by Kylie Chan
The Jade Emperor waved one hand at us. ‘Up, up, let’s talk about this.’ He turned and flicked his robe, then sat on the sofa closest to the tea set. ‘Please, sit.’
We all took seats on the sofas around the coffee table. I curled up on the silk cushions and Simone sat next to me, one hand resting on my coils.
A stone Shen in human form appeared sitting at a table to one side, and the Jade Emperor waved one hand at him without looking at him. ‘Good, he’s here. Now, Simone, tell me in your own words what happened.’
‘Um,’ Simone said, then took a deep breath. ‘I had a boat party. The girls brought boys along, even though I told them not to. The boys were already there so I let it go. They brought beer, and I was really annoyed at them. One of them tried to get me drunk, he kept putting beer in my Coke, and when I wouldn’t drink it he got one of the girls to put something, like a drug or something, in my Coke. I was really sleepy so I went to the front cabin, and he followed me in, and tried…’ She took another deep breath. ‘He tried to rape me. I got really mad at him and yinned him, and took half the boat with him, and it sank.’
‘You killed him?’ the Jade Emperor said.
Simone nodded, then jumped as Gold corrected her. ‘Yes, Majesty.’
‘Very well. Your words are validated by the records; we already knew what happened, but it’s good to hear a succinct and truthful account. Now.’ He leaned back. ‘What to do with you?’
Simone cringed.
‘What I think we should do…’ the Jade Emperor began, and the kettle whistled loudly. He leaned forward and took it off the heat.
The tea set in front of him was set for Chiu Chow tea; the teapot was black with tannin and only five centimetres across. Each cup was a shallow bowl of two centimetres across. The pot and cups were held on a large tray that had slots to allow the water through into another tray underneath. The Jade Emperor pulled the lid off a cylindrical pewter tea canister and filled the tiny teapot to the brim with the tikuanyin tea, packing it in tightly. He filled the teapot with hot water, put the lid back on, and poured the tea into the cups.
‘What we’ll do is this,’ he said, rinsing the teacups with tea and tipping the liquid out into the tray. He filled the teapot again and quickly poured the extremely strong tea into the tiny cups. He gestured for us to help ourselves, taking one of the teacups himself and sipping its contents with obvious enjoyment.
‘Majesty,’ Gold said, lifting a teacup and toasting the Jade Emperor with it. ‘Please understand that this was not premeditated, and Simone was acting in self-defence. She could honestly have thought her life was at stake and was defending herself. Therefore the Celestial has every reason to be merciful in its judging of this matter.’
‘Oh, come on, we both know she was in no danger. But you did the right thing, Simone,’ the Jade Emperor said. ‘Normally in this sort of situation you should bring him up here for us to deal with, though. We’d try him and execute him for this attempt on you.’
‘But he couldn’t hurt me! He was no danger to me! There was no reason to execute him,’ Simone protested.
‘He was a danger to your honour, madam,’ the Jade Emperor said. ‘That is worth as much as your life. You were right to summarily try and execute him for the crime of attempting to dishonour you.’
Simone stared at him, speechless.
‘According to the Laws, he should have been brought up here for trial, but as Celestial Princess you are perfectly qualified to judge such a case yourself and hand down a summary sentence,’ the Jade Emperor said. ‘I’ll have it entered into the records as such. An attempt was made on your honour, you defended yourself, convicted and executed the felon. As it should have been. Your first case heard as Princess of the Northern Heavens, and handled with aplomb. A Celestial commendation will be entered on your record, and your dominion will receive commensurate compensation.’
‘That’s not right. I killed him, that was wrong,’ Simone said. ‘My honour? That’s just plain medieval!’
‘Wait a moment,’ the Jade Emperor said. He waved one hand at the stone Shen and he disappeared.
The Jade Emperor took the kettle off the gas and filled the tiny teapot again, then filled the cups. ‘All right, now we’re off the record.’
‘I wasn’t expecting to be commended for killing this guy,’ Simone said.
‘Of course not. But rules are rules, and you’re a ruler, and have the power of life and death, as we all do. Technically, that case should have been heard by the Blue Dragon, as Hong Kong sits on the edge of his dominion, but he’s staying extremely low and quiet during this whole thing.’
‘So that’s all?’ Simone said. ‘I get a commendation and sent home with a pat on the back, saying that I did the right thing in killing this guy? No punishment or anything?’
‘No. The one person who should be severely punished here is the Blue Dragon.’
‘Qing Long didn’t have anything to do with it!’
‘Qing Long is supposed to be teaching you how to control your yin, Simone. As the Lesser Yin, he can give you quite a few handy tips on ensuring that this never happens again. I don’t like the idea of you destroying the world in a fit of pique, young lady, and I’m going to order him to give you some tuition, and I’m ordering you to take it.’
‘But he’s such an—’ She bit off the rest of it.
‘Asshole,’ the Jade Emperor said.
Simone giggled, then bent over her knees and let go. The Jade Emperor joined her and they laughed together.
She stopped laughing and heaved a huge sigh. ‘Why do I feel so much better now?’
‘Because I want you to,’ the Jade Emperor said. He gestured towards the tea. ‘Drink, drink, it’s good Iron Buddha.’
‘Normally I don’t like this really strong Kung Fu tea, but this is different,’ Simone said. ‘It’s kind of fresh.’
‘Really good tikuanyin has a very slight edge of orange blossom in the strong fermented flavour,’ the Jade Emperor said. ‘And, of course, this is the finest you can find.’
