Jacob was spoiling for an argument. The emotions spilling from him were a confused welter of desire and belligerence. I was unable to decipher the roiling morass enough to read the reason for his change of demeanor. I stepped into his personal space, and laid my hands on the desk on either side of him. “Well, I had considered ordering you to stay at your apartment.”
Jacob’s eyes darkened even more in warning. I cupped the side of his face, my thumb brushing over his lower lip. The floodtide of furious words on the verge of erupting from him was dammed. “But, considering how I’m surrounded by rampant rebellion, I didn’t think that tactic would work on you,” I continued.
Jacob realized my intent to close the distance between us and kiss him senseless and shoved me away. “Bad idea, Kristair. Ya can’t just order me around and actually expect me ta listen.”
Underneath his indignation, I sensed the hurt, the wisp of vulnerability he tried to bury deep. “No, I don’t expect that. It’s one of your many traits that drew me to you.”
He relaxed and allowed me to draw him into my arms. I nuzzled his throat, scenting his blood, thick and potent lying under the fragile layer of flesh. I remembered quite clearly how his taste awakened my senses. He shivered as my tongue traced the vein hidden beneath his skin.
“You weren’t so cold last night.” Jacob looked at me inquisitively, his hand rubbing my arm through my shirt as if seeking to warm me.
“I can make my blood run through my body, so I appear alive and human when I awake. I can’t do it when I’m asleep, so it takes some time to warm again.” My lips quirked in a self-deprecating smile. “The older the vampire the longer it takes, the more effort. For all intents and purposes my body died a long time ago. My soul is the only part of me that’s truly alive now. You could say that it keeps me in a sort of stasis.”
I stopped myself, surprised by how much I had revealed to him. Jacob’s effect on me was quite disarming. I shrugged. “It won’t take too much longer.” My chill body had to be disconcerting to him.
He didn’t say anything at first, hesitant to plunge ahead with the question haunting him. I waited patiently until he drew in a deep breath, his gaze serious. “If it had been somebody else other than me trapped upstairs, what would’ve happened to them when you woke up?”
That was Jacob: never one to ask easy questions. “They would never have left there,” I replied. I wasn’t going to hide my nature from him, neither the good nor the bad.
Jacob flinched from the cold implacability I knew was in my eyes, but still he didn’t pull himself free from my arms, as I had feared he would.
“I’ll not make excuses, but I think that anyone who has taken the trouble to get that far either knows too much or intends me harm. I haven’t survived as long as I have without being occasionally ruthless.” More than occasionally, if I was honest. The bald statement troubled him and he struggled with the implications as he tried to decide whether to pull back or cling to me even harder.
Then he laid his head on my shoulder, pulling me closer. “I know too much.” There was a forlorn quality to his mental voice that troubled me.
“You know more than I’ve ever revealed to anyone else. I’ve entrusted you with much. It’s a heavy burden, but you are more than up to the task.”
Jacob’s head tipped back and we regarded each other, drinking in the minute details of each other’s expression. “Do you have another room in here?” he asked.
I nodded and led him back to my room and locked the door behind us. Jacob examined the tiny space and immediately noticed the pictures on the wall. He cast me an ironic glance before crossing over to study them closer. I came up behind him, slipping my arms around his waist, and rested my chin on his shoulder.
Jacob’s face peered out at us from the myriad array of photographs. The person I had hired had done a good job. There were pictures of him with his friends, some of him making his way to his classes, playing an impromptu game of football on the lawn before the cathedral. He was beautiful.
“You know, until recently, I’d have said this display would’ve creeped me the fuck out,” Jacob commented, his hand reaching behind him to wrap around the nape of my neck.
“What has changed, mo chroí? Does this pale in comparison to the other horrors that I’ve introduced you to?” I asked, with a trace of mockery.
He turned in my arms, his eyes solemn on mine and wiser than they were yesterday. “No. Now I know you, Kristair.”
