by Roya Carmen
“Oh, I see what’s happening,” Flynn says playfully. “We’re making exceptions for very pretty girls.”
I laugh and blush a little. I just can’t keep my eyes off Flynn. It feels intimate, being tucked in under these blankets with him. I love him when he’s casual like this, when he’s not playing Doctor. When he’s not taking care of everyone, when he’s just having fun – he’s never been more beautiful to me.
“Jade, and auntie Ruby and Mommy are all allowed,” Trevor tells us, “but absolutely no other girls allowed.”
Silence fills the cozy dark space as Flynn and I stare at each other for the longest time, the both of us wearing goofy grins.
“So…” Trevor pipes up, breaking the silence. “What should we do now?”
I wince. “Did I interrupt something?! What were you doing before I barged in?”
“Talking about knights,” Trevor says.
“We were talking about Medieval Times… you know… the show,” Flynn explains. “Have you ever been?”
I laugh, picturing Michael and I at a theme dinner theatre. I can’t even imagine it – so not Michael’s thing. “No... have you?”
Both Trevor and Flynn smile wide. “We’ve been there three times!” Trevor says, excited as can be. This is one of the things I love about Flynn – he can be so serious and in charge, but then he can also be so playful and fun.
“You’d love it,” Flynn pipes up. “I’d love seeing you chomping on a chicken leg with your bare hands. For some reason, I have a hard time imagining it,” he teases. “You’re always so prim and proper.”
“Oh, I can get down and dirty too.” I say, not quite thinking of the innuendo.
An impish grin stretches across his face. “Oh… I know.”
We both blush. “Uh… I’ve seen you in the paddock with the horses, feet deep in mud,” he’s quick to add.
I grin like a silly lovesick teenager – he has that effect on me.
He still wears that mischievous grin when he says, “I think we should have a snack… cookies and milk,” he says, not taking his eyes off me. “Can you be a big boy, Trevor, and get us some cookies?”
Trevor jumps to his feet. “Yes, I can. I’ll get the big tray with the flowers on it and bring it all.”
Flynn’s smiling eyes are still fixed on me when he adds, “Bring the carton of milk, some cookies and three plastic cups.”
“I got it,” Trevor calls out as he dashes out of the fort.
“We have about five minutes,” Flynn whispers as he presses his large hand against my cheek and pulls me to him. I’m so hungry when his warm mouth presses against mine – and not for cookies. His other hand slips under the flowy skirt of my dress and I just melt. His touch travels straight to my sex. I want him so badly. I’m not sure I can keep this up.
I need to file those papers – and soon!
Jade
Our hot mouths dance, our hands wander, wild. His hands feel rough against my skin but I love it – I can’t get enough. I love running my fingers through his beard; soft and just a little prickly. I imagine how it would feel against the inside of my thighs.
I feel the both of us lose control as he pulls me closer and I straddle him – I can feel it in the heaviness of our breaths, hear it in the sound of our quiet moans. I can feel the desperation in the both of us.
I ache when I pull away. “What are we doing?” I ask, breathless. Although I know exactly what we’re doing. But this certainly isn’t the place, and we aren’t quite ready for that.
He presses his hand to his forehead, looking completely spent. “I don’t know how long we can do this… when are you filing those papers?”
“Tuesday… in two days.” Yes, definitely Tuesday.
If I wait any longer, we might both just go crazy.
With impeccable timing, Trevor swoops back in with a tray of cookies and milk.
“Wow… that was fast,” Flynn says as Trevor settles between the two of us, and sets the tray down.
“I got Oreos and mommy’s chocolate chip cookies.”
As my hand reaches for one of the chocolate chip cookies, I’m suddenly conscious of my tight dress. “Oh darn, I forgot I’m not supposed to be eating cookies.”
Eyes wide in shock, Trevor asks, “Why?”
“My bridesmaid dress is a little tight,” I explain. “I need to be careful or I won’t fit into it.”
