by Akira Kareno
(Come on, I’m right—)
She wanted to reach out.
She couldn’t.
The hand she reached out with was nowhere to be seen.
When she looked down at her body, she realized it was not there.
“Chtholly? Where’re you hiding?”
Willem walked off.
He wandered all over the faerie warehouse, searching for the girl he could no longer see. He couldn’t find her. He left the warehouse and made rounds on the island. He couldn’t find her. He called over anyone he could find to the side of the road and asked the whereabouts of Chtholly Nota Seniorious. No answers.
(Hey, where are you going?)
(Where are you searching?)
(I’m here.)
(I’m right by your side.)
(Hey.)
(Hey!)
(Listen!)
No matter how hard she tried to talk to him, she had no voice. Her voiceless words reached no one.
Willem finally tired of walking and stood still, puzzled.
Someone placed a hand on his shoulder.
“You need to accept it already.”
Nygglatho said gently, a sad smile on her face.
“Those girls are dead.”
—With a start, she threw back the covers and sat up straight.
Her heart wouldn’t stop pounding. She covered her thudding chest with her hand and took deep breaths. Just when she calmed a little, she shivered. The cool winter morning air relentlessly stole away her body heat through her pajamas.
She got down from her bed, scooped up the blanket, balled it up, and hugged it tightly.
“A dream?”
Chtholly was murmuring to herself.
“That was…a dream.”
She lifted her head and looked to the window.
Dawn broke later in the winter. The world beyond the curtains was still enveloped in darkness.
Her body felt heavy. She wanted to roll herself up in the covers and lie down again.
But she didn’t feel like it.
She couldn’t close her eyes, since she might see what came next in that dream.
It had been two whole days.
Two whole days since the battle on Island No. 15 ended.
Since Chtholly and the others came back to the faerie warehouse.
Willem still hadn’t come home.
The rain that poured raging billows at dawn abruptly stopped like a dream just before noon.
With the energy of bounding jewelweed, the little girls raced onto the field under the bright azure sky. A white ball flew high in the sky and, before long, became covered in mud. The girls who chased happily after it, too, were quickly covered in mud.
In the corner of the reading room, Nephren slept.
She used her arms, folded on top of the table, as a pillow, her expression calm, her breaths quiet.
“Aw, geez, it’s not every day that Ren throws books on the ground,” Ithea said as though comforting a child as she picked up a book from beneath the table. “For her, it looks like she’s just physically worn out, rather than being fatigued due to overuse of her magic. It’s not been that long since she matured, so her strength hasn’t caught up yet.” She stroked the hairs on Nephren’s forehead, murmuring praise of how well she’d fought in such a long battle.
“…By the way, are you doing okay, Ithea?”
“Me? I’m so okay my nose could bleed. Right now, the only thing I’m confident in is living a long and lazy life.” She chuckled and puffed out her slim chest.
Chtholly wasn’t so sure.
This golden faerie always, always said important things in a way that made it hard to tell if she was serious or joking. And so when anything important came out of that mouth, she was never sure if she should believe it or not.
“And how about you, Chtholly?” she asked in return, her tone nonchalant.
“Me? I’m, well…”
Totally fine, of course, is how she almost responded.
She wanted to say it.
She couldn’t. Behind her lightweight words, Ithea’s gaze was so sharp it pierced straight into Chtholly’s eyes.
“…I guess things are a bit tough. I feel like I’ll be turning down missions for a little while.” She shrugged, smiling weakly.
“If it’s really bad, then, I know we were just there, but you could petition them to let you go back to Island No. 11? You are crucial firepower right now anyway, so they’ll probably accept, and if you let the doctor know what’s up, he might give you some advice to ease your mind?”
“I’m fine. It’s just a little tough.” She waved her hand. “I’m happy enough to just get advice from you. I trust you, miss.”
“…I’m happy to hear that, I guess.”
“And can you imagine how awful it would be if I left, and he and I switched places? I want to see him as soon as possible, so waiting at home after he tells me to go back first was the right answer.”
“Sigh… You really are a girl in love.”
“So what?”
“You’re not hiding it or lying about it anymore?”
“Well, he’d avoid it even if he knew how I felt. I’d never get ahold of him if I hid it while approaching him boldly. So I don’t think I have a choice now but to stay open and break through head-on. He looks aloof, but he’s actually surprisingly delicate if you break his pace, you know.”
“Yeah, true.”
“And so when he gets home, I plan to keep pushing and pushing him. I’m of course going to be asking for your help then, so are you ready?”
“Okay, leave ’im to me!”
Ithea gave her a thumbs-up. Chtholly gave one back.
There was nothing false in her words.
Once he got home, she was going to push and push him.
Indeed. If he came home.
He hadn’t always been around.
So the way things were now without him was how the faerie warehouse was originally meant to be.
“He might not come home.”
