by Harper Bliss
She had a date with Beverly on Friday.
She had intended to tell Tommy and Beth about wanting to date women.
And now, after one night with Quinn, everything was up in the air again.
Still, Maya grabbed hold of Quinn’s arm that was draped across her. It was getting light outside and Maya could make out the word Radical on her wrist. It was all well and good to have Radical Acceptance tattooed on your wrists, but no amount of radically accepting anything could resign Maya to the fact that she had done this again. Exquisite as it may have been—and it had been—she loathed herself for her weakness when it came to Quinn.
What was it about her that made Maya lose her mind? What was it about her that had made Maya kiss her in the middle of that bar? She hadn’t had the slightest inclination to do so with Beverly last Saturday, whereas kissing Beverly was much more acceptable on every level. Beverly, or someone like her, was the perfect kind of woman to introduce her family to in the process of coming out. Quinn was the opposite of that. Maya imagined the look of horror on Tommy’s face, the disapproval in his glance.
“Hm,” Quinn groaned behind her. She pressed her warm body against Maya’s, her breasts soft against Maya’s back. Next, she gently kissed Maya’s shoulder and the action was so tender and so foreign to Maya that, despite its smallness, it overwhelmed her.
She interlaced her fingers with Quinn’s and lingered in her warm embrace. She knew how she should react when she turned around and looked Quinn in the eye, yet her actual reaction was impossible to predict. Last night had proved that Maya could not be trusted around Quinn.
Quinn kissed her shoulder again but with more boldness this time. Next thing Maya knew, Quinn playfully sank her teeth into her flesh.
“Ouch,” Maya said, even though it didn’t hurt one bit. It did something else to her, however. It awoke her arousal again and it also showed her what it was like to wake up with someone else in her bed. Quinn’s early morning affection more than made up for any lack of sleep. Besides, it wasn’t as though many hours last night had been spent trying to rest. They’d been far too busy doing other things.
“Morning.” Quinn’s mouth had reached Maya’s ear. She kissed her on the cheek.
Maya turned around in Quinn’s embrace and faced her. She was met by a gently smiling Quinn with a surprisingly tender look in her eyes. “Hey.” Maya was even more surprised by the mellowness in her own voice.
“Hey, yourself.” Quinn briefly touched the tip of her nose against Maya’s. Then she brought her hand to her stomach which made a gurgling sound. “I’m starving.”
“I did offer you dinner last night, but you stubbornly refused.”
Quinn shook her head. “Not stubbornly. I’d even dare call it wisely.”
Maya couldn’t help but smile. “I’ll make us some eggs.”
Quinn brazenly brought her hand to Maya’s backside and pulled her close. “I’m not that hungry.” She kissed Maya on the cheek again.
“Do you have to go to work?” What day was it again? Maya mostly taught after-school afternoon classes and was used to leisurely mornings, although her mornings had become much less leisurely since Ethan had arrived into the world.
“That’s the beauty of being freelance.” Quinn squeezed Maya’s ass again. “I set my own hours, which makes me free as a bird this morning. You?”
Maya could easily make up a reason to get out of bed instantly—or to ask Quinn to leave—but no part of her wanted to do that. “My first class is at three,” she said truthfully.
Quinn chuckled. “And you don’t want to throw me out yet?”
“To be perfectly honest, I have no idea what to do with you, Quinn.” Maya made sure to at least grin while she said that.
“You seemed to know very well throughout the night.” Quinn sucked her lower lip between her teeth.
It was Maya’s turn to chuckle—she also figured her cheeks had just turned a shade pinker. “We should probably talk. How about you take a shower while I make us some breakfast?”
“Am I hearing that right? You’re offering me a shower and breakfast? What kind of alternate universe have I landed in?”
“Keep that up and I’ll boot you right out.” Because Maya didn’t mean that in the slightest. Instead of kicking Quinn out, she pulled her as close as she could. She inhaled her scent and luxuriated in the warm softness of Quinn’s skin against her own.
