So I helped my friend.
Lifting my mic to my mouth, I tell Banks, “Take your time.”
Banks and Sulli—they seem to always find time alone together. A rare moment where Banks is on the phone and I’m not? Yeah, I’m coveting these extra few minutes alone with her.
After I drop the mic wire, I fill Sulli in on Banks. Looks like I can’t stop talking about him with her. It’s impossible.
And the only real reason I want to divert the subject off Banks is fear.
I’m afraid the more we discuss him, the more she’ll choose him in the end. Like I’m really just the friend to Sulli. It’s what I’ve always been.
He’s the romance.
I push past my insecurities because I really don’t want to be a dick. And I feel like an asshole shunning Banks from our conversations when I actually want to confide in Sulli about him.
Once I finish mentioning the liquor guy, her brows bunch. “You think the bachelor party stress is making his headaches worse?”
“I don’t know.” I frown. “Have you seen him have a lot?”
“Before we left Philly, he definitely had one. He told me it was just a headache.”
“Me too,” I nod. “But more recently.” I easily scan the store.
“So it can’t be us, right—if he had headaches before the road trip? This whole…situation isn’t causing him physical pain?”
I smile softly. “This situation?”
She tries to lower her voice. “Us in the tent.”
I smile more. “There was zero stress in that situation, Sul. Trust me.” Banks was into her, and I know because I was watching her being eaten out and her getting off from him.
Which almost annihilated me.
And shockingly, it was a euphoric annihilation. Not a resentful, angry, pissed off one. I almost heat up remembering it all. And yeah, I wished I could’ve been the one between her legs, but I liked being against her lips. Kissing her.
Touching her.
It didn’t feel like I was losing anything. Just a part of something more. Something she enjoyed, he enjoyed—I enjoyed.
Plus, I hate that Banks is so hung-up on his shitty firsts. He deserves to be happy—and shit, it makes me happy seeing him have a good time and even having a good time with him. Last night was fun.
I’m feeling the moment out.
New experiences don’t send me hitch-hiking backwards. I’m not as free as the wind as Banks, but I try to kick myself out of my comfort zone. If I stayed in there, I’d never do half the things I’ve done.
Give and take punches and kicks for Muay Thai. Bungee jumping with my dad at fourteen. Open a gym at eighteen. Snowboard black diamonds. Swim with sharks with the Meadows family.
Chase after Sulli.
Some piece of me wishes I could be a cocky asshole and say, she loves me more than him. I have this in the bag.
But I don’t think I do. In order for me not to go out of my mind, I try to stop looking at this like a competition.
I just want to have this time with her.
At the small-town mountain store, Sulli breathes easier with my reassurance. She rifles through a bowl of Montana stickers. She’s one hundred percent looking for a gift for Winona.
I spin a rack of postcards next to Sulli, then take one out and flick it on her nose.
She tries hard not to match my smile. “You don’t want to start a nose-flicking competition with me. I’ll beat your ass, and then you’ll pout.”
“But I thought you loved winning against me?” I flick her nose again.
She steals the postcard. “Yeah, because you’re the biggest sore loser I know. Victory is that much sweeter when you whine—”
“I don’t whine,” I scoff with a smile.
“You whine.” She grins.
I glance at her lips more than once.
She bites the bottom one. “Fuck.” She turns her head away from me.
My pulse skips. “What’s wrong, Sul?” I tilt my head.
Sulli peeks up at me through her long brown hair. “Sometimes I think I was dreaming it—you and me together—and then you look at me like that, and I remember it’s real.” She inhales a bigger breath. “It’s pretty fucking overwhelming, but you probably know what this feels like already.”
I’m confused. “What do you mean?”
“A friend-turned-lover.” She cringes at her sudden use of lover.
I smile, “You don’t want to be my lover?”
“Kits,” she groans. “You know what I mean.”
“Okay, lover.”
“Fuck off.” She snaps the postcard to my nose.