I leaned my head towards the table, studying the teacup, calculating whether I could try the tea without knocking the whole thing over. Simone reached over, picked up the teacup and held it in front of my nose. My snout was too large to sip from the cup, so I just lapped at it with my tongue. The Jade Emperor was right.
‘Qing Long will be in touch with you in a week or so to arrange some yin tuition,’ the Jade Emperor said. ‘While you’re here, anything else that needs discussing?’
We all shared a look and shook our heads.
‘Well then, that’s sorted.’ The Jade Emperor rose, and we did too. I slid off the cushions onto the floor. ‘I must come and see what you’re up to at Wudang Mountain, Emma. I heard some very interesting things are happening over there.’
‘You are more than welcome, Majesty,’ I said, bobbing my serpent head. ‘But please, give us some notice before you come so we can organise a suitable reception.’
‘No need for that,’ he said, waving me down. ‘Oh! I have heard complaints that you are corrupting the Hong Kong Nine Dragon Wall. With Japanese candy, I believe? Now they are demanding this from all Celestials who pass.’
‘They were completely corrupt already,’ I said.
‘You have a point.’ He led us to the door. ‘It’s good to see all of you, particularly you, Lion.’ He patted Leo on the shoulder. ‘You must spend more time up here and learn the way of the Celestial. There is so much more that you could do if you put your mind to it. Oh!’ He turned to Simone. ‘I nearly forgot! Simone, you are hereby ordered to attend the Celestial Upper School for Shen of the Third Platform. That’s an order, dear. Stop messing around and go learn something useful. Face the fact that you are what you are.’
I braced myself for the explosion, but Simone just sagged slightly. ‘Yeah, okay. I suppose this has been coming for a while and I’ve just been putting it off.’
‘Good.’ The Jade Emperor looked around at us, joll
y. ‘Er Lang keeps complaining about all of you, but I think you’re doing a splendid job.’ He disappeared.
CHAPTER 13
Simone’s friend Eva was waiting for Simone as we exited the meeting room, along with Sylvie the snake Shen and her dragon girlfriend, Precious. All three of them rushed to hold Simone’s hands and shoulders.
‘What’s the damage?’ Sylvie said, trying to sound unconcerned and failing.
‘I’m to be commended for protecting my honour,’ Simone said miserably.
The girls shared a look, then Precious said, ‘I keep forgetting that the Jade Emperor is so goddamn old.’
Simone’s mobile rang and she pulled it out of the pocket of her jeans.
‘How does that still work—it’s been in the water for hours,’ Eva said.
‘It’s a Celestial phone, works on both Planes. A variation on the network I built that rides Celestial Harmony,’ Gold said.
‘Sounds fascinating,’ Sylvie said. ‘You must show me one day, Lord Gold.’
‘My pleasure,’ Gold said.
Simone listened to the call for a while, then dropped the phone and bent double, sobbing. Her friends crowded round her again and held her as she cried.
‘That…’ Simone took a deep, gasping breath, struggling to get the words out. ‘That was Pinky…Bevan’s girlfriend. She just told me that she hates me forever…and she’s going to get someone to chop me. She cursed me and said she hopes I die because I’m a murderer.’
‘Just ignore her, Simone. She tried to drug you so he could rape you,’ I said.
‘She’s right,’ Simone wailed.
‘Simone…’ Eva bent to look into Simone’s eyes. ‘Simone, you need to get away. That’s why I’m here. Mom wants to lend you one of our nicest places—a villa in Phuket. All yours for a week. Go out to the Phi Phis, relax, sit by the pool, all on us.’ She patted Simone’s shoulder. ‘You can have it as long as you want it. Okay?’
Simone gasped without speaking and nodded.
‘Sound good?’
Simone nodded again.
‘Good. You can fly straight there, I can give you the details.’
‘I’ll fly commercial with Emma. We can go together,’ Simone said.
‘What about the private jet?’ Leo said.
‘We sold it,’ I said. ‘We don’t need it. It was just to keep John safe while he was weak, and it cost a fortune to keep running. Simone can carry herself and me short distances, and we fly commercial for long distances like London.’
‘Makes sense,’ Leo said.
‘No handbag, no tissues,’ I said to Simone.
She nodded, straightened and wiped her eyes. ‘Tell your mother thanks, Eva. Do you guys want to come along too? It’s a whole villa.’
Sylvie and Precious shared a meaningful look.
‘No way are you two using this as an excuse for a tryst,’ I said. ‘Different bedrooms and no funny business, just a straight-up girls’ fun holiday.’
‘So I’m not invited?’ Leo said, pretending to be hurt.
‘Of course, you’re one of the girls,’ I said.
He grinned. ‘Good.’
‘Nah, you guys go have some quiet time,’ Precious said. ‘We have school and shit. We’ll meet up with you when you start at CH, Simone.’
Simone nodded, her voice still thick from crying. ‘Okay.’
We could fly directly to Phuket from Hong Kong as it was such a major Hong Kong tourist destination. The airport was large, clean and modern, and even catered for Leo’s wheelchair with ramps throughout. A demon met us at the exit from Customs, and the Phoenix herself was waiting outside the terminal, next to a large bright red Mercedes van driven by a smiling demon appearing as a local man. The Phoenix was wearing a traditional Thai outfit of red silk shot through with orange and yellow highlights that appeared and disappeared as she moved. Her skirt was pencil-slim and reached to her feet, with a decorative gold border at the bottom. Her blouse had short sleeves and a round neck, with a similar decorative border along its bottom and a sash of matching red and gold silk over one shoulder.
She pressed her palms together and greeted us with a slight bow. ‘Sawatdee. Welcome to the gracious south, where the holy light of Buddhