by Anne Herries
‘I cannot just allow her to disappear. I love her and want her so much.’
‘Then I suppose I must tell you, though she may hate me for it.’
‘What will you do now?’
‘With your permission I intend to return to your house on the Marches.’
‘Then you may escort my sister if you will. May is very distressed and she does not want to live in London—or at the castle. I have told her she might make her home at the Hall until she marries.’
‘It will be my pleasure to escort her. I promise to take good care of her.’
‘Better care than I took of Morwenna?’ Rupert shook his head. ‘I am certain of it. May is a timid child. I know that you would not dream of seducing her.’
‘You have my word on it.’
‘And now you will tell me where I can find Morwenna.’
‘I will tell you where I think she may have gone. The rest is up to you.’
‘I shall find her if I have to search the country for her.’
‘Then you will find her. I wish you luck.’
‘And I you.’
On that accord the two men parted.
Morwenna turned as the older woman entered the bedroom just as she was wiping her mouth after being sick for the second time that morning. She raised her head proudly, saying, ‘Yes, I am carrying Rupert’s child. I shall not deny it.’
‘Does he know?’ Morwenna shook her head. ‘Is that fair to him, my love? Do you not think you should tell him where you are? You are safe with us and we love having you, but your brother and friends may be searching for you.’
‘Rupert may be relieved, for he must know our relationship must end if he is to marry. Jacques must have guessed where I meant to come. If he wanted to find me, he would come here. He knows that I need to be alone for a while. When I am ready I shall tell my brother where I am.’
‘Well, I shall not push you, my love.’ Sarah smiled at her. ‘We love having you here and the children are so fond of you.’
‘You have all been so kind to me,’ Morwenna said. ‘I should like to stay with you until my babe is born.’
‘I would not dream of letting you go,’ Sarah assured her. ‘You saved my life and I am honoured that you chose me when you were in such sore distress. You are as a daughter to me and I love you.’
Morwenna nodded, because she knew it was the truth. She picked up her cloak, for it was her intention to walk to the market and buy fruit for the children. Sarah was always busy in the shop and had little time for shopping, so Morwenna made it one of the chores she had undertaken. Sarah’s husband would not take a penny for her board so she spent money on the children and thus far she had more than enough for her needs, though one day she would have to find work or draw on the account Rupert had opened for her with his lawyer.
‘Sarah, my love.’ Tom Harding came along the landing towards them as they left the bedchamber. ‘Will you come down, please? I have received word that a large order for silks and damasks is to come our way quite soon.’
‘Why, Husband, you look excited,’ Sarah said with a fond smile. ‘What has you all of a-twitter?’
‘Lord Melford has sent his man of business with an order for silken curtains for the house he has bought for his bride-to-be. I am told that is a fine big house and there will be many yards of silk needed.’
‘Lord Melford?’ Morwenna asked, feeling a sudden stab to her heart. ‘Are you sure that was the name given?’
‘Yes, Mistress Morwenna,’ the kindly man said, completely unaware that he was delivering a blow to her heart. ‘He is a Marquis, you know, and one of the richest men in England. His illustrious family has served the King for many years.’
Morwenna swallowed hard. She would not cry nor would she grieve. It was, after all, what she had hoped for, that Rupert would forget her and marry. Yet it was so soon. No more than two days had passed since she had fled to this house in Cheapside. How quickly he had forgotten his vows of love.
‘Is the Marquis below in the shop, sir?’ she asked, proud of the fact that her voice did not betray how close she was to weeping.
‘Oh, no, he would not come in person,’ Master Harding said. ‘He has sent his man of business to inspect our wares. His bride loves green and deep rose and I told him we had a new order of just those colours last week. Do you not recall that you chose them for us when the merchant called, Morwenna?’
‘Yes, I did. I hope the Marquis buys your silks, sir,’ Morwenna said and forced a smile as she looked at Sarah. ‘I shall not forget the plums you asked for—and I shall not be more than two hours.’
