The one other person I wanted and needed to see was Lance. I knew he would make me feel better. I started looking over the crowd to see if he might be there. To my surprise, he was, handsome as ever. And he was there alone. We finally made eye contact and he strolled my direction. “Candice, you're looking well on such a sad occasion.”
“Thank you, Lance.” I smiled a little, not wanting to appear too happy. “Yeah, this has been a sad day.”
“I know just how you feel,” he smiled back, in that knowing way he and I shared. I had always told him how I’d felt about Momma and her I don't give a damn ways. He would always say, we don't choose our parents or our family. “I saw your car at Aunt Sally’s. I knew it was yours from the license plates. Sally told me you were living in New York. So you’re a city girl huh?”
“It was just the place I ended up, I guess.”
“Well, Miss Candice. I can call you Miss? You didn't go off and get married on me did you?”
“No, I’m not married. Nothing real serious going on with me right now.”
“You’re too gorgeous to be single, so where is he?”
“Well I have a friend.” I lied with a straight face, because I considered him more than a friend.
“Oh, he's just a friend? I'm sure your friend wouldn’t mind if I take you to dinner before you leave town.”
“No, why would he? We’re just friends,” I said as I smiled.
The crowd started to thin, everyone going their separate ways. All the food was being put away or given away by Aunt Sally and the sisters of the church.
“I’d better get going. It's getting late. But don’t forget about dinner. Here, let me put my number in your phone so you can call when you get settled tonight.”
“Ok, I will.”
“Wow, Candice. It's been so lovely seeing you again,” he leaned over and he kissed me on the cheek. “Call me.”
I stood there wondering if I would call. He was gone, but his cologne lingered. When we had been in high school, hanging out together, Lance had been an outstanding athlete. Even when he would sweat, he would always smell pleasant. We would walk home together after school. “Who are you trying to impress, Lance Jackson?” I would ask.
“You, for one, and the ladies like the way I smell.”
“You are just so full of yourself, Lance.” He’d start moving around in this silly way only he could do and saying “It’s Mr. Jackson if you’re nasty.” He thought he was the king of the walk. And he was to me. I wanted nothing more than to be Lance Jackson’s girl.
~~~
We made it back to Aunt Sally’s. I needed to check my phone. I knew I had messages and emails. My thoughts kept drifting back to Lance and how fine he looked after all these years. His scent seemed to linger in my thoughts as I changed into my bed clothes. The day was finally over and I was glad. Momma was resting.
I was about to check my messages when Aunt Sally called from the kitchen. “Candice, your father is here to see you.” My heart stopped for just a moment. Daddy had come to see me. I hurried into my robe.
Seeing my father’s face again brought tears to my eyes. I thought he might break when I hugged him. He was so thin, not like I remembered. He kissed me, “I’m so glad to see you. It’s been so long.”
“Yes, Daddy, it has been a long time.”
“Buck, why don’t you sit down while I make some coffee, I’ve got some cake left over from the funeral.”
“I can’t visit long, Sally. I’ve got things I have to do. I just wanted to stop by and see my favorite girl before she left.”
“Daddy, don’t tell you’re leaving before we can catch up.”
“Buck, Mattie’s funeral was lovely, you should have been there.”
“Sorry I couldn’t make it. It was just too much for me. Where’s Sandra and Sabrina? I actually wanted to see them too.”
“They went back to Memphis right after we left the church.”
“Guess they have busy lives to go back to.”
“I guess, Daddy, but they could have stayed longer. They only think of themselves and what's relevant to them.”
“You’re here, and that’s all that matters right now. Tell me what’s going on with you, Candice.”
“Just work. I’m up for a promotion.”
“That’s incredible, Baby Girl. I hope you get it.”
“Me too, Daddy.”
“You look so much like your mother, Candice. You have her smile. Who could ever forget that beautiful smile?” I could see the sadness in his eyes. Daddy had never actually gotten over Momma. Even after all the things she had done, he still loved her.
