by S FEATES
It was still early enough for the funeral parlour to be open for business so we had to be careful when smuggling Nolan into the building. I suggested that I give him the overdose there in the back of the Viano to avoid any disturbance from him once we were inside. Howard agreed that it was the best solution and he went inside to fetch the euthanasia kit. While he was gone I tried to communicate with Nolan. I began by shaking him to wake him up, he moaned and turned his head away fearing another assault. I had removed the bag and his one good eye blinked at me as he tried to focus, even though it was quite dim in the back of the Viano he recognised me and tried to smile but it proved to be too painful for his broken mouth. He tried to speak but the words were mumbled and impossible to make out. I decided to try a different tack.
''Tony if you can hear me nod once for yes.'' He nodded once. ''Good, do the Nevsky brothers know that we know each other?''
There was a hint of a smile on his battered face and for a while I thought he wasn't going to respond. If he had any idea that I had been responsible for his predicament he might not tell me out of revenge. Eventually he shook his head. No.
''Are you sure?'' He nodded once. ''I cannot help you Tony but I can make your passing a lot less distressing, it's the least I can do. I'm sorry for putting you in this position but I didn't have any choice, when I killed your wife I wasn't thinking about cats or Russian gangsters things just escalated beyond my control. I thought I had got away with the deception but how was I to know you were going to sell the cats on to these thugs.''
Nolan's shoulders sagged at the news that he was about to die, he had hoped that once he was out of sight of the Nevsky's he could negotiate his freedom, he tried to speak but gave up. I placed the bag gently back on his head, there was no need for him to see me inject him. There was a noise outside the Viano and the side door suddenly slid open and Howard stepped in. I hoped he hadn't been outside listening, if he had been he didn't appear to show it.
''Here you go Steve, the hypodermic is primed and ready to go just find a vein and inject the full amount, job done.'' He passed me a mahogany box similar in size and shape to a spectacles case.
I opened the box and took out the syringe while Howard rolled up the blood stained shirt sleeve on Nolan's right arm. There was a rubber tube in the box and I tied it tightly around the arm above the elbow. The procedure brought back memories of the overdose that I had inflicted on Sir Robert's blackmailer. Nolan's arm tensed and his head started shaking from side to side in defiance but resistance was futile. I found the vein, quickly inserted the needle and pressed the plunger home. Nolan writhed and strained at his restraints until eventually the drug took effect and his body relaxed.
''We'll leave him here for a while to make sure he is gone, let's go and see Grace and have a cup of tea.'' Howard said as he put away the syringe and tube. ''When we come back I will swop the number plates and put them and the kit back in the safe.'' Unlike me, Howard was quite complacent about the whole affair.
Howard had told me earlier that he always swapped the license plates on the Viano when he was picking up unofficial bodies just in case there was CCTV in the area of collection. London was one of the worlds cities that possessed the most surveillance cameras so it was better to be safe than sorry. He kept the plates and other equipment in a secret safe in the cold store.
I was shaking like a leaf and thanking God that once again I had gotten away with one.
Grace made the tea and gave Howard and me a brief rundown of the days business. There had been two funerals booked and a couple of further enquiries, business was booming in more ways than one. There had been a problem with one of the suppliers but she had sorted it out. Jenny Groves would be coming by tomorrow afternoon to work on Mrs Jennings. Grace finished for the day and we went back out to the Viano to make sure that Nolan had died. Howard checked his vital signs and confirmed that he had passed away.
After Howard returned from the cold store we unloaded the body from the Viano and took it into the embalming room and there we stripped it of all its clothing. Howard explained the procedure that we were about to undertake.
''Fortunately for us we have a John Doe on the premises, he came in a few days ago. The unidentified body was found not far from here in an area that is popular with many homeless people as a place to doss down for sometimes days or even weeks, this poor unfortunate soul has been dead for a good few days and his body has been ravaged by vermin and urban foxes. Most of his face has gone as have the other softer tissue parts of the body like hands and feet so identification was impossible. The other homeless people who use the area often strip bodies of any decent clothing like shoes and coats before the authorities find them, the police said that John died of natural causes and as he couldn't be identified no relatives were found so he ended up here. John is due for cremation tomorrow so here is the plan.''
Howard continued to describe what we were going to do. ''I have a couple of large caskets in case of emergencies, they are not the traditional shaped coffins but the casket, oblong type with a hinged lid. We will remove all the lining inside the casket to make more room and then we shall lay both corpses inside, top and tailing them to fit. It may be a bit tight but we should be able to wedge them in, after all John Doe is quite emaciated and will not take up so much room as a fresh cadaver. I will have to explain that the casket was donated by an anonymous donor, I have used that one before. The crematorium won't be any the wiser and as you know it is forbidden to open a coffin prior to cremation so they will think they are cremating just the one body. There will be no pall bearers as costs are kept to a minimum so we shall transport the body on a gurney into the crematorium ourselves. We stay until after the service and then we leave.''
