Taking in one long breath, then another and another, I made up my mind.
Throwing the used towelling into the waste bin, I moved to the door, unlocked the latch and opened the door just at the same moment it pushed opened from the other side.
One second later, I was wrapped up in two strong arms, my face smashed against a wall of muscle. Jason had one hand on the back of my head, the other one at the base of my spine just above my butt holding me so close to him I could feel his erratic heartbeat pounding against my cheek.
“Fuck Mermaid, I am so sorry, so god damned sorry. Please forgive me baby, please?” Jason implored passionately, his mouth resting on the top of my head.
Opening my mouth to answer him, Jason suddenly pulled me back, his hands going to my face, cupping my cheeks tightly but not so tight to make me look like a blowfish, I hoped.
“It was an accidental but very stupid slip of the tongue. I wasn’t thinking about her at all, I promise you. On Shiloh and Bastian’s lives I swear Kelsey, I don’t know how or why it happened other than it was habit. Simple habit, nothing more.”
The intensity in Jason’s eyes knocked me all the way to my knees, there was no way to miss the honesty in them or in the way he looked when he spoke. Loving someone as fiercely as I loved Jason called for courage and strength and at times I was going to need patience. Lots of patience.
Pulling my trapped arms out from between our chests, I mimicked his hold on me.
“I know honey, I know. Zoe was a part of your life, the most important part. I get that, I do, truly. I don’t want to replace her memory or her importance in your heart, I’m just asking that there be room in there for me too,” I said softly, my eyes not leaving his. Jason’s eyes were a window into his soul. He could school his facial expression, that being the cop in him, but what he couldn’t do was hide the truth in his eyes.
“You own more of that than you know Kels, more than I am ready to admit. I told you I would never lie to you baby, and I am not about to start now. You mean the fucking world to me Mermaid, hurting you the way I just did guts me,” Jason whispered desperately, his forehead dropping to mine, our hands still clutching at one another.
“You make me happy, make me want to believe again.” Rubbing his nose on mine then kissing the tip, he continued to heal my cracked heart.
“You won me over with your sweetness and your tenacity to be independent. So much so I sometimes think you don’t need me.”
“I do need you, so much Jason,” I answered immediately, trying to shake my head, but his hold on me was firm and unyielding.
“My first instinct is to protect you, even from me. I don’t know if what I feel is love, I don’t know if I can love again. What I do know is, you own me Kelsey Donovan and living without you is not an option.”
Closing my eyes, I took a minute to absorb his declaration and the warmth that was spreading through me. Whether Jason knew it or not, the words and his claim on me sounded a lot like love. It only took me a minute to figure out that I was madly in love with him, he just needed a few more. Because if I knew anything at all, that sounded a lot like love to me.
“I’m not going anywhere honey,” I whispered then pressed my lips to his. Our kiss was soft and sweet and deliberately slow, I felt his relief that his small fuck up hadn’t broken us. And just like that I made yet another decision where Jason was concerned.
Long haul it is.
“Come on Peter, time to go back in your hutch mate. Mummy needs to dig in the garden and I can’t trust you not to take off with the turnips.” Clicking my fingers in front of the huge rabbit, I managed to make him follow me all the way to his home. He was far too big to carry any further than a few feet nowadays.
“Maybe the vet is right big boy,” I huffed, as I heaved him through the door of his hutch and quickly closed the extra safety door behind him. Years ago, I discovered, with the help of Jason and a security camera he ‘borrowed’ from the police storage, that Peter liked to escape late at night to forage through my garden beds. While I didn’t mind him roaming during the day, where I lived on the outskirts of town we had a problem with foxes. Peter would be the perfect meal for a family of ten foxes, and my ‘little big’ man was not on the menu.
“Diet time for you my furry friend,” I said to him, poking a celery stick from my pocket through the wire. “Starting tomorrow,” I mumbled adding two carrots to the cage floor.
