“I think I ruined the outfit you bought me. Sorry.” I grinned nervously.
“Don’t worry about it.” She grinned and raised a single eyebrow. Her bedroom popped with a building electricity and heat.
“Now can we try this again?” she asked with a pout.
“Definitely.” I gave in.
Here we were, two opposites being pulled toward each other by some unnatural force and when we came together it was like a national disaster. Maybe this wasn’t meant to be no matter how much I cared for her. Then I caught a glimpse of her as she slid onto her bed and I didn’t care about anything but this moment. The thunder knocked at her window and I gave her an awkward glance.
“Take it easy,” I said playfully. She stuck her tongue out and smiled. The lightning returned as the rain filled with new life.
Our passion built quickly with our pounding hearts. The thunderstorm outside built even quicker, shaking her room lightly. As I enjoyed each one of her curves my heat began to rage out of control again. I was in heaven but was starting to get scared now. If I got any hotter I would definitely hurt her. She pushed harder and I felt helpless in her arms.
Just as the moment approached where our two bodies would become one, the signs fell dark again. The hair on our bodies rose at attention and my head filled with a dull hum. My thoughts were fuzzy and I felt weak. Asia was covered in sweat…too much sweat. I was dangerous this close with her. My fires spun out of control while the thunder became deafening. Her breathing was much too heavy as tiny bits of static popped off her body. I was too hot now and the fire was only moments from being let free. I was petrified I might kill us both.
A deep pop filled our ears as a bright flash of light blinded us from outside her windows. The power went out as I fell into her arms. We should have stopped at that moment but we didn’t. Her arms tightened around me as my eyes caught two giant arcs of light outside her windows. They weren’t as big as the one from the night before but they seemed just as angry with us. They were about 100 feet from the house and moving our way quickly. The two bolts of fire twisted and twirled in some evil dance, never touching one another, but increasing their fury.
“No!” Asia screamed.
“We have to stop!”
Through her teeth she cursed, “Not again!”
I felt so dizzy and hot that it took a second for me to realize that she had pulled herself from me and was running toward the window. Her palms slammed against the glass with a slap. Her silhouette taunted me as the approaching lightning glowed in front of her. I ignited into flames and rose from the bed. She saw this in the reflection of the vibrating glass and closed her eyes. She began to cry and leaned her forehead into it.
A low growl rose from her chest as she tensed her body, flexing every muscle she had against the cold window. The two bolts were only feet away now and their sound was ferocious. Her house shook violently as the lightning screamed like two locomotives out of control.
“Asia you can do this!” I yelled from behind her. She trembled against the glass and in the blink of an eye the two arcs of fire were gone, almost like they were never there at all. The room fell into blackness as my ears still hummed from my burning torso. She quickly pushed her window open and the ice cold rain showered us instantly. The sound of it burning as it hit my flames brought her back to her senses. She turned to me with eyes full of terror and I pushed the fire back down inside of me. She ran and embraced me as the flames fell away.
“Are you okay?” I asked brushing her wet bangs from her sobbing face. She looked devastated and broken.
“Damn it!” she cursed. “The one thing I wanted more than anything…” Her eyes found mine and I tried to smile for her. “I can’t even show you what you mean to me.”
I kissed her forehead, “We’ll figure this out.” She only looked at me with disappointment. I held her for the next few minutes, making sure to keep my temperature strong enough to keep her warm while she sulked.
“Will you still stay with me?” she finally asked defeated. A thousand fears stood up inside of me and my stomach knotted up. It had been an emotionally long night. I lifted her head and kissed her gently.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Sunday morning – 7:09 a.m. – September 3rd.
I awoke in a fog with my throat dry and my head a little fuzzy. Even as groggy as I was from the explosive night before, it only took a moment to realize that I was alone. The sun was shining brightly through Asia’s room, illuminating every corner in a warm peaceful glow. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky and the breeze fell softly around me. I could smell the tray of breakfast before I even saw it and my stomach rumbled to life. My batteries were running low after last night’s events.
I stretched with a long yawn, reaching for the tray of food and froze in mid reach. A small yellow piece of paper was neatly tucked under a single rose. My appetite vanished as I forced myself to grab the note. Her scent was all over the piece of paper, making my heart sink into my stomach. I had given her all of me and she had left. I swallowed deeply, letting out a nervous sigh and opened the note.
“DONT FREAK OUT…I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT SOME THINGS. PLEASE DON’T TRY AND FIND ME. I NEED TIME. I’LL FIND YOU. PROMISE…XOXO.”
“I’m such an idiot,” I crumbled. First Sam, now her. Sadness climbed up from deep inside of me and choked away my inner heat. I felt cold as I sat surrendering to the over powering sadness. It began to smother me and I didn’t think I could take much more. I slowly gathered my things and left.
Suffocate_29
~Strong Enough: Sheryl Crow~
Sunday – 8:19 a.m.
Why is it when your heart is breaking, every song on the radio seems to exploit that pain? Driving back home from Asia’s, I found that my one constant friend music, had become my enemy. I was already numb enough from the past twenty-four hours to take the truths the singer on the radio had waiting for me. I clicked the stereo knob off and drove the rest of the way home in silence.