The plan was well used and Howard was used to doing it so what was there to be worried about. I nodded in agreement and we set about the task. Nolan's clothing was burned in the incinerator and we squeezed the two bodies into the casket, there was more room than we thought as Nolan wasn't a large man either. Howard screwed down the lid of the casket and we placed it back into the cold store to await transportation the next day.
''What happens to the ashes of these unclaimed people?'' I was wondering where they ended up, I had not had any dealings with pauper funerals when I was in the business before.
''Mostly scattered in the memorial garden at the crematorium, if there is no clue about religion or the deceased's wishes then that's generally where they go. There is a formal service before the coffins are incinerated out of respect for the dead but it is just a generic service. Sometimes there are a couple of mourners in attendance, they are usually volunteers from local charities or the Salvation Army who do it for free. A nice gesture I think.''
We cleaned up and Howard left for the day, I went upstairs to the flat and fed Jackie. I stroked the cat as he ate and with the aid of a large glass of whisky I told him all about my traumatic day, I found it to be very good therapy.
FIVE LIVES AND MORE LIES
17
I accompanied Howard to the crematorium for the funeral of John Doe and Tony Nolan, there was only the two of us and a clergyman, Reverend Dickens in attendance. Between us we wheeled the coffin through the double doors and into the room, together we lifted it onto the plinth ready for the short service as classical music quietly played in the background. The music faded and the clergyman began to read passages from the bible and prayers as we sat with our heads bowed in the front row. When the service was over the classical music started again and the coffin slowly disappeared as the hidden hydraulics within the plinth lowered it from sight and to the waiting furnace.
We both stood as the Reverend came over to thank us for our sterling work, aiding the homeless on their way to a higher place. We shook his hand and said we were honoured to assist and then we left. Outside in the fresh air Howard paused to take a call. I noticed he had an ancient Nokia 3310 mobile phone and not a brand new all singing and dancing smart phone, I wondered why. When he hung up he
told me the call was from Grace who had a query.
''About time you got an upgrade Howard!'' I said laughing.
Howard looked baffled. ''Upgrade. What are you talking about?''
''The mobile, it's out of the Ark. Nobody has a 3310 these days, you should have a word with your phone company and get an iphone at least or better still a Samsung.''
Howard wasn't amused or even interested. ''I have no intention of upgrading, in fact I wouldn't even have this if the Nevsky's hadn't insisted on it. They said they may need to contact me urgently and so I needed the mobile purely for text messages and calls, nothing else. I have no interest in technology Steve, it is the work of the Devil as far as I am concerned. Nothing good has come of computers or mobile phones and you won't find them in my business.''
Now he came to mention it I hadn't seen any computers at the funeral parlour in fact there was almost an air of antiquity about the place. I had thought something was missing but couldn't put my finger on it.
''Computers have spread more misery than good, people have been put out of work by them because factories are run by robots, children are becoming zombies hooked up to ipads, games consoles, phones and televisions. They are being robbed of their childhood by a dependency on machines, you only have to look at childhood obesity it's shocking. How many even read a book nowadays and as for writing a letter, forget it.'' He was passionate about his dislike of technology. ''Then there's this so called social media, more like anti-social from what I've read about it. There is more bullying and arguing that goes on than any constructive dialogue. And who wants to see what someone had for dinner for God's sake.''
''What about all the benefits though, the diseases they have helped to overcome and the medical advancements? The good must surely outweigh the bad.'' I tried to spring to the defence of technology but Howard was having none of it as he continued his rant.
''Yes and look at the good that has done, the world is overpopulated and natural resources are sacrificed for the advancement of the human race. We don't deserve to extend our stay beyond the allotted lifespan, we ruin the planet its flora and fauna without justification, passing the problem on to future generations. No you can keep your Devil's technology, one day natural forces will overcome and all the technology in the world won't save the human race. And don't get me started on aeroplanes they are the worst invention ever, people move around the world way to fast spreading over the planet like a rash. People nowadays don't have the luxury of time to think, you send an e-mail and before you have looked up from your device someone is demanding a reply. Back in the day you sent a letter and you had a few days grace before you worried about the reply. Forget it, technology sucks my friend!''
I thought I would quit before Howard got annoyed, he was already raising his voice and I knew I would not change his opinion. I changed the subject.
''What happens now with John Doe and Nolan?'' I knew the process but couldn't think of anything else to say.
''Well the coffin will by now be in the basement and within a few hours it will be cremated. There will be nothing left to suggest there were two bodies in the coffin after it has been exposed to a temperature of around 900 degrees centigrade. The cremator will take roughly an hour per 50kg of body weight so I estimate they will be reduced to charred bones within about three hours. Grinding the remains another twenty or so minutes then it's job done. We won't be back for the scattering of the ashes as it's not part of our remit.'' Howard was in his element. ''Come on let's get back and I will introduce you to Jenny, she should be there now.
