As the lawyer spoke, she reached her right hand into her pocket for her lucky cross. This lawyer was not an atheist. It was 3:59.
5
Meanwhile, in a small house, in a hilly, wooded, undefined place that was neither north nor south, neither east nor west, Mr. and Mrs. Glayston passed each other in the hallway.
“Do you know what today is?” Mrs. Glayston asked.
“Twenty years, I know.”
“Twenty-five.”
Mr. Glayston kept walking. It was 3:59.
6
Meanwhile, a few miles down the road from the Glayston’s house, their only son lay beneath the ground, where he had rested undisturbed for, as Mrs. Glayston correctly stated, twenty-five years. It was 3:59.
7
Meanwhile, much closer to the Glayston’s house, in a shallow grave near a lake, lay the remains of a golden retriever. It was 3:59.
8
Meanwhile, across the country and the world, in graves known and unknown, and in the earth, oceans, air, and the planet’s very creatures themselves, lay the remains of humanity’s parents, children, brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, in-laws, friends, co-workers, bosses, clients, lawyers, rivals, donors, judges, landlords, classmates, doctors, and pets. It was various times, all ending with :59.
9
DING DING DING! It was 4:00. Zack relaxed his lungs and got up to stretch. His lower back ached from sitting in his chair for the past ten plus hours, but that was all part of the cost of doing business. Despite the coffee to shirtsleeve debacle and his late afternoon trips to Hawaii and his parents’ house, Zack had actually made some pretty nice gains today, and he decided to celebrate with a short walk down the hall to the window.
Nice, the sun held up, Zack thought, as he popped two ibuprofens without water and looked out, first to the other skyscrapers, and then down to the streets below with their slow-moving little cars and the harbor with its rich, deep-blue color. Up here, he felt like an eagle perched in some gigantic concrete tree. And although he preferred the quiet peacefulness of nature himself, he had to marvel at man’s creation in all its glory. To think, once long ago, Manhattan was just an ordinary forest between the waters. Hmmm, Zack thought, maybe I’ll go camping next weekend.
A minute later, refreshed, Zack walked back to his desk and sat down, turning to the large stack of quarterly earnings reports that, in the next two hours, would help him identify some longer-term investments.
Then, a most unusual thing happened. A strange man walked into Zack’s office and stopped a few feet in front of his desk. He had long white hair, a long white beard, and a long white robe. “Do not be afraid,” he said in a deep and powerful voice. “I am God.”
“What… the…” Zack sputtered. His office didn’t have any kind of crazy costume days or anything.
“From now on, everything will be ok. Today I bring my kingdom to Earth, and all deserving people will live forever in happiness. Earth is now Heaven, and Heaven is now Earth. Right now, as I am talking with you, I am also simultaneously talking with every other person on Earth, in each of their own languages. You see Zack, no one religion was completely correct, but rather, all religions grasped different parts of the same truth. To enter my kingdom, you need not have followed religious rules, prayed, or have even believed in me. To enter my kingdom, you need only have been a good person, and you were.”
Zack listened quietly, taking it all in. This was a very odd prank, but whoever this guy was, he had definitely put some preparation into it, and Zack didn’t want to interrupt.
“Zack, from now on, there will be no disease, no pain, and no death. There will be enough food, housing, and all other necessities for everyone. To have any material object, say it or make an appropriate gesture, and it will appear. To accomplish any material feat, say it or make an appropriate gesture, and you will have the power to do it. To talk with me at any time, say my name and I will appear.
“Now, I must tell you, there is one major limitation on the powers that I am giving you. You, and everyone else in my kingdom, can do whatever you want and can have as much happiness as you can stand – so long as you do not deprive others of a similar happiness. This should not be difficult because you, and everyone else here, are all good people.
“Also, there is one more thing. And that is that you must never leave Earth. I have brought my kingdom here, and here is where you shall stay. In return for this indulgence, I will stay out of your thoughts, for I know that nobody could ever be truly happy with a god constantly listening to everything that he or she is thinking.”
“Haha. That is amazing!” The man had finally paused long enough to let Zack conclude that he was finished. “Down to the white robe and all! Wow! MAGNIFICENT! Stan really outdid himself this time. I’m going to have to dock him a couple of points because it’s not actually April Fools’ Day yet.…” He looked at his calendar. “But still. It’s gonna be a challenge trying to top this one.”
“Zack, I know that you are not an easy believer, and so I will not hesitate with the proof.” The man waved his hands, and a cloud of dark brown dirt blew into the office. For a moment, it hovered above the desk, twisting itself violently in a tight spiral, knocking some of the earnings reports to the floor. Then it slowed down, changed into a more copper color, and lowered itself to the ground, where a lively golden retriever bounced out. It was Zack’s childhood dog, Lucky.
Zack’s heart jumped. Cautiously, he reached his hand down to pet Lucky, who greedily pushed his head into Zack’s leg, begging for more. Zack obliged and slid off his chair to hug Lucky, his thoughts racing from afternoon walks down the street, to tug-of-war, to throwing the stick in the lake for Lucky to retrieve.
