I toggled to an unwatched season and pressed play. I had figured out why Machyl and Duane Tyrone had worked so hard to beat me down, keep me feeling inferior, for all this time.
I had just been too insecure to see that if I ever raised my game, I could outshine Miss Ellegrandé. I could outshine Miss Giltie Conshens. I could outshine the fine Bone China. Maybe I could even outshine my heart’s shining light, my heart’s black hole, Damaris Rae.
I was a fishy queen and Damaris had said I was the fishiest queen in New York. Now I was was going to audition for Vivesse and darned if I didn’t become a Contessa.
I thought I had started a new season, but instead the episode from last night started playing. I saw Calleen Jones being crowned, the tears streaming as she accepted the sash and the flowers.
The colors of the screen blurred before my eyes as I saw myself in her place, crowned High Queen, to bring it all the way home and have my pick of houses as High Queen of New York.
My heart had burned away. The void had settled in me for too long to avoid permanent damage.
In the ashes of my heart there was a hard nub left over, the remains of my spirit.
Love was gone.
But I had found something else instead.
Ambition.
And hey, on the bright side, that stupid voice in the back of my head seemed to have been burned up as well.
Good riddance.
I smiled to myself, took another sip of schnapps, and settled in to find out everything I could about the Vivesse Fashion and Beauty Parade in Bangkok, Thailand.
Drag Queen Beauty Pageant Page 42