When Dawn Breaks

by Melissa Toppen

  “Us. There is no us. Why do you keep saying it like there’s something going on here?”

  “Because there is.” His voice booms through the truck. “Why are you trying to act like there’s not? I can see it in your eyes, Bree. I can tell by the way your body reacts to my touch. You’re just as into me as I am to you.”

  “What happened to not messing up what we have here—our friendship? Why are you coming at me about this now?”

  “Because I realized something very important tonight being out with Tess and Sebastian.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “I don’t just want to be your friend, Bree. Fuck, I don’t think I ever have. You’ve always been more, meant more. Sitting at the table with them tonight, I realized I want what they have and I want it with you.”

  “You do hear yourself, right?” My voice shakes as I try to wrap my head around this. “This is me, Ant. Courtney’s best friend, you know—your ex-girlfriend.”

  “I’m well aware of who you are and who she is. I haven’t forgotten our situation. But I’m also sick of letting something that happened five years ago keep me from the one thing I want more than anything in this world.”

  “Me?” I question like this couldn’t make any less sense even though he’s saying everything I’ve been dreaming of hearing him say for weeks.

  “You.” His voice softens as he reaches over to unclasp my seatbelt, pulling me toward him the moment I’m free of the restraint. “I want you, Bree.” He cups my cheek, the pad of his thumb grazing along my lower lip. “I want this. Us.”

  “I do too,” I finally admit, unable to get another word out before his lips are on mine, pulling from me everything I’m so hesitant to give.

  His kiss sparks something inside me, something I’m not sure I’ve ever felt before. A deep growing need that has nothing to do with our physical contact and everything to do with the connection we share. A connection I feel like I’ve been trying to find since I was just a child—when I was confused and alone, desperate for someone else to understand my pain, to understand me.

  So instead of pulling away like I know I should, I push deeper into the kiss; unable to deprive myself of the one thing I’ve wanted for so long.

  I kiss him hard, without reservation. I let my body guide me into what I know my heart wants. Anthony Treadway…

  It doesn’t matter that he loved Courtney first. It doesn’t matter that this will probably ruin everything. All that matters is this—the way his lips move against mine, the way his touch makes me feel things on a level I’ve never felt before; the way his whispered words make me want to open up my heart with reckless abandon and just let him in.

  By the time we break apart from the kiss, we’re both breathless, panting like we can’t seem to pull in enough air. Ant drops his forehead to mine, his eyes appearing darker than normal in the dim cab of the truck.

  It takes me a few beats to finally find my words again. The last thing I want to do is ruin the moment, but I need to put it all out there; make sure he understands where I stand.

  “I meant what I said, that I want this too. But I can’t do this with you yet, not until Courtney knows the truth. I won’t betray her any more than I already have.”

  “You haven’t betrayed her,” he objects, but I quickly cut him off.

  “I have. By letting whatever is happening between us happen, I am. I don’t expect you to fully understand.” I pull back slightly so I can take in his reaction. “And I can’t explain it to you either, not now. But Courtney and Tess are my family. They pulled me out of some really horrific situations and, honestly, are probably the only reason I ever had the courage to leave Rockfield when I did. I love Courtney. I owe her the truth before I let this go too far.”

  “Okay.” He sits back, letting out a slow breath.

  “Please try to understand where I’m coming from.”

  “I do,” he reassures me, his eyes soft. “You’re loyal, and you love fiercely. It’s one of my favorite things about you. Courtney is lucky to have someone like you in her life.”

  “I’m not so sure about that anymore.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because here I am, with her ex-boyfriend, feeling a way I shouldn’t feel; wanting to kiss him again even though I know how wrong it is.”

  “It’s not wrong, Bree. Nothing about this is wrong.” He gestures between the two of us. “In fact, I’m not sure anything has ever felt quite so right.”

  “I’m scared.” I can’t believe the words leave my mouth. The second they do I wish I could pull them back in and tuck them away.

