by Ann Garner
I roll the back of my hand under my nose, wiping away a very lovely mixture of snot and tears as I stare at him, waiting. Waiting for him to promise me that it will be okay.
“You want promises? I can’t give you promises, Grace, not the ones you want.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Because I will hurt you. I’ll hurt you, I’ll disappoint you, and I’ll sure as hell piss you off. It’s inevitable. Just as you’ll hurt me, disappoint me, and piss me off. That’s life, Pixie. And it sucks sometimes, and it’s hard every damn day, but despite all that hurt, disappointment, and anger? I’ll still be there. Standing next to you. And that’s what matters.”
I swallow hard, and feel the damn tears starting to pool again, for an entirely different reason this time.
“I want to be with you, and to see where this goes. Nothing and no one is going to change that. I know he promised you forever, I know you trusted him and he broke your heart. I can’t tell you why you should trust me. All I can ask is that you believe in me, that you believe in us, and in the fact that I love you. Jesus, Grace, you’re the one I want everything with.”
I let myself touch him. A quick brush of my fingers over his arm. Because I’m a glutton for punishment and I need the feel of him against my skin.
“Grace,” he hesitates for just a moment and I jump in.
“You feel guilty.” I pull my hand away, clenching my fingers tight again. “I was in the accident and it reminded you. It made you think of your mom and Lacey and how you weren’t there for them and that’s why you’re standing here in front of me. And I won’t do that to either one of us, Jacob. It wouldn’t be fair.”
The entire apartment goes eerily quiet while he watches me. I can’t read his expression at all. His entire body goes stiff at my words. Finally, what feels like years later, he drops his arm down, hands hanging limply at his sides while his eyes soften. “Is that what you think?”
“It’s what I know. You didn’t show up until I was in the accident Jacob. You ignored me. You told me that there was nothing left for me with you. Tell me I’m wrong.”
“Do you know how I found out about the accident, Grace?”
“I guess someone called you.” I start to pick absently at my cast with my thumbnail. “Probably Ally or Del.”
Jacob moves across the kitchen, getting right in front of me so that my back is pressed up against the counter and I’m forced to tilt my head back to meet his gaze. He places his hand on either side of my hips, pinning me in place. “I was here, Pixie.”
“What?” I demand, confused.
A small smile flirts with the corners of his mouth. Instead of answering my question he asks, “Do you know when I missed you the most?” Wide eyed I shake my head back and forth. His fingers dig slightly into my skin of my hip. “There’s a moment in the morning, just as dawn breaks, and when you were with me I would roll over and I would see you lying there with the sunrise spreading across your face, and this warmth would slide through my chest. Every fucking morning since you’ve been gone, Grace, I’ve looked over for you. But you weren’t there.”
“You didn’t want me there,” I whisper.
“I’ve always wanted you. From the first time I saw you, Grace. From that first moment, I knew I was all in.”
I feel my brow furrow. “I was still with Grant. You told me the first time you saw me was when I was still with him.”
“I know.”
I lick my suddenly dry lips. “Why were you here that morning?”
“I love you.” He says simply. “I love you and I couldn’t not tell you anymore. I’d come to tell you I love you and instead I ran into Cole. They’d just gotten back to town, had barely put their stuff down when your mom called. I’ve never been so scared in my entire life. Cole couldn’t tell me anything other than you’d been in a car accident. I felt like my heart stopped. Just quit beating entirely until we got to the hospital and they said you were going to be okay.” His hands smooth down along my hips, finding the edge of my shirt and moving back up so they brush against skin. I nearly sigh at the slight contact. “I want to share my forever with you, Grace.” He says softly. “I can’t imagine there ever being someone else I want by my side more than you.”
“Grant isn’t going away, Jacob. He’s been my brother’s friend for years, he’s been a part of my life for just as long. That’s not going to change.”
“I trust you, Grace.”
He drops his hand from my waist, and the skin he’d been touching feels cold at the loss. Before I can protest his hands come up to cup my face, his thumbs brushing gently across my cheek bones. I hadn’t even realized I was crying until I feel the moisture smoothing into my skin under his touch. “Say it again.”
“I trust you, Grace.” He replies instantly, but I shake my head. His mouth tips up, the dimple flashing as he tilts his head towards mine. “I love you, Pixie.”
I release a long breath of air, my eyes locked on his as I whisper softly. “I love you.” His eyes close, and he looks as if he is trying to savor the moment. Committing it to memory to pull out again later. I know that’s what I’ve done.
I close the distance between us, brushing my lips over his softly. “I love you, Jacob.” My tongue darts out to lick across his bottom lip, dipping briefly inside before I pull back. “If you ever fucking let me go again I’ll kill you. Swear to God, Jacob, I’ll hunt you down and chop you up into little pieces and feed you to my fish.”
“You don’t have fish.” He reminds me with a laugh. I just shake my head again and tell him, “I’ll buy fish just so I can feed you to them. No leaving.”
“No leaving.” He agrees, leaning into to kiss me again.
The End
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