As I walked back up the hill, the concrete walls of the city began to waver, a rippling effect that spread out in concentric circles all around me. I stopped, looking around in confusion.
The buildings changed. They were grimmer, streaked with a heavy patina of soot, smog thick in the air. I turned around in a slow circle, the sounds of traffic gone, except for the occasional rattle of carriage wheels on stone, the clip-clop of horse’s hooves. In the distance I could hear the deep tone of horns on the river, the rumble of factories working.
“What the…?” I said, staring at the city as it was when I first arrived in Pittsburgh.
Thoughts of Jacob and Tony fled my mind as I crept down the hill again. There were a few people about, but if they noticed me in my strange garb they gave no indication.
The world rippled again.
I was surrounded by screaming warriors. Torchlight flickered over their nude bodies, covered in blue paint and tattoos. My mind spun as I heard my birth tongue, long since dead all these centuries. Then I was one of them again, human and wondering why I was weaponless. As I leaned down to wrest a weapon from a dead enemy’s hand another ripple hit me.
Again and again, I flitted through different places and times in my life. Each time I lost myself entirely in the moment, forgetting everything that came after. Eventually I found myself high up on a balcony overlooking the ancient city of Rome. Torches flared in the streets below, the sounds of carousing drifting up. A woman stood at the rail and her face sparked something deep in my memory as she turned to offer me her hand.
“Mistress?” Confusion filled me. This wasn’t right. She was dead. Then the confusion disappeared.
“Kristair,” she acknowledged with a wry expression on her face. “Why do you always have to do things the difficult way?”
I shrugged my shoulders and she let her hand drop when I didn’t take it. I went and joined her at the railing and looked over the city, my mouth twisting in distaste. Rome would never change. “It is who I am, Mistress.”
“All those answers you’ve been searching for are there for the taking, my old friend. You just have to let go of this silly, stubborn resistance of yours.” She laughed softly. “Remember how much you fought me when I first changed you? And it was all for naught. This is no different.”
“What of the cost?” I turned and met her gaze, my mind and emotions curiously abstract. “There is always a cost.”
“True. Every birth has its own pain and this is no different. However, it is just as inevitable. You’re only prolonging your pain and confusion by clinging.” An admiring smile lit her delicate features. For a moment, she reminded me of another I should know but couldn’t bring to mind.
“Though I have to admit, some of the steps you’ve taken to avoid your fate are quite ingenious. I hadn’t realized your people’s mysticism was so potent. The presence of the boy has certainly changed things.”
What she said made sense, yet I could not stop my mind from struggling. Who was the boy? Something wasn’t right, something was different. In all the other places I’d visited, no one had even known I was there, much less spoken to me. It was as if I were a ghost wandering among men.
My Mistress smiled and touched my cheek in an old fond gesture. “Oh Kristair, you’re such a child. You still have so much to learn.” She turned, gesturing with her hand, and the world changed in another rippling wave. We stood on nothingness, myriad stars twinkling all around us, above and below. My mind spun from the enormity surrounding me.
“Where are we?” What’s happening to me?” I asked, my voice harsh. On the horizon, a breaking wave of whispering voices rushed toward us, intent on consuming me.
“I cannot tell you.” My Mistress turned her back on the oncoming wave, heedless of its danger. “You will discover it for yourself when you let go. Let go, Kristair. Join us.” She held out her hand again, her gaze compelling.
“Kristair! Kristair!” Another voice called me urgently from inside my mind. A man I didn’t recognize, but hearing him made my chest ache in a manner I didn’t understand. Instinctively, I turned to search for the newcomer, even as the wave crested higher, soaring above me, ready to crash down and obliterate any trace of me.
I was yanked away as the wave engulfed my Mistress, drowning her in a sea of roaring voices and minds. I shouted, reaching out toward her, before I was dragged away again. I landed hard, concrete digging into my hands and knees.