‘It will not take two hours to walk to the market?’
‘No. I think I must ask for the rest of my things to be sent on,’ Morwenna said. ‘It has been in my mind, as you know, and now I should do it.’
‘You are going back to his house?’
‘Just to fetch a few clothes.’ Morwenna blinked hard. ‘The house was supposed to be mine, but perhaps he will wish to sell it now he is to marry.’
‘To marry?’ Sarah stared at her and then at her husband. ‘You mean the Marquis … oh, Morwenna, my love. I am so sorry. Tom would not have said had he known.’
‘No, please do not apologise. I am glad to know,’ Morwenna said. ‘I hoped he would marry and forget me. Now I can truly move on and put all the sorrow behind me.’
‘Morwenna, are you sure?’
‘Do not worry, my dearest friend. Rupert would never hurt me physically. I shall tell Mistress Janet that I will not be returning and bring back anything I truly need. I shall not need my silk gowns now.’
Pulling her hood over her head, she went down the stairs and out of the side entrance into the bitter cold morning. Of course Rupert had no idea that she was staying with Sarah and Tom Harding. He would not have had her learn of his marriage in such a way had he known. She hoped that he had chosen his bride himself and not let his mother dominate his life.
Blinking back her tears, she passed by the market stalls and then approached a sedan chair waiting for hire. She gave him the address of her house and was taken up by two stout chairmen.
Inside the drawn curtains there was no one to see the silent tears slip down her cheeks. She had held them back in front of her friends, for she knew Tom Harding would feel badly once he realised what he had so gladly revealed.
It had been bound to happen and perhaps it was best that Rupert had decided to move on. Now Morwenna knew what she must do. She would remove her things from the house and ask John the footman to take a letter to Rupert. She needed to know where she could draw a few shillings a month to keep her and the child, for she could not always rely on her good friends. He would not deny her and perhaps now she knew that he was to marry she would be brave enough to face him with the truth—at least she would try once the child was born.
She was feeling unaccountably weary and defeated by the time she reached her destination. Asking the chairmen if they would wait while she collected some of her belongings, she paid the two shillings owed and then went up to the house. She knocked at the door and in a matter of seconds it opened and Mistress Janet stood there.
‘Oh, mistress,’ the woman cried and a smile broke over her face as she stood back to allow her to enter. ‘We’ve been worried about you. John and me wondered how you were.’
‘I’ve come to fetch some of my things. No one is here, are they?’
‘No, mistress. His lordship hasn’t been by today. He asked us to send word if you should come and he left some money for you in your room.’
‘How kind,’ Morwenna said, her throat catching. ‘I shall write him a letter and John may deliver it when I’ve gone, if he will?’
‘Of course, mistress. Shall I help with your things?’
‘Would it be too much trouble to ask for a hot posset? It is cold out and I need something to warm me. When you come up you can help me, though much of what Lord Melford gave me is no longer suitable.’
‘Of course it is
no trouble, mistress. I’ll bring you a bite to eat, too. I’ve been baking the shortbread you like this very morning.’
Morwenna thanked her and went on up the stairs. She felt the welcome of the house surround her—it was like returning home and she had not realised how much she missed it.
No, she would not let herself regret anything!
Her bedchamber was exactly as she’d left it. There was a scent of lavender in the air, as if it had been cleaned recently.
Morwenna began to move about the room, opening the chests and taking out the things she would need. Most of the gowns would not fit her in a few months, but the good cloth gowns could either be let out or kept until she had given birth. She would not need the expensive silks and damasks, for she would have no occasion to wear them. They could be sold. She supposed that she might sell them if she wished, for they were hers. She picked up the gown she had been wearing the last time Rupert took her to the theatre and held it to her face.
Her heart felt as if it would break apart. She had loved him so very much, but he was to marry and she must live her own life.