As I pulled into our driveway, safe and sound, I was glad to be home. That sliver of happiness cracked into a thousand pieces when my tired eyes focused on the tiny silver car parked next to the house. What was Sam doing here first thing in the morning?
“This morning just keeps getting better,” I pouted.
I reached down inside and found what lingering courage I had left and stepped from the truck. Sam had slowly walked out the front door to meet me half way between the house and the truck. As I walked up I noticed Frank peering from behind the curtains in the living room. I shot him an awkward glare and he took the hint and disappeared. Without missing a beat, Oz’s furry head popped up and his happy little face almost made me smile.
“Do you have a sec?” Sam asked politely. I could only stare at her, as my overnight bag fell to the ground next to me. She smiled but her confidence was shaken.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
“Why are you here Sam?” I was annoyed.
“For you.”
“It’s too late,” I grumbled. Deep down though, I didn’t believe that. She shifted slightly and ran her hands along a large manila envelope. In my misery I hadn’t even noticed it in her hands.
“It’s never too late Max.”
“This isn’t the best time to talk.” I was surprised at how defeated I sounded.
“Long night?” she asked with hesitation.
“Sam…please. I don’t want to do this right now.” I grabbed my bag and started to walk toward the house. Her hands reached for me and her small 5 foot frame felt like a 20 foot wall. I slowly turned to her again, trying my hardest not to look in those big green eyes. I couldn’t afford to let her in again…not now. My fragile heart just couldn’t take anymore.
“Let me have my say…” her eyes seemed to ease my pain a little. “Then I’ll go.”
“Okay,” I agreed. Inside I tried to put up my walls as fast as I could.
“Devon and I are done. For good.” Damn it, there wa
s his name again! I hated when she spoke it. “I’ve known for a long time we were over. I just let my fears cloud that truth for a while.” She reached for my hand but I pulled it behind my back.
“Sam…stop,” I begged.
“Devon is gone. There is only you Max. You are the one I love,” she smiled. My eyes closed as the first swing from her wrecking ball smashed into my new walls. Another hit like that and I was done for.
“We’ve been through this already and you chose him!” I yelled.
“No, I didn’t!” she said defiantly. “I was afraid that after your fight that he would retaliate in some way. With the police or some expensive lawyer…or worse,” she trailed off.
“I can handle that,” I said shaking lightly.
“That’s not what I was afraid of Max. I was afraid of you leaving if any of that happened.” Her eyes caught mine. “I was afraid of you…leaving me.”
“Oh,” I whimpered.
“I will love you forever and a day…if you let me,” she said as her eyes filled with tears. My walls fell from her latest swing of the wrecking ball of truth. I was drowning now and my knees felt like they would give out.
“This can’t be happening,” I whispered through my teeth.
“Max, I need you to tell me the truth now.” She was so beautiful when she let her natural confidence shine.
“Tell me how you feel about her. Tell me how I make you feel.” Her hand ran through my hair, “Tell me everything.”
And with that the world cracked open and the heavens shook. My last little thread of sanity I had left…snapped. I lost it completely and threw my bag away from me and into the nearby bushes.
“Ahhh!” I screamed. My inferno was back and I embraced the heat.
“Fine! You need the truth.” My hands ignited in two bursts of flames, twisting and twirling around my fists. Tiny embers sizzled and dripped to the bare ground.
“This is me Sam!” I yelled again but I couldn’t stop myself. “Look at me! This will always be who I am.” The flames crept up my fore arms. She stared at me hard.
“Do you really want to love this?” I said and my voice felt thick with pain.
She stepped towards me with no hesitation, “Yes.”
“Damn it Sam…” I cursed throwing my arms in the air in frustration, extinguishing the flames.
“Fine,” I took a deep breath and let her know everything.
“I feel like a candle burning alone and all this craziness surrounds me, spinning and spinning. It takes everything I have to not let my flame burn out and the best way to do that is to just be still and let everything else pass,” I said calming down. She stepped closer to me.
“Alone.” I leaned against my uncle’s truck and continued.
“I know you don’t want to hear this but Asia is a part of me,” I checked to see if this hurt her at all but her face stood strong. “On some crazy level she feeds the fire inside of me, making me feel whole. I love her.”
That did it; her face broke and filled with pain. I couldn’t stand to see her like that. I pushed my body closer to her.
“And there’s you…” she looked up at me, clutching the envelope tighter. “I think you’re my soul mate,” I whispered. Her eyes focused on me heavily.
“Max...”
“I don’t know how it’s possible but I do. I’ve tried to deny it. I’ve tried to fight it. I feel as if were supposed to grow old together.” A smile returned to her flushed face but my face fell sullen.
“What does this mean?” she asked quietly.
“I love you too. I don’t know how that is possible.” I was heating up again. “How selfish is it that I think I can love both of you?”
The world fell silent as I let my misery wash over me.
“I don’t deserve your love Sam. I’m sorry for hurting you,” I said through clenched teeth. “You deserve better.”