Flynn smiles. “You’re perfect just the way you are.”
I grin down at the cookies, not quite able to look at him. I love that he likes me just the way I am. I lift my gaze and take in the details of him; his gorgeous eyes, the perfect sweep of his hair and the sweetest smile I have ever seen. “Well, I’ll just have the one. The diet starts after this cookie… I need to fit into this dress.”
He grins. “Fair enough.”
The doorbell rings, putting an abrupt end to our perfect moment.
“I’ll get it,” Trevor cheers and he’s gone in a flash.
“I should probably get back,” I tell Flynn. “The girls are probably wondering where I’ve gone.”
He chews on his bottom lip. “Yes, as much as I’d like to get back to what we were doing, I’m pretty sure we’d get caught this time.”
“Yes,” I say, standing to my feet, still crouching under the blanket as I struggle to make my way out.
Flynn follows right behind me. “I should go check who’s at the door.”
I’m hot on his heels, curious. When we get to the door, I see Trevor chatting with a silver haired man holding a giant bouquet of white roses – they’re absolutely gorgeous.
When the man tells Flynn the flowers are for Jade Williams, the expression on Flynn’s face hits me hard. The flowers are not from him. That leaves only one other explanation. I know the flowers are from Michael before I even open the card.
Flynn takes the bouquet from the man and thanks him quietly. I close the door behind the stranger and Flynn hands me the bouquet without a word. We both know what this means – Michael is not going away.
I knew he wouldn’t. I’m filled with emotion: fear, anger, excitement, nostalgia. These flowers bring back so many memories. He often would send me flowers; my favourites; roses, tulips and lilies. He’d send them to remind me he loved me during the good times, and he’d send them to apologize following the bad times.
I set the bouquet on the console table in the entry hall. The smell of the roses assaults me as I dig in to retrieve the white envelope nestled in the flowers. My hands tremble as I struggle to rip it open with shaking fingers. Flynn stands over me, curious.
Sweet princess,
I’m so sorry, Jade. I know I’ve been an asshole. I’m sorry I acted so crazy when I last saw you. I’m sorry I took the Rover. It’s yours. Everything is still yours. I’m yours.
And you’re mine.
I’m so sorry I hit you again. I’ve been so good for months, but with everything that’s been going on lately at work, I lost control and took it out on you. I’m so sorry for that. I’m stressed as hell. But I promise you, I’ll never do it again.
You and me, baby… we belong together. You can’t just throw away ten years together over one slap. I know it’s not always perfect between us but it’s pretty damn good. No one will ever love you as much as I do. I’m not sure if anything is going on between you and that Flynn guy, but know that he could never possibly be as crazy about you as I am.
I’m going insane without you. You’re all I think about… I can’t sleep, I can’t eat and I can’t get anything done.
I want you to come back home now… this has gone on long enough. I want to touch you again, feel your skin on mine and fall asleep next to you like we’ve done so many times. We could go back to where we were and work on that baby. I can picture a perfect little boy (or girl) with your beautiful eyes and dark hair, and your sweet face.
Please come back to me, Jade.
I miss you.
Love always,
Michael
My eyes fill with tears. Why does he always do this? Why does he make me want to reach for him when I struggle to push him away? How dare he? How dare he act like everything is fine. It’s not. It’s not okay. He belittles me. He hits me. He hurts me. And he thinks he can make it all go away with a few pretty words and expensive flowers.
Flynn wraps me in his arms. My tears soak his thick white cotton shirt. I hold on to him tightly, the letter still crumpled in my fist. I feel perfect in his arms. I belong there – in his arms.
A sweet quiet voice startles me. “What’s wrong, Jade?”
I look down at Trevor as I tear myself from Flynn. “I’m okay, Trevor. I’m just sad about someone I used to know.”
“Did they die?” he asks, wide-eyed.
I shake my head, not quite knowing how to respond. “No, no, no.”
“Did they send the flowers?”
“Uh… yes.”
