by Harper Bliss
Before Maya could make her presence known, the doorbell rang. It was the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday. Maya wasn’t expecting anyone. She hurried to the intercom.
“Mrs. Mercer,” the doorman said, “your daughter-in-law is on her way up with your grandson.” He sounded very jolly. Usually, an announcement like that would make his jolliness infectious, but today it was hard for Maya to get excited about having an impromptu visit from Ethan and Beth.
Maya quickly thanked the doorman, even though she wasn’t pleased with how he’d handled this. Of course, it wasn’t the poor guy’s fault that Quinn was lounging in her bathtub in the middle of the day and that Beth was about to ring her bell. Damn. There it was already.
The super-fast elevators in her building were mostly a blessing but today Maya wished she’d had more time. Not that her brain was functioning the way it should. She was already walking toward the front door when she thought about asking Quinn to stay sequestered in the bathroom until Beth left—what difference would half an hour extra in the bath make to her, anyway? Maybe Quinn had heard the bell and would be wise enough to hide herself. Maya hoped she could count on Quinn’s common sense, because there was no time to run to the bathroom. She heard Ethan crying outside the door already. She quickly opened the door, trying to look cool.
“Beth? What a surprise!”
“I’m so sorry, Maya.” Beth looked flustered. “I was out walking with him and we were having a great time.” She pushed Ethan’s pram into the living room. “Until we weren’t. I think he urgently needs his diaper changed. I was two blocks away from here so I thought I’d check if you were home. Thank goodness, you are.” She picked up Ethan and started for the bathroom. “Can I quickly change him?”
“Sure, but, um…” Before she could finish her sentence, or come up with a viable reason for Beth not to use the bathroom other than her secret lover was soaking in the tub, Quinn appeared in the hallway, dressed in nothing but a towel, her hair dripping wet.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Beth said. “I didn’t know you had company.” Meanwhile, Ethan was crying as if, in his own tiny universe, the third world war had just broken out.
“Oh my god.” Quinn clasped her hands to her mouth, making the towel almost slip off her. She quickly reached for it. “Beth Robbins!”
“Nice to meet you…” Beth said.
“Quinn,” Quinn said. “Bathroom’s free.”
“Thanks.” Beth hurried inside with Ethan.
Quinn looked at Maya wide-eyed. “Beth Robbins,” she mouthed.
“Quinn,” Maya whispered. “Please.”
“I’ll put some clothes on.”
Maya followed Quinn into the bedroom because she didn’t know what else to do with herself.
“Damn it,” she muttered under her breath. “What am I going to tell Beth?”
“Tell her my shower broke down.” Quinn toweled off her hair.
“And you came all the way from Brooklyn to use mine?”
“I was in the neighborhood for a shoot. That’s not even a lie. And compared to your bathroom, mine might as well not work, that’s how inferior it is.”
“This isn’t a joke, Quinn.” Maya pointed at the wall beyond which Beth was busy with Ethan.
“It’s not the end of the world either.” Quinn rummaged through her bag for clean underwear. She’d come prepared for a sleepover.
Ethan had stopped crying. Beth would come out of the bathroom soon. For a split second, Maya considered telling Beth who Quinn really was, but it was inconceivable.
“Maya?” Beth had exited the bathroom.
“Yes.” Maya hurried out of the bedroom and closed the door behind her.
“Do you want to say hello now that he’s all cleaned up?” She thrust Ethan into Maya’s direction.
Maya held her grandson in her arms and his plump weight against her shoulder calmed her down. She walked him into the living room.
“I don’t mean to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong, but, um, who’s that woman using your bathroom?” Beth’s job was to ask direct questions and she didn’t shy away from doing the same in personal situations.
“That’s Quinn.” Maya tried to sound matter-of-fact. “Our old neighbor from Milbury. We’re, um, friends, and she… her shower broke down.”
“Okay.” Beth sounded as though she had no reason to doubt that explanation—or maybe Maya was just doing some hard-core wishful thinking.