Passing the petrol-powered tiller, I reached for my old-fashioned hand held one and set about turning over some soil. January was a hot month and usually not the best for rainfall and seedlings, but it was the perfect time to plant spuds, and that was my plan for the day.
Lake mentioned she wanted to expand the hot meals in her café but wished for more homegrown produce. We chatted about the menu she wanted to pursue and eventually came up with the humble potato. And while I planned on planting the most common varieties, I convinced Lake that there were some really delicious different kinds she could also utilise.
Purple, Fingerling and Petite were the choices so here I was getting the soil ready. Earlier, I drove down to the local nursey and grabbed ten bags of manure and other goodies to make vegetables grow. The Ford made the job so much easier, not only did I get the manure I also had room in the back of the ute for two new spades and eighteen small shrubs, now that I had built up confidence driving the Ranger, it saved me so much time. Time I could devote to other things or Jason.
“Not that I am going to tell Jason he was right,” I muttered to no one. “Telling a Johnston twin he is right only brings hours of gloating.”
“Hey, I take exception to that.”
The deep baritone of a man’s voice startled me so much, I lost my footing in the plot of half tilled soil and went down face first in the pile of manure I had emptied there to mix in.
“Shit. Fuck. Kelsey!”
Now recognising the voice as Deck’s, the panic a stranger was on my property replaced with shocked amusement.
“Argh, shit,” I giggled, letting Deck help me to my feet. Well, I didn’t do much, the brawny muscled SAA more like hauled me to my feet with one arm wrapped around my waist.
“Geez Kels, I didn’t mean to scare the shit of you. I thought you would’ve heard my bike pull up out the front,” Deck said with a flick of his thumb over his shoulder to where his bike stood.
“Nope sorry. Didn’t hear a thing,” I replied brushing chunks of dirt and manure from my T-shirt… and inside it. Great, shit on my boobies. Very sexy.
“Kelsey, you have to be aware of your—”
“Surroundings,” I finished for him. “I know, I’m sorry. The guys ride past so much during the day to check on me I hardly hear them anymore… except—”
“Jason’s bike,” Deck supplied with a smirk.
“Yes, or his car,” I admitted with a laugh.
“You two look good together. I have to say, I was a little worried when Jason told me you and he were seeing each other.”
“Huh?” I asked, not understanding what Deck was telling me by saying that. Was there a hidden message? Did he think Jason and I going out was a mistake?
“Why Deck?”
I stared at the man who looked so much like his twin, but also so completely different. Physically, they were virtually the same. Same piercing blue eyes, Deck had a few kilos of muscle in his favour, other than that their frame was very familiar. The fundamental difference was, Deck had lost the haunted look in his eyes. Charlotte’s presence and influence changed Deck for the better, in my opinion.
Growing up across the street from the Johnston family, I spent a lot of my time at their house. Deck and his father were the kind of men that you weren’t all that sure about. Not that they were mean or scary, they were more… blunt, used as little words as possible. Lots of grunts, growls and narrow-eyed stares, that sort of thing. But, when the shit hit the fan over at my place and my mum went on a bender, those two were the first to come bolting across to remove me from th
e house until mum either sobered up or took off. Which meant another few days of sleeping over at Jason’s.
Jason and his mum were the ones I bonded with, his mum taught me about cooking and gardening, while Jason played board games with me and taught me how to keep myself safe when mum had ‘guests’. In my room he created a hiding spot for me in my wardrobe, he simply pulled three boards from the back wall in the cupboard nailed them to form a door then hinged them back inside. The crawl space behind had been a tight fit, but Jason outfitted the space with a torch, because candles were too dangerous, a blanket and pillow.
Jason saved me well before that night mum slashed my face, he had been doing it for years.
A horrible thought suddenly popped into my head. Did Deck think Jason was seeing me romantically out of some weird obligation, to satisfy his protective instincts?
