Leaving the bed again, Erin pulled a drawer out of the chest across the room, grabbed a pillow off of the bed to use as a mattress and finally settled the baby in the makeshift crib.
When he seemed quieted, she left him and went back into the bathroom to search for something she could use to dig the bullets out. Unfortunately, Juliette hadn’t left a tray of medical instruments. She had to make do with tweezers.
After sterilizing them the best she could, she bent to her task, focusing on the glint of metal she could see imbedded in his flesh rather the flesh itself. She was shaking all over and sick to her stomach by the time she’d dug the slugs out, but a sense of relief filled her, too. The bullets had been silver.
Almost as soon as she removed the slugs the blood began to slow and finally stopped oozing altogether.
She discovered when she looked at his face that his eyes were open and he was watching her. “You should see about the baby.”
She shook her head, smiling wryly. “Poor little fellow gave up on getting fed again and fell asleep.”
Almost before the words were out of her mouth, the baby made a liar out of her, letting out a cry so filled with hurt Erin rushed to see if he’d somehow injured himself. He hadn’t, she saw, relieved, but it was obvious his feelings were hurt that he’d been abandoned. Lifting him from his makeshift crib, she looked around the cabin and finally moved to sit on the edge of the bed, loosening the towel and settling him to her breast.
Snuffling like a baby puppy, he found her nipple and latched onto it, suckling hungrily, his tiny hands balled into fists under his chin.
Jesse chuckled and Erin glanced around to discover he had levered himself up on one elbow to look over her shoulder. Shaking her head at him, she shifted so that she could lie down, holding the baby beside her.
From out of no where the urge to cry settled over her as she watched him. She’d missed so much. He hardly looked like the baby she remembered. “He’s changed so much since I saw him last,” she murmured unhappily, fighting the fear that it wasn’t Joshua at all.
As if he sensed the fear that had arisen in her mind, Jesse spoke. “He’s mine,” he said quietly, stroking one hand soothingly along her arm.
Erin glanced at him, but she realized immediately that he was in touch with senses that had long since failed humans. He would know his young by his scent. That was how he’d found Joshua so easily. She should have realized that before.
Relief flooded her.
It was short lived. It sank into her as she studied Jesse that he hadn’t said ‘ours’ and new fears immediately raised their ugly heads, but she didn’t want to think about that now. Joshua needed her. Jesse must realize that or he wouldn’t have brought her. “Thank you,” she said shakily. “Thank you so much for helping me find him.”
He stared at her hard for several moments and finally sank back against the pillows, staring up at the ceiling. “My son needs his mother.”
A hard knot of misery tightened in her throat and uneasiness formed a taut coil in the pit of her stomach, but she pushed the thoughts away. She didn’t want to think about her tenuous situation now. She would think about it later, when she had to.
Nodding, she transferred her attention to the baby, stroking his soft cheek. He opened his eyes at her touch, looking up at her. A frown drew his brows together and she smiled at his expression--so like his father’s--feeling relief that she saw the resemblance that assured her he was hers.
The first weeks of his life had been stolen from her. They hadn’t really had a chance to form more than a tenuous bond before they were separated. Now, she thought she had some chance of it. For at least as long as Jesse felt his son needed her, she had that much security to cling to. He would guard them from the others, and he would not harm her.
A sense of peace settled inside of her despite the doubts that still teased at the fringes of her consciousness. She had Joshua safe from those demented scientists. That was all that really mattered at the moment.
As she had known would almost inevitably be the case, the baby so consumed her time on the trip back home that she had little opportunity to explore what had seemed to be a promising beginning between her and Jesse. As delighted as she was to have Joshua again, and as much as she enjoyed the time she spent getting to know her son, the adjustment wasn’t easy for either one of them and tending him was so exhausting that she hardly knew where she was half the time.
Jesse seemed distant. It took her a while to notice it though, and even when she did she wasn’t certain what, if anything, she could or should try to do about it. She wasn’t even certain why he seemed to have withdrawn.
Maybe motherhood was a turn off to him? Or maybe he was just having trouble coming to grips with the new responsibility?
Struggling to unravel the puzzle, it occurred to her after a while that he seemed to have been very withdrawn after they’d returned from the island, more specifically after she’d removed the bullets.
Had it bothered him that he’d needed her help? Was he embarrassed, maybe, because he thought he’d seemed weak?
That sounded like something a man would worry about, but somehow she didn’t think that was it. He’d actually seemed fine until she’d thanked him for rescuing the baby.
Wondering how that could’ve angered him, she turned it over and over in her mind until abruptly it made sense. He’d felt distanced by the way she’d said it, as if she was thanking a stranger for a favor.
She hadn’t meant it that way, but maybe, since she’d been so wrapped up in the baby that she’d been reluctant to spare the time to patch him up, he wasn’t being overly sensitive to have taken it that way.
The certainty grew in her that she’d royally screwed up, and that that was exactly why Jesse had grown so distant, but she couldn’t think of any way to retrieve her mistake. Trying to explain at this late date would only be awkward for both of them and not at all convincing.