Grace was busy with a client when we arrived back so we went directly to the embalming room. Leaning over a female corpse laid out on the steel table was a young woman, she had her back to us and was so absorbed in her work that she never heard us enter. She was a petite, flaxen haired woman somewhere in her late twenties I would estimate. Her hair was tied in a braid that hung down level with her shoulder blades. There was a pencil sticking out of the top of the braid, no doubt placed there for easy access. She was wearing a white lab coat which as she bent over the corpse exposed a pair of shapely legs which ended in a pair of bright multi-coloured Doctor Marten boots.
''Hi Jenny! How are you getting on?'' Howard called from the doorway.
The sound startled the poor woman who swiftly turned around to see who was addressing her. On seeing us she stood up and smiled. She was very pretty, the hair on either side of her face was formed into thin braids that hung down just in front of her ears. She had a freckled, button nose that supported a pair of Harry Potter style glasses behind which were a pair of emerald green eyes.
''Howard! I didn't hear you come in. I hope you didn't hear me talking about you to Mrs Jennings.'' Jenny liked to talk to her clients it passed the time and no subject was off limits. She was addressing Howard but her eyes were on me. ''This must be the Steve that Grace was telling me about.'' She extended a delicate hand towards me, the wrist had multiple, woven coloured bracelets on it.
''I am indeed, I hope she said nice things. A pleasure to finally meet you Jenny.'' I said holding eye contact with her for longer than was probably necessary. She was beautiful and looked like she had just stepped out of a Lord of the Rings movie, all she needed was a pair of pointy ears and she could be an elf princess.
''Grace was full of praise I can assure you. I was just putting the finishing touches to Mrs J when you arrived, I think I have finished. Take a look.'' She stood to one side as she invited us to view.
Mrs Jennings was a woman of 42 who had died in a car accident, her face had been severely damaged down the left side including the loss of the left eye when the skull splintered on impact. To see her now you would have thought she was taking an afternoon nap, her face had been restored by the sheer brilliance and skill of the artist standing next to her. Jenny Groves was very talented. Next to Mrs Jennings head was a recent photograph which her husband had supplied for reference so that Jenny could work from it. If anything she had improved upon it.
''Brilliant work as usual Jenny, Mr Jennings will take great comfort from it, I'm sure.'' Howard heaped praise on the young woman who blushed slightly. ''I will leave you two to get acquainted while I have a word with Grace.'' He disappeared out of the door.
Jenny explained the procedure she had done on Mrs Jennings face. She had begun by padding out the badly dented left side of the face to bring it back in line with the right and at the same time she had reconstructed the eye socket so that a wooden eyeball could be inserted into the cavity. The eyes were glued shut and the mouth had been sutured to stop it gaping. The numerous cuts and bruises were covered with layers of foundation and heavier, opaque cosmetics sufficient to hide the damage. The mood lighting installed in the viewing room would give Mrs Jennings a healthy glow when her husband came to view. Subtle pink lighting was chosen to aid this process. The rest of the damaged body would be hidden beneath the clothing supplied by the grieving Mr Jennings.
''Where did you learn your craft?'' I asked as I studied the prostrate form on the table.
''Madame Tussauds in London.'' Jenny replied.
I thought I had misheard her and asked her to repeat it.
''The waxworks, you must have heard of it.'' She laughed. ''I worked there to pay my way through Uni when I studied to be a Mortuary Cosmetologist. I am fully licensed now and work freelance. The work there is similar to the work I now do, constructing faces to match an existing likeness. It was good training and very well paid.''
''Well looking at Mrs Jennings I would say it paid off in more ways than one. You have an incredible gift Jenny.'' I laid on the praise to hopefully gain an advantage, I liked this woman a lot.
''Why thank you kind sir,'' she bowed to me as she replied, ''I understand that you are going to be taking over when Howard retires.''
''Yes, that's the plan and I very much look forward to working with you. Perhaps we could go out to dinner one night to see what we have in common and work through some ideas I have.'' In for a
penny I thought.
''Are you married Steve, or have you a girlfriend?''
I was caught unawares by the question. ''No, I'm not married and I recently split from a girlfriend when I moved to Richmond. Why?''
''I don't know about you but I haven't had sex for weeks and it's not the same scratching your own itch, if you get my drift.'' She boldly answered.
I liked the sound of where this was going. ''Totally agree and boy do those itches need a lot of scratching.'' Hopefully she would offer me the chance to do a bit of scratching.
''Dinner would be nice thank you. Oh and by the way we do already have something in common.''
''What's that then?'' I asked.
''We are both between girlfriends.'' She gave me a wry smile and turned her attention back to Mrs Jennings.
It took a few seconds for the penny to drop and when it did it was with a loud clang.