Morwenna was suddenly very tired. In a few moments she would begin her packing and she must write a letter to Rupert, asking him if he would send the details of the money he would allow her for his child here to the house so that she could easily collect it. She was too tired to think now. A little nap on the bed until Mistress Janet brought up her posset would make her feel much better …
‘Is she still here?’ Rupert asked as Mistress Janet let him in and put a finger to her lips. ‘I was out when John came, but as soon as I returned I rushed straight here.’
‘She meant only to stay a short while, but she fell asleep on the bed. When I looked in a moment ago she was still sleeping.’
‘Is she ill? Did she look unwell?’
‘She looks as always, sir.’ Mistress Janet smiled. ‘A little tired, perhaps.’
‘Thank God,’ Rupert said. ‘You did just as you ought, Janet—you and John. I cannot thank you enough.’
‘Go up now, sir, but let her wake herself.’
‘Yes, I shall. I would not startle her for the world.’
Rupert walked slowly up the stairs, his heart pounding. His ruse had worked perfectly. He had resisted the temptation to snatch her from her friends, hoping that news of his new house would bring her here. She had come as he’d hoped and now he had his chance to talk to her and make her understand.
She was still sound asleep as he opened the door and entered her chamber. Lying with her hair spread on the pillows, she looked so beautiful and sensual that his heart caught with need and desire. He loved her so. How could he bear it if he’d lost her?
Rupert knew that in taking her innocence and making her his mistress he had used her shamefully. She had deserved so much more and he was a fool to allow his past to come between them. After what his mother had told her she would believe that he had made her his mistress rather than wedding her because she was not his equal in birth—and because of her brother. Indeed, he had known some reservations regarding her brother, but it was not the reason he’d held back. His reasons went deeper and were more personal, a legacy of the scars he bore because of Richard’s death and his mother’s bitterness.
All he could do now was to pray that Morwenna would believe him when he told her that he loved her and would be proud to have her as his wife.
* * *
Morwenna yawned, her eyelids flickering. She stretched and then opened her eyes, staring up into the face of the man who sat beside her on the bed.
‘No!’ she cried. ‘Oh, Rupert, no. I thought …’
‘You thought I had deserted you,’ he said, reaching out to catch her as she would have run from him. Holding her wrist, he bent his head and kissed her lips. ‘Did you truly believe that I would marry another when I love you? Surely you know how much you mean to me?’
‘Please do not.’ Tears started to her eyes. ‘Your mother told me it would shame you to wed me. If you renounce your betrothed, you will be ruined.’
‘My mother had no right to say such things to you. My sister told me that she attacked you physically?’
‘It was nothing.’ She hunched her knees up to her chest protectively. ‘I made her angry, Rupert, because I said I would not give you up. That I would wed you if you wished …’
‘Did you allow her to believe that you might be carrying my child?’ Morwenna gave a little cry and turned her face away. ‘No, do not hide from me. Were you going to tell me?’
‘I would have told you when the babe was born after you were married.’
‘Have you so little faith in me?’
Morwenna lifted her head proudly. ‘I do not wish to be married out of pity or duty.’
‘You insult me, Morwenna. I do not offer you duty but I can hardly blame you for not believing me. I have behaved shamefully. I seduced you, took your innocence and then left you.’
‘I gave myself to you willingly, Rupert.’ Morwenna’s mouth trembled. ‘I love you, but I know I am not good enough for you.’
‘You are far above me. My mother has much to answer for! Had Jacques not guessed where you were I might have lost you.’
‘Your mother’s unkindness does not matter,’ Morwenna said. ‘Nothing would matter if you truly loved me.’ Her eyes met his in entreaty. ‘You say you love me and yet you made me your mistress and never spoke of marriage. Why? If you do not feel as your mother does, then why did you not wed me when we came to London?’