We both laugh.
I spin the postcard rack but look at her. “I’ve had friends who I ended up dating, but no friend has been like you. I’ve had vested interest in your wellbeing for so long, Sul. It’s just a different feeling. More…intense.”
Can’t live without her.
She spins the rack now. “Do you think it’d be easy for you to just go back to being friends with me?”
I tense.
Is she already breaking up with me?
And before I can respond, she says, “Because sometimes I feel like I’m waiting for you to change your mind at any time. Like you could just pull that switch and go back to how things were with us.”
My stomach plummets. I don’t want Sulli to feel like I could rip a rug out from under her. To press rewind. It devastates me even imagining myself doing that to her.
Am I capable of it?
Yeah.
To her?
No.
But I can’t blame her for feeling this way when I kept asserting how our friendship was just that. Friendship. Written in cement. Carved in marble. Etched in the center of the Earth.
“I’m not going to pull that switch,” I say from my core. “I promise you, Sulli. I don’t just want to be your friend.”
Her green eyes smile before her lips. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” I nod. “And it’s not snowing, so this can’t be a dream.”
“Have you had one of those in a while?” she wonders, looking more concerned.
“Actually, no,” I admit. Now that I think about it, the last one was the night before the cougar attack.
Her brows rise, just as surprised as I am. She opens her mouth to reply, but Chuck returns with three shopping bags filled with containers of live crickets. They’re loud as shit. He shows us the self-checkout pad, then trots to the back.
Sulli refuses to let me pay. “It’s my idea.”
I still have my wallet out. “I can put this on my business card.”
“How does this relate to your security firm?”
“It relates to you,” I remind her.
“No,” she snaps. “I have money.” From her trust fund. And she contends, “You’d never put up a fight before.”
“That’s because you weren’t my girlfriend before.” The word girlfriend comes out, and I eat another bowl of Instant Regret. Because I feel bad for Banks.
What is this guilt?
I wish I didn’t care that much about his feelings in all of this, but I can’t shut it off.
Sulli looks thunderstruck.
“I meant date,” I correct. “I’m dating you, and I wouldn’t let a date pay.”
“Is this a date?” she starts to smile.
“A casual one,” I nod. Definitely not what I’d do on a normal date. Buy crickets for revenge. But Sullivan Meadows is an American princess, so I never thought this would be normal.
She smiles. “Alright.” But she swipes her debit card in the pad. “I’m paying for my date this time around.”
“Fine,” I sigh with a smile, then slip the card into my wallet. Before we leave, the two of us linger near a rack of canoes on the far wall. She must want extra time with me too. My chest rises, and we both set down our shopping bags.
Sulli pretends to inspect the three-person canoe. Mostly, she keeps glancing back at me.
I ask, “Wha
t’s on your mind?”
Her fingers skim down the canoe’s vibrant green exterior. “I just hope you know that I’m supportive of you and your businesses. I don’t want to hold you back, and I don’t blame you for bailing.”
It’s hard to inhale. “Is that what you think? That I’m bailing on you?”
She brushes her hair out of her face. “No…I don’t know. I guess in a sense you technically are, but it’s understandable. And I understand you want more than just to be my full-time bodyguard.”
I don’t want more than that.
But I do.
I hate that I do.
I’ve wanted it for my dad. For myself. Since I was eighteen and I started my own gym, I’ve wanted it all. And it’s been hard. I’ve met setbacks and roadblocks and now creating a new company has its own challenges. But no challenge is harder than saying goodbye to Sulli.
Connor Cobalt’s voice rings in my head: Be a full-time bodyguard or be a businessman. There’s a great chance you won’t be able to do both.
That time hasn’t come yet. I refuse to believe it has.
“I’m still your bodyguard,” I remind her. “Nothing’s changed.” Yet.