  “I already promised I would never hurt you, I meant that.” He once again cups my face, pulling my gaze up to meet his.

  “I’m not scared you’ll hurt me. I’m scared I’ll hurt you.” My statement seems to catch him off guard a bit, and it takes a long moment for him to respond.

  “Why would you think you’ll hurt me?”

  “Because I will.”

  Whether it’s Courtney or the scars of my past, I know myself too well to know that there’s no way I won’t fuck this up some way or another. The truth is, I’ve never been in a real relationship before, at least not a healthy one. I’m not sure I’m capable of it, to be honest.

  “You won’t hurt me.” Ant’s hand slides around, gripping the back of my neck as he pulls me closer.

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “Because I won’t let you,” he whispers against my lips, pressing them to mine so gently that I have to physically force down the emotion that wells in my throat.

  “Ant,” I finally say, managing to force myself to pull away.

  “I know. I know. Not yet.” He shakes his head, sitting back in his seat. “It’s fucking impossible, you know that?” He runs a hand through his hair and lets out a breath. “To sit here next to you, knowing you feel the same way and not being able to do a damn thing about it.”

  “I know,” I agree. “But if we want any shot at making this work, I need to do right by my friend.”

  “I know, I get it. But please tell me you will talk to her sooner rather than later. I don’t know how much longer I can keep my hands to myself.” He smirks, and it’s the first real indicator that the situation hasn’t turned too heavy between us.

  “Well, I guess you’ll just need to practice a little self-control, Mr. Treadway,” I joke, scooting back into my seat and snapping my seatbelt in place.

  “With you, Kingsley, I’m not sure that’s possible.” He gives me a wide grin, and the weight that’s been sitting on my shoulders since this conversation began instantly lifts, and I take my first real breath in minutes.

  “Well, it’s gonna have to be, now isn’t it.”

  “You’re gonna be the death of me, woman.” He shakes his head on a laugh, shifting the truck into drive before pulling back out onto the street.

  Things between Ant and I haven’t been the same since our conversation in the truck a week ago. I mean, everything is pretty much as it was, but now everything feels a bit... well, more than it did.

  When we used to snuggle, even though deep down I knew I wanted it to mean something, I had convinced myself it didn’t. Now I know it does. When he would hug me or drop his arm over my shoulder, I would tell myself it was just Ant being Ant. Now I know it’s because he wants to hold me as much as I want him to. Every touch feels purposeful now, like it means so much more than it did just seven days ago.

  And while we have yet to really discuss what we talked about in the truck in any great detail beyond that night, there seems to be an understanding that exists between us. Like we both know we want the same thing, and he’s giving me the time and space to do it my way.

  “Hey, Bree.” I jump when Ant appears in the doorway of my bedroom, my eyes instantly drawn to his bare torso.

  “I really wish you would put on some clothes when you’re walking around the house,” I say seriously, but I know my smile tells him the truth behind my sta
tement.

  It’s hard for me to keep my thoughts straight when I’m forced to look at his sexy as sin body every time I turn around.

  “Now why would I do that?” He grins knowingly, crossing his arms over his chest as he leans against the door frame.

  “You’re impossible.” I shake my head, turning my attention back to the pile of laundry on my bed.

  “The same can be said for you.” I can feel him walking toward me, but I continue to sort through the clean clothes rather than look at him. “Walking around in these little things all the time.” He stops directly behind me and gently trails his hand up my outer thigh, gesturing to my fitted shorts.

  I swear to God my entire body explodes in a wave of heat, and I have to physically force myself to keep breathing and not give into the sudden desire that has settled deep in my belly.

  “How do you think that makes me feel?” He stops on my hip bone, giving it a firm squeeze, his breath hot on the back of my neck.

  “I think I can use my imagination,” I say, well aware of how breathy my voice suddenly sounds.

