“Until then,” I said and jumped out of the car and strolled to my front door. It was a perfect moment and my head was spinning from the heat I was generating. It felt like a thousand tiny fires wanted to explode from me but I managed to keep them subdued. I turned to wave goodbye before she drove away but found that she was right there in front of me.
“Is everything o...” I tried to spit out but her lips cut me off. Her body pushed forward as she pressed her mouth against mine and I had no time to catch my breath. Her hands found the back of my neck and her legs outstretched as far as they could, to reach my mouth comfortably. This kiss was much quicker but it was no less potent. My legs felt weak and my chest felt like it was about to be covered in flames any second.
“Goodbye Max,” she whispered. I was speechless. She quickly ran back to her car, very proud of herself. Her long hair whipped through the air like a golden silk ribbon and my heart dropped into my stomach.
“I’m in trouble,” I whispered as she drove away. I had given in...I had let her inside my walls. I had spent so many years crafting those walls and she tore through them as if they were made of paper. A steaming trail of nervous heat escaped my mouth and that’s when it hit me...I couldn’t keep doing this around Sam. She needed to know the truth. If I dragged my feet long enough, she would surely figure it out herself. She was as smart as they come, but that wasn’t good enough. She deserved the truth and she deserved to hear it from me. I had to tell her the truth. All of it.
Friday afternoon – 4:32 p.m. – August 25th.
Sam pulled me from her car and dragged me up the driveway. Her house was modest but very beautiful…just like her. The front door was deep red with a rectangular window in the center. The crimson door was surrounded by yellow walls with big rose bushes running along each side of the home. She stopped me at the door and grabbed both of my hands. Her eyes found mine with a smile. Her touch was cool and calming against my warming skin. She was complete confidence and I was a shell of fear. She popped up on her toes and planted a sweet little kiss on my lips.
“Thanks for coming over,” she whispered.
She opened the door and we entered her living room. Her home was quiet and peaceful. It felt like her, safe. Slowly I surveyed my surroundings and found my eyes pulled to a large picture frame above one of her living room couches. It was of her parents. They were locked in a close embrace on the beach with the sun cascading around them. It was personal and beautiful. A romantic movie frozen in time.
“Wow,” I gushed. Sam let me have a moment to enjoy the picture.
“That’s my parents,” she spoke softly.
“They look so happy. I love it. I’ve always enjoyed photography like this...it’s like a moment in time,” I said. She walked up to me with a curious smile.
“Ahh…then you have chosen your company wisely,” she boasted as she directed my eyes to the opposite wall. It was covered in about a dozen or so picture frames. All of the frames were black to bring out the features of the black and white photos they enclosed. My eyes grew wider.
“It’s kind of my hobby,” she said as she slid herself closer to me. I absorbed each image slowly, enjoying each one more and more as I did. They were pictures of all the local beaches at different times of day. One beach in particular was much too familiar as I recognized the crescent moon shaped cove, where I first met Asia. My eyes pushed themselves from it quickly and Sam noticed my reaction immediately.
“What do you think Max?” she asked with a hint of skepticism. I kept my eyes focused on the photos when I finally answered.
“They’re amazing,” I smiled. “Take this one for example.” I pointed to one on the end. It was a simple shot of a couple palm trees reaching for the ocean with the sun setting in the background. In the middle of the beach was one lone body. Just a little girl with pigtails in her hair and a giant seashell in her hands. I said giant because it was the size of her head and she couldn’t have been more than 4 or 5 years old, judging by her size. It was basically just an outline of a girl because the setting sun cast her as a shadow.
“The way the trees bring your focus to the lines of the water coming in is genius.” Sam looked at me as if she would burst with excitement.
“That’s my favorite too,” she said. My eyes caught hers and they seemed to be searching mine for something. I tried to distract her curiosity quickly.
“Great minds think alike,” I teased.
“The little girl was only there for about fifteen-seconds before her father ran up and took her away. It was a one in a million shot, but I caught it,” she added.
I didn’t mean to seem distant at that moment but all I could see was Mia with her arms in the air as she spun around in circles in slow motion.
“The girl is my favorite thing about the photo,” I said distant and Sam leaned in and gently grabbed my hand.
“Why’s that?” she asked.
“Just reminds me of someone,” I forced a smile. She sensed my pain and slowly reached down taking my wrist into her hands and exposed my tattoo. She stared at the three letters for a second.
“Mia’s your sister,” she said as if she should have realized it sooner. I just looked at her patiently. “I can’t believe I thought this was a former flames name. I feel so stupid.”
“It’s okay.” I didn’t want to talk about this now.
“I remember the day she passed away,” she said and my chest felt heavy. “One afternoon my dad came home early and he was upset. I overheard him telling my mom that your uncle had gotten some terrible news.” My arm stiffened as she spoke.
“He would have to cover for Frank’s shift at work because he had to fly back to help with the funeral.” She reached up and slid my bangs behind my ears and smiled softly.
“My dad came in to my room and gave me the biggest hug I had ever gotten from him. He told me how much he loved me and I didn’t fully understand what had happened, until I was older. I think I was about nine.” She finally stopped talking and I felt the tears behind my eyes.