Jacob humbled me and restored my faith in what was simple and clean. Too many in the past had forgotten what it meant to be loyal, though for some reason, and quite unbeknownst to me why, I tended to attract faithful people.
I sat down in my reading chair and tugged Jacob onto my lap. There weren’t many places to lounge in this room since I had no need for a bed, and my desk was in my office. I picked up his whisper of thought he’d been trying to suppress ever since I awoke. “You’re finding the changes difficult?”
Jacob’s expression was scathing. “What the hell do you think?” He turned to straddle my hips and locked his hands loosely around my neck. “However, you and I need to talk about these damn paints that won’t wash off.”
I suppose it was mean-hearted of me to find his distress amusing, but the look of mixed pleading and outrage on his face awakened a playfulness that had long been dormant. I smiled as his eyes narrowed. “You should be grateful I never had a chance to mark my face before I was taken by the Romans.”
“Don’t even fucking joke like that. You realize I’m going to get my ass kicked, don’t you? Ma is gonna freak the fuck out, and probably think I’ve joined some kind of cult. And Coach Latimer is an old-school hard-ass. He’s gonna be fucking furious when we start practice in the spring.”
Jacob drove his finger into my chest as he talked, getting more worked up with each passing moment. The tattoos themselves were probably not so much the issue, but they were a symbol for all of the other sudden changes that had come into his life that he was struggling to comprehend.
“I’m sorry. It should make you happy to know they aren’t entirely permanent,” I offered. “They’ll only be on your body as long as you carry my heart. When the spell is reversed they’ll disappear.”
My explanation only seemed to irritate him more instead of mollifying him. I got the impression he didn’t like that either and it was a struggle not to smile at his disgruntled expression. “You hide yours because people will look at you funny if they see half your body’s inked. What the heck am I supposed to do?”
“The truth’s out of the question unless you want to get yourself locked up,” I replied. “I wouldn’t worry about it so. For the most part, they’re easily concealed, and people have decorated themselves with stranger things. None of the figures would be considered obscene in this day and age.” Jacob’s jaw tightened, no doubt from my matter-of-fact dismissal of his concerns.
“What if I wanted to get another lover? Someone who is human, more like myself?” There was an unspoken challenge in his gaze. His eyes narrowed until they were mere slits of blue ice.
I grasped his chin. I understood his intent, his words striking me just as he had hoped they would. Yes, they hurt, and they also raised every possessive instinct I had leaving me ready to strike out at any who dared to touch what was mine. I snarled and captured his mouth, kissing him hard. The heat between us seared us both.
“There is no one else, Jacob, for either of us.” My voice hissed in his mind. “What we have together you cannot duplicate that easily. You will never know someone the way you know me. You will never be as understood and accepted for the whole of what you are by anyone else. If you think you can, you’re quite welcome to walk out of here right now and try.”
Jacob jerked his head out of my grip and looked at me, his eyes wide and his chest heaving. For a moment, I was sure he was going to stalk out of the room. Then he growled and pinned me back into the cushions of the chair, kissing me. His hands curled around my bicep
s, holding me firmly in place as he sank his teeth into my lower lip. The punch of love and lust I got from him sent my senses reeling.
Chapter 10
KRISTAIR DROVE me to the point of madness. The decisions I made last night were not among my most rational ones. Since then, my mood had been in such a jumbled mess that I couldn’t even begin to figure them out. I was afraid and it pissed me off, but I was also the happiest that I’d ever been. There was a security in Kristair’s presence I’d never known before. It was only when we were apart that things got confusing.
I wanted to devour Kristair. I wanted him to feast off of me, to feel the sweet rush of pain, the momentary dizziness and know I was giving him life. I couldn’t get enough of him, his drugging kisses, his cool hands on my body and the soothing murmur of his voice in my mind.