Maya didn’t know if Tommy had told Beth about Quinn. He’d been so tired when Maya had mentioned running into their former girl next door again, he might well have forgotten. But Beth would certainly tell him about the young woman dressed in nothing but a towel she’d come across at her mother-in-law’s apartment. How would Tommy react to that? Maya had to get ahead of this but she didn’t know how. If she asked Beth not to mention Quinn to Tommy, it would only raise more suspicion.
Then again, neither of them knew that Maya liked women, so there was a good chance they wouldn’t put two and two together. But then what would it look like when Maya did eventually tell them? Long-term, Maya couldn’t win. She could spin a short-term lie to keep some sort of peace, although peace of mind would be impossible for her to find as of now.
This was her family. The people most precious to her. She didn’t want to lie to them. But she didn’t want to tell them the truth either.
Maya focused her attention on Ethan. She cradled him in her arms so she could get a good look at his adorable face. “How’s the little guy been?”
“Pretty good. But that baby does not like a full diaper.”
“Which baby does?” Maya asked Ethan, as though he could reply. “You little cutie pie. You little prince of Manhattan.” She allowed herself to be wrapped up in the magic of her grandson for a moment. Until Quinn joined them—fully dressed this time.
Maya gave Ethan back to Beth, hoping they would leave soon.
“I don’t mean to go all fangirl on you, but at our house, you enjoy goddess-like status,” Quinn said. “My roommate is totally gaga for you.”
Did Quinn really have to start with that stuff right now? Couldn’t she read the situation a little better and let Maya handle this—let her subtly urge Beth out of the door?
“Thanks.” Beth smiled sheepishly. She was used to this, of course, although not in her mother-in-law’s home.
Maya could only hope Quinn wouldn’t start with the selfies next.
“Tommy is one lucky guy.” Quinn offered a wide smile but Maya could tell the corners of her mouth were a little twitchy, betraying how uncomfortable she really was.
“That’s what I tell him every single day.” Beth painted on her TV smile.
“Your baby’s hella cute as well,” Quinn said.
“Thanks.” Beth put Ethan back into his stroller. “It was lovely to meet you, um, Quinn. I need to get home because this little mister here will be hungry soon.”
Maya walked Beth to the door. She bent over the stroller and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow, baby boy.” She kissed her daughter-in-law on the cheek. “See you soon, dear.”
“Thanks for you-know-what,” Beth said.
“Any time. Give my love to Tommy.” Maya held the door open until Beth and Ethan had disappeared into the elevator. As soon as they were out of sight, she banged the door shut, the harsh sound an apt translation of the frustration that raged inside her.
“Hey.” Quinn walked up to her. “It’s okay. This doesn’t mean anything. Beth Robbins is a working young mother, no doubt with so much on her mind there’s no space to even consider what you and I are up to. I’m totally sure of it.”
“That might be so, but it doesn’t change how I feel in here.” Maya put a hand on her stomach. “I hate lying to them.”
“You didn’t lie.”
“I didn’t exactly tell the truth either.”
“It wasn’t the right time to tell the truth.” Quinn shrugged. “You could hardly bombard her with the news of what we’ve been doin
g.”
“I’m just shaken that she arrived like that totally out of the blue.”
“Does your family often drop by unannounced?” Quinn asked.
“Not really. This week’s a school holiday. Any other week I would have been teaching in the afternoon.”
“Look.” Quinn took her hand. “It’s normal to feel shaken by this, but I’m pretty sure Beth will have forgotten all about it by the time she gets home. She’s probably thinking about the news or trying to interpret Ethan’s latest smile or something like that.”
“Or I’ll get a phone call from Tommy later, quizzing me about you.”
“Then just tell him what you told Beth.”
“The real issue,” Maya said, “is that I feel like I should tell them something.”