“Mia used to wear her hair in pigtails everyday.” I put my hands in my pockets. “She was six…I was ten.” I had to stop talking before I wouldn’t be able to stop and with a quick glance she understood.
“I’m sorry Max.” She gently pulled my hands from my pockets and slid her tiny body up to mine. I had already begun to warm up. Her lips found mine again and we spent the next few minutes there in a perfect embrace. As great as the moment was, my mind could not shake the image of my little sister. I had to tell her about my secret. A rush of questions swallowed me. Will she understand my demons? Will she hate me? Will she be scared of me?
The pizza arrived shortly after and she convinced me to eat it in her room. What was going on here? Inviting a boy into her room with no parents around. She was supposed to be the good girl. Her room was very clean and very soft and warm. There were a few more of her photos neatly hung around her room. Her computer was on but asleep with a pair of ‘The Rolling Stones’ lips floating around the screen. There was a giant mirror in the corner and it had photos tucked inside the sides of the frame. Mostly friends and family, but one picture stood out and made my skin crawl. It was a picture of Devon with his arms around her and they both looked disgustingly happy. Hate welled up in my throat immediately. I turned from it to find Sam holding her camera in her hands.
“Smile big handsome,” she smiled. It was hard to do with Devon’s disapproving eyes watching me. She clicked a few shots and I started to become self-conscious. I walked up to her slowly and gently took the camera from her hands.
With a devilish grin I said, “My turn.” Her face filled with uneasiness.
“Alright,” she sounded anything but all right. Reluctantly she posed for a few shots at her window and a couple more sitting on her bed. I was enjoying myself when she suddenly stopped me. Her hands pulled the camera from me and she set it on her desk.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“I was thinking about the
first time we kissed.” Her lips curved with a smile.
“What about it?”
“I know this is going to sound crazy but when you kissed me…I felt things.” She was cautious.
“I felt things too,” I teased with a wink but I knew exactly what she meant. She didn’t find anything funny and continued.
“It felt like we were in a sauna…no, that’s not exactly what I mean.” She collected her thoughts. “I felt warm inside, like a fever breaking throughout my body.” Her eyes were fixed on mine.
“And you were…”
“On fire,” I interrupted. She nodded slowly.
“When I got home I found this.” She pulled her hair from her shoulder and exposed the back of her neck and her left ear. Peaking from her hair was a faint but obvious burn scar from my fingertip. She stared at me with a longing to understand and I laid down my defenses. All right Max…this is it.
“Sam I need to show you something but I need you to promise me that you will not freak out,” I sounded so scared.
“Show me what?” her voice began to tremble.
“Sam please,” I was officially scared now. “Promise me.”
“I promise,” she whispered.
Truth_16
~Policy Of Truth: Depeche Mode~
With a long deep breath I turned and took a pair of scissors from Sam’s desk. I slowly opened them up, until the plastic handles stuck against the cold metal. I stared at her one last time and realized that this was it, no turning back now. Things would never be the same after this moment. Her eyes followed my hand without breathing and she was obviously scared now. The blades of the scissors were cold against my burning touch and I took another deep breath.
“Just breathe,” I said to myself and quickly sliced open my left palm. I dragged the blade along my wrist and down my forearm.
“Max…” she gasped.
“Trust me,” I said as I pulled the bloody scissors from my arm and set them back down. The faintest line of smoke danced upward and Sam’s face fell white as her blood drained from it. I thought that she might run away in horror but she held her ground. My blood poured from the fresh wound before the steam started to rise from the open slit. As more steam came off my arm the wound began to pull together and a red and white flame glowed along my arm. Her eyes intensified and her body leaned backwards against her bed. The flame grew to the top of my arm and with one final burst, engulfed my hand in a yellow and orange teardrop of fire. It twisted and swayed with the movement of my fingers and I could feel that the wound was totally healed now. I watched her reaction from behind the flame and then let it fade away. The fire disappeared as quickly as it had appeared and I turned my arm toward her to show her that I was okay.
“Surprise,” I said nervously.
Sam only looked at me in disbelief. I brushed my hair from my eyes and crossed my arms impatiently. She leaned forward and stood up from her bed, stepping toward me. I took a slight step back.
“Please don’t be scared of me. Sam, I would never hurt you,” I swore. She said nothing and reached out for my arm. Her eyes inspected every inch closely. Her fingers felt freezing against my newly healed skin. I found that quite comforting.
“Does it hurt?” she asked in a whisper.
“The wound hurts like hell but only for a second. Then there is only the heat.” I let a half smile creep from the side of my mouth.
“Could you do that to me too?” she asked as if she already knew the answer. My hand found her earlobe and I slowly caressed the scar behind it.
“Yes, I can fix that scar for you.” My hand filled with heat again.
“No,” she exclaimed as her hand pulled at mine. I froze with confusion.
“I think I want to keep it.” Her smile returned.
“Why?” I didn’t understand how she could possibly want to keep it.
“Because every time I see or feel it I will think of our first kiss.” She moved her body into mine. “I don’t ever want to lose that.”
