
“You can save the math for later but do everything else.”
“Okay. Man this place is messy, Mommy,” Bri said as she walked towards her room, having to climb over a bunch of grocery bags in the hallway.
You’re not wrong, Carol thought as she ran through the house doing the fifty percent cleaning and tidying. It actually didn’t take her very long. Carol thanked God that there was a closet near the front door. Everything she could find bar actual trash she shoved into there. She knew that Crystal wasn’t fond of her doing that, her girlfriend seemed to think the closet was for their coats and out-door things. She didn’t agree. It was a storage place and what was a storage place for if not to store things. She grabbed up the soccer equipment and piled it on to the top shelf so it didn’t squash the coats that were hanging in there. She threw any shoes that wouldn’t fit on the rack on to the closet floor.
“Is your homework done, Bri?” she called.
“Um, not yet. I can’t find a pencil.”
“In your desk drawer!” Carol yelled from three rooms away.
“Found it,” Bri yelled.
Carol closed her eyes when there was an almighty crash. She assumed that the drawer had fallen out spilling all its contents. “Did your drawer fall out?”
“Sorry, Mommy, there was too much stuff!”
“Just put it all in your closet for now and I’ll fix it tomorrow.”
“Okay!” Bri yelled back.
No time to worry about it anymore, Carol opened the fridge to see about dinner. She got out her biggest skillet and sprayed it with cooking oil. From the fridge she retrieved everything they’d eaten over the last few days; spaghetti and meatballs, baked potatoes, roast chicken, peas and corn. She looked at a bowl of coleslaw for a second, deciding whether you could in fact heat it. She decided instead to put it on the side as the salad. She plopped a lid on it and went to tackle the living room.
It didn’t take her long to gather up the bowl of popcorn along with any strays that had bounced on to the floor. Carol ran back for the cups that still had the dregs of diet cola or juice and the wrappers from the candy bars that were strewn all over the coffee table. She felt like that woman on the cleaning spray commercial as she ran around squirting and wiping with only a minute to spare.
* * * * *
“Are you jealous?”
“No! I don’t think so. Carol would never cheat on me. I trust her totally in that regard.”
“That’s good and it’s a start. There are other kinds of jealousy though, it isn’t all about the flesh.”
“Marilyn!” Crystal said. Her face flushed. She loved talking to her mentor but she could be – direct, to say the least.
“Well it shouldn’t be. Sometimes it can hurt just as much when our loved ones share their hear
t, mind or time with someone else.”
The older woman had a twinkle in her eye that made Crystal smile. They both knew what she was referring to. “What other kinds of jealousy could I be feeling?”
“Do you sometimes feel left out? I mean Carol has a pretty solid friendship with her girl friends.”
“Do I want to run about doing dangerous things that could see me bare bottomed and paddled in front of the town? Not so much.” She had never really worried about Carol as much as she did now before the incident.
“Are you still angry about that? Not that I’d blame you. I mean, if Lizzy had snuck around, lied and then almost got herself arrested for smoking marijuana, I would not have been pleased.”
“I wouldn’t say I was still angry about all that, it wouldn’t be fair. I mean Carol was punished, they all were- in public. That was hard, for both of us and everyone else involved. It was a big enough price to pay.”
“Are you worried that Carol might do the same thing again?”
“Not that thing.” Crystal looked at Marilyn who was calmly waiting. It was almost eerie sometimes. Like she knew what Crystal was going to say before she said it and she was just waiting for her to say the words. “Carol wants to have a baby. She wants to experience being pregnant and giving birth.”
“Oh really. Do you want to have another child?”
“I don’t know. I’m not totally opposed to the idea, but I’m confused about her reasons. The whole idea came out of the blue and Carol wants it now, right now like she was ordering a movie or a Chinese meal. She seems to have some trouble handling what she does now. The housework is always a bone of contention. Carol is the house person. She wanted that and I’ve always been happy for her to be the one that stays home and looks after Brianna. It makes sense. I love my job and someone has to bring in the money but it’s a bit irritating to come home to a mess all the time. I mean, I’m happy to help with what needs doing when I get home but I feel like, well I think Carol should make the house more of a priority, she is essentially a housewife.”