The moment she grew just slightly discouraged, those kinds of thoughts crossed her mind.
“I mean, he doesn’t look very bright, but he’s such a rare talent. Rather, the fact that he stayed in a place like this all this time was weird. He’s supposed to be someone who all of Regule Aire would go to see, put in a suitable position, and beg for lost wisdom and stuff like that. So the right choice for him is probably to never come back.”
When she said that in front of everyone, there came various responses.
Tiat and the other little ones made a ruckus: “We’ll never allow that!” “I don’t wanna be sad.” “I’m the one who’ll defeat the officer!” “What’s a wisdom?” It was hard to tell if they understood what she meant or not.
Nygglatho reasoned with her: “You should perhaps be a little more honest.” Shut up, I know that already.
Nephren just lowered her gaze slightly and showed no other reaction. Well, it was very much like her.
And Ithea responded with her own question through a mischievous grin: “If that’s true, then what are you gonna do?”
If he never came home, then what would she do?
She thought about it, but she couldn’t come up with any particular answer.
“Nothing, probably.”
She responded with a vague expression, and Ithea sighed a deep, deliberate sigh.
He was never here in the first place.
So the life she was living apart from him now was the one she was meant to live.
“Yaaaaah!”
There came a sharp yet adorable-sounding battle cry, and her body reflexively slipped out of the way. Missing their mark, Pannibal and Collon came flying from behind her and fell straight onto the hallway floor.
“…What on earth are you doing?”
She helped the two up, her voice annoyed.
“I told you so!” Tiat came running after them and lightly flicked each of their swollen red noses. There were two small yel
ps of pain.
“You guys are no match for the older kids, not in ten years,” Tiat hummed, her chest for some reason puffed out in pride.
“But I can’t practice without Willie around, and my techniques will get weaker!” Collon protested, tears welling up in her eyes.
“What techniques are you talking about?”
“Techniques to take over the world!” Pannibal balled her hand into a tight fist.
“What world are you talking about?”
Tiat rolled her eyes, and beside her Lakhesh apologized profusely, pitifully shrinking in on herself.
“…By the way, Tiat?”
“Yes? What is it, miss?”
“Your aptitude for maturity has been checked, right? Did they finish the compatibility confirmation for a dug weapon yet?”
“Oh, not yet. Nygglatho said we’d look for a partner once Willem came back.”
“…I see.”
She ruffled the little girl’s hair.
“M-miss?”
“I hope you get a good sword,” she said gently and pulled back her hand.
“What’s wrong, miss? You look pale.”
“Really? I guess I’m still tired.”
Chtholly smiled vaguely and escaped the younger girls’ gazes.
When she returned to her room, she immediately closed the door and leaned against it.
And just like that, she slid down until she sat on the floor.
Her head drooped, her arms cradling both that and her knees.
“You liar…”
Chtholly’s voice was quiet, so that no one besides herself could hear.
“I kept my promise. So why didn’t you…?”
After a while, she lifted her head and stood.
With both the door and the curtains shut, the room was as dark as night. But she knew her way around her own room, so by the faintest of light, Chtholly reached out to the mirror lying facedown on her desk.
“…”
Within the darkness that spread on the other side of the mirror—
—sat a person with red eyes.
A flat spider.
“Who are you?”
Her voice shook as she questioned the one opposite her in the mirror.
What should have been there was a face she knew well. A face she saw every morning when she washed. A face she saw smile, cry, grow angry, and everything else her entire life should have been there.
So, why?
Why was the person in the mirror staring blankly back at her?
Why, when she saw that face, did she think it was a stranger?
If that was the face of someone she didn’t know, then whose face was it on this side of the mirror, in the place she could not look at directly?
A half-eaten cookie. A candle stub and a burned envelope. A metal bird and a rainbow-colored arrowhead.
Shut up.
Shut up, shut up, shut up.
She couldn’t help the memories. They came out on their own.
The battle was long over. She hadn’t used any magic since. Was she not okay, then? Was it not supposed to interfere with her daily life, as long as it stayed moderate? Was what Ithea said a lie, then?
No.
It was her fault.
During the battle, she’d tossed away what was important to her in the name of her resolve. She traded almost all the remaining time she could stay herself for the miracle of Island No. 15’s collapse.
She had no regrets. No, she couldn’t have any. Regule Aire was on the verge of destruction. The life of one faerie soldier, meant to be disposable anyway, had just shortened a little, so it was supposed to be a good bargain.
What she should regret was how she showed off to Willem after that. Because she didn’t want him to worry. Because she wanted to go home to the Willem who was simply thinking about their future together before she left. And so she would stay completely silent about her past-life encroachment, even forcing Ithea and Nephren to stay quiet about it, but by the time she realized it, she was already in her current state.
She at least wanted to tell him here, I’m home.
And—
“I wanted…butter cake…”
She murmured, the tears in her throat.