She put it from her mind. She couldn’t deal with more than Joshua at the moment. When she’d learned how to cope with tending an infant, she would find some way to smooth things over between her and Jesse.
Chapter Fifteen
Within a week, Erin found herself ensconced in a penthouse apartment at the top of one of the tallest buildings in the city. It took several more weeks, though, before Erin and Joshua had acclimated to each other and Erin was actually able to think of life beyond diaper changes, feeding time, baths and bed.
Joshua, to her delight, blossomed under her attention, rounding out very nicely in the ensuing weeks until he merely looked thin, not emaciated, and his head ceased to look abnormally large compared to the rest of him. He was, in fact, beautiful--just like his father.
She was certain every parent lied to themselves and thought their baby was beautiful, but she was certain she was being completely unbiased.
By the time he’d settled into a routine that included a full night’s sleep for Erin, she had come to the conclusion that a full frontal assault was the only way to deal with the situation between her and Jesse.
Tavian had told her Jesse loved her. Carlos had said that the ‘marks’ Jesse had given her meant that he had chosen her as his ‘mate.’ And Jesse had not denied any of it. He’d risked his life for her over and over again. If he didn’t love her, he was just a lunatic.
She didn’t think he was a lunatic, except maybe in the sense that he’d fallen in love with her, but if that was true, then she was a lunatic, too, because she loved him.
The plan was easier conceived than implemented, she discovered. Every time she thought she might have the opportunity to speak with Jesse and began rehearsing how to launch the assault, either the baby woke up and demanded attention, the phone rang, or the door bell … or she discovered that Jesse had locked himself into the room he called his office and only snarled at her when she knocked.
She was just going to have to be brazen, she decided one night after she’d finally settled the baby in his crib. Jesse was
hurt and he wasn’t going to let down his guard.
Slipping from the baby’s room, she searched the apartment for Jesse.
He was locked in his office again.
She knocked anyway.
“What?” he barked through the door.
Erin fumed. He hadn’t even bothered to get up and answer the door. “I’m standing in the hall naked.”
Silence greeted that announcement. She’d just begun to wonder if even that lure was going to work when she heard him push his desk chair back and stride across the room. He looked down at her blankly when he’d jerked the door open. Slowly, a frown formed between his eyes. “What did you say?”
Erin smiled up at him. “I said, come to bed.”
He blinked several times, rapidly. She could see the wheels turning in his head. They hadn’t shared a bed since they’d rescued Joshua.
“I … uh … I should finish that software program I’ve been workin’ on.”
Erin sighed. Moving closer, she slipped her arms around his waist. “I know I deserve it, but you don’t have to make this so hard for me,” she murmured against his chest.
Almost tentatively, he looped his arms around her. “Make what hard?”
She smiled against his chest, tempted to say something outrageously dirty. She tamped the urge. “If you’ll come to bed with me, I’ll show you something else I learned from that little book I once read.”
He drew back to look down at her. A slow grin curled his lips. “I’m no’ sure my heart could take it.”
Erin smiled at the teasing tone of his voice, but there was something in his eyes that made her ache. She swallowed against the knot that formed in her throat. “I love you, Jesse. I’m so sorry for everything. Don’t … push me away. I’m trying.”
He swallowed audibly. Lifting a hand, he brushed the backs of his fingers along her cheek and then pulled her tightly against him. “The first time I saw you I thought you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I could see the fear in your eyes when you looked at me and I knew you thought I was an animal, jus’ like the others did, but I never saw disgust in your eyes … or hate. You were the only thing I had to look forward to. You were what kept me sane.
“I think I knew all along that that cold bitch had lied about you. The thing was, it was easier to hate you for that than to accept that they’d had to drug you to make you come to me.”
Tears burned Erin’s eyes and despair filled her. It was useless to try to deny or to explain. She’d tried already and it had only made things worse. There was no way the truth could make them better, or that a lie would be believed. He knew exactly how she’d felt then and unless he could accept it and put it behind them, it was always going to lie between them, ugly and hurtful. “I can’t change what happened, or undo it, and all the wishing in the world won’t give me another chance. Isn’t it enough that I love you now?”
“In spite of what I am?”
Erin pulled away from him. “Because of what and who you are!”
He looked unconvinced. “You just think you love me because I saved Joshua.”
Erin stamped her foot. “I knew it was that stupid remark! Because I said thank you for rescuing me and the baby? For taking three bullets and going through pure hell to bring us out safely, you think I don’t love you? You think it’s just … gratitude? For a smart man you can be really stupid, Jesse!
“I am grateful. How could I not be after all you’ve done? What kind of person wouldn’t be grateful?
“But I sure as hell wasn’t drugged when we made love on the ship. And I wasn’t drugged when you tied me up and drove me crazy in that little cabin. That was good, old fashioned lust, damn it! And I wouldn’t feel that way if I didn’t love you!
“Fine! Have it your way. I hate you you stubborn, pig headed thing! Go! Play with your damned software. I’m going to bed.”