“You’re right,” Quinn whispered in her ear. “We should probably talk.”
“I’m supposed to go on a date on Friday.” Maya wrapped her hands around her mug of steaming coffee. “Needless to say, this kind of situation is quite new to me.”
“You did move to the city to sow your wild oats.” Quinn sat on the other side of the kitchen island. She’d wolfed down her eggs earlier.
Maya had done the same because, as it turned out, a night of hot sex did leave one rather famished. “Sow my wild oats?” she repeated.
“Play the field. See what’s out there. Get your lez on.”
“Now you’re just making fun of me.” Maybe Maya needed to be mocked a little bit.
“I’m sorry.” Quinn sounded sincere. “I don’t really know what to do with this either. All I know is that last night was spectacular. Even more so than my memory of our previous night together.”
Maya nodded. She could hardly deny that they’d had an amazing time together.
“Ordinarily,” Quinn said, “if it were only up to me, the chemistry we have is not something I would walk away from.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that maybe we should go on a date. Have a night out on the town. See where it leads…”
“If you put it like that,” Maya replied. You make it sound so easy, so plausible. She didn’t say that last bit out loud because she wasn’t sure she should be putting ideas into Quinn’s head—or her own.
“Just for the record, I would never ask you to cancel your date with Beverly. I know you like her. That’s not what I’m after here.”
“I—I just don’t see how I can go out with her now. After last night, it wouldn’t feel right.”
“I can’t help you decide that, Maya. That’s your own thing.”
Maya would need to sleep on it. It wasn’t as though she and Quinn were dating now. “You’re right.”
“Will you go out with me, though? We can make a night of it in Brooklyn. Have you even crossed the bridge since you moved here?”
“If I say yes to that, you have to promise that you won’t take me somewhere that’ll make me feel much older than I actually am. You know, one of those hipster millennial places where all the guys have their hair up in a bun and the girls…” Maya didn’t really know how to describe millennial girls, even though she had one sitting right in front of her.
“Don’t worry, Maya. I know exactly where to take you and it will make you feel like a million bucks, I promise you.”
“Oh, yeah? Where would you take me?” Maya’s interest was already much too piqued.
“You will only ever know if you agree to go.”
“Wow. Such manipulation.” Maya put her mug down.
“You’re right.” Quinn smiled at her as though she didn’t agree with that at all. “It’s up to you, Maya. I’ve put my cards on the table. I would love to take you out and while I can’t guarantee you will have the time of your life, chances are you might have the most fun you’ve had since moving here.” There was the grin Maya remembered from ten years ago. “You think about it and let me know.”
Maya shook her head. “Is this the NYC way of asking someone out?”
“I don’t know, but it sure is my way after I’ve had the most amazing night with someone.”
“But, Quinn…” Maya took a deep breath. “We have to be realistic. Sure, we might have a great time, and then what?”
“Then we will have had a great time. We will have made a memory worth keeping.” She shrugged. “Isn’t that enough?”
�
�More than enough, and that’s the problem. Say we go out and we…” Heat bubbled up from Maya’s core. “We sleep together again and we want to do it again and again.”
“Say we start dating and it gets serious,” Quinn stated matter-of-factly, saying what Maya had trouble articulating because it sounded so ludicrous.
Maya nodded. “What if that happens?”
Quinn chuckled. “I don’t know, Maya, because this has never been an issue for me.”
“It hasn’t?” Maya could be just as straightforward as Quinn, especially if she really wanted to get to the bottom of something.
Quinn tapped a finger against her chin as though she was lost in thought. “My thing with Morgan turned into a big mess in the end, but that was because she lied to me about wanting to leave her husband.”
“But in the beginning, when you just started seeing her, you must have had some issues with that?”
Quinn expelled some air, her cheeks puffing up. “I didn’t have a conversation like this with Morgan when it all started. That’s the thing. It started and then it continued and before I knew it, I was in love with a married woman.”