Then Zack pulled his head back to take another look. Something was different. This dog had four legs, whereas Lucky only had three. Ok, Zack thought, collecting himself. I am dreaming… and I am conscious of it. Awesome! Better make the most of this! Let’s see, my top five favorite female celebrities, number one…
“Right now Zack, outside of this office, just as I have done with Lucky, I am resurrecting every person who has ever lived who deserves to enter my kingdom.”
“Quiet.” Zack pointed his finger at the man as if it were a magic wand. “Appear.” He thrust his finger toward the empty space in the center of the room. But nothing happened.
“Zack, be at peace. There are some people here for you. They are not as you might remember them in their later days, but as they want to appear now.”
A man entered the room. He looked like a younger version of Zack, but with a lighter skin tone. Beside him stood a woman that Zack recognized instantly. He looked into their eyes. He hugged them, and he knew he wasn’t dreaming.
“Mom, Dad, I missed you so much.”
Zack’s father laughed. “I wish I could say the same thing, but for us, it felt like no time at all passed. All I can remember is being in incredible pain a little while ago in my hospital bed. Then I went to sleep, and when I woke up, I was in a cemetery with your mother talking to God.”
“Oh Zacky, my boy!” Zack’s mother said. “God told us how successful you became! We’re so proud of you!”
“Aw, I’m not that successful,” Zack said. “Look at how tiny this office is – you can’t even close the door without getting claustrophobia. It doesn’t even have a window!”
“Oh, come on now son,” his father said. “To think, my boy, the son of a mechanic from Appalachia, could make it to Wall Street! That, Zack, is what I fought for in Vietnam.”
“Ok Dad, let’s not start that again.”
“No, please don’t,” his mother said. “We have so much else to talk about. And we want to see our parents too.”
“Yes, let’s go,” his father said. “You were just a little one the last time you saw any of them! They’re gonna be so happy!”
“And proud!” his mother added.
“Of course,” Zack said, “I can’t wait.”<
br />
The rest of the night was like a dream. First they visited Zack’s mother’s parents, along with a few other relatives from her side of the family, in the large house that she had grown up in, just a few miles down the road from the house that she had grown old in. Then they visited Zack’s father’s parents, and a few others from his side, in the small house that he had grown up in, two towns over. Finally, they paid visits to two sets of cousins and one pair of great-grandparents in completely different states. Each time, they traveled to their destination in mere seconds just by speaking their wish.
Throughout the night, Zack’s kin caught each other up on family and world events – with Zack always taking the last turn. When he told them about Facebook, smartphones, and the first black president who had given SEAL Team 6 the kill order on Osama Bin Laden, everyone was smiling. However, when he explained how there really were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and how deregulation of the financial markets had caused the Great Recession, his father looked wary. But tonight was not the time for arguments. They were together, and they were happy.
When it grew late, Zack’s parents headed for their humble house in the country-hills, while he went back to his apartment in Jersey. That night, with Lucky at his side in his bed, Zack slept like he had not slept in over a decade.
10
The next morning, Zack awoke to find that his normal self had returned. Wait a minute, he thought. What about all of the evil in the world? What about evolution? What about the Big Bang? Was I really wrong about all of it? And what about my uncle!? This was an odd detail from the night before that Zack had somehow misplaced in the excited shuffle until now: no one was able to find Uncle Casey, and Zack’s Granddad Gordy had reported something about God saying that Casey would make it to Heaven “eventually.”
A few minutes later, his mind racing, Zack was walking through the City with Lucky at his heels. Manhattan had changed quite a bit. Medieval castles sat side-by-side futuristic towers made of diamond. There were Taj Mahals, obelisks, and colossal statues of ordinary people, and near Zack’s office building, there was a giant beanstalk that disappeared into the clouds.
In Central Park, a waterfall fell from a place above the sun into the Lake, where people lay back with their feet up in swan boats that were actual, giant swans. Above them, others flew in the sky on angel wings and raced hover skateboards. They made dancing rainbows with completely new colors that Zack had never seen before. They rode pegasi, dinosaurs, and dragons. But Zack was not interested in any of that at the moment. He had questions, and he could not embrace his new reality until he got some answers.
Zack and Lucky approached the Library, a new building that God had constructed at the north end of the Park and had mentioned in passing the night before – now the focus of Zack’s being. Engraved in stone above the entrance were the words: “Nothing is covered up that will not be uncovered, nothing is secret that will not become known.” Heaven’s library. Zack and Lucky walked in.
Although the building appeared modest from the outside, it was cavernous inside. Dozens of floors circled the main atrium, each with many radiating hallways, which were without visible end. Oddly, other than Zack and Lucky, there were no other visitors.
Zack read for hours. The books did not contain any major surprises. The universe had indeed begun billions of years ago with the Big Bang. Humans evolved from monkeys, but under God’s direction. This was necessary, because if it was too obvious that God had created the world and mankind, true faith and free will would be impossible.
Zack continued reading. Humans built the pyramids in Egypt. Crop circles were a hoax. Columbus was not the first non-native American or even the first European to reach the new world. And, interestingly, there was no specific carcinogen that caused Zack’s parents’ cancers; it was their genes, which acted at the same time by coincidence.
