by Ann Garner
“Delaney, let me introduce you to Jacob Ross.” I mutter. “Jacob, this is my best friend Delaney. She had a very…sheltered childhood.” I tell him. “So her social skills are severely lacking.” I shoot her a look, “Isn’t that right, Del?”
Her cheeks go pink as her eyes drop to Jacob. Who is currently smiling like a lunatic. “Beautiful, huh? Is that what she said?”
“Don’t answer him.”
Her eyes are darting between the two of us and I almost physically see the tension coursing through her body. Her muscles stiffen and she shifts closer to me. I know it’s instinctual for her to put that distance between her and someone she doesn’t know. Especially a male someone she doesn’t know. And I see the faint flicker of confusion in Jacob’s eyes just seconds before he shifts, moving in such a way that he is now even farther away from her.
His smile never falters. “It’s very nice to meet you, Delaney.”
“Um,” Her eyes flick to me and then back to him again “nice to meet you as well.”
“Would you be able to give me an exact account of what she said? Were there any other adjectives used? Gorgeous, sexy, smart? I personally think I’m all three of those, plus the beautiful.”
I raise my brow, “Well, no self-esteem issues for you, huh?”
“Nope. Do you know how weird your roommate is, Delaney? She likes her Cheetos stale, which I am sure has to be illegal, or at least immoral.”
Delaney is starting to relax just a little. “They actually aren’t that bad stale.”
“See, it isn’t just me,” I smirk. “You shouldn’t knock it till you’ve tried it.”
“Not going to happen.”
The faint sound of the party can be heard from the backyard. A soft mix of laughing voices and music that drifts over the townhouse filling the small stretch of silence that settles between the three of us. The sun is starting to set, the pretty mix of colors spreading across the sky as it sinks down out of sight. Tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, I’m still not used to how long it’s getting, I sigh before telling Delaney, “I’m going to set them straight. Tomorrow. Tonight I’m going to go back to the apartment and put on my PJ’s and eat ice cream and watch a sappy love movie.”
“Because that sounds healthy.” Jacob mutters.
I glare over at him for a moment then turn back to Del. “Can you tell everyone I left? I’m too tired to deal with going back in there tonight.”
Delaney frowns. “You don’t have to leave.”
“Yes I do. Tonight I do.”
“I like Grant. I really do,” Delaney says. “But, Grace, you’ve basically disappeared since you guys broke up. It’s like he won your friends in the divorce settlement. We’re your friends and family just as much as his.”
“Told you so.”
I glare at Jacob again. “Zip it.” I growl. “I just don’t want everyone to be uncomfortable. He obviously needs his space, or whatever.”
“The Grace I know wouldn’t just roll over like this. What happened to her?”
Chapter Six
The professor is droning on and on, and I have no idea what he is talking about as I absently tap my fingers on the table top in front of me. It’s Biology, which is the worst subject I’m taking this year. I am so not a science fan. I prop my chin on one hand, reaching the other hand out to pick up my pencil so I can start tapping it instead of my fingers. One leg starts bouncing up and down under the table. My gaze flicks idly to the clock on the far wall, a frown forming when I notice I still have over half the class left to suffer through.
All I can think about is the fact that I didn’t do what I said I was going to. I hadn’t told anyone that Jacob and I weren’t dating, or sleeping together, or whatever it was they all thought we were doing. Holden had some mock trial thing on Saturday so he had been unavailable, and it wasn’t like I was seeking Grant out to tell him anything.
And maybe on Sunday I had hid in my room.
On the plus side I had actually knocked out a paper I had due next week, and I had read a couple chapters of my Intro to Humanities book. So technically I hadn’t been hiding, right? I was doing school work. And thinking about how pathetic I had become in the last few months, and how right Delaney had been. I had shrunken into some poor resemblance of myself, because Grant had decided he didn’t want me anymore. So now I was annoyed with myself on top of everything else.