“Which makes a good case for having this discussion right now.”
“As far as I know, you’re not married, Maya.” Quinn started shuffling in her chair, a nervous twitchiness to her movements.
“You know what I mean.” Maya leaned over the kitchen island. She stopped herself from grabbing Quinn’s hand. “Last time we talked, you advised me to just tell Tommy that I wanted to date women. I can hardly do that when I’m going on a date with you.”
“You don’t have to tell him you’re dating me.” Quinn sounded a touch exasperated.
“But what if, at one point, I do?”
“Would that really be the end of the world?” Quinn asked.
Maya had to give that question some serious thought, although her gut reaction was that, yes, it could very much signify the end of what was most precious to her in this world—her relationship with her family.
“I don’t know, but it sure wouldn’t be easy.” Maya didn’t even want to begin picturing telling Tommy about Quinn right now. It was a bridge too far. They were only discussing going on a date hypothetically.
“Think about it.” Quinn slid off her chair and walked over to Maya. She slipped her arms around her waist and looked her in the eye. “But try not to think it to death beforehand, because that would be a real shame.” She planted a gentle kiss on Maya’s lips. “Also because I can’t wait to see you again. No strings attached. It’s just some fun.” She leaned in again and Maya was expecting Quinn to kiss her again but, instead, she pulled back, let go of Maya, and started gathering her things.
Chapter 26
“Look what the cat dragged in.” Griff was sitting on the couch, watching CNN.
“We don’t have a cat.” The conversation she’d had with Maya this morning had been on repeat in Quinn’s mind all the way home. “We’re bad lesbians like that.”
“I thought you were just going out for drinks last night?”
“I thought you had to work today.”
“I am. Following the news is part of my work.” Griff nodded at the screen. “Look who’s on.”
Quinn looked at Beth Robbins’ face. Good for her that she never changed her name to Mercer, she thought. It was kind of funny to see Maya’s daughter-in-law on TV after the conversation they’d just had. But Beth was hardly presenting Fox News. She was a news anchor of color at a left-leaning news station. Even if Tommy was a bit square—although how square could he really be if he was married to Beth?—surely she had the power to set him straight.
“If it isn’t my future daughter-in-law,” Quinn joked.
“Beth and I would be honored to be your bridesmaids,” Griff quipped.
Quinn fell onto the couch. “Drinks turned into something… more,” she said, a flicker of the warmth she’d felt last night still burning brightly inside her.
“Wow, Quinn. Just when I think you can’t surprise me any more than you already have, you go and do it again.”
“Believe me, I’m the one who’s more surprised.” Quinn was distracted by Beth’s face on TV. “Can we switch that off for a second?”
“Sure. I’m suddenly much more interested in your news.” Griff pressed the power button on the remote and turned to Quinn. “Tell me.”
“Things turned flirty as soon as we sat. So much so that it made me nervous, because, well, this is Maya Mercer. I have this memory of her that’s been kind of sacred to me all these years and then we were having drinks together and she was looking more gorgeous than ever, and she was just as kind and engaging and interesting as she was then and there was still something between us.” Quinn came up for air. “It was just there, like that night we had together didn’t happen ten years ago but ten days ago instead. And I swear to you, Griff, she came on to me. She kissed me in the bar. Can you believe that?” Quinn could hardly believe it herself, although she could still feel the imprint of every last one of Maya’s kisses on her lips—and various other body parts.
“No fucking way.” Griff slapped Quinn on the knee with excitement.
“After that, it seemed almost natural that we would end up at her apartment.” A flash of heat coursed through Quinn’s body. “I’m still so attracted to her.” She let her head fall onto the backrest of the couch. “It was fucking amazing, Griff. I can’t really explain why. Maybe it was part nostalgia. Maybe even part unfinished business. Or maybe, over the years, in my subconscious, Maya has developed into the archetype of the one woman I can’t have and then to finally be with her… It blew my mind. And she… She seemed to be having the time of her life as well.”