“Kristair?” Jacob’s voice was sharp with terror. I lifted my head weakly, looking around at the unrecognizable city around me. I was in the middle of the street; a car honked and zoomed around me. I shook my head. It couldn’t be right. I struggled to my feet as Jacob screamed my name again. “Where are you? I can’t find you.”
“Jacob?” I staggered over to the sidewalk, clutching my head. “How’s Tony? Where is he?” That was important somehow. Why couldn’t I remember?
“Jesus Christ, forget about Tony. I’m on my way. Don’t move.”
I frowned. Where did he think I was going to go? I leaned heavily against a building, my muscles going slack and threatening to give out on me altogether. There were warehouses all around me. Last I remembered I was standing outside of his apartment. How did I get all the way over here? “I’m near the docks.”
“I know, love. I’ll be there in fifteen, twenty minutes tops. Just don’t do anything.”
Jacob was bossy. I wondered if he realized how bad that side of his personality was. I was hungry, the need for blood clawing my insides. I should wait until Jacob caught up with me. It wasn’t that long, but my heightened senses picked up the sound of furtive footsteps down the street. I turned in the direction, my usual discipline gone. My prey was halfway down the block, a man by his size and shape. He looked over his shoulder at me as I started after him and he quickened his step.
Jacob was nattering, saying something in an urgent tone as I closed the distance between myself and my handy victim. I was close enough that I could smell my prey’s anger and growing fear. “What is it?” I asked, my mind alert with dreadful intensity.
“Stay focused, okay? I’m not that far away.” Jacob simmered with jealousy and possessiveness.
The hot taste of disappointment filled my mouth as my victim began to run and disappeared around the corner into the maze of buildings and alleys. It would be a simple matter to overtake him, but it would hurt Jacob’s feelings. “I hope you’re happy,” I snapped, feeling strangely peevish.
“Keep your pants on.”
“I never thought I’d hear you say that.” I leaned against a broken streetlamp, studying the derelict buildings. Why was I waiting? It would be quicker for me to meet him. “Jacob….” I began, and then broke off as the whispering started again on the edge of my consciousness. Abruptly, I remembered everything that had happened… but it couldn’t have. I couldn’t have been to all of those places. I was losing my sanity. It was the only thing that made sense.
“Let go.” My head jerked up at the whisper, fear shooting down my spine. I stood transfixed, staring at the rippling ring moving through the ground, zeroing in on me. Not again….
“What ?” Jacob’s voice was sharp.
“You’d better hurry, mo chroí,” I managed to say before the ring reached me and the city melted away again.
Chapter 28
I SWORE viciously as Kristair’s mind left mine again, our connection stretching to a breaking point. I had a vague impression of rolling fields and a horse before the image disappeared. The cab driver’s brows furrowed at he darted a quick glance at me through the rearview mirror. I snarled. “Hurry up, damn it. I’m losing him.”
I’m sure I must’ve looked like I was criminally insane, sitting in the back, muttering to myself, and constantly telling the driver to change direction. I gnawed at my thumbnail and scanned the streets on either side. Would he even be there anymore when I arrived?
I always knew where Kristair was. I could close my eyes and point to him without pe
eking. I could follow him as if there was a glowing path lighting my way. Now, I was stumbling in the dark. Kristair was out there somewhere, being attacked or hurt, and I had not one fucking clue where to find him if he had wandered away in the past two minutes.
We reached the docks and confusing jumble of warehouses. I pressed my face to the glass, searching the littered sidewalks and shadowed alleys. We were so close. I could tell that much now, but Kristair was as unreachable as a rich southern belle. If I could just speak with him again, make the connection, I’d have him. I just needed one moment when he was close.
“Kristair? Kristair?” I tried reaching out my mind the way I had before, steeling myself in case he didn’t recognize me again. Oh god, that had hurt. It still ached. His mind was busy, focused on a battle going on around him. My trespassing rattled him and the strange scene winked out of sight. Our connection came back, just as strong as it was before, and I breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn’t that far, maybe a couple of blocks away.