Rupert hesitated, then frowned. ‘Because I was afraid of loving you too much, I suppose. You shake your head, but you do not know my story. My brother died because I pushed him and he fell into the castle moat and later died of a fever. After that my mother hated me, because Richard was her favourite. She made me promise I would marry well, as my brother might have had he lived. I wished to oblige her and was to have married a gentle girl of whom I was very fond, but she too died of a fever. It seems that I lose all those that I love.’
‘You are afraid to love?’ She stared at him, hardly daring to believe. ‘I thought it was because of Michael and his involvement with the plotters and because I am too far beneath you?’
‘That is what my mother feels and, I shall admit it, to my shame those things weighed with me for a time. I knew that my mother would never accept you into the family and, at first, I did not understand how much you meant to me. It was not until Michael snatched you and then you almost died …’ He stopped, his throat catching with emotion. ‘Yes, I know how unworthy that makes me sound, Morwenna. I treated you ill. Why should you love me? I do not deserve you.’ He turned his face away. ‘If you cannot forgive …’
‘Oh, Rupert.’ She stared in wonder as she saw tears on his cheeks. ‘Do you truly care so much?’
He turned to her, such entreaty in his eyes that she caught her breath. ‘Can you doubt it? I adore you, Morwenna. If you will not have me, there is little left in life for me.’
‘Of course I forgive you,’ she said and scrambled across the bed towards him on her knees. ‘I love you and if we must part it will break my heart.’
Rupert turned and caught her close to his heart, holding her as if he would never let her go. ‘You’re mine,’ he whispered fiercely. ‘I want you, love you, need you. You must promise you will never leave me again. Promise me now, Morwenna.’
She gazed into his eyes for a moment in silence, then nodded. ‘I promise. I never want to leave you again, but the chairmen wait for me. I should not keep them longer and I must tell Sarah.’
‘I paid the chairmen and told them to let your friends know you were safe and would see them tomorrow. I shall take you there and you may introduce me—make me known to your friends. While we are in London we shall also visit your aunt and tell her of our coming marriage.’
‘You are quite certain you will not regret making me your wife? If your mother and friends will not know you …’ He touched his fingers to her lips to hush her. ‘You may lose
so much if you wed me, Rupert.’
‘If I lose fairweather friends, so be it. I have no desire to spend my life at court, dangling at the King’s pleasure for some favour. I want to be with you and our children, Morwenna. We shall find pleasure in the country life, though we may visit London from time to time if it suits us—and my sister will be our constant visitor. If my mother apologises to you, she may visit us now and then. If she chooses to remain a stranger, that is for her to decide. We shall be wed and nothing more matters to me.’
Morwenna looked at him uncertainly.
‘But you ordered silks for your new bride.’
‘Do you not wish your friends to receive the order for the curtains in our new house?’
‘Yes, of course—but how … why …?’ She stared up at him. ‘The new house is for me—for us?’
‘Yes, of course. I hoped it might bring you here, that you would act just as you have out of pride.’ He smiled and she glared at him, throwing off his hand. ‘Do not be angry. I could hardly drag you from your friend’s home.’
‘I thought you were to marry the Duke’s daughter …’ She choked off and flushed. ‘It was not kind of you, Rupert.’
‘Would you have seen me had I asked for you at the merchant’s shop?’
‘No.’ Reluctantly, she smiled at him. ‘Perhaps I should not, though I was in sore distress …’
‘Your pride was nearly our undoing, Morwenna.’
‘I suppose Jacques told you where to find me?’
‘I threatened all manner of things if he had not.’
‘Did you harm him?’
‘No. Instead, I asked him to take my sister down to Melford Hall with him. I think they do well enough together.’
‘You suggest …’ Her eyes widened in surprise.
‘Your brother needs a home and she needs a kind husband. May will have more sense than to run away from him, I think.’ He ran a finger over her mouth. ‘You accuse me of unkindness. Do you know how it hurt me to hear that you had run away from me?’
‘Oh, Rupert.’ Tears choked her. ‘Have I been a fool?’