“You don’t have to, though. It’s too soon.” Quinn caressed Maya’s knuckles. “This is coming from someone who has been another woman’s dirty little secret for years. Someone who has zero desire to exist only in the shadows of love ever again. Just so we’re clear on that. I’m never doing that again, but this is not that. You have to give yourself time to get used to this first. Only then can you tell your family a clear story and only then will you be ready to answer all their questions. Just let this slide for now. Let it go.”
“I don’t want you to be my secret.” Maya pulled Quinn close to her. “I’m not ashamed of you, Quinn.”
“But you’re ashamed of us.” Quinn might as well have given Maya a punch to the gut.
Maya couldn’t say that she wasn’t.
“It’s okay. I know it’s not the same as being ashamed of me. I know it’s a challenge for you to accept that you’re…” Quinn looked up at her. “Falling in love with me?”
Maya couldn’t help but smile at her. “I’m crazy about you.”
Quinn’s lips curled into a smile. She extricated herself from their hug and pulled up the side of her sweater. “Then remember this.” She pointed at her tattoo. “Life’s not for feeling ashamed, not even for one single fucking second.”
“That’s what I love about you most of all,” Maya blurted out. “Your spirit. Your attitude that nothing can touch you or when it does, you’ll find a way to rise above it. That you can get over anything.” Maya touched her hand against Quinn’s exposed belly. “How did you get to be so strong at your age?”
“You’re making it sound as though I’m still twenty-four. I’m almost thirty-five, Maya. I’m a lot younger than you and I always will be but that doesn’t mean I haven’t learned certain things about life.” She turned so her tattoo was visible again. “And that’s what it’s all about in the end. It’s only for living. Not for any of the bullshit we always manage to saddle ourselves with.”
“You’re right on many levels,” Maya started to say, but was interrupted when Quinn’s phone rang.
“It’s my dad,” she said without looking at the screen. Even Maya recognized Bill’s special ringtone on Quinn’s phone by now. “I’ll call him back later.”
“No, please, take it.” Maya could do with a breather. And perhaps also with a reminder that Quinn had told her father about them and he still called his daughter every day as though it was all just so very normal. “Talk to your dad.”
“Okay.” Quinn took the call and walked to the window.
It was soothing to hear her talk to her father. Maybe he had really meant it when he’d told Quinn he wanted her to be happy, no matter who with. Because the evidence of him being a great parent was standing right in front of Maya. Quinn was remarkable in every way, although Maya did see her through rose-tinted lenses on account of her growing feelings for her. But still. Quinn was kind, considerate, wise beyond her years, talented and utterly gorgeous. She’d also managed to speak to Beth in a disarming enough way.
Quinn turned around, her phone still glued to her ear. She mouthed something that Maya couldn’t make out. She covered her phone with her other hand, and said, “Dad wants to talk to you.”
“What?” A shot of nerves exploded in Maya’s stomach. “No. I can’t talk to Bill right now.”
“He just wants to say hi. To be polite. You know what he’s like.”
“For crying out loud. How’s it going to come across if I refuse now?” Maya asked.
“Just speak to him for a minute, Maya. It’s not as big a deal as you think it is.” Quinn thrust her phone in Maya’s direction.
Heart pounding in her throat, Maya put the phone to her ear. She tried to sound upbeat. “Hi Bill. How are you?”
“God, Maya, it’s been so long. I hear New York is treating you well? How’s Tommy and his growing family?”
That was the thing about Bill. He’d always been easy to talk to. He was the king of small talk and very skilled at making you feel at ease—something Quinn must have gotten from her dad.
Maya engaged in some innocent chitchat about Tommy and Beth and how adorable Ethan was. Bill told her about his new neighbors and that he was having them over for a barbecue the coming weekend. When the natural flow of small talk dried up, he said, “Can I ask you something serious, Maya? Something concerning my daughter?”
“Of course.” Maya braced herself for what was to come.
“Quinn is very good at acting tough. She always has been. Like nothing could ever hurt her. But I know how much damage Morgan did and I don’t think Quinn can take much more. Either way, I don’t want her to get hurt like that again. So if this is just some game to you, some… way for you to discover yourself after which you will just dispose of Quinn and thank her for services rendered … If that is the case, Maya, then please walk away now before it gets too serious. I don’t want her to suffer like that again.”