The girl next to me glares at me and then down at my jumping leg. “Stop.” She mouths. I drop my foot down on the ground one final time, and stop tapping my pencil as well since I’m sure that’s annoying as well. I have my class with Jacob next and I’m not sure how that’s going to go. He said he was fine with me not saying anything, but how fine was he really going to be now that I actually hadn’t said anything?
How in the hell do I get myself in these situations?
I hear the professor say something about an upcoming test and force myself to stop thinking about boy troubles and focus on what’s going on in front of me. No matter how much I might hate school, flunking out because I’m too worried about my love life is not something I want to have to explain to my parents.
It’s hard being the only child in our family who doesn’t have a set plan for themselves. I’m nearly halfway in to the first semester of my sophomore year and I still haven’t come even close to deciding on a major. Not that my parents will be disappointed in me if I only get a General Studies degree, but I’ll be disappointed in me.
Holden’s already in his first year of law school, and Cole hasn’t said it yet, but I know that’s the direction he’s going to take. Of course you add in the fact that Holden is dating Ally, who graduated last year with her degree in nursing and Cole is with Delaney who has her sights set on a degree in history, and I look like a complete slacker.
At least when I was with Grant there was one of us who had our shit together. Grant was studying sports science and wanted to be a physical therapist.
The professor wraps up the lecture about ten minutes before class is scheduled to end, which gives me time to hit the campus Starbucks and grab a latte before heading over to my next class. A cold front was sliding through, and as I stepped outside I pulled my maroon sweater tighter around my body to ward off the wind.
I’m disappointed to find that I’m not the only person with the clever idea to hit up Starbucks. The line is several people deep when I finally get to join. The low murmur of voices is cut only by the soft music floating out of hidden speakers.
“Grace!” I glance up as Kelsey comes bouncing into the coffee shop.
I’d met Kelsey the first day of classes. She’d slid in next to me in our Intro to Humanities class and started talking to me as if we’d known each other forever. Kelsey was what I had always pictured as the epitome of the entire sorority system. She’s pretty in an all-American wholesome way, with long naturally blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She energetic, and gives the term ‘bubbly’ a whole new meaning.
“Hey, Kels, how are you?” I ask as she shoots a smile to the people behind me. Her smile is so sweet they don’t even look pissed that she’s effectively cut in front of them. The sad part is, I’m not even sure she realizes the power that smile wields.
“I’m great!” I’m pretty sure Kelsey only talks in exclamation points. “Bradley’s house is having another party this weekend. You should come!”
I step up as the line moves forward. Kelsey bounces along with me. “You going to get drunk and leave me on my own again?”
A little remorse dances across her face. “Sorry. Bradley and I fought.”
“So you got drunk.”
“Totally not on purpose. My friends kept shoving shots in my hands to make me feel better.” We move forward again with the line. “Although I hear it worked in your favor.”
I groan inwardly. “Oh yeah? What did you hear?”
Kelsey grins. “I hear the very yummy Jacob Ross took you home the next day.”
“It’s not what everyone th
inks.” I say shaking my head. “We didn’t sleep together.”
“Then I heard he was at one of the little shindigs at your brother’s place.” She rolls on like I didn’t say anything. “Which you’ve never invited me to.”
We reach the counter and Kelsey smiles at the kid behind the counter before placing an order. The kid practically has drool sliding out the side of his mouth as he watches Kelsey. I give him my order as well and then we shuffle to the side to wait for our names to be called.
“Apparently there isn’t an invitation needed.” I mutter as we wait for our coffee. “Because there were people there who I know weren’t invited.”
“Never mind that. Tell me all about Jacob.”
“There is nothing to tell. Nothing happened, nothing is happening, and nothing will happen.”
Kelsey rolls her eyes. “Lame,” she declares. “You should totally be using him as your rebound. I can’t think of anyone sexier to rebound with.”
“I don’t need a rebound. And if I did it wouldn’t be Jacob. He’s a nice guy. He helped me out when you left me stranded.”
