"Okay," she said. "But I think having the family here will help a lot."
"I do, too," Jamie agreed.
Ryan shifted a little to take some of her weight off her partner. "Are we okay, Jamie?"
"We’re very okay, honey. I appreciate that you told me what’s going on in your head. We don’t have to talk about it at all, but I wanted to let you know that it was very, very helpful to hear it."
"Okay," she said briefly. "I don’t want to talk about it, but I’m glad I could let you in just a little bit." She shifted her body again, finally getting slightly more comfortable. "What did you do all morning?"
"Oh, I played golf, then I had a snack. I’ve only been up here for about a half hour."
Realizing that something other than Jamie was jabbing her in the back, Ryan reached down and removed a book from the cushion. "What are you reading?"
"Oh. I wasn’t really reading," she said. "I was praying."
Ryan looked at the book, and saw that it was a beautifully illustrated copy of the Book of Psalms. Opening it, she saw how well worn the pages were. "This has seen a lot of use."
"Oh, yeah. My grandfather gave that to me, not long after I learned how to read. For years, I just looked at the pictures, but over time I really began to enjoy it. I particularly like it because it’s the King James Version. The language is absolutely beautiful."
"I’ve been trying to get into a prayer space," Ryan said. "It’s been really hard for me. Da brought the things from my prayer corner at home, but it’s been like pulling teeth."
"How does it normally work for you?" Jamie asked, surprised that they’d never had this discussion before.
"Mmm … I seek silence. I try to quiet my mind and just … be. If I’m really quiet, and really reflective, I can sometimes reach a totally serene place. That’s when I feel I’m really with God." She shook her head and said, "I don’t know why I can’t manage it any more, but I used to be able to spend a half hour or an hour doing that every day. I’ve really been slacking off."
"Yeah. That’s you," Jamie scoffed. "A born slacker."
"No, really, Jamie. It’s something I’ve got to make time for. I have to do it in good times and bad. It’s one of the keys to my mental health."
"Well, maybe you’ll be back in the habit by the time we get home."
"It’s not working," she said. "I can’t clear my mind at all. I find myself just saying formal prayers. I can’t go the next step, no matter how hard I try."
"You’ve got to start someplace, Ryan. Praying effectively is like any other exercise. You’ve got to start out slow and build up."
"You’re right. I’m expecting too much." Cocking her head, she asked, "How do you pray?"
"Mmm … I usually start with a scripture reading. That puts me in the right mood. Then, I spend time reflecting on what I’ve read. Sometimes I continue to think about the text that I read, other times I go off on a completely different tangent. I talk to myself, but I feel like I’m having a conversation with my Creator. Do you know what I mean?"
"Yeah, I do. That’s not how it works for me most of the time, but that sounds just like how you’d do it. You’re more of a language person."
"I am. I know you’re not, but I’d like to try something anyway," Jamie said. "Why don’t you lie down and let me read some of the psalms to you. Maybe just hearing my voice will help quiet your mind."
"Okay. I’d like that." She snuggled down and let her long legs dangle off the edge of the chaise. Gently, Jamie began to run her fingers through the dark hair, then she began to speak. For the next half hour, she softly recited the words to the songs and prayers that had been spoken and sung for millennia, and as her voice floated over Ryan, some of the turmoil started to lift from her tormented psyche. Despite the calming touch, soft voice and quiet breaking of the waves in the distance, Ryan stayed awake the whole time, taking in Jamie’s words like droplets of water onto a dry sponge. When she finally finished, Ryan turned and gazed up at her for a full minute. "That was wonderful. Can we do that again?"
"Sure. We can make it a daily ritual if you want."
"I want to … I need to," she said. "I haven’t felt this peaceful since the day it happened."
"Anything you need, baby. Anything at all." Jamie patted her chest and said, "Scoot up here a little bit. I need to be closer – just for a minute or two, honey."
Ryan gave her the vaguely haunted look that had regretfully become one of her most frequent expressions, but she gamely complied. Moving up the chaise, she rested her head on Jamie’s chest, as the blonde indicated. "When I was saying those words, I kept thinking of a song that they play at Mass. I don’t know why, but I have an overpowering urge to sing it for you."