“Enough about me. What about you? I know you’re doing something other than working.”
Daddy looked at Aunt Sally, “When is that coffee going to be ready? I can’t wait for some of that butter pound cake. Thought about it all day.” That really meant, let’s not talk about it anymore.
“It’s coming right up. I’ll go out back and get Tee. He would love to visit with you. You haven’t been around much Buck. Are things going ok?”
“Look what I got, Candice.” In his hand was a piece of bubble gum. My daddy always had a way of avoiding things.
“Daddy, you didn’t forget.” We held each other tight. I love this man I thought, as tears welled in my eyes. “Daddy, let’s have some of this cake.” I didn’t want him to see the pain or my tears.
Uncle Tee came in just in time, “Buck, what’s been up? Long time no see.”
“Yeah, Man. Just been working and doing my thing. Got anything to go in this coffee?”
“Nah, Man. Sally won’t let me keep nothing in the house. But come outside in the garage and I’ll see what I can do.” Daddy’s face kind of lit up. “What she doesn’t know want hurt her.”
They both headed out the door as Aunt Sally walked in. “Where’s Tee and Buck?”
“They went out in the garage.”
“I told Tee about that. Your daddy’s not supposed to be drinking because of his liver problem.”
“Is Daddy sick, Aunt Sally?”
“I thought I told you about that. Your daddy has Cirrhosis of the liver and he needs to stop drinking. He got sick last year and we had to take him to the hospital over in Memphis. We didn’t think he was going to make it. His doctor says if he is going to keep drinking he might as well write his death warrant. But you know your daddy. He’s stubborn and never listens to nobody.”
“Well he’s going to listen to me.”
“Now Candice, there’s no need stirring the pot. He’s a grown man and he’s going to do what he wants.”
I couldn’t breathe. I had just lost my momma and it looked as if I was going to lose my father too. I needed some air to get away from all of this nonsense. My mother was dead, my Daddy was sick and not wanting to listen. Why did I come home to this mess? “Aunt Sally, I’m going for a walk.”
“Going for a walk? At this time of night?”
“Nothing around here to bother me. I’ll be back.” I forgot I just had on my robe and pajamas, but it didn’t matter. I was in the sticks. Everybody went to bed with the chickens anyway. I stepped off the porch and hit my toe on a step. “Ouch. Dammit.” I hated this country shit. The tears started flowing. Some for Momma, some for Daddy and perhaps, some just for me.
~~~
Why? Why God, did you have to take my momma? Even though Momma was a bitch to be around and raised hell all the time, she was still my mother. And so was my father, who would never hurt a soul. He just loved a woman who wouldn’t love him back. I don’t think she even loved herself. She was mad at the world for the things she didn’t have, the life she had wanted but somehow didn’t want her back. I wished she could have at least had a life with Daddy. I know he loved her. Maybe he could have loved her past the pain.
My throat was dry from all the crying and praying. I had walked about a block to where the old corner store had been when I was a child. I started thinking about Lance. I slipped my hand in m
y pocket and pulled out my phone, scrolling through the numbers. I didn’t know if I should call him now or not. He was most likely in bed with the other early birds. Oh well. Here went nothing.
“Hello?” He picked up on the first ring. “Hello? Candice? Is this you?”
“Yes, it’s me.”
“What's wrong?”
I paused for a moment as the tears started to flow again. “Nothing. Just wanted to call and confirm our date.”
“Is that the real reason you called?”
“Well, I was just walking.”
“Walking? Where are you?”
“I’m standing here at the corner store.”
“There’s not a store there, Candice.”
“Right, I know.”
“Wait for me right there. I’m coming right down. Just let me throw on some clothes.”
“Ok.” I pushed end on my phone. I stood there waiting in the dark, not even knowing what I was going to say when he got there.
Seems like he got there so fast, I didn’t have time to think. I just stood there, with the tears drying on my face. “Candice, what’s wrong?”