“I guess this means you’re not too scared of me?” I asked.
“A little…” Her confidence was back. “But it doesn’t change the way I feel for you.”
“And how is that?” I swallowed and waited for the worst possible answer. Her arms wrapped themselves around me and she buried her head in my chest.
“I’m falling for you Max.” Her words shook my very core but I felt safe at the same time.
“You are?”
“I can see the real you.” She looked up at my scared expression.
“The real me?” I choked.
“I see the boy who hides behind his bangs when he’s nervous. The boy who believes that if he’s alone he won’t be hurt again.” She took my wrist in her hand and covered Mia’s name with her other hand.
“And I see the big brother that you will forever be.”
Her last words knocked the wind out of me and I pulled myself away from her grasp. Without any more stalling, I began to tell her about that day. That horrible afternoon I’ve dreamt of almost every night since.
“I told my mother once that I thought Mia looked cute in pigtails and she overheard me. From that day on she would only let our mom fix her hair in two little pigtails. She told mom that…‘If my big brother says I look pretty like this…than that’s good enough for me.’ The thought still makes me smile.” Sam settled in and watched me patiently.
“She was wearing those little pigtails the day of the accident. They were wrapped in two long red ribbons, because that was her big brothers favorite color,” I laughed softly.
“It sounds like she was your biggest fan.” She tried to sound light hearted but I ignored her and kept talking.
“We were both sitting in the back seat of the family car. She was fast asleep and I was busy staring out my window at the scenery. We had just spent a week up in the mountains, at some over- priced lodge that promised fun for the whole family. It was supposed to be covered in snow, ready to fill our week with hours of skiing and snow ball fights but it wasn’t meant to be. There was hardly any snow and when we arrived, Mother Nature never supplied us with more. Except for the night that we left.” I inhaled a deep breath to gather my bearings.
“So I watched the clumps of new snow that were spread along the landscape. We were driving on a stretch of road that hugged an edge of the mountain for a few miles. I found out later that it’s one of the most dangerous stretches of road in northern California. It was known for patches of black ice during certain months of the year. It seems we were lucky enough to experience that first hand.” My attempt at a joke just made me feel more alone.
“I remember looking over the edge of this mountain thinking that it was so far down. The thought made my head spin a little. My dad asked our mom to check on Mia because she hadn’t made a sound in a while. I can still see my mom’s smile as she turned around in the front seat to check on us. She was so happy,” my voice cracked. Sam moved around to the side of me.
“About then was when we hit the first patch of ice. It spun our car sideways in an instant, sending my head into my window and jolting my sister awake. Her face filled with shock, which made me heat up instantly. The windows fogged quickly as my dad had almost brought the car back under control. That’s when we hit the second patch of ice,” I stopped talking long enough to look at Sam and she looked sad. That almost made me stop right then and there.
“The car spun the opposite way this time, toward the far side of the road, away from the cliffs edge. The tires clipped something and the next thing I knew, we were on our side. My mother was thrown from the car and she lied motionless in a near-by ditch, unconscious. She hardly had a mark on her but my dad wasn’t as lucky. He wasn’t moving and stuck against the air bags, bleeding from his head. Mia hung from her seatbelt, above me with her tiny arms reaching for me. She was crying and calling my name but all I could hear was the ringing in my head. My body had already started steaming. Back then I couldn’t control it very well. I kept telling
her it would be okay and not to worry. I was wrong.” A single tear cut down my face and I wiped it away.
“The smell of gasoline was growing stronger and that filled me with a crippling fear. My little gift doesn’t play well with gasoline. The thought freaked me out and I ignited, uncontrollably but only for a moment. In that moment I had burned through the seat belt and I was free. I reached up toward Mia to free her too but when my burning hands found hers she screamed in pain. I took a second to calm my racing fear and for a few minutes it seemed to be working. I reached up and undid her seatbelt. I had to fight it because it was jammed. Just as I figured it out and relief began to wash over Mia’s face, I heard the worst possible noise.” I stopped drained.
“Go on Max,” Sam pushed gently.
“The sound of screeching tires from the other lane pierced the cab of the car. Mia screamed as the truck slammed into the front of the car, spinning us like a top across the icy road. The stranger’s truck exploded on impact, sending a fire ball into the sky and our vehicle toward the cliff. The metal roof exploded with sparks as we twisted toward the railing out of control.” Anger had seeped into my voice as my eyes filled with rage.
“We were already in bad shape. We didn’t need that damn drunk driver to make things worse!” I shook the thought from my head quickly as Sam gasped with a stuttered breath. Now she really understood my hatred for alcohol.
“Everything was spinning and there was a buzzing in my ears as I bounced around the back of the car. Flames erupted from me as I tried to find my footing. I finally found that footing as the car came to a rest on its roof, at the edge of the road barrier. The cool mountain air rushed inside the car and my flames disappeared. Everything was quiet and I started to believe things could still be okay. I could finally get Mia out of this nightmare and get us some help. There was just one problem with that…I was the only one left in the car.” I refreshed my dry throat with a sip of the soda we had been drinking with dinner. Sam leaned into me and noticed how much heat I was generating.
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