She stood quietly thinking for a moment before she spoke. She looked so vulnerable. I wanted to reach out and hold her but I thought it would be better if she just left. Leave me behind and find someone that truly deserved her but she wouldn’t leave. Instead she walked closer to me, sliding her falling hair behind her ear.
“This is for you,” her voice was soft. She handed me the yellow envelope and gently caressed my hands as I took it from her. “Please don’t open it yet, okay.”
“What is it?”
She pulled her body into mine, staring up at my hurt eyes. One of her hands slid along my cheek as the other one brushed my bangs from my face. She really enjoyed doing that and it seemed to make things better every time she did it.
“I know you blame yourself for your family, for your sister,” she paused then continued cautiously. “But it’s not your fault Max. The pain you carry is not for you.”
She lifted her lips to my chin and kissed me gently, “Not anymore.” My face filled with a rush of heat.
“Your sister would want you to move on,” she whispered. Her head tilted to the side as a tear fell from my eye. “It’s time to let Mia go. It’s time for you to be happy.” She kissed me again and I felt my chest cave in under the sheer torture of her words.
“It’s time for you to be with me,” she said crying. Her hands fell from my face and she walked slowly past me toward her car. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t stop her. I was devastated.
“Make me a promise Max,” she insisted.
“Anything,” I barely spoke.
“Don’t open that until you are ready to forgive yourself,” her little voice cracked. “Okay?”
“Sam…” I couldn’t find any words. The world was spinning too fast again. I wished that someone would stop it though; I was ready to get off.
“Promise me.” She was crying fully now and it killed me to hear her that way. I looked down at the envelope and traced my finger along her hand writing on the face of it.
“I promise,” it barely came out of my mouth. I was so confused by her request but I would honor her wishes. She nodded quickly and climbed into her car and drove away. I stood alone, clenching her gift in my overheating hands. After what felt like hours, I found enough strength to walk into my house. I avoided my uncle and barely acknowledged little Oz as I stumbled inside. Frank watched me as I wiped my eyes dry and fumbled to my bedroom but he did not follow.
In my room I sat staring at Sam’s gift and my mind fell numb. Oz curled his long body up against mine and I managed to pat his head gently. There we sat for hours, not moving an inch. I sat replaying the last day’s events over and over again in my head. It was slowly driving me insane but I was determined to make some kind of sense of what was happening. But I kept coming back to the fact that I was in love with two amazing girls and I think it was killing me.
I managed to climb in the shower for at least an hour, letting the running water wash over me. It soothed my tired body as I drowned in my own self-pity. When I finally finished Frank was waiting for me with a smile and a handful of photos. He held them out to me and I reluctantly took them.
“Sam thought you might like these. She has a great eye,” he spoke softly.
“Some say she has two of them,” I joked half-heartedly.
“Good one,” he said laughing politely. “If you need to talk son…” I cut him off.
“I know where to find you. Thanks,” I actually managed a smile.
“Take all the time you need,” he said as he patted me on my back and walked away. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I won’t need the truck tomorrow. Roger from work needs my help with something and offered to pick me up early. So, if you want her, she’s all yours,” he winked.
“Okay. Thanks,” I smiled.
I settled onto my bed and spread the handful of pictures along my blanket. As I fumbled through them my smile grew. There was one of Kai, Marcus and me at the barbecue and another couple from our concert. There was one that I took of Sam at her house and that one hurt to look at. To my surprise, there was one of Asia and me together. But the last shot se
emed to rattle me the most. Sam and Asia were sitting side by side on the living room couch with flowers in their hair. The ones my uncle had given them the day of the barbecue. They both looked happy next to one another, almost like long lost sisters. It was crazy but there they were.
“Oz, I think I need to get away.” He groaned back at me as I rubbed his belly. His eyes rolled in the back of his head as he rolled over and fell asleep. I sat the stack of photos on my desk, leaving the one of the girls exposed on top.
“What the hell am I going to do?” I asked disgusted. I glanced down and watched Oz as he drifted away to sleep and my head felt like bubble gum. I stretched out beside him and waited for the darkness to overtake me. When it finally did, I surrendered to it completely.
~Rain: The Wreckers~
Monday morning – 9:44 a.m. – September 4th.
I awoke with a peaceful feeling and recharged sense of purpose. I had slept through the afternoon and night without waking up once. I had forgotten to set my clock alarm again and was late again for school. I didn’t care though; I needed to get away. That’s when I saw my uncle’s truck parked outside the window and remembered that he didn’t need it today.
“How about it Oz, you up for another adventure?” He yipped loudly at me. His tiny tail wagged so hard I thought it might break off.
“Then it’s decided…let’s go.”
We drove as far as we possibly could on the island. The two of us: man and his best friend. We found a peaceful patch of land with plenty of trees and vegetation. The ocean was close and filled the place with sticky freshness. We spent the morning playing guitar and chasing butterflies. It was the perfect day until my cell phone beeped to life. I should have left it at home.
“Oh no...” I huffed staring at its screen.
At school, my non presence was becoming an issue. Sam waited in the parking lot nervously until the last bell, for me to show.
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