Giving him a shove, Erin turned and stalked down the hallway. She very nearly slammed the bedroom door before it dawned on her that doing so would almost certainly wake the baby.
Not that it mattered, really, Erin thought, flopping down angrily on the edge of the bed. She was going to be awake half the night anyway because she was boiling mad.
The door opened. When Erin turned to glare at him, she saw that he’d propped his shoulders against the door frame. His arms were crossed over his chest, a faint smile playing about his lips. “Do you really?”
“What?” Erin demanded crossly.
“Hate me because I’m pig headed.”
“Yes!” she snapped sulkily. “No! Sometimes, damn it!”
“And the rest of the time?”
“I am NOT going to say it again,” Erin snapped, snatching a pillow off the bed and throwing it at him.
He caught it, flipped it in his hands a couple of times and pushed away from the doorframe, moving slowly toward her. “You offered to show me what else you’d learned from that book,” he said tentatively.
“I’m not going to do that either.”
Before she’d realized his intentions, he pounced, grabbing her and then carrying her down in the center of the bed. She looked up at him in surprise.
“I love you. I love the way your eyes shoot fire at me whenever you’re mad as hell. I love the freckles all over your cute little nose, but most of all I love your mouth.”
Erin couldn’t help but smile back at him. “My mouth, huh?”
He leaned toward her, nipping at her lips. “Absolutely. Do you think you could show me that little trick you learned now?”
Erin burst out laughing. “I believe I’ll let you show me your tricks first,” she said haughtily.
The End
Other titles from Celeste Anwar:
Carnal Appetite
Carnal Knowledge
Carnal Thirst
Born of Night
The Color of Twilight
Your Every Desire
Resurrection
Dark Thrall
Beauty Ravished
A peek at Dark Thrall, now available.
DARK THRALL
By
Celeste Anwar
Chapter One
Once upon a time, Raphael had been the greatest seducer in all the land of Pearthen. His sexual prowess was renowned, and his skills in the bedroom highly sought by the voracious and timid alike.
Raphael loved women. He loved their skin and smell, tasting their curves and breasts, listening to their lilting voices. He enjoyed wooing them almost as much as he enjoyed making love to them. He’d had the pleasure of many courtships--far more than he cared to admit, especially in light of the fact that it was because of a woman that he’d been permanently banished to Earth. He had no hope of regaining entry into Pearthen, and since he’d become one of the fallen, he’d been unable to settle down into the comfort of his old ways.
Even before he had been banished, Raphael had always preferred to make love, not war, as the Earth saying went. There was certainly no incentive for him to hunt down his enemies after he had been expelled from Pearthen, when doing so would not regain the favor he had lost or free him from his banishment, and yet he had been forced into fight and/or flight too many times to count.
Raphael was tired. He was miserable, and he was lonelier than he had ever believed possible.
He had endured the misery of having no company but his own for quite some time before it dawned upon him that, just as he had no reason to fight his enemies, he also had no reason or incentive to abide by the laws of Pearthen which forbade him to interact with humans.
He lived on Earth now--forever. He was an Earth person, if not a human. There was no reason at all why he should not settle among them and look about for a companion and produce a child.
All he needed to do was to find the right woman, but to do so he realized he must first learn to blend in with the native population. As little as he cared what the laws of his former land were, he had learned a lesson from his banishment. He could not flaunt his conduct. If th
e humans realized that he walked among them it might create a disturbance that the Elumi would notice and then banishment would not be his punishment. He would be beheaded instead.
After observing the mating habits of humans for quite a while, he finally decided that he had mastered the technique and decided that it was time to test his knowledge. Since the majority of the mating appeared to take place in specific buildings in the city that he’d chosen to live in, he shifted into his purely human form and procured himself clothing that he thought would be suitable for the ritual.
When he was satisfied that he was dressed properly to pass, and enticingly enough to attract the female of the species, he made his way to the gathering place he had chosen and hit his first road block. The man at the door demanded ID and ten bucks. As far as he knew, bucks were deer, a species of cattle known to roam the forests of Earth. And not only was he not certain how he would catch these animals, but he also wasn’t sure how he was to get them to the man.
Deciding, finally, that perhaps he hadn’t observed closely enough, he moved aside and waited for a human man to go through. He was distracted by the fact that there were far more females going in than there were men. And not only did the guard at the door not ask for ID, he also didn’t ask for ten bucks. Thoroughly confused by now, and far more interested in following the women in than waiting to see more, Raphael was just wondering if perhaps he should draw the man off into the alley and challenge him to a fight, when a male human arrived. The male human was asked to produce an ID and ten bucks, just as he had been, which at least relieved him of the suspicion that he’d been singled out.
Curiously enough, the man pulled out a small container and handed the guard a thin rectangle and a green piece of paper. The guard looked the stiff rectangle over, looked at the man, and handed it back. He put the piece of green paper in a drawer, hit the back of the man’s hand with something, and the man went inside.
Raphael retreated a short distance to think that over. Obviously, what he needed was one of those square things, because that had the ID and the ten bucks in it. He decided he would have to relieve one of the human males of one of those objects.
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