Kristair was right. I wouldn’t find this connection anywhere else, nor would I want to. I should be ashamed I had threatened him with another lover. He just frustrated me to no end. I wanted to pierce his calm façade, to drive him to the same point of recklessness he’d driven me. I tasted the sharp edge of it in his consuming kiss, but I was left wanting so much more. When our minds connected I’d learned how deeply he felt things. It sometimes overwhelmed me, yet I still needed to break down his barrier and see it as well, instead of the impassive mask he wore. I wanted to witness him naked on his knees, begging for me. I wanted all of that raw, naked emotion seething inside of him to show on his face, to color his voice.
Kristair broke our kiss, his damned eyes unreadable, though I sensed his desperate struggle to maintain his reserve. “You don’t ask for much, do you?” His voice was ironic.
“No more than you have, love.” My lips curved and I leaned down to nip his jaw. “You’ve turned my life inside out. You’ve asked me to trust you.” I met his eyes again. “And I do. Now I’m asking you to do the same and make things equal between us.” As much as they could be, considering what he was and who I wasn’t. I was a hick from Louisiana, who was trying to live a dream.
“I trust you, Jacob.” Kristair broke through my thoughts as he stripped my sweater from me, tossing it to the floor and revealing the tattoos that were a mark of the changes I feared and a symbol of the strange, new bond I had with him. “As for your other concern, matters are equal between us,” he continued. “You shouldn’t demean yourself so. Where you’re from, it’s all a part of who you are and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’ve had a profound impact on me since I first saw you. Call it obsession, or what you will. I’ve never revealed this much of myself, or any of my secrets, to anyone.”
His defense of me revealed more than I think he was aware of and cut through to my soul. Everything was suddenly crystal clear as my hands undid the buttons of his shirt, with nimble quickness. Running my palms over his chest, I drank in the sight of his lean muscles and the paleness of my own skin next to his swarthier complexion. My mouth was dry as I met his eyes, and I gave him the cockiest smirk I had, though my heart pounded in a rapid, uneven tattoo. “I’d call it a hell of a lot more than obsession.”
Kristair’s hand snaked into my hair and fisted in it, his grip stinging my scalp. There was a warning in the depths of his eyes that I recklessly ignored. “I’d call it….”
His mouth slammed onto mine, his lips brutal as he plundered my mouth. I was torn between laughing and groaning, desire and triumph a giddy whirlpool flowing through my mind. I’d pushed him to this wildness.
However, if kissing me like this was a ploy to shut me up, then Kristair was forgetting the tricks he had taught me himself. “Kristair.” His nails dragged down my back and I groaned as his mouth broke away to latch onto my throat. My thoughts skittered away as his sharp incisors scored the hollow of my throat, though, to my deep disappointment, he didn’t bite me. It had hurt like a bitch last night, but it had also been so sensual, so erotic that it overrode the pain.
I pulled back and placed the inside of my wrist against his lips in silent offering. He moaned deep in his throat and I gasped as his teeth sank deep into my flesh. “Kristair….” My eyes stung with imminent tears. Not from the fleeting discomfort, but from the wealth of emotion flowing from him. Even as I wallowed in the tenderness he held for me, he fed off of my own passion. He drew the lust, love, and need from me and enclosed them around him like a cloak.
“I lo—” My intended confession was cut off as his body froze and a dangerous, tense awareness filled his mind. He lifted me off of his lap. A sharp stab of pain sliced through my gut at his abrupt rejection.
Before I could protest he rose and covered my lips with his fingers. “I have visitors. It’s not you.”
Now, I remembered the people he’d mentioned earlier. I had gotten sidetracked before I could ask him about them. “What do they want?” Even my mental voice was hushed. The hot edge of desire was dulled, though it still lingered, unsatisfied.
The sudden change in Kristair’s demeanor made me skittish. He was hard and predatory, not the warm, passionate man who had been in my arms moments before. It reminded me of my first impression of him, and I shivered. How had he even known someone was near? Had he sensed them or was it more of a primal instinct, an intrusion on his territory that awoke the predator in him, some hint of a scent or a stray sound?
“They want answers they haven’t earned, and I’m not willing to bind myself to an organization such as theirs.” As he spoke, Kristair refastened the buttons on his shirt.