“Don’t go getting your knickers all in a wad Kels. Damn you are just like my sweetness, making shit up in your head, taking what I said and turning it into female bullshit logic,” Deck complained, but the fond wishful smile on his face thinking about his beautiful wife betrayed his gruff delivery.
“Kels, all I am saying is, Jason has stupid ideas about love. I don’t have to sugar-coat how he loved Zoe for you. You saw the way they were together, right?” He waited for my nod then continued, “Well the bastard thinks that he and you can have a relationship without love. I presume this isn’t news to you?”
Shaking my head, I adverted my eyes. “No,” I agreed.
This was not news to me, but I had hopes of changing Jason’s mind about that particular aspect of our relationship.
“I met Charlie at the right time in my life. I wasn’t looking for love per se, but I was looking for something more than one-night stands. Shiloh was my biggest priority, raising her with six soldiers turned bikers and a cop,” Deck paused and grinned at me, the same grin as his brother, “well, we made a shit load of mistakes, but we did the best we could.”
Reaching out, I grabbed Deck by the hand, squeezing it in reassurance.
“You did a fantastic job Deck. I may have watched from outside, but I saw the way Jason was with her as an infant when she stayed with him. Even back then he refused help from me or your mum. I don’t know what it is about you two, but your stubbornness has no bounds,” I muttered.
“I think Charlie might agree with you there Kels,” Deck chuckled then sobered. “And that brings me to the point of this chat. My brother is scared shitless to admit to being in love with you, now don’t argue with me Kelsey,” Deck warned when I opened my mouth to correct him. “Whether he knows it or not, maybe he doesn’t want to see it, whatever you want to call it, he is in love with you. I see it, Charlie sees it, everyone at the club sees it. He is going to run if you aren’t careful. Don’t push him, force his hand to admit he loves you or play mind games with him.”
Shocked that Deck would even suggest that I would somehow use feminine hocus-pocus to get what I wanted from Jason pissed me off.
“Listen here Decker Johnston, if you think for one minute I plan to change your brother or trick him, you should know I am very aware of Jason’s view on love, you also need to know I can’t have children, so there will be no forcing his hand or trapping him to me,” I seethed through clenched teeth.
The nerve of the big, dumb, muscled twit even thinking I would do such a horrible thing.
“All of that will be Jason’s call. I love him, yes, very much. Do I want him to feel the same way about me? Of course, I bloody do, would you even consider Charlotte not being in love with you Deck?”
Not giving him time to answer me I pushed on.
“No! It would gut you to know the woman you compare everyone else by did not reciprocate your love. Well, that is what I have to face every single time I am with Jason. He likes me, he cares for me, he wants me, and even if there is a slim chance he loves me, he probably won’t admit it, ever. I have to live with the knowledge another person owns his heart while I have what is left over,” I admitted sadly. Suddenly tired, after not only my tirade at Deck, but the constant bickering going on in my head. Did he love me? Could he love me? Will Zoe always be his one?
“It is a never-ending reel in my brain Deck, and we are only at the three-week mark. Imagine what it will be like after three months, three years? How long will I be fighting the memory of the perfect woman?” Tears trickled down my cheeks, and I couldn’t have cared less. I was weary and just a little emotional, okay a lot emotional. After last night’s embarrassment at the club, Jason brought me home but left after staying no longer than fifteen minutes. He made sure the animals were fed, the security on and left. Oh, he kissed me tenderly wrapped me in one of his heart-melting hugs and promised to see me later the next day.
I heard him leave before dawn this morning, my guess was he went to the gym before work. Whenever Jason had a problem he worked out, and if the problem was momentous he got in the ring and went a few rounds.
My money was on the latter.
Without warning, again, Deck lifted me off the ground but this time he cradled me to his large chest.
“Fuck Kelsey, I don’t know what to say,” Deck murmured regretfully.
“Say, men suck,” I suggested, my words muffled because Deck had my arms trapped between our bodies, so my mouth was pressed into his leather cut making it impossible to move.
“That we do sweetheart, that we do.”