“Did she ask you to keep it a secret again?” Griff asked.
“No. I even asked her to go out with me on a proper date this time.”
“And?” Griff was bouncing up and down with excitement, personifying how Quinn felt on the inside but was trying to keep a lid on.
“She didn’t say yes, but she didn’t exactly say no, either. I told her to think about it because she has all kinds of misgivings, of course. So do I, if I’m being completely honest. I want her, yes, no doubt, but I’m not so sure she’s someone I should actually go out with. Not after Morgan. One night of passion.” Quinn nodded. “Yes. Definitely. It did put some distance between Morgan and me. But… At the same time, I want more.” She blew out some air. “Maybe I shouldn’t have asked her out, but it just tripped off my tongue. I didn’t even think about it. I just looked at her, got this glow inside me, and blurted it out.”
“Maybe she won’t get back to you,” Griff said. She could be much more of a realist than Quinn. “Maybe it will just fizzle out before it has the chance to go anywhere.”
“Maybe.” That would certainly make Quinn very sad, but perhaps it would be for the best. “I still have to finish her portrait.”
“How many more hours of work?”
“A day or two, if I can focus.” Quinn forced herself to smile. She’d just had an amazing night and she refused to be down about it one minute longer.
“Get it over with then. So you can move on. I’ll even go to Marnie’s with you this weekend, if you want.”
Quinn feigned utter surprise, letting her mouth fall open theatrically. “No. Fucking. Way!”
“Only if you need a wingwoman.”
“Wouldn’t it be great to meet Beth Robbins in the flesh one day, though? She’s a real workaholic, apparently. She’d barely given birth before she went back to work.”
“You don’t have to tell me how cutthroat the news business is,” Griff mused.
“That’s why you’re sitting on your ass in the middle of the day, drooling over hot news anchors.”
“It’s important to be informed, Quinn,” Griff stated drily.
“It sure is.” Quinn leaned her head in the direction of her friend. Thank goodness for Griff. She had always tried to talk some sense into Quinn, although she rarely suc
ceeded. When it came to all things love, Quinn was very tunnel-visioned. And once she had her sights set on someone, it was hard to have her even glance in a different direction.
But Quinn was also burned out by a long-term relationship that had gone nowhere, in which she’d had very little agency, and that had wounded her with all its hard-edged broken promises. Maybe she should just take things easy for a while. Stay home and follow the news with Griff. They’d have to change the channel, though.
Chapter 27
Maya had managed to avoid Angus since Quinn had left on Wednesday. She wanted to talk to him about her. He was still the only person she could confide in about something like that, but she wasn’t ready for the myriad of questions he would undoubtedly fire at her. He might well try to convince her that she should go on a date with Quinn, whereas Maya was putting all her energy into telling herself it was the worst idea ever.
“Have some fun,” Angus would say. And Maya wasn’t opposed to fun, especially not the kind of fun she and Quinn had had all of Tuesday night, but to what end? And at what cost? Fun like that didn’t come cheap to a woman like Maya. She was fifty-five years old. She hadn’t moved to the city to ‘sow her wild oats’ the way Quinn had put it. She had come here to date women like Beverly with the ultimate goal of finding someone to spend the rest of her life with.
Even though her attraction to Beverly wasn’t comparable to how Maya felt when Quinn even so much as glanced at her, she knew she had to give Beverly another chance. She knew, deep down, that if she wanted to ever reach that goal of finding love, she should keep her date with Beverly and say no to Quinn’s proposal of a night out on the town, although Maya was dying to know what Quinn had in store for her. But this was the time for reason, not for emotional foolishness. Therefore this was also the time to avoid Angus at all costs. Because Maya also knew that it wouldn’t take much convincing to choose going out with Quinn over Beverly. That’s why it was important to keep herself out of every situation where she could be convinced to let her emotions overrule her rationality.