I just stood there, wanting him to hold me. I finally got the words out, “Just hold me, Lance.”
We stood there in the street, holding each other for what seemed like hours. I smelled the sweetness of his cologne I remembered from earlier. He finally broke the silence between us. “Talk to me, Candice.”
All I could do was stand there, looking inside my head, wondering if he too could see through the walls I had built around myself. Lance held my face in his strong hands, looking into my eyes and through to my soul. As he pulled my mouth closer to his I could feel the warmth of his lips. His tongue touched my lips ever so slightly. He parted my lips with his tongue, kissing me with such passion I thought my heart would stop. My mind needed him to stop, but my body refused to listen. “Candice, I’m in love with you” is all I heard through the passion and the fire now burning inside.
What the hell was I doing? “Lance, stop. I can’t do this.”
“Candice, you know I have loved you most of my life.”
He reached for me again and I pulled away. “My mind is in turmoil right now. My mother just died and my father is ill. I just needed to see you.”
“Baby, I’m sorry, I know things are terrible right now but ever since I saw you this afternoon, I knew I had to tell you how I felt, how I’ve missed you, even after all these years. I know we were meant to be together. When I kissed you just now, well, I now know the feelings I have for you have never left.”
“Lance, I can’t do this.”
“Is there someone else?”
“I don’t want to talk about this with you right now.”
“This friend you spoke of earlier, is it more than just friendship? Is that the reason you’re pushing me away?”
“I don’t want to talk about it now, please.”
“Ok, just let me walk you back to your aunt’s.” We walked back to Aunt Sally’s saying almost nothing. “Candice, if you ever want to talk, I’m always here.”
“I know, but…”
“Candice,” he placed his fingers to my lips. “I’m here if you ever need me.”
I could hear Aunt Sally reaching for the door knob, “Candice is that you?”
“Yes, it’s me. I’m saying goodnight to Lance.”
“You’re out awful late tonight, Son.”
“Yes, Ma’am, just talking to Candice for a minute.”
“How’s your folks? Hear your Momma’s been sick.”
“Yes she has been, but she’s better now.”
“Lance, I better go in before she comes out here.”
“Are we still on for tomorrow?”
“Let’s just let tomorrow take care of tomorrow, ok?” I kissed him on the cheek and went inside. I felt so tired at that moment I just wanted to get in bed and dream sweet dreams.
~~~
What the hell? A rooster? I had to be dreaming.
I looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings and felt calm lying on goose down feathers, which felt like heaven. It had to be 5:00 in the morning. I hadn’t been up this early since college.
I could hear Uncle Tee starting up his truck, getting ready to go to work at the plant. He should be ready to retire soon. He’d been there about twenty five years. Aunt Sally always got up to see him off to work. Twenty five years. That’s dedication. That had to be love.
I rolled to the other side of the bed and thought of Lance and his confession. Not now Candice, you must think of what’s waiting for you in New York. I did not come down here for this. Even though I liked Lance I didn’t see a future for us. I couldn’t stay here. This is the life I hadn’t even wanted not that long ago.
I checked my messages to see what was going on at home. The first message was from my assistant, Brenda. She was both my assistant and my best friend. We had gotten to know each other when I first moved to New York. She was the all-natural Sista.’ Everything was all about back to the roots. She was tiny, about a size two, and loved to dress. She was the fashion expert on vintage clothing.
She was one way at work and another at home. Scents of jasmine always filled her home. She was the first girl I had ever met that used Shea butter on her hair. She always said there is nothing a little Shea Butter can’t cure. But at work she was a powerhouse. She could handle her business as well as any man in that cut throat corporate world. She would always tell me I was too nice. I had better toughen up or I would get nowhere fast.
At first I had thought she was a little rough around the edges but I learned quickly she was right. She was a real city girl, right out of the projects, who had worked her way up, going to City College and keeping her eye on the prize. You could never tell what was going to come out of her mouth. She would say, I’ve got street knowledge and you can’t get that from a book. Good when I need to be and a bitch when I have to be.