  I’m seconds away from turning in his arms and giving into the sexual tension that’s been building between us at an unstoppable rate for days, but quickly snap out of my lust-induced fog when the doorbell rings unexpectedly.

  I jump, startled by the sound, and immediately sidestep out of Ant’s towering presence, thankful for the reprieve. The more time that passes, the less I trust myself around him. And that is not a good thing.

  “I wonder who that could be.” I toss the towel in my hand on the bed and quickly exit the room, Ant following a few feet behind.

  Unfortunately, my apartment building doesn’t believe in peepholes, and since I don’t have a window that looks out into the hallway, I have no way of knowing who it is until I’ve pulled the door open.

  Like being dropped from the top of a tall building, the second my eyes land on Courtney all the air is forced from my body, and it feels like my insides are all bunched together in my chest.

  “Court.” I snap out of my haze just as she squeals and pulls me into her arms.

  “Oh my God, it’s so fucking good to see you.” She squeezes me so tight it’s borderline painful before she finally pulls back, her eyes landing on the man standing in the living room behind me.

  “Ant?” she questions. “What are you doing here?” I watch her eyes trace down his bare torso.

  Courtney looks even more beautiful than the last time I saw her, which was at Tess’ graduation party this past June. How is it she gets prettier every time I see her, and why has this never bothered me before now? Of course, I already know the answer to this, and as I watch the silent interaction between Court and Ant, insecurity nestles deep in my gut.

  “Hey, Court,” Ant says casually, like this is just any other occurrence. “How are you?”

  “I’m good,” she says, still a bit in shock as her eyes dart to me again, confusion clear on her pretty face.

  “Ant’s been staying with Jack and me for a couple weeks while he waits to close on his new apartment.”

  “Oh,” she says, clearly surprised by this news.

  A long, awkward silence stretches between the three of us before Ant clears his throat and finally speaks again.

  “Well, I’m gonna go get dressed and let you two ladies catch up. I’ve got to run to the office for a bit this afternoon.”

  “Okay,” I say, waiting until Courtney steps fully into the room before taking her bag and closing the door behind her.

  I wait until I know Anthony is out of earshot before turning back toward her. “Sorry, I didn’t know when you were coming. I guess a heads up about Ant would’ve been nice.”

  “Um, you think?” She fans herself, pushing her long dark hair over her shoulders like she’s suddenly burning up. “Holy shit, Bree. That was not the sight I expected to see when I knocked on your door.”

  “I know, I’m so sorry. He was staying with Sebastian for a while, but then Tess came back, and well, you can imagine what staying with them is like right now.”

  “I think I’ve got a pretty good idea.” She shakes her head on a smile, seeming to regain some of her composure as she looks around the apartment.

  “Anyway, he got a new job not far from here and needed somewhere close to crash until he could find himself a place. I hope that’s okay.”

  “Of course it is. He’s your friend too.” She waves her hand through the air. “I was just surprised to see him is all. And God,” she lowers her voice to a whisper, “could he be any hotter? I mean, wow. I think maybe I’d like to go another round with that a time or two before I go home, see what else has changed over the years.” She wiggles her eyebrows at me, and I swear I feel like the floor bottoms out beneath me.

  “I planned to tell you he was here before you came, but Tess didn’t tell me you were coming today.” I ignore her statement and the sudden surge of jealousy I feel knowing she’s been with Ant in a way I’ve only ever dreamed about.

  “I hopped on a flight two days early. Needed to get away for a while. I didn’t call Tess until I had landed a couple hours ago. She and Sebastian are out shopping right now, so I thought I’d come see you and my baby first. Where is Jackson anyway?”

  “He’s napping. He didn’t sleep very well last night.”

  “Poor kid. Everything okay with him?” she asks.

  “Yeah, he’s good. Just a rough night.”

  “Well, hopefully, he gets a good nap because I am dying to get my buddy fix in.” She smiles, pulling me into another hug. “God, it’s so good to see you, Bree.”