She nods, but she doesn’t look fully convinced. “To be fucking crystal, I want whatever brings you the most happiness. If that means leaving my detail for something else, I’ll understand.” She pauses. “I wouldn’t say it won’t hurt. Someone once told me that love hurts, so that’s probably why it wouldn’t be that easy.”
Love.
I breathe in. “Who said that?” I smile teasingly.
She hesitates, wavers, shifts her weight. “Me?”
Banks said it.
Fucking Banks.
I can’t even be upset. “You wouldn’t even win bronze in Lying. You’d get a cheap tin-bottle cap with the words Loser in marker.”
She shoves my arm with a smile.
I smile back, then get more serious. “I appreciate your support—I always will, but it’s not easy for me to just walk away either. I love being your bodyguard, Sulli. I want to be on your detail as much as I can, as long as I can.” As I edge nearer, I glance at her lips; she glances at mine, and I say, “And I want to kiss you.”
My fingers tighten on her wrists at her side, and her breath hitches.
“A friendly kiss, or…?” She smiles playfully but it falters as she stares at my mouth.
My lips drop to her ear, giving her more. “I’ve heard you come, Sul. I’ve made you come. And every night, I go to bed picturing myself inside of you. So no, not a friendly kiss.”
Her chest rises in a deeper inhale. “Should we buy some rope?” Her eyes lock onto mine in greater challenge.
“But, string bean, you have enough rope to climb with.”
Her face flushes. “You know what I mean.”
“Do I?” I’m being a dick and giving her a hard time, but I can’t help it.
“Kits—”
“What would you need the rope for?” I want to hear her say it. The air thickens between us, arousal brewing.
“I want to know what it feels like.” She glances down to her wrists where my hands still clutch them tight. “I like when you do this.”
I step closer. Our bodies flush up against each other, and I bend down just slightly so that our lips are a breath away. “Do you like when I kiss you?” I wonder.
“Yeah. I like that, too.” She pulls back to see my eyes. “Do you like when I kiss you?’
“Sulli,” I groan and lean into her lips, kissing her deeply in a better reply. She sinks into me. Her back knocks into one of the canoes, and while we kiss, I step her to the side so they don’t tumble. Crickets chirp loudly around us.
I could stay in this moment forever. Never leave.
Never really want to.
But then I hear a voice that punctures my reality. Rips me from it.
“I’d say I hate to interrupt, but I don’t. And I need to talk to my cousin for a second.”
Sulli and I break apart.
Shit.
In her shock—at the sight of Charlie fucking Cobalt—she stumbles into the rack of canoes.
They all go down like Jenga pieces. Too quickly to even try to right them, but I stop one from falling on Sulli. Canoe upside-down, Sulli and I hold it above us, our pure shock on each other.
How did I miss him coming in the store?
I ease my gaze on Sulli. Trying to reassure her. But her cousin just saw us making out—this is bad. Another canoe drops on top of the one we’re holding.
Sulli and I support the impact, but I hear a louder crack.
We look up and see the large fissure.
“You can put the canoe on your business card,” Sulli tells me.
I’d laugh if behind the canoe wasn’t a complete shit show.
“What the hell?!” Chuck yells from deep in the store as we pull the canoe off our heads. But he doesn’t emerge to check on us.
Setting down the canoe on top of the others, footsteps pound through the store’s entrance. “What’s goin’ on?” Banks asks, looking between all of us.
Oscar Highland-Oliveira stops short by Charlie and eyes the canoes. “Everyone alright?”
Anger surges. Oscar doesn’t always provide his location change, and usually I let it slide because he’s dealing with a difficult client. But after the cougar attack, I specifically told him and Farrow, you go anywhere, use comms and give your location, no excuses.
Besides this event being avoided, I should have that intel in case of real emergencies in Yellowstone.
I zero in on him. “Why didn’t you tell me you were on your way here?”
Oscar frowns, skepticism in his eyes. “I lost connection on the road. By the time I came back, we were already here, and Banks just saw us parallel-park outside.”