Murmuring softly, Ryan said, "I’d like that. I love it when you sing to me."
"Just close your sweet, blue eyes and try to relax, sweetheart." She bent her head and kissed the glossy, black hair. "This is my wish for you."
Clearing her throat, she started to sing in the soft, confident tone that Ryan deeply loved.
You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord, who abide in His shadow for life.
Say to the Lord, "My Refuge, my Rock, in whom I trust."
And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings, bear you on the breath of dawn
Make you to shine like the sun, and hold you in the palm of His hand.
Her musical urges rose to the surface, and Ryan started to hum the harmony, just to provide background for her partner’s soothing words.
For to His angels He’s given the command, to guard you in all of your days.
Upon their hands, they will bear you up, lest you dash your foot against a stone.
And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings, bear you on the breath of dawn.
Make you to shine like the sun, and hold you in the palm of His hand.
And hold you … hold you … in the palm of His hand.
"God is holding you in the palm of His hand, sweetheart," she whispered. "And so am I."
"Ready for lunch, precious one?" Ryan had been dozing in Jamie’s warm embrace, but the smaller woman’s stomach was starting to make its needs known.
"Oh." The blue eyes blinked open and she looked up at Jamie sleepily. "Uhm … sure. What would you like?"
"I’d like a patty melt and a chocolate malt," Jamie said without hesitation.
"Really? You never eat stuff like that," Ryan said, now fully awake. "Do you have PMS?"
"Nope. I just like Helen’s patty melts. I think you will, too. Let’s go."
"Who’s Helen, and why are you eating patty melts with her?"
"Come on, Tiger. It’s time for you to meet my new girlfriend."
Ryan pestered Jamie all the way to the restaurant, but the blonde wasn’t talking. It was obvious that Jamie was teasing her, but Ryan was unable to get a clue. Finally, they entered the small diner, and a round, friendly face topped by snow white, curly hair called out, "Jamie! You finally managed to bring her over for a decent meal!" Eyes nearly popping from her head, Ryan was enveloped in a warm, robust hug, then Jamie was given the same treatment. "I never thought I was gonna get to meet you, Ryan!"
"I … I’m surprised, too," she said, looking to Jamie to save her.
"We’re heading home on Sunday, so this is our last visit," the blonde said. "Fix Ryan up with your specialty, Helen. She needs to put some weight back on, and I can’t think of a better way to do it than with your delicious food. Oh, bring out the pictures of your grandkids, will you? Little Heather reminds me of Ryan when she was a little girl."
"Will do," she said, ruffling the short, blonde hair. "Do you like onions, Ryan?"
"Uhm … sure."
"That’s my girl," Helen said, a broad smile on her face. "Be right back."
As she went into the tiny kitchen, Ryan gaped at her partner. "Is she some distant relative I don’t know about?"
"Huh-uh. I met her the first day we were here. She’s kinda adopted me."
Qu
irking a grin, Ryan shook her head, saying, "You are such a lovable little cuss, Jamie Evans. Women of all ages succumb to your charms."
To Ryan’s amazement, her father and aunt, all of her brothers, Maggie, Kevin, Tommy, Annie and Caitlin, and every one of her cousins showed up later that night. All of the cousins brought sleeping bags, since there weren’t nearly enough beds for the whole crew, but they didn’t seem to mind camping out in such a luxurious campground.
She and Jamie set about getting everyone organized, putting Tommy and Annie, and Brendan and Maggie in the two apartments off the pool; getting Martin and Maeve settled in a guest room in the house, then waiting for all of the single men to cut cards to determine who got the other rooms. Ryan pulled Jamie aside and said, "Should we sleep in your mother’s room, and let someone have ours?"
"No, I don’t think Mom would like that, honey. Do the boys really mind sleeping on the floor?"
"No, not at all," Ryan said. "I just thought it would be nice." Jamie’s reticence puzzled her, but she figured that Catherine might just not be the type who liked to share her private space.