“Turn here,” I snapped, pointing to a side street we were getting ready to pass. “Here! Here!” The driver spun the wheel and with a squeal of tires we turned, the tire riding up on the sidewalk. “Keep going. On the third street make a right.” The driver nodded, his hands white-knuckled on the wheels.
“I wish it would end,” Kristair said irritably, and I had the impression he was clutching his head in his hands.
“I’m almost there.” Hell if I knew what I could do to help him, but saying it made me feel better. I caught sight of a figure huddled in a recessed doorway, rocking back and forth. Oh god, Kristair.
“Stop! Stop!” I was opening the door even as the cab driver screeched to a halt cursing at me.
“Don’t leave. I’ll pay you double,” I shouted back at him, leaving the door wide open. We’d never find another cab in this district at this time of night. I ran over to Kristair, hunching down next to him and taking his shoulders. “Kristair, look at me.”
He lifted his head and looked past me, his eyes unfocused. “Who are you?” He frowned, bringing up his hands to shove me away, and then his expression changed to one of fear as his gaze sharpened. “Jacob?”
“It’s me, love,” I said softly, taking his hands and guiding him to his feet. “Let’s get you back to the hotel.” I helped him toward the cab, his gait stumbling as he dug in his heels.
“I can’t… I can’t,” Kristair mumbled, pulling back. “I have to go.” He looked over his shoulder. “Damn. Here it comes again.”
I glanced back as well and couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary. His eyes were fixated on something, though, and that was enough to make me believe. I tugged on him harder. The cab was only a few feet away. He staggered after me. Then he stiffened in my grip and his body started to melt away. I stared at him in horror, frozen until my hands fell through him.
“KRISTAIR!” I screamed mentally and out loud, the sound ringing down the street. He became solid again, slumping into my arms. I shoved him into the cab and scrambled in after him, slamming the door behind us, my heart beating impossibly fast. The cabbie was staring at us wide-eyed as I gathered Kristair closer. “Take us back downtown.”
The driver hesitated and then spun the wheel around and headed out. I smoothed my fingers over Kristair’s scalp, pressing my forehead against his temple, and savored the renewal of our connection. Kristair still wasn’t himself. I could sense my lover’s skittering thoughts, his confusion, but at least he wasn’t babbling nonsense anymore or disappearing in and out.
After a moment I pulled back and began digging through Kristair’s pockets until I found his wallet. I pulled out a couple of twenties and tossed them in the front seat. “Get us there quick.”
The driver didn’t respond, keeping his eyes on the road as I sat back again. “Kristair? Love?” I tapped his cheek gently, searching for some response. He muttered and turned into me, burying his face against my neck. I tensed, half-expecting him to start feeding right then and there, but he didn’t.
Thank god for small favors. I think that would’ve been more than the cabbie could’ve taken, and I didn’t want to find us unceremoniously dumped on the side of the street or have the driver abandon us and take off down the sidewalk screaming his lungs out.
I stroked my hand down Kristair’s back, cold chills running through me when I thought I felt his form waver again. I started talking a rambling monologue in his mind, trying to keep him focused on me. Oh god, what were we gonna do? Things were getting worse, very quickly. The thought of the strong, quiet man I loved turning into a babbling idiot or fading into a ghost was too terrifying to contemplate.
I held onto him tighter, as if by doing so I could somehow keep him by my side.
The cab sped through town and finally pulled up in front of the hotel. The maître d’, or whatever the hell he was called, came out to open the door for us. I eased Kristair out, and then glanced at the cab driver. “Thanks, man.” I’m sure he was grateful to be rid of me while he was still in one piece.
“Do you need me to call the hotel doctor, sir? Or would you like an ambulance?”
I waved away the hovering hotel guy and slung Kristair’s arm around my shoulder. “He’s fine. I’ll just get him up to his room.” We probably looked a sight. I’m sure I wasn’t the poster boy for the hotel’s ideal patron. Kristair usually looked the part, but now he looked drunk.