Her entire face falls. “So I’m guessing he didn’t duke it out with Grant on the quad the other day either, huh?”
“Nope. Sorry.”
The barista calls our names and I hurriedly snag my drink and head back outside. I’m totally going to have to put a stop to this before it gets out of hand. Or even more out of hand. I take a long drink of my latte as we move across campus. Kelsey is keeping up a steady stream of chatter. Thankfully she’s moved on from my non-relationship with Jacob, and is telling me all about why she had argued with Bradley. Apparently he mentioned that another girl had a nice ass. And then how he made it up to her – there was some jewelry involved.
I’m paying attention to her, or mostly paying attention to her, and not to what’s going on around us so I nearly jump out of my skin when I feel someone’s hand close around mine. Tiny sparks of awareness slip and slide up my arm at the contact.
With Grant there had always been a glowing warmth that had seeped through my skin when he touched me. It had felt familiar and safe, sort of like coming home. It had been a comfortable and pleasant feeling, and one that I hadn’t at all been unhappy with.
Jacob was a different story altogether.
My body seems to come alive at the mere brush of his skin against mine. Awareness hummed just under the surface even when he was standing next to me with no contact between us whatsoever.
I wasn’t entirely sure what to do with that.
Nor was I entirely sure what to do with the knowing look that Kelsey shoots me right before she says, “Hello, Jacob.”
He nods his head in her direction, acknowledging her, but his eyes are locked straight on me. “Kelsey. Can I steal Grace for a moment?”
“Of course. I’ll see you in class, Grace.”
I try to tug my hand out of Jacob’s because I seriously need to get my freaking hormones under control and I obviously can’t do that while I’m touching him. Or breathing in the heady woodsy scent that I’ve already come to associate with him.
Jesus, I need help.
But Jacob doesn’t let my hand go, and instead tugs me slightly closer against him.
So not helping my situation.
I arch a brow as I look up to him, doing my best to pretend indifference to the entire situation. Tugging on my hand again he says, “So I’ve been thinking.”
“That always gets me in trouble.” That damn dimple flashes along with a low laugh that escapes his lips. “Oh yeah?” He questions around the laugh. “What kind of things have you been thinking, Pix?”
I’m pretty freaking sure this is the first time I’ve ever blushed in my entire life. I have two older brothers so innocence is not something I’ve ever really had an abundance of, but holy hell the way he phrases that question lets me know exactly what he thinks I’ve been thinking about.
And damn if I’m not suddenly thinking it.
Jacob Ross should come with a freaking warning label.
“Never mind,” I mutter. “What were you thinking?”
He smirks, “I’m thinking that this is a conversation that we are going to get back to another day.”
I tug on my hand again, trying to get him to let go. I need to put some distance between the two of us or my resolve to not utilize Jacob as a rebound is going to be shot. But he won’t let go, instead his fingers tighten around mine and that smile kicks up another notch.
“I think we should go on a date.”
I’m still trying to figure out a way to stop picturing him naked when he makes this announcement. I’m pretty sure I make some kind of weird noise in my throat. A feeble attempt to try and formulate a coherent thought.
Yeah, pretty sure that isn’t happening now.
“You all right there, Grace?”
“Why?” I lick my suddenly dry lips. “Why would we go on a date?”
“Well,” Thankfully he drops my hand and I’m starting to think I might be able to piece together a couple of coherent thoughts, and then his hand reaches up and brushes back my hair, the tips of his fingers ghost softly against my cheek before he tucks my hair back behind my ear and I’m pretty sure I’ve forgotten how to talk all together. “It would keep you from having to set everyone straight.”
“You don’t have to do that, Jacob.”
“I know I don’t have to do it, Grace.”
Shaking my head, I say “I told you I’d set them straight, and I will. I’ll text Holden right now.” I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone. He snatches the phone out of my hands before I can even unlock the screen. “Hey,” I cry out, looking up at him. “Give it back.”