Ryan spent some time taking the group on an extended tour. It was very dark out, but the grounds were well lit, and they managed to get a flavor for the estate. As expected, the cousins were most impressed with the cars in the garage and the exercise room, and Ryan left most of them there to examine the toys.
Caitlin, Tommy and Annie were, as expected, required to be in the pool, so a few more cousins, along with Brendan and Maggie, joined that crowd. Conor, Dermot, Declan and Rory were playing pool in the game room, while Jamie and Maeve made up platters of snacks for all of the various groups.
Ryan looked around the warm, bright kitchen, watching while her father made a fire in the fireplace. She sighed to herself, feeling whole and safe and protected in the embrace of her family.
The back door opened, and she cried out a greeting when Catherine poked her head in, followed by a wide-eyed, but wildly happy Jennie.
"You little scamp," Ryan muttered, dashing by her partner to give her a slap on the butt. "Your mother wouldn’t want us in her room!"
"Well, she wouldn’t," Jamie said. "She’s small, but she’s not small enough to have us in there with her and Jennie!"
Ryan, Jamie, Martin, Maeve, Brendan, Maggie, Conor, Rory, Kevin, Jennie and Catherine all sat out on the outdoor patio – able to hear the waves crashing, but unable to see them, the moon being largely absent. Jamie had fired up the heaters, and the space was quite comfortable, even though the night was quite chilly and damp.
They all questioned Catherine about her trip, then Ryan and Jamie spoke of their stay in the Bahamas. Finally, Jennie filled everyone in on her first week of school.
By the time all of the players had spoken, Jamie looked at her watch and said, "10 o’clock, honey. Time for bed."
"But … but … we’ve got company!"
"Nonsense, Siobhan," Martin said. "We’re not company – we’re family. Jamie’s concerned about you, love. Don’t argue with the lass."
"I should have known he’d be on your side," Ryan said, nevertheless getting to her feet.
Jamie took her hand and said, "We’ve got to try to get into normal sleep patterns, honey. We’ve got to be at school bright and early on Monday." Turning to the crowd, she said, "Stay up as late as you like, everyone. We can’t hear a thing upstairs, so have a ball."
Conor piped up and said, "If you go running in the morning, knock on my door, okay?"
"Will do," Ryan said, making her way around the room to offer goodnight kisses to all. "We can taunt the reporters. It’s fun to slow down until they can almost focus their cameras, and then take off as fast as you can. Drives ‘em nuts!"
Ryan knocked lightly on Conor’s door early the next morning, but didn’t receive a response. Opening the door, she saw that the bed was empty, so she went downstairs to search for him. He was in the kitchen, drinking directly out of the orange juice container. When he spied her, he adopted a guilty look, but she reassured him. "I do it all the time. Drives Jamie mad."
"I figure it saves washing a glass," he said reasonably. "Sleep well?"
"Great," she said. "Best night I’ve had. Having you all here really made a difference."
"I’d have a hard time going back home if I were you, sis. I think I could be pretty happy hanging out down here – driving the cars – playing golf."
"Eh … it’s a nice place to visit …" Ryan’s voice trailed off. "I just need normalcy in my life … and this is far from normal."
"Yeah, I guess," he said. "Besides, we couldn’t stand to have you this far away. Ready?"
"Yep. Now, let me warn ya. They’re gonna be right outside. The police won’t let them have their news trucks there, and they can’t park their cars overnight, but that doesn’t stop ‘em from gathering on foot. Just try not to let them bother you, okay?"
"They won’t bother me," he said. "I’m just worried about you."
"Don’t be," she said clearly. "I’m doing fine with it now, and the last thing I want is for you to get into a confrontation with them. Just don’t speak or make eye contact, and you’ll make me happy."
They got through the small knot of reporters without incident, although two of them came prepared, wearing running shoes and shorts. They gave a creditable chase, but the added weight of their cameras slowed them down enough so that the siblings had dusted them within a quarter mile. After that short sprint, they settled down to a comfortable pace, not speaking for a long time, both enjoying the early morning sounds of the sea.