We got into the elevator with nothing more than a few strange looks. At least no one stopped us and demanded an explanation, or threatened to kick us out. “We’re almost there, love. Then you can feed all you want.”
I wasn’t sure if blood really helped his condition or not, but I couldn’t think of anything else to do. Kristair was a little steadier as we exited the elevator and went down the hall though his eyes were still unfocused.
Kayla looked up as we came through the door. I stared at her in surprise as I half-carried Kristair to the couch. “What the hell are you doing here?”
Oh fuck, yeah. I had asked her to come over and then forgot all about her.
“Kris!” Kayla ran over, cupping her hands around his face. “What happened to him?”
“I don’t know.”
I brought my wrist to his lips, but he just turned his head away. “Come on, Kristair, you were all hot to jump that guy. I know you’re hungry.” He turned his head away again. What was going on? I figured instinct would have taken over.
“I think it’s what happened to that lady in your journals. Some really weird things have been going on lately.” Quickly, I explained what happened to him the other night and what I had seen when I had found him down by the docks. “I don’t know. I think he’s losing his grip.”
Briefly she shut her eyes, and then gave me a light push. “Go get a knife. Maybe if he smells your blood he’ll latch on.”
I shivered at the thought of cutting myself. I once saw a guy who’d slashed his wrists committing suicide. The picture had never left my mind. I swallowed my argument, though, and went over to the kitchenette and brought back the small knife for cutting limes.
Kayla was biting her lower lip, cradling Kristair’s face. She kept calling his name in a low, urgent voice. Kristair was out of it, muttering to himself in a language I didn’t recognize. I sank down on the couch next to him, my hands trembling.
Kristair’s eyes focused on Kayla’s face and I breathed a sigh of relief. His expression was troubled and he seemed to shrink back into the cushions. “Mistress?” His dark eyes widened. “No… I’m not ready yet.”
My mouth fell open and I looked at Kayla. Her face had gone white and she shook her head mutely, pressing her hand to her lips.
Okay, this had gone on long enough. Now Kristair was mistaking us for people in his past. I didn’t want to know who he would he take me for. If it was one of his former lovers I’d be seriously pissed. I set the knife against my wrist and squeezed my eyes shut.
Kayla seized my hands, made an exasperated sound, and took the knife
from me. “I don’t want you to slash your wrists, for crying out loud. You’re going to hurt yourself.” She nicked the end of my finger and a drop of blood welled. “Brush it against his lips,” she ordered. “He’ll take care of it from there.”
Kayla headed into the kitchenette. I smeared my blood on his lower lip, watching breathlessly as he drew it into his mouth. God, please let this work.
Hunger struck him, monstrous and terrible. It was so vast. It had never been like this. I drew back as his eyes lit on me and my gut froze. His hands caught me, hard as steel, his eyes predatory.
“Kristair, it’s okay.” I didn’t know who I was trying to reassure—me or him. My heart thundered as he jerked me into his arms. His hand pulled my hair back, his arm pinned my arms to my sides. I cried out and closed my eyes, trying hard to control my fear. Then he bit me. It was such a familiar sensation, pain mixed with pleasure. I concentrated on that and his scent, and my panic began to ease. This was Kristair. He wouldn’t hurt me.
“Come back to me, love.” Mentally I stroked my hands over him. “I won’t leave you again.” The thought petrified me. Everything went wrong when we were apart. I don’t know how my presence stopped whatever it was happening to him, but it certainly never started when we were together.
Sense was beginning to return to his mind. Kristair’s thoughts became less disjointed and he focused on me in his arms and the taste of my blood in his mouth. His arm loosened around me and I pulled him closer, brushing my fingers over the nape of his neck. “I love you.”
He lifted his head and met my gaze. His eyes were dull but aware, and blood stained his lips. He pressed his forehead against mine, terrible sadness in his dark eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
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