Once we've experienced the intensity of the feelings, we can figure out what we need to do to take care of ourselves on the job.
Sometimes, as in any area of our life, feelings are to be felt and accepted. Sometimes, they are pointing to a problem in us, or a problem we need to resolve with someone else.
Sometimes, our feelings are helping to point us in a direction. Sometimes, they're connected to a message, or a fear: I'll never be successful. . . . I'll never get what I want. . . . I'm not good enough. . . .
Sometimes, the solution is a spiritual approach or remedy. Remember, whenever we bring a spiritual approach to any area of our life, we get the benefit.
We won't know what the lesson is until we summon the courage to stand still and deal with our feelings.
Today, I will consider my feelings at work as important as my feelings at home or anywhere else. I will find an appropriate way to deal with them.
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March 3
Accepting Ourselves
While driving one day, a woman's attention focused on the license plate of the car ahead. The license read: "BWHOUR." How can I? she thought. I don't know who I am!
Some of us may have felt confused when people encouraged us to be ourselves. How could we know ourselves, or be who we are, when, for years, many of us submerged ourselves in the needs of others?
We do have a self. We're discovering more about ourselves daily. We're learning we're deserving of love.
We're learning to accept ourselves, as we are for the present moment—to accept our feelings, thoughts, flaws, wants, needs, and desires. If our thoughts or feelings are confused, we accept that too.
To be who we are means we accept our past—our history—exactly as is.
To be ourselves means we are entitled to our opinions and beliefs—for the present moment and subject to change. We accept our limitations and our strengths.
To be who we are means we accept our physical selves, as well as our mental, emotional, and spiritual selves, for now. Being who we are in recovery means we take that acceptance one step further. We can appreciate ourselves and our history.
Being who we are, loving and accepting ourselves, is not a limiting attitude. Accepting and loving ourselves is how we enable growth and change.
Today, I will be who I am. If I'm not yet certain who I am, I will affirm that I have a right to that exciting discovery.
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March 4
Higher Power as a Source
I've learned I can take care of myself, and what I can't do, God will do for me.
—AlAnon member
God, a Higher Power as we understand Him, is our source of guidance and positive change. This doesn't mean we're not responsible for ourselves. We are. But we aren't in this alone.
Recovery is not a doityourself project. We don't have to become overly concerned about changing ourselves. We can do our part, relax, and trust that the changes well experience will be right for us.
Recovery means we don't have to look to other people as our source to meet our needs. They can help us, but they are not the source.
As we learn to trust the recovery process, we start to understand that a relationship with our Higher Power is no substitute for relationships with people. We don't need to hide behind religious beliefs or use our relationship with a Higher Power as an excuse to stop taking responsibility for ourselves and taking care of ourselves in relationships. But we can tap into and trust a Power greater than ourselves for the energy, wisdom, and guidance to do that.
Today, I will look to my Higher Power as the source for all my needs, including the changes I want to make in my recovery.
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March 5
Be Who You Are
When I meet people or get in a new relationship, I start put ting all these repressive restrictions on myself. I can't have my feelings. Can't have my wants and needs. Can't have my history. Can't do the things I want, feel the feelings I'm feeling, or say what I need to say. I turn into this repressed, perfectionistic robot, instead of being who I am: Me.
—Anonymous
Sometimes, our instinctive reaction to being in a new situation is: Don't be yourself.
Who else can we be? Who else would you want to be? We don't need to be anyone else.
The greatest gift we can bring to any relationship wherever we go is being who we are.
We may think others won't like us. We may be afraid that if we just relax and be ourselves, the other person will go away or shame us. We may worry about what the other person will think.
But, when we relax and accept ourselves, people often feel much better being around us than when we are rigid and repressed. We're fun to be around.
If others don't appreciate us, do we really want to be around them? Do we need to let the opinions of others control us and our behavior?
Giving ourselves permission to be who we are can have a healing influence on our relationships. The tone relaxes. We relax. The other person relaxes. Then everybody feels a little less shame, because they have learned the truth. Who we are is all we can be, all we're meant to be, and it's enough. It's fine.
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Our opinion of ourselves is truly all that matters. And we can give ourselves all the approval we want and need.
Today, I will relax and be who I am in my relationships. I will do this not in a demeaning or inappropriate way, but in a way that shows I accept myself and value who I am. Help me, God, let go of my fears about being myself.
March 6
Peace
Anxiety is often our first reaction to conflict, problems, or even our own fears. In those moments, detaching and getting peaceful may seem disloyal or apathetic. We think: If I really care, I'll worry; if this is really important to me, I must stay upset. We convince ourselves that outcomes will be positively affected by the amount of time we spend worrying.
Our best problemsolving resource is peace. Solutions arise easily and naturally out of a peaceful state. Often, fear and anxiety block solutions. Anxiety gives power to the problem, not the solution. It does not help to harbor turmoil. It does not help.
Peace is available if we choose it. In spite of chaos and unsolved problems around us, all is well. Things will work out. We can surround ourselves with the resources of the Universe: water, earth, a sunset, a walk, a prayer, a friend. We can relax and let ourselves feel peace.
Today, I will let go of my need to stay in turmoil. I will cultivate peace and trust that timely solutions and goodness will arise naturally and harmoniously out of the wellspring of peace. I will consciously let go and let God.
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March 7
Fulfillment
''Everything I need shall be provided today. Everything.'' Say it, until you believe it. Say it at the beginning of the day. Say it throughout the day.
Sometimes, it helps to know what we want and need. But if we don't, we can trust that God does.
When we ask, trust, and believe that our needs will be met, our needs will be met. Sometimes God cares about the silliest little things, if we do.
Today, I will affirm that my needs will be met. I will affirm that God cares and is the Source of my supply. Then I will let go and see that what I have risked to believe is the truth.
March 8
Surrender
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
—Step Three of AlAnon
Surrendering to a Power greater than ourselves is how we become empowered.
We become empowered in a new, better more effective way than we believed possible.
Doors open. Windows open. Possibilities occur. Our energy becomes channeled, at last, in areas and ways that work for us. We become in tune with the Plan for our life and our place in the Universe.
And there is a Plan and Place for us. We shall see that. We shall know that. The Universe will open up and make a special place for us, with all that we need provided.
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br /> It will be good. Understand that it is good, now.
Learning to own our power will come, if we are open to it. We do not need to stop at powerlessness and helplessness.
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That is a temporary place where we reevaluate where we have been trying to have power when we have none.
Once we surrender, it is time to become empowered.
Let the power come, naturally. It is there. It is ours.
Today, I will be open to understanding what it means to own my power I will accept powerlessness where I have no power; I will also accept the power that is mine to receive.
March 9
Taking Care of Ourselves
We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person's feelings. It's impossible; the two acts contradict.
What a tremendous asset to have compassion for others! How difficult that same quality can make it to set boundaries!
It's good to care about other people and their feelings; it's essential to care about ourselves too. Sometimes, to take good care of ourselves, we need to make a choice.
Some of us live with a deeply ingrained message from our family, or from church, about never hurting other people's feelings. We can replace that message with a new one, one that says it's not okay to hurt ourselves. Sometimes, when we take care of ourselves, others will react with hurt feelings.
That's okay. We will learn, grow, and benefit by the experience; they will too. The most powerful and positive impact we can have on other people is accomplished by taking responsibility for ourselves, and allowing others to be responsible for themselves.
Caring works. Caretaking doesn't. We can learn to walk the line between the two.
Today, I will set the limits I need to set. I will let go of my need to take care of other people's feelings and instead take care of my Page 68
own. I will give myself permission to take care of myself, knowing it's the best thing I can do for myself and others.
March 10
Living with Families
I was fortysix years old before I finally admitted to myself and someone else that my grandfather always managed to make me feel guilty, angry, and controlled.
—Anonymous
We may love and care about our family very much. Family members may love and care about us. But interacting with some members may be a real trigger to our codependency—sometimes to a deep abyss of shame, rage, anger, guilt, and helplessness.
It can be difficult to achieve detachment, on an emotional level, with certain family members. It can be difficult to separate their issues from ours. It can be difficult to own our power.
Difficult, but not impossible.
The first step is awareness and acceptance—simple acknowledgment, without guilt, of our feelings and thoughts. We do not have to blame our family members. We do not have to blame or shame ourselves. Acceptance is the goal—acceptance and freedom to choose what we want and need to do to take care of ourselves with that person. We can become free of the patterns of the past. We are recovering. Progress is the goal.
Today, Higher Power, help me be patient with myself as I learn how to apply recovery behaviors with family members. Help me strive today for awareness and acceptance.
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March 11
Letting Go of Confusion
Sometimes, the way is not clear.
Our minds get clouded, confused. We aren't certain what our next step should be, what it will look like, what direction we are headed.
That is the time to stop, ask for guidance, and rest. That is the time to let go of fear. Wait. Feel the confusion and chaos, then let it go. The path will show itself. The next step shall be revealed. We don't have to know now. We will know in time. Trust that. Let go and trust.
Today, I will wait if the way is not clear. I will trust that out of the chaos will come clarity.
March 12
Timing
If we could untangle the mysteries of life and unravel the energies which run through the world; if we could evaluate correctly the significance of passing events; if we could measure the struggles, dilemmas, and aspirations of mankind, we could find that nothing is born out of time. Everything comes at its appointed moment.
—Joseph R. Sizoo
Timing can be frustrating. We can wait and wait for something to happen, and it seems to be forever until it comes to pass. Or, suddenly, an event or circumstance is thrust upon us, catching us by surprise. Believing that things happen too slowly or too quickly is an illusion. Timing is perfect.
Today, I will trust and work with Divine Order. I will accept the timing in my life today and in my past as being perfect.
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March 13
Clarity and Direction
In spite of our best efforts to work our programs and lean on God's guidance, we sometimes don't understand what's going on in our life. We trust, wait, pray, listen to people, listen to ourselves, and the answer still does not come.
During those times, we need to understand that we are right where we need to be, even though that place may feel awkward and uncomfortable. Our life does have purpose and direction.
We are being changed, healed, and transformed at levels deeper than we can imagine. Good things, beyond our capacity to imagine, are being prepared and brought to us. We are being led and guided.
We can become peaceful. We do not have to act in haste or urgency just to relieve our discomfort, just to get an answer. We can wait until our mind is peaceful. We can wait for clear direction. Clarity will come.
The answer will come, and it will be good for us and those around us.
Today, God, help me know I am being guided into what's good about life, especially when I feel confused and without direction. Help me trust enough to wait until my mind and vision are clear and consistent. Help me know that clarity will come.
March 14
Trusting Ourselves
Trust can be one of the most confusing concepts in recovery. Who do we trust? For what?
The most important trust issue we face is learning to trust ourselves. The most detrimental thing that's happened to us is that we came to believe we couldn't trust ourselves.
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There will be some who tell us we cannot trust ourselves, we are off base and out of whack. There are those who would benefit by our mistrusting ourselves.
Fear and doubt are our enemies. Panic is our enemy. Confusion is our opposition.
Selftrust is a healing gift we can give ourselves. How do we acquire it? We learn it. What do we do about our mistakes, about those times we thought we could trust ourselves but were wrong? We accept them, and trust ourselves anyway.
We know what is best for us. We know what is right for us. If we are wrong, if we need to change our mind, we will be guided into that—but only by trusting where we are today.
We can look to others for support and reinforcement, but trust in ourselves is essential.
Do not trust fear. Do not trust panic. We can trust ourselves, stand in our own truth, stand in our own light. We have it now. Already. We have all the light we need for today. And tomorrow's light shall be given to us then.
Trust ourselves, and we will know whom to trust. Trust ourselves, and we will know what to do. When we feel we absolutely cannot trust ourselves, trust that God will guide us into truth.
God, help me let go of fear, doubt, and confusion—the enemies of selftrust. Help me go forward in peace and confidence. Help me grow in trust for myself and You, one day at a time, one experience at a time.
March 15
Removing the Victim
"Don't others see how much I'm hurting?" "Can't they see I need help?" "Don't they care?"
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are pointing a finger at others, waiting for them to have compassion for us, it's because we have not fully accepted our pain. We have not yet
reached that point of caring about ourselves. We are hoping for an awareness in another that we have not yet had.
It is our job to have compassion for ourselves. When we do, we have taken the first step toward removing ourselves as victims. We are on the way to selfresponsibility, selfcare, and change.
Today, I will not wait for others to see and care; I will take responsibility for being aware of my pain and problems, and caring about myself.
March 16
Positive Energy
It's so easy to look around and notice what's wrong.
It takes practice to see what's right.
Many of us have lived around negativity for years. We've become skilled at labeling what's wrong with other people, our life, our work, our day, our relationships, ourselves, our conduct, our recovery.
We want to be realistic, and our goal is to identify and accept reality. However, this is often not our intent when we practice negativity. The purpose of negativity is usually annihilation.
Negative thinking empowers the problem. It takes us out of harmony. Negative energy sabotages and destroys. It has a powerful life of its own.
So does positive energy. Each day, we can ask what's right, what's good—about other people, our life, our work, our day, our relationships, ourselves, our conduct, our recovery.
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Positive energy heals, conducts love, and transforms. Choose positive energy.
Today, God help me let go of negativity. Transform my beliefs and thinking, at the core, from negative to positive. Put me in harmony with the good.
March 17
Empowering
You can think. You can feel. You can solve your problems. You can take care of yourself.
Those words have often benefited me more than the most profound and elaborate advice.
How easy it is to fall into the trap of doubting ourselves and others.
When someone tells us about a problem, what is our reaction? Do we believe we need to solve it for the person? Do we believe that that person's future rests on our ability to advise him or her? That's standing on shaky ground—not the stuff of which recovery is made.
When someone is struggling through a feeling, or a morass of feelings, what is our reaction? That the person will never survive that experience? That it's not okay for someone to feel? That he or she will never get through this intact?
More Language of Letting Go: 366 New Daily Meditations Page 6