After about three miles Conor asked, "So tell me more about your vacation. Was it really great?"
"It sure was," she said dreamily. "I have no desire to live in Pebble Beach, but I could live on Eleuthra. You would have loved it, Con. It would be right up your alley."
"Did Jordan and Mia have a good time, too?" he asked, trying to sound casual.
"Of course," she said. "After we left, Mia stayed in Florida to go to Jordan’s first tournament. They won every match, and beat Canada for the Pan-Am championship last Sunday."
"Wow," he said slowly. "She stayed, huh?"
"Yes, Conor," Ryan said. "They’re very close."
She could see the scowl building as his shoulders slumped a bit. "I played that hand very badly," he said.
"How so?"
"I did what no guy in his right mind would do," he said. "First off – I told the complete truth, and that’s always fatal."
She smirked at him, having a different worldview, but realizing the she wasn’t going to change his. "Yes, Con, honestly is a horrible thing to inject into a relationship."
"You’re telling me," he said somberly. "Second – I did to her what guys hate to have done to them. I gave her the ‘how serious about me are you’ speech. That’s insane! As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew I’d shot myself!"
"Why do you think you did that?" Ryan asked, a little puzzled by his behavior.
"Mmm … probably because I was thinking out loud," he said. "I’d never given a thought to getting serious with her, but when she told me there had been a chance that she was pregnant, it just dawned on me that wouldn’t have been such a horrible thing … for me, at least."
"That makes sense," she said. "And as much as I am a proponent of honesty – that was a little abrupt for a second date."
"You’re telling me? I could have pled temporary insanity, but her mind was already made up." He kicked a tree branch that was lying in the road, and grumbled, "What really pisses me off is that she was willing to get serious. She just didn’t know it."
Ryan nodded, admitting, "I guess you’re right. She’s pretty serious about Jordan."
"No signs this is just a fling, huh?" he asked, pressing for information.
"Hmm … you know I don’t like to talk about my friends behind their backs," she said, "but I think it’s safe to say that you shouldn’t hold your breath waiting for her to be available."
"So close! I was so close, and I let my big trap ruin it for me."
"You don’t know that, Conor. You never know when you’re going to click with someone."
"I clicked with her," he said decisively. "I just hope that one day she clicks with me."
"Again … don’t hold your breath," Ryan said, thinking that her friends were a long way from breaking up.
Later that afternoon, Ryan wandered down to the pool and found Jennie playing with the baby, both blondes having the time of their lives. "I’ve got to get the munchkin down for her nap, but it’s gonna be tough," Annie said when she caught Ryan’s eye.
"Well, I guess you have to decide when you want her to scream," Ryan said. "Either now, or later, when she’s cranky because she didn’t have a nap."
"I suppose now would be best," Annie said.
"Let me take her up to our room. I haven’t heard her scream bloody murder in weeks. I’m due."
"Oh, Ryan, you don’t have to do that …"
"I know. But I’d like to. I miss her, Annie." She gave her a wry grin and said, "If she gives me a hard time, I’ll be sick of her and then I won’t miss her so much."
"How could I turn down such a heartfelt plea?" she said.
"Come on, Jen," Ryan said. "Grab the baby and hand her over. It’s time for her nap."
"Uhm … can I come and help?" she asked.
"Do you really want to?"
"Yeah. I’ve never put a baby to bed before. You can show me how."
"Okay. Dry off and join us."
Once they were in Ryan’s room, Caitlin started to look around suspiciously, slowly coming to the realization that they were getting into nap mode. As soon as the thought hit her, she started to scream, wailing pathetically and clutching at Jennie. "She doesn’t associate you with the conspiracy," Ryan said loudly to be heard over the din.
"Boy, she’s loud!" Jennie yelled back.
Ryan swooped her up and held her snugly, walking around the room with her as she jiggled her over her shoulder. "Having a baby isn’t all glamour," she said. "Even one as nice as this one."
It took a while, and Ryan’s head was throbbing, but Caitlin finally calmed down enough to drink her bottle. "Why don’t you feed her?" Ryan asked.
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