Oh hell no. I wasn’t about to interrupt our interlude for the sake of some assholes I knew Kristair didn’t want to meet with in the first place. “Then why come when they call?” I shot him an impish look, a smile playing on my lips, as I began undoing his buttons again. “Make ’em wait. I’m far more important anyway. Maybe if we’re lucky, they’ll get offended and walk away,” I said, hoping to appeal to his irritation from their interruption.
Kristair’s hands covered my own, pressing them into his chest. My heart sank. He was going to leave. I shouldn’t allow it to upset me this much, but I didn’t like the cold resolve in his eyes, or the flash of intuition that warned me he was walking into a dangerous situation. I wanted to storm over to the intruders and give them hell for interrupting us. Let them know Kristair was mine so they could get the fuck outta our lives.
I glared at him and he burst into laughter. “And people think my kind are territorial. You could give lessons, mo chroí.”
“I am what I am. You don’t really expect me to apologize for it, do you?” I shrugged.
Kristair threaded his fingers through my hair and pulled me close, resting his cheek on the top of my head. I wanted to argue or seduce him into staying, but was distracted by his inner torment. I didn’t understand the deep ache, the worry he tried to lock out, or the image I had of him trying to hold onto something slipping through his grasping fingers.
“What’s wrong?”
Kristair raised his head and cupped my face in his hands. “It’s nothing.”
He was a damn liar. I don’t know what was unsettling Kristair, but it had nothing to do with whoever was waiting for him in the next room and everything to do with me. I cocked my head and narrowed my eyes as his unease grew. Kristair was helpless, vulnerable, and with a flash of insight, I realized it had to do with what I almost said while we were necking on his chair. I smirked, power singing through me. This had to be the best rush I’d had in a long time. “If you won’t admit it then I will. After all, they’re just words, love. We both know where we stand.”
“Then there is no need to speak them, is there?”
He was afraid. My big, bad vampire lover was afraid of how I made him feel. I smiled again and curled my hand around the back of his head, his scalp warm against my palm, and tugged him down, my lips brushing over his. “I love you,” I whispered.
I kissed him, taking shameless advantage of the stunned impact my confession had on him. The contact was as sweet and gentle as it had been brutal and demanding just moments ago. The tender
ness ached and despite the upheaval of Kristair’s thoughts and emotions, he echoed the sentiment. What we had went much deeper than I had ever imagined it could be with someone, and far more than he was willing to admit to right now.
I brushed my thumb across his cheek, alive with the knowledge that I’d had left just as much of a lasting impression on him as he had on me. Whatever happened after this, we’d always be a part of each other. I smiled as I pulled away and laughed softly at the guarded expression in his eyes. “You may not admit it to yourself, but I know.”
I didn’t understand the bittersweet pain that washed through him, the sense that our time together was too short. Then it hit me. I was such an idiot. I suppose Kristair had loved any number of people and watched them die over the years. “I won’t leave you,” I said, my tone fierce because, fuck, what the hell could I do to stop it from happening?
Once again Kristair’s eyes were unreadable and I knew he was keeping something from me, something that had to do with his sense of loss and me. I searched his face, looking for some damned clue, without any luck. “You’re going to have to tell me what the hell’s going on. You can’t keep me in the dark forever.”
He nodded. “I will, later on tonight, when we’re alone in your room.”
Once again he was trying to put me off and I didn’t even try to hide my irritation. “No. Why can’t we discuss it now?”
“Because it’s too involved to get into now. I don’t want to be interrupted halfway through it.” Kristair’s thoughts went to the waiting jackasses I had forgotten about again and my jaw tightened. “I promise you, mo chroí,” he continued. “I won’t hide anything from you, but you’re going to have to hold off on your questions for a little while longer.”
I bit back an angry retort and held onto his promise. I swear he’d better make good on it and not try to distract me with promises of being alone in a room with an actual bed. I nodded and raked my fingers through my hair, scowling at the door. “Well, the sooner they’re gone, the sooner we can get to it, right?”
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