“Jesus, Grace, is it always this difficult to ask you out on a date?”
“I don’t know. It’s only ever been Grant.” That brings him up short. I can see the surprise on his face. Before he can say anything else I add, “I don’t want a pity date.”
“Who said anything about a pity date?”
Shooting him a look I reach out to try and snag my phone back, but he pulls it out of my reach. I frown as I cross my arms over my chest, rolling back on my heels so I can look up at him. “You’re offering to take me on a date, so I don’t have to admit I was lying that we’re dating. What would you call it?”
“Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I actually want to go on a date with you?”
I just barely manage to keep my jaw from dropping. Because he sure as shit looks serious, and those were not the words I was expecting to come out of his mouth. “Um, no.”
“Well it should, because I do.”
I must look like a total idiot. That’s all I can think as I stand there staring at him. Because no, it had never occurred to me that Jacob would want to go out on a date with me. Not a real date. Lord knows I wasn’t one of those girls who lacked self-esteem or self-confidence. I knew that, while I more than likely would never be walking down a runway in Milan, I wasn’t exactly sending small children running screaming in the opposite direction.
But I wasn’t kidding when I said it had only ever been Grant. From the moment I’d realized that boys were different then girls, and what that difference could mean, I had set my sights on Grant. There had been no room for other boys, and they had all seemed to recognize this, and had never tried.
Or they might have been terrified of my older brothers.
Regardless, I had never been asked on a date before Grant.
“You’re giving this way too much thought. It’s just a date, Pixie, not a marriage proposal.”
Chapter Seven
The morning of my date with Jacob, the real one that I fumbled through agreeing to, I wake up with tears drying on my face. I’ve always been a vivid dreamer. My mother always told me it was because I was so passionate about everything, even when I was sleeping.
I had dreamed about Grant pretty much every night since he had broken up with me.
The dream always started the same w
ay. It was the last time that Grant and I had been together before the end. We’d stayed in since Grant had complained he had a headache. I’d teased him about using a girl excuse to get out of our plans. But I hadn’t minded staying home with him.
I’d hit the local Redbox for a movie, popped popcorn, and we had curled up in my bed together. It was The Amazing Spiderman, a movie that I loved and Grant tolerated for my sake.
We’re happy. We’re in love.
Everything was perfect and right in the world.
Then halfway through the dream it’s no longer me lying on my bed with him.
The girl on the bed is some faceless female body that is everything that I’m not. Tall, rail thin, big boobs, a nice ass. She’s like a freaking Barbie lying there with Grant in my bed, in my spot in his arms, and I’m forced to watch them.
I’m forced to watch him kiss her and touch her in ways that are familiar to me. I can’t turn away as he kisses her once, twice, three times, and then he pulls back and just as he leans down to whisper in her ear his eyes lock with mine, and I hear him tell her, ‘I love you.’ And then he smiles. I can tell by the look on his face that he wants me to hear him. He knows that I am there. He wants to watch my reaction.
Because he knows that I am there. And he enjoys the pain that slips through me.
In my dream, I can’t leave the room. I’ve tried. Every time I walk out my bedroom door, or into the bathroom, I’m suddenly standing right back in my bedroom. Watching the scene as if it is on repeat.
There are so many things wrong with this dream I can’t even list them all, and every time I have it I wake up with tears on my face and the same suffocating pain in my chest that I felt the first few days after the break up.
And waking up on this morning with the pain and tears I can’t help but wonder why in the hell I agreed to go on this date with Jacob. Because it doesn’t matter how much I will it to be so, my heart isn’t whole. I feel like I’m using him.
Again.
Groaning, I wipe the remaining tears off my cheek and roll out of bed. Delaney has music playing in her room, which means that Cole is here. And the reason for the music playing makes me slightly sick to my stomach. The music is like our own little version of the sock on the door, because the walls in this place are pretty thin, and sounds carry like they’re rolling through a loud speaker.