  “You too,” I agree, hating that I’m not as excited as I would normally be because of my current predicament. “Come on, I’ll show you around,” I say, pulling out of her embrace.

  “I still can’t believe you’ve been in this apartment for over a year and I’m just now visiting. I’m an awful friend.” She sighs, following me into the kitchen.

  “You are not an awful friend,” I reassure her. “I haven’t been to Alabama to see you even once,” I remind her.

  “Yes, but you have a child. That’s different.”

  “Here’s the kitchen,” I say, gesturing around the space rather than continuing with the ‘who’s the worst friend’ conversation. I think I’ve got that title won hands down, she just doesn’t know it yet.

  I spend the next couple of minutes giving Courtney the tour of the apartment, well, the parts I can show her anyway given that Ant’s in the bathroom, and I don’t want to disturb Jackson who’s sleeping in his room.

  We’re sitting on the couch talking about my new job when Ant reappears several minutes later wearing a gray t-shirt and dark jeans, his wet hair slicked back away from his face. I swear to God he looks delicious enough to eat, and I can tell by the way Court is staring him down, she thinks so too.

  “Alright, I’m gonna head out,” he says, grabbing his wallet and keys off the table next to the door.

  “Okay,” I say, trying to sound indifferent.

  “Hey, Ant.” Both mine and Anthony’s eyes go to Court when she speaks just as he pulls the door open. “I’m only in town for three days, you think maybe we could have dinner or something while I’m here?”

  My eyes are glued to Anthony as a deep grin takes over his handsome face, and he nods. “Of course, I’d like that.”

  Jealously knocks into me so hard it’s debilitating. Guilt comes next. By the time they say their goodbyes, I’m not sure if I want to run to the bathroom and throw up or jump across the room and strangle Ant for making me feel so torn up inside.

  Of course, I can’t lead on to any of this in front of Courtney. So instead of melting down like I want to, I let an easy smile fall when she turns back to me seconds after the door snaps closed and practically does a little dance right there on the spot.

  It’s clear that Courtney is still interested in Ant. I don’t have to be her best friend to know that much is true; she’s wearing it like a flashing
neon sign. I’d be lying if I said that a part of me isn’t angry with her over this fact.

  I know it’s not her fault; hell, if anything it’s mine. But the emotions are there and they are more raw than I think they’ve ever been before. Because Ant isn’t hers anymore—he’s mine.

  I know how irrational that seems, to stake claim to someone who belonged to her first, but I also can’t accept that after the last couple months Ant and I have spent together that she could just waltz in and take it all away from me.

  But deep down, I think that’s the worst part. I think that she can and she would take it away from me. And she wouldn’t even realize she had done it to begin, with because she has no idea what’s actually been going on. And that’s on me. I know that.

  “So is he dating anyone?” Court asks as she comes out of the kitchen, two wine glasses in hand.

  It’s just after six in the evening, and Tess is on her way over. Apparently, we are having a girls’ night, and the guys are staying at Sebastian’s; though, I wasn’t made aware of this plan until a couple hours after Court had arrived this afternoon.

  “Huh?” I look up from helping Jack with his puzzle that’s spread out across the coffee table just as she extends a glass to me.

  “Ant, is he dating anyone?” She eyes me over her wine glass as she takes a drink.

  “Dating, no, but I know there’s a girl he’s pretty interested in,” I say, taking a long gulp of wine to push down the bile rising in my throat at how disgusted I am with myself.

  “Really? Do you know her?” She turns sideways on the couch and pulls her legs up in front of herself.

  “No, he’s just mentioned her a few times. They’re just friends I think, but I get the impression he wants more.”

  “So they’re not actually a thing yet, though?” She seems too excited by this news.

  “Technically no, but I think it’s moving in that direction.” I try to discourage her, but I know it’s likely only fueling her fire. Courtney has always loved the thrill of the chase.