Charlie stares through me.
I don’t avoid his gaze. I’ve never been intimidated by him, and I’ve always found ways out of impossible situations. But my mistake isn’t a typical one that I ever make.
I’ve given a twenty-two-year-old the perfect ammunition to cause ultimate chaos.
Right now, I want to press Oscar harder and tell him that’s not good enough. That he should have still radioed in once he was here, but I’m worried that if I sound as angry as I feel, it’ll be too suspicious.
Not that it matters. Our secret is already half-blown now that Charlie saw us. He could implode everything right here, right now.
Oscar has no allegiance to me when it comes to gossip, and if he knows I kissed Sulli, he’ll blurt it to the other Yale boys in less than a heartbeat. Shit, he’ll probably radio them about it right now.
And Banks…
He eyes me for a large second, confusion and questions pinging in his brown irises. I fucked up. Everyone’s going to know I kissed Sulli, and it’ll push him to the side. And then if she chooses him in the end—it just complicates things for her.
It’s messy.
So messy.
And only Charlie Cobalt has the ability to make it less complicated. Seeing as how I was once his bodyguard for a total of two months, I’m not holding my breath.
32
SULLIVAN MEADOWS
Holy fuck.
Holy FUCK?!
Charlie saw Akara kissing me—Charlie, the one cousin out of all my cousins who is a complete fucking wild card. It’s almost worse than Moffy finding out. He’d just do the whole big brother overprotective routine and then settle on being happy for me, like he did with Jane.
I don’t know what Charlie will do.
I don’t even know what he’s thinking.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fucking fuck.
Charlie casually turns to his bodyguard, acting like nothing transpired. “I just have to talk to Sulli.” He glances between Akara, Banks, and Oscar. “And I’d like to talk to my cousin in private.”
“I’ll be outside,” Oscar says. “I can see you through the window.”
Bank
s and Akara don’t agree to that distance, but they take the crickets and head towards the other side of the store near the tackles. Out of earshot, but within better eyesight. They whisper to themselves, and I know Akara has to be updating Banks on this royal fuck-up.
“Charlie,” I whisper-hiss. “What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here?” His brows arch. “Shouldn’t I be the one with the first accusatory statement?”
I let out a frustrated noise. Communicating with him feels so fucking out of my wheelhouse sometimes. Like I need Jane. “I just wanted to know why you stopped by the fishing store.”
“I came to find you.” He shoves his hands in his wrinkled slacks. His white button-down is half-untucked and unbuttoned. “I’m not here to watch you climb, remember?”
He’s here to try and rebuild my friendship with Beckett. “Seriously?” I say. “You couldn’t have waited until I got back to camp to stage this fucking coup.”
Charlie tilts his head. “It’s not a coup, Sullivan. I was coming to guilt you into talking to him. Make some story up about how he’s having a bad day. Blah blah blah.” He waves a hand. “But I have a better idea now.”
No.
He smiles wickedly. “You call my brother, and I won’t tell anyone you and Akara are fucking.”
“We’re not fucking,” I whisper angrily. “We just kissed, and fuck you—don’t talk about me like that.” The way he said fucking, he made it sound…meaningless. And it’s never been to me.
Charlie rolls his eyes, but he eases up. “I believe you aren’t sleeping together.”
I exhale a tense breath. “Thank you.”
“Only because you’re a terrible liar.”
I glare. “So you’re blackmailing me? Your own cousin?” I am a little shocked. I thought there were some lines Charlie drew in the sand. Or maybe I was just untouchable to his tactics because I used to be Beckett’s best friend. Now I’m not.
He lets out a tired breath. “He’s my twin brother. I’d blackmail my own father if it meant making him happy.”
I snort. “As if you could blackmail your dad.” I can hear Uncle Connor replying to his son, that’s very ambitious to think you can blackmail me, and it’s also completely out of your capabilities.
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