“Do they miss you?”
My heart breaks again and I swallow the lump in my throat. “Yes…” I tell him. “They do.”
“Do you miss them?”
God, this kid is going to break me. This letter is bad enough… it reminds me of all the good times; picnics on the beach, movie nights cuddled under a blanket, the time we got caught in the rain and made love in the back of his car, and the way he would always look at me – like I was the only person in his world. I always have been. He might not be perfect but he has never had eyes for anyone else. I’ve always been his whole world.
I still love him. I know it’s fucked up. How can I still love him after all he’s put me through?
I swallow hard. “Yes… I do.”
I don’t know why I say the words out loud, right in front of Flynn. I know I can hurt him. I know we’ve fallen hard enough to hurt each other. But I don’t want to hide anything from him. Part of me still loves my husband, and probably always will. I know it’s crazy but for every second of violence and pain, there were thousands of beauty and happiness. That’s the part people don’t understand.
They see a woman who suffers domestic violence at the hands of her husband and they think she’s crazy when she stays with him. It’s really not that complicated – she loves him.
Flynn is angry. I can see it in his stance, in the straight lines of his face. He’s a different man – not the sweet man I know. He turns from us and heads toward the kitchen. I run after him. He turns to me without a word and I see pain in his eyes. He is the sweetest most intuitive man I know. I know he can read my emotions – he could probably sense what I felt when I read Michael’s words. He knows it’s not completely over for me.
“I don’t want the flowers,” I tell him. “Can you take them with you when you leave?”
He nods without a word.
I don’t know what else to say. I don’t show him the letter. I think Michael’s words would hurt and anger him. He doesn’t need to see them.
“Hey, who are the flowers from?” Amber asks as soon as she pops her head into the kitchen. From the expression on her face, I suspect she already knows who they’re from.
I nod quietly. As she inches closer to me and notices my red swollen eyes and splotchy face, she takes me in her arms. “Was there a card? Did he threaten you?”
“No, no. He didn’t,” I sink into her. “He wants me back.”
“Oh God…” is all she says. She knows there’s nothing more to say.
Flynn
I lead Buddy into the arena and pray that he’s good for Jade today. I’m not a religious man but sometimes I’ll talk to the guy upstairs when I need a favour. I haven’t been to church in forever. When we were kids, my parents would drag the four of us to church almost every Sunday. I always found it a little boring but I didn’t mind being there. But ever since my brother’s death, I’ve turned my back on God. First my mother was taken from us when she died from breast cancer, and then my little brother in a tragic accident. I know Ken made his own bed when he decided to drink and drive, but I was still mad at God. Still am, I suppose. Then my dad suffers a massive heart attack. I’m not going to church. God and I are no longer friends at the moment – we’ve lost touch and I’m certainly not going to his place and shooting the breeze.
I put the final touches on the obstacle course, assuring that all the cones, poles and barrels are in place. Jade needs this. She is doing so well, and any setback of any kind could hold her back. I can see the transformation in her; in the way she carries herself, the way she interacts with the horses, and the way she smiles. She’s slowly gaining confidence and she needs to keep growing. I was so damn proud of her when she walked straight up to Michael. She looked so small next to him. My heart was pounding against my rib cage – I was scared shitless that he would hurt her. The anger in his dark eyes was palpable – you could practically feel it wrap around you; a strong hard grip around your throat, stealing your breath. I stood on alert, ready to fucking kick his face in if he as much as laid a single finger on her. She was so strong, looking him straight in the eye and telling him she wasn’t going with him. I was so damn proud of her and I knew right there that all the work we’d done so far was working.
Her grin is as wide as her face as she walks past the stalls and into the arena. She’s wearing tight blue jeans and a cute plaid pink top, always so stylish. Her hair is up in a long ponytail. I melt at the mere sight of her – I’ve got it bad.
I smile in her direction, pulling at Buddy’s rope – he’s all ready for her. “You ready?”