I allowed Deck to hold me for a few more seconds, assured him I was going to be just fine and shooed him away wanting to be alone.
Listening for Deck’s bike to disappear out of earshot, I pulled out my phone and send a quick text to Jason.
ME: Hey honey, I was thinking of having an early night. Would you mind if we do dinner tomorrow night instead? I hope you had a good day at work, you can tell me all about it over the lamb roast I plan to cook. Xoxo.
I pressed send before I talked myself out of sending the text and keeping our plans for the night. I wanted to see Jason, desperately. Though talking with Deck had left me a little raw and overwrought, I was happy that he had been honest with me. Everything he said about Jason resonated true with exactly what I already knew.
Maybe, just maybe Kels all your dreams will come true, the hopeful mantra played over in my mind as I went about the feeding routine of the animals and plants. The potato planting could wait another day, unsurprisingly I wasn’t in the mood anymore.
Chapter 15
JASON
My phone pinged on my desk with a message alert and I thought for a second about leaving it unopened.
All morning the bloody thing had been practically attached to my ear, calls from Booth about the new problems the council was throwing at the club counted for most of them. If the lady mayor kept pissing the Pres off with new ways to make the club pay out for permits and fees, Booth was going to blow a fuse.
So far, Ford and I had managed to field most of the mail before it reached Booth’s inbox, most that was. Apparently, Ford didn’t get to today’s emails quick enough, so now Booth knew about the latest development with the retaining concrete wall at the shooting range.
The concrete wasn’t thick enough, the wall now had to be an extra six hundred centimetres high, and the barrier wall of dirt behind the concrete wasn’t the right grade of soil. The first letter of requirement didn’t say anything about the soil needing to be sixty percent clay. Using ten truckloads of gravel from a job Deck’s crew dug off a site they levelled for a new car wash was deemed unsafe and an inappropriate safety barrier against a bullet.
Then she just had to start in on the police, my station of course. So, I was also fielding phone calls from my boss, who was interstate at a nationwide conference concerning mental illness in the force.
“I’m going to have my own psychotic episode if my phone rings one more time,” I grumbled, reaching for my mobile.
“You know talking to yourself can get you two weeks sick leave Johnston,” Jobe joked as he passed my desk.
<
br /> Swiping open my phone screen, I laughed at my partner, as I absently scanned the message on the screen, “Is that right? I could do with— what the flying fuck!” I shouted, reading the text I’d just received from my woman.
MERMAID: Hey honey, I was thinking of having an early night. Would you mind if we did dinner tomorrow night instead? I hope you had a good day at work, you can tell me all about it over the lamb roast I plan to cook. Xoxo.
Reading between the lines of Kelsey’s sweet message I knew it had something to do with last night, more to the point what happened after we got back from the compound. Instead of staying like I should have, like I wanted to, I went home and brooded. And by doing that, I must have given Kelsey time to do the same.
Sweat suddenly beaded at the top of my forehead, was Kelsey second guessing us? Had my inability to push through my fears and give her my whole heart ruined my second chance at something special?
The more the questions whirled around in my head, the more frantic I became.
My redheaded Mermaid belonged with me, her hold on me was so tight I couldn’t breathe without her. Only when she was close did the tightening subside enough for me to enjoy life rather than just going through the motions.
Get up, dress, eat, work. That used to be my normal. Yes, I had the club, and my family, and yes, they filled some of the void. But Kelsey, she consumed me, made me feel things I promised I never would again. It wasn’t just the sex, which by the way was the best sex of my life. Watching Kelsey open up to me in bed, her innocent sensuality and the pure bliss she let me experience with her more than satisfied me.
She fucking rocked me to my knees.
The way she delighted in touching me, seeing my pleasure, the way her beautiful green eyes burned with heat whenever she pulled a moan from me. She truly revelled in making sure I got just as much from our lovemaking as she did.
Love Heals (The Love Duet Book 2) Page 13