But not everything was there. “God,” Zack said. “Are you there? I have questions.”
God appeared. “Yes, my son.”
Zack decided to start with an easy one. “Who was responsible for the assassination of J.F.K.? It’s not in here.”
“I cannot reveal that secret just yet. The people involved in those events have redeemed themselves and are here as well. If I revealed their crimes, this would not be Heaven for them. Remember, you may only have as much happiness as is consistent with a similar happiness for all others.”
“But the sign on the door said that all secrets would be known.”
“Indeed, and I will reveal that secret in time, when everyone fully grasps the reality of my kingdom and has allowed his or her heart to be at peace. But that time is not yet here. Your heart, for one, is still very much at war.”
“Yes… yes it is. Where’s my uncle? That’s not in these books either.”
“He is not yet ready. Remember that in order for Heaven to work, everyone here must be able to accept the principle that they cannot have everything they want, but must share happiness. Casey will make it here eventually. You must be patient.”
“So is he in hell?”
“He is beyond this kingdom and therefore beyond you for the time being.”
“Ok. Well then tell me this. What was there before the Big Bang?”
“There was nothing.”
“But you existed, right? You created the Big Bang.”
“Yes.”
“Then there was something before the Big Bang… you. How did you get there?”
“I was always there.”
“That doesn’t make sense. How could something as intelligent and powerful as yourself always exist? Didn’t something have to create you?”
“Zack, I was not always intelligent and powerful. Like you, like the Earth, and like all things, I have always been evolving. I was there in the beginning simply as a great energy. You were too, for we are all part of the same energy that is the universe. That energy, Zack, is greater than time. It, you, me, created the Big Bang and later evolved into the two beings having this conversation.”
Hmmm, Zack thought, an evolving God? He would have to think about this. “But then did you create the Earth and humanity?”
“I did.”
“Intelligently? Or just by being there, like with the Big Bang?”
“Intelligently.”
“Ah!” Zack had him now. It was time to bring out the big guns. “Well, then why did you create the world with so much evil?”
“Humans needed challenge. Otherwise, how could they have ever grown?”
“But murder, war?”
“Those were consequences of free will. If I had intervened, then humans would not have had a meaningful choice between good and evil.”
“But what about the magnitude? The Holocaust, slavery… child-rape? Surely you could have designed a world in which humans faced some natural obstacles, and had the power to do some evil, but where crimes like those were impossible.”
“Zack, how do you know that I didn’t? You must admit that it was also physically possible for me to design an even more painful world than the one that you lived in. There was a whole range of worlds that I could have made, and I had to draw the line somewhere. If I had made rape and murder impossible, then you would ask me why I had allowed disease. If there was no disease, you would ask me why I had allowed death at all. Some suffering was necessary.”
“But what about –”
“Zack. How about we take a break from this for now? You and I have all eternity to philosophize, and I look forward to it, but at the moment, there are some other matters that you should attend to. Nearly everyone that you have ever known is here, and some of them are pretty anxious to spend time with you. You have important reunions scheduled throughout your entire first week here: family, neighborhood, high school, college, company… you should relax and celebrate.”
“Fair enough. I’ll try to do that.”
“What if they’re aliens and they’re going to eat us or enslave us?”
“Zack, that’s
crazy. And if it were true, they’d have done it already. God is infinitely more powerful than us, and there’s nothing we could do.”
“But Stan…”
“Zack, if only you had seen the resurrection. I was at my old church when it happened, and it had a cemetery. Zack, skeletons rose out of the ground. I saw them! Randall Gibbons – 1905, William Carver – 1880, Deborah Paxton – 1920, I met them Zack! The dirt whipped around in a storm of little tornadoes and filled in their bodies and their funny old-timey clothes. Other people materialized in mid-air, maybe because they had never gotten a real burial. There were British colonists, Civil War soldiers, Native Americans! It was amazing.”
“Yeah, but apparently not amazing enough for God to think of showing me.”
“Maybe he thought you weren’t ready. Anyway, who cares! There are plenty of other amazing things to experience here. Look at my shoulder Zack, good as new!” Stan spun his arm around furiously like a sideways helicopter blade. “Anything’s possible!”
“Yeah, but the resurrection, your shoulder, they don’t prove that God is really God. The aliens might just have really really advanced technology.”
“Bro, we’ve been buddies for a long time, and you need to listen to me. We were wrong. It’s OK. Just accept it. There is a God. There is a heaven. We’re in it, and it’s totally awesome. So why don’t you go enjoy it? Get drunk – the beer tastes better and there’s no hangover! Stuff yourself silly. There’s no consequences!” Stan flung the back of his hand into Zack’s stomach. “Even better, spend some time with your parents. I’m sure they want to see you.
“And did you find out yet about the additional senses beyond just the five? Ask God about that. And bro, when you’re tired of all that, it’s time for you to start dating again. Let me know when you’re ready, and we’ll find some parties. I’m sure they’re sick!” Then suddenly Stan got very serious. He looked Zack straight in the eyes and said, “Have you tried the videogames here?”
The Alpha and the Omega: An absurd philosophical tale about God, the end of the world, and what's on the other planets Page 3