Maya didn’t know what to say. Maybe Bill’s fatherly concern was a bit over-developed. Or maybe this was his way of driving them apart. “It’s not the case, Bill,” she said after she’d gotten over the initial shock of being spoken to like that. “You take care. Bye, now.”
Maya ended the call and stared at the phone in her hand.
“What did he say?” Quinn eyed her intently.
Maya wasn’t sure she should repeat Bill’s words. Quinn worshipped her dad as much as he worshipped her. But she had to be honest. She was in a relationship with Quinn, not with her family.
“I think he’s a little concerned about my intentions toward you.”
“How so?” Quinn’s eyes narrowed.
“He basically told me to end it now if I wasn’t serious about being with you.”
“Oh, fuck.” Quinn expelled a deep sigh. “That bastard.”
“Quinn, he’s still your dad.”
“That’s right. He’s my dad, not yours. He has no right to speak to you in such a condescending manner. I truly believed he just wanted to have a chat with you, to hear your voice and get a feel for things, you know? Nothing more than that.” Quinn was pacing back and forth in anger.
“Maybe he’s just genuinely worried about you. He said that Morgan hurt you much more than you let on. He doesn’t want that for you again. In a way, it’s understandable.”
“That doesn’t give him the right to go all Tony Soprano on you.” Quinn stopped her pacing. “What’s he going to do if I do get my heart broken again? Chop off your legs?”
Maya burst into laughter. “I really can’t see Bill doing that.”
Quinn gave a slow shake of the head. “I wouldn’t put it past my mom, though.”
They shared a moment of much-needed lightness, which seemed to calm Quinn down somewhat, after which Maya had to ask. “Did Morgan really hurt you that badly?”
Quinn shook her head. “Morgan’s history.” She kissed Maya’s cheek. “It’s all about you now.”
Chapter 38
Because she wanted the element of surprise on her side, Quinn had rented a car instead of taking the train. She also hoped the drive would calm her down. Since her dad had warned Maya off on Wednesday, she hadn’t taken any of his calls, which was something she only did when she was very ang
ry him, which had only happened once or twice before in her life, way back in her teens. This time, she was more disappointed than angry.
Even though Maya had tried to hammer it home that he was only looking out for her and that she should try to see things from a parental perspective, Quinn could only see her side of things. She wasn’t a parent and she thought it was her right to only see her own view. This included her take on Maya’s fear that Tommy would find out about them. What was it with parents and their offspring? Why couldn’t they just let things go and see what happened? As if micro-managing a child ever worked better than a relaxed, hands-off approach?
Quinn was disappointed in her father because he didn’t trust her, and it was inappropriate for him to talk to Maya the way he had. The things she wanted to say to him, she didn’t want to say over the phone. That her mother would find out about her and Maya would be collateral damage. And she had to find out some day. She might as well start processing now. The sooner she started, the better, because she would probably take her sweet time.
Quinn was still drumming her fingers on the steering wheel when she zipped up the driveway. It was almost noon on Saturday. They should be home although Quinn was no longer that familiar with their routines.
She let herself in through the front door and dropped her overnight bag in the hall. She wasn’t sure whether she’d be staying. That would all depend on how the day went, but she hadn’t wanted to rule it out, even though it meant she and Maya couldn’t go dancing tonight. Maya hadn’t seemed to mind that all too much—she had a babysitting date with Ethan tonight.
“Hello?” Quinn said. The house was silent. She went into the kitchen, which was empty. Maybe they were out shopping. But the door to the back garden was open. Quinn walked out and stopped dead in her tracks. Her parents were lost in an intimate embrace, their lips locked and their eyes closed. Her first instinct was to recoil and retreat back into the house, but she made herself linger and watch. In a way, it was lovely to see that they still had so much affection for each other.
After a few moments, Quinn’d had enough and she cleared her throat noisily.