She bites down a grin as she mulls over my question. “I-I think…”
“You think?!” I tease. “You’ve got this, Jade. This will be a piece a cake.”
She inches closer. “I wish I could be as confident as you. It didn’t go so well last time.”
“Buddy was just shaken up,” I explain, trying to get her to understand. “Blame it on Blaze. When he bit him, he shook him up good.”
“Evil Blaze,” she says playfully with a pout.
She obviously has no clue what she’s doing to me. I want to say ‘the hell with it’ and just grab her and take her upstairs, have my way with her… once, twice, or three times. But I know we’re not there yet. “How ‘bout this… if all goes well, we’ll go into town and go to a little coffee shop I know. They serve the best cake and we’ll share a slice to celebrate.”
She smiles wide. “Now you’re talking… you sure know how to keep your clients motivated.”
“Remember… you’re not my client anymore,” I remind her. “We’re friends.”
She nods, pulling her gaze away to the ground, suddenly shy. “Yes… friends,” she says softly. We both know we’re more than friends. We both know that as soon as those papers are filed, I’ll be all over her. It’s all I’ve been thinking about lately. I wonder if I’ll be enough for her. I want to rock her world, shake the ground under her feet.
I’m a pretty intuitive man and I could feel the chemistry between her and her husband. She might be struggling to stay away from him but it was clear he still has a pull on her. I could see it in her body language as she read his letter. I still want to know what was in that letter – it’s driving me crazy. I want to know everything – I want to witness every single touch, every kiss they’ve shared. I want to know how he made love to her, how he got her off. I know he treated her like shit, but I also know he was probably a dynamo in bed. Fierce passion is written all over the guy. Passion can be amazing when channeled properly, but it can also be horrific.
A passionate person can be beautiful. But passion can also wear an ugly face, and that’s why she finds herself here today, standing next to me.
“He’s all yours,” I say handing her the lead rope as we stand at the start of the course.
She hesitates for a moment, but then pats Buddy on the rump. “Let’s do this.”
Jade knows the drill. I’ve set up the exact same obstacle course as last time. I can’t keep my eyes off the two of them as she leads Buddy slowly over the poles, and easily a
round the cones. Buddy is calm today, and I say a quick ‘thank you’ to the sky. She leads Buddy effortlessly to a short trot before they walk two circles around the barrels. She grins at me as she directs Buddy into the small wall enclosure. A smile practically splits my face in two as I beam at her – I’m just so happy for her. Despite all she’s been through, in this moment, she is truly happy. And that in turn makes me happy. I guess that’s what love feels like. I’ve never known this feeling before and hits me so hard, it scares me.
Buddy walks between the poles toward me as he navigates the zig zag trail I’ve set up and another ten feet and they’ve reached me. I take her into my arms. “Great job,” I whisper against her ear. I want to kiss her. But not yet.
Flynn
She’s absolutely radiating. I reach into my pocket for my mobile wanting to capture this moment forever. She beams as I snap a shot of her and Buddy. This is my first and only picture of her. No matter what happens, I’ll always have this photo of her.
“I have a crazy idea,” she says cheerfully. “What would you think… if I… rode him? You think I’m ready?”
I don’t hesitate for a moment when I reply, “Why not. We’re on a roll. And Buddy is calm as can be. Yes… let’s do it.”
She seems a decade younger when she fills with excitement and jumps up and down. “I’m nervous.”
I take Buddy’ rope. “Let’s go tack her up and we’ll do a circle or two around the arena.”
We quickly get Buddy’s saddle on and it takes me just a minute to adjust the stirrups for Jade. It’s quiet here today – Mondays usually are – it’s a perfect day for this. I shoot her a grin. “Well, here goes.”
She winces as she takes the reins in her hands and leads Buddy to the arena. She’s seen others do this a dozen times – she’s ready. I help her on the pony and she swings her leg around like a pro and is straddling Buddy in no time. I hand her the reins and she holds on tight.