The girl in the mirror moved her lips, as though she said the same thing.
A single tear rolled down her cheek.
A cracking world. Fish swimming among the stars. Dad. A yellow stuffed animal. A strange girl with cerulean eyes. A twisted tree. A cat that keeps meowing and meowing and meowing. A pebble wrapped in paper. A bright, cloudy sky. The world beyond the mirror. And. And.
The mirror slipped from her hand.
It shattered on the floor, and the pieces scattered.
The girl slumped over on the spot.
4. Once That War Is Over
“You’re the ones producing leprechauns, aren’t you?”
The two accepted this conjecture without a word of denial.
“We are not producing each and every one individually, actually. We simply performed a rite to the giant soul that acts as the base material so that they would be naturally born with physiques and characteristics similar to those of emnetwiht.” Suowong’s expression stiffened as he explained with a creaking voice.
“And we also revised the miniascape barrier that surrounds Regule Aire so that the souls would not fall to the surface. Now, hearing this explanation, what will you do?”
Meanwhile, Ebon Candle’s expression showed no signs of changing (of course, that’s assuming a black skull could have different expressions). There were no significant changes in his tone, and rather, it felt like he was carefully observing Willem’s response.
Willem wordlessly grabbed Suowong by the chest.
He held up a balled fist with his other hand and aimed for the side of Suowong’s face.
They stayed like that for several seconds.
“Beating you up…wouldn’t accomplish anything.”
Denouncing the faerie system itself would help nothing. The powers of the Carillon were necessary in protecting Regule Aire, and emnetwiht Braves were required to use the Carillon’s powers, but since they were nowhere to be found, leprechauns were produced in their place. Disrupting any part of that flow would lead directly to Regule Aire’s destruction.
Not only were there no other alternatives, this was the best possible solution.
There was no room there for ethics or humanity.
The girls’ battle was not the product of someone’s ill will.
Even Willem himself, who claimed he couldn’t fight, was on the other side, pushing Chtholly and everyone else onto the battlefield. No matter how unsatisfied he was with that, no matter how much it pissed him off, he couldn’t blame either Suowong or Ebon Candle.
“—But that’s just to maintain the line of defense. The Braves fight to protect all the towns they and the people hold precious. They’re not meant for expeditions for increasing territory. Don’t waste them on a fight they don’t need to fight.” Willem groaned as he let go of Suowong.
“It’s not a fight they don’t need to fight. They will have to someday. You understand, don’t you? Regule Aire isn’t eternal. We’ve somehow managed the past five hundred years, but that does not mean the next hundred are guaranteed. We will one day have to return to the surface.”
“It’s only you and me who think that, though.”
“—What do you mean?”
“There are only so many people who’ve seen the world as it was five hundred years ago, before what it is now. To those who haven’t, the surface has been a faraway land their entire lives. It might be a treasure island of dreams and adventure, but it’s nothing more than that. Their precious homeland is the sky they live in now, the islands they live in now, the cities they live in now. There is nowhere else but that.”
He looked at Suowong, expecting agreement.
“Yeah, but…aren’t you…upset?! Don’t you want to go home?! I’ve lived here for five hundred years
! Far longer than I did on the surface! The sky is without a doubt my second home! But still! My first home is the Imperial Capital! You feel the same, right?! No, you should feel so much stronger about this than I do, since you just got here! You can’t have forgotten!”
“Even if we did devote all of Regule Aire’s power to reclaiming the surface…”
Willem responded ever so quietly in contrast to Suowong’s outburst.
“Who is there? Would there be any family there to welcome us home?”
“That’s…”
Suowong faltered.
He opened his mouth to say something once, but he quickly closed it.
“Will you not tell him?”
“No.”
He shook his head, and his expression tensed.
“So that is your will, Willem Kmetsch.”
His voice changed.
Willem’s old friend Suowong Kandel was already gone. Standing there in his place was the five-hundred-year-old Great Sage, who shouldered Regule Aire’s future. His soft blond hair had faded; his once apple-smooth skin had withered, covered in wrinkles; his doll-like stature had grown into that of a giant; and…
The young genius with a promising future was now risking the present and the future to seize the past.
“Sorry, Great Sage.”
He forcefully plastered a strained smile on his face to keep it from twisting in sadness.
“Looks like I’m not cut out for fighting for the world’s distant future anymore.”
“…I thought you were more of a Brave than that.”
“Yeah, me too.”
He nodded.
There was a time once when Willem possessed ambition and the title of Quasi Brave, but he eventually reached a stage where he could go no further.
He thought it was the fault of his talent.
He thought it was the fault of his circumstances.
But maybe, just maybe, he was wrong all along. Perhaps somewhere deep inside him hid a more fatal defect.
“I thought so, too. I truly believed I could become a Brave. But I couldn’t. That’s why I’m here now, living in disgrace.”