“Candice, I know you’re with your family now, but you need to text me so I can give you the scoop on what’s going on here. The Marketing Director is handing out pink slips left and right and everyone’s sitting around biting their nails hoping they aren’t next. Something serious is going on here and your man is at the head of it. Things started going haywire when Mr. Williams’ arrived on the scene. Try and get back to me soon. Love you. Bye.” I wondered what was actually going on.
My man? I honestly wouldn’t call him that. Ashton Williams was head of the Legal Department. He hadn’t been with the company long. The story was he had been brought in to turn the Maxwell Inc. around, a company which handled most of New York’s Imports and Exports. It had been one of the fortune five hundred companies and the chief executives wanted it to be top again. Ashton was one of the ones to bring it back. I remembered the first time we had met.
Tall and handsome, a JFK junior look alike. Smart and attractive. Two things a girl desires in a man but hard to find. To me the dream of this one seemed a thousand miles from reality. But it just so happened that one day a meeting was called in my marketing department, and who was sitting there? Mr. Williams, looking some kind of sensational.
~~~
Mr. Maxwell, our boss, was giving the whole introduction spiel on who he was and his entire contribution to the company. Afterwards, as part of the meet and greet, champagne and finger food had been served. He was working the room, smiling like he was everyone's friend, when in reality he was their enemy. “Are you enjoying yourself? I’m Miss Robinson in Marketing.”
“Well, Miss Robinson in Marketing, do you have a first name?”
“Yes, Candice.”
“Candice is such a beautiful name.”
“Thank you, Mr. Williams.”
“When you say Mr. Williams you sound like you’re speaking of my father. Call me Ashton. I’m not that much older than you. Can I ask you a personal question? That accent, you’re not from New York are you? You’re southern. You can always leave a place, but something does remain intact.
”
“That’s true, but we can always try. Well, it’s been nice to make your acquaintance.”
“I want to see more of you… in the office, I mean,” he corrected with a smile that showed perfectly straight white teeth. “I must meet some of the other personnel or people will begin to wonder why I’m spending so much time over here.”
“No, that’s perfectly ok.” I was stumbling over my words. I was glad he was leaving. I was starting to sweat. My God. He smelled so wonderful and looked even better in that black Armani suit. His hair black and curly, his skin slightly tanned, as if he’d just gone on vacation for a few days in some place sunny. The smell of him seemed to linger. I have always been a sucker for a man that smells fab.
As we were leaving the meeting, Brenda said, “I saw Mr. Legal Eagle eyeing you. Baby, that tall glass of water is nothing but trouble. You can mark my word on it. I know his kind, black or white, it doesn’t make any difference. Girl, you better watch out for that one. Smooth as that silk suit he’s wearing.”
“I will, Brenda.”
“I just bet you will.”
“I get the message, Brenda. Why don’t we get some work done? I want to get out of here early tonight. What are you doing after work tonight?”
“Going to this jazz club up in Harlem called Fancies. Calvin is taking me. Want to come?”
“No, not tonight. I think I’ll stay here and get a jump on tomorrow. Order some takeout from the Chinese place on the corner.”
“Girl, you know you’re welcome to come if you want. It’s just Calvin.”
“I know, but still I need to stay here just for a while. I will see you tomorrow.”
“Alright. See you then.”
I took some papers from my desk and got started. I picked up the phone to order that carry out and in walked Ashton. “You're working late, Candice?”
“Yes I am. Can I help you with something, Mr. Williams?”
“Like I said, Mr. Williams is my father. Just call me Ashton. Would you like to get some dinner? My treat.”
“I was just going to order take out.”
“What’s better than a sit down dinner? I can’t think of anyone I would rather share a glass of wine with more than you.” His words seem to slide off his tongue. He was so irresistible at that moment, or maybe I just needed a gorgeous man’s attention.
Black Lies White Lies Page 2