“Not a problem. We Buchanans hang together.” Dani grinned. “Besides, how could I not want to meet the woman who trapped the infamous Reid Buchanan?”
Lori felt herself blush. “I didn’t exactly trap him.”
“I’m not trapped,” Reid grumbled. “I’m here willingly.”
“Uh-huh.” Dani’s expression was knowing. “Call it what you want. You’re off the market and hearts are breaking across this great nation.”
Lori didn’t know what to say to that. Dani excused herself and went to take her niece from Cal. Reid wrapped his arms around Lori.
She let herself relax into his embrace and felt her tension ease away. Funny how being close to him made her feel so safe.
“They don’t have to stay,” she said quietly. “The operation is going to take all day and maybe into the night. No one has to stay.”
“They know,” he whispered in her ear. “I told them they’re free to leave, but I’m guessing they’ll be here for the duration. So you’re stuck with us.”
If this was stuck, she was all for it, she thought. Love welled up inside of her. Love and need and a sense of being very lucky. But this wasn’t the time and these weren’t the right circumstances for her confession. When she knew Madeline had come through she would tell Reid how she felt about him. She would take the step of faith and hope for good news. If he didn’t love her back, she would survive. At least she would know. She was done holding back because she was afraid.
She looked around, then frowned. “Where’s my mom?”
“In the chapel. She wanted to go pray, but she said she’d be back in a while. Penny showed off some of the food. If nothing else, that should entice her to come back.”
Lori didn’t think anything could make her or her mother eat today. Despite the distraction the Buchanan clan offered, part of her mind was focused only on the surgery. How far had they progressed? Had the donor liver arrived yet? And what about the other family—the one living with grief instead of hope? How was she ever to thank them for giving her sister a second chance?
An hour later, Lori’s mother returned to the waiting room. Lori and Reid introduced her to everyone, then Lori took her aside.
“How are you doing, Mom?” she asked, noting the older woman’s dark circles under her eyes and the pain bracketing her mouth.
“Just hanging in there. Everything is in God’s hands now. I’ve prayed until I’ve run out of words. In a few minutes, I’ll go back and pray some more.”
“That’s all we can do,” Lori told her.
Her mother nodded. “I have a good feeling about this. Madeline deserves a second chance.” Tears filled her eyes. She reached for Lori’s hands. “I know I don’t deserve one. I know I hurt you so much, for so long. I’m sorry for that. If you don’t believe anything else about me, believe that.”
Lori’s own eyes blurred as she tried not to cry. “Mom, you don’t have to—”
“Yes, I do. I should have said something a long time ago. I know you’re angry with me, Lori, and who can blame you? I want to blame the alcohol. I want to blame being drunk, but there’s no excuse. I hurt you and you were just a little girl. That’s what breaks my heart. You were a sweet, loving child and I never told you that. I never said that I loved you. But I did. I do. The only person I hated was myself. Can you understand that?”
Lori understood the intent behind the message if not the words themselves. She nodded slowly.
Her mother sighed. “I was not a happy drunk. You know that better than anyone. The things I said…” She shuddered. “If I could go back in time, I would take you in my arms and let you know how important and special I thought you were. I still think that. But I’m afraid you believe this is all because of Madeline. That because I might lose one daughter, I now want a relationship with you.”
Pride and old wounds battled with the need to move on. In the end, connection won. Whatever else existed between them, they were family. She reached out and took her mother’s hand.
“I know you’ve been trying to connect with me for a while now,” she said quietly. “It’s not about Madeline.”
“It’s not,” her mother insisted, fresh tears trickling down her cheeks. “It’s about all of us. You always talk about your sister being perfect. She was never that. None of us are. I love you both, so much. I want us to be a family.”
Lori swallowed. “I want that, too, Mom.”
“Really?”
She nodded.
Her mother brushed away her tears, then glanced around the crowded waiting area. They had a small corner to themselves and the Buchanans talked to each other, as if to give them privacy.
“I like your young man,” her mother said. “Oh, dear. That’s a horribly old expression my grandmother would have used.”
“I know what you mean,” Lori told her with a grin. “And I agree. He’s very special.”
“You should hang on to him.”
“I plan to.”
They hugged. Her mother’s embrace was unfamiliar, but Lori was determined it wouldn’t stay that way. Family was too important for them not to connect. All of them getting along would be a great incentive for Madeline to recover even more quickly.
Elissa inched toward them. “Are you two okay?” she asked. “Can I get you anything? Penny was thinking of serving lunch.” She looked at her watch. “Make that a late breakfast. There’s tons of food. I made pie, which now that I think about it is weird, but Walker loves my pies.” She stopped. “Sorry. I’m babbling. I don’t know what to say.”
Lori hadn’t spent much time with Elissa, but in that second, she found she really liked her a lot.
“You don’t have to say anything. Just you taking the time to be here means a lot. Mom and I appreciate the support.” Lori thought for a second. “You know what? I’d love a slice of pie.”
Her mother stared at her. “It’s barely nine in the morning.”
“I know, and I want pie.”
Her mother smiled. “I guess I do, too. Is there whipped cream?”
Elissa laughed. “I’m sure Penny brought some. She thought of everything.”
“Your daughter is great,” Lori said as Elissa sliced pie. “Really well behaved. At her age I would have been bouncing off the walls.”
“She’s always been easy,” Elissa told Lori. “It helps that she’s hanging out with Walker. She says he’s the handsome prince in our lives.”
Lori saw the little girl cuddled next to the tall former marine. They seemed lost in their own world. Then Walker looked up and smiled at Elissa. Lori felt the residual heat and despite her worry, smiled. Talk about a couple in love.
SOMEHOW WORD GOT OUT that there was a party going on in the waiting room. Several nurses and orderlies joined them. Lori watched Reid’s family embrace her mother, keeping her close, talking to her, distracting her.
Lori rested her head on Reid’s shoulder as she curled up next to him on one of the sofas. The minutes crawled by. She could think about something else for a second or two, but then her mind returned to the operating room as she wondered what was happening. How many more hours until they knew the surgery was a success? How much longer after that until Madeline was out of the woods. If she could—
The doctor walked into the waiting room. He was tall, still dressed in scrubs. There were stains on the front of his shirt.
Lori was on her feet in an instant. An initial burst of joy was followed by confusion. It was too soon. The surgery was supposed to take all day.
And then she knew. She didn’t even have to look into the doctor’s eyes to see the pain there.
The room disappeared into a buzzing blur. There was only the sound of her heartbeat and the doctor’s drawn face.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, his voice thick with pain and frustration. “It was her heart. A complication we didn’t expect.”
He kept on talking and talking, but Lori didn’t hear anything else. She didn’t have to. Her perfect sister was gone.
Chapter Twenty
LORI DIDN’T REMEMBER anything about leaving the hospital or driving home, but suddenly she found herself standing in the middle of her living room. Reid was next to her, his arm around her waist. He guided her to the sofa and urged her to sit, but she resisted.
She couldn’t think, couldn’t move, could barely breathe. It was as if her life force had drained away. She ached, but the pain was so all-encompassing that she wasn’t even close to tears. It was as if crying were too meager a reaction to what had happened.
Madeline was dead.
The sentence played over and over in her mind, like a song lyric she couldn’t escape. With each repetition, her body tightened, as if preparing to be hit. She ached from the inside out and knew nothing would ever be the same.
Madeline was gone. Her funny, beautiful, perfect sister hadn’t survived the very surgery that was supposed to save her life.
“What can I get you?” Reid asked.
She shook her head, unable to answer him. Speaking seemed impossible.
The front door opened again and Walker and Cal came in, her mother supported between them. Evie had aged a lifetime in the past hour. Lines pulled her face into a mask of grief.
Lori crossed to her and hugged her close. Her mother’s thin arms embraced her.
“I can’t believe it,” her mother said quietly, her voice thick with grief. “I won’t believe it. She can’t be gone. She can’t.”
Lori agreed, but she couldn’t defy the truth. It nestled inside of her, a dark, heavy creature that stole her breath. She was cold and shaken and knew there were a thousand things she had to be doing. Only she couldn’t think of a single one.
The rest of Reid’s family walked into the house. They were quiet and uncomfortable, staying at the fringes of the room. Lori knew she should say something—thank them or give them permission to leave.
Before she could force herself to react, Reid put his arms around her and her mother.
“We’ll take care of everything,” he said. “Just hang on to each other. That’s all you have to do.”
Lori nodded.
She led her mother to the sofa where the older woman collapsed. Dani crouched at her feet and took her hands.
“Can I get you a cup of tea?” she asked. “Or coffee?”
“Tea would be nice,” Lori’s mother said.
“I’ll get it.” Dani rose. “Lori?”
Lori shook her head.
Reid settled Lori next to her mother. Both women were pale with loss. He’d never seen such a stark expression in Lori’s eyes. Her pain was so powerful, it was practically alive.
“Is there a doctor?” he asked. “Someone who can prescribe something for you and your mom?”
“What? I don’t know.” Lori shook her head and started to stand up. “I don’t…”
“My purse,” her mother said. “I have medication in there. The doctor’s name.”
While Dani was off making tea, Reid found Evie’s purse and called her doctor. In a matter of minutes, Walker had left for the drugstore to pick up the prescription.
Penny walked out of the kitchen and crossed to him. “She doesn’t have anything to eat in the house. I have the stuff I made for our day at the hospital, but that’s not going to be enough. I’ll write up a shopping list for Cal, then stay long enough to fix a few things. Friends and neighbors might drop off food, but we can’t depend on it.”
Penny had always believed food was the solution for every problem. It was one of her best qualities.
“Thanks,” he said. “That will help.”
“Good. Okay, let me get the list going. Cal can shop, then bring the food here. Once that’s done, he can pick up Allison. Elissa took her and Zoe home.” Penny shook her head. “I’m sorry, Reid. For you, for Lori and her mom. It’s so awful.”
He nodded, but didn’t say anything. There weren’t any words that could make what had happened all right. He hated what Lori was going through—what she would keep going through. She and Madeline had been close. The unexpected loss would be devastating.
Dani hung up the phone and waved him over.
“I’ve talked to the hospital and I have the information on when they’re going to release Madeline’s body. They need the name of the funeral home. Not right now, but probably by tomorrow. I also called my boss. He’s given me today and tomorrow off so I can stay here and make arrangements.”
Reid leaned down and kissed the top of his sister’s head. Penny was great with food and Dani could organize an army. Together they would all get things done.
“Thanks, kid,” he said.
“I want to help.”
“Me, too.”
He wanted to make things better, but how?
He felt a soft touch on his arm and turned to find Lori standing behind him.
“We should call some people,” she said. “Friends and stuff. We have a few relatives.”
“I’ll do it,” Dani said gently. “If you show me where to find the names and numbers, I’ll make the calls.”
“Okay.” Lori was pale and looked as if she weren’t quite sure where she was. “There will be a funeral. There has to be.”
“We’ll all help with that,” Reid said. “We can take care of the details. You don’t have to do anything.”
Her lower lip quivered. He reached out and pulled her against him just as she collapsed. He grabbed her, then lifted her into his arms and carried her into her bedroom. From the corner of his eye, he saw Dani sitting next to Lori’s mother and putting an arm around her.
“She’s gone,” Lori whispered. “I can’t believe she’s gone. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
He set Lori on the bed and stretched out next to her. She curled up against him. He wrapped his arms around her.
“It hurts,” she said, her voice shaking. “It hurts so much. I don’t want her to be dead. I don’t. It’s awful and I can’t cry.”
“You will,” he told her, as he stroked her hair. “You have plenty of time for tears.”
A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER, Reid drove back to Gloria’s house. Dani and Penny would sit with Lori and her mom for a while, so he could take care of a few things. Then he would return to Lori’s house to do what he could there.
Anger grew inside of him. Anger and guilt and the need to fight someone…anyone. But who? The only person to blame was himself.
“You couldn’t call?” Gloria said when he walked into her room. “I’ve been waiting by the phone. It’s not as if I had anywhere to go, but I’ve been worried. It’s a complicated surgery and…” She drew in a breath. “What happened? You look terrible.”
He sat on the edge of the bed and took Gloria’s hand in his. “Madeline died during surgery.”
The color fled his grandmother’s face. In a matter of seconds she looked old and frail.
“No,” she whispered. “No. That can’t be. She was supposed to be fine. She was supposed to make it. She can’t have died. Poor Lori. And her mother. They must be devastated.”
“They are.”
“That poor child.”
“She won’t be coming into work for a while. I’ll try to pick up as much of the slack as I can. Sandy said she’d fill in a little extra. Is that enough or do you want me to hire another nurse?”
Gloria’s eyes filled with tears. “No one else,” she whispered. “I’m fine. Getting stronger every day. I’ll be all right.”
“I know you will be.” He leaned over and kissed her forehead.
“I want to help,” Gloria said. “Do they need something?”
“It’s all taken care of. Dani is arranging the funeral and making calls to family and friends. Penny’s getting food in the house. Walker and Cal are running errands.”
“I want to go to the funeral. I can make it,” she added before he could say anything.
“Then you should go.” He released her. “I’m going upstairs. I have to make some calls,
but I’ll be back down in an hour or so. You’ll be all right?”
“Go. I’m fine.”
She waved him away and he left. When he reached his room, he closed the door, walked to the sofa and sank down. Only then did he let his emotions loose. They swept over him, surrounding him, speaking the truth in a volume he couldn’t help but hear.
Madeline was dead because of him. He’d killed her as surely as if he’d stopped her heart himself.
He’d been so intent on proving himself by finding her a donor. He’d been so damned proud of himself. He’d wanted to be the hero and instead he was the reason Madeline had lost the last year she was going to live.
She could have still been alive today—living with Lori, talking, laughing, being. Maybe there would have been a cure, or a better donor. Maybe she would have been ready.
He’d heard what she’d said the day before the surgery. That she wanted more time. Because she felt responsible for him going on television, she’d gone forward with the surgery.
It was his fault. He had to go and try to fix things. To show off. To try to make up for all the other screw-ups. But look what had happened.
He’d ruined things when he hadn’t been trying and he’d made things worse when he’d been doing his best. He couldn’t win for losing.
He sat there for a long time, feeling the anger and regret. Knowing that Lori could never forgive him for taking the most precious part of her life and killing it. All he’d wanted was to help the woman he loved and instead he’d destroyed her.
AFTER THE FUNERAL, Madeline’s friends poured into Lori’s house. The small space overflowed with Madeline’s coworkers and girlfriends, people she’d known and touched in her too-short life. Lori greeted them as they came in, accepting their condolences. Evie stood next to her, but after a few minutes, excused herself.
Lori knew the last few days had been incredibly hard on her. Her mother seemed to have shrunk. She hoped that time would help, as it usually did, but as she, too, was still in shock, it was hard to imagine ever feeling better.
“I’m so sorry,” Gloria said as she entered. She leaned heavily on a cane and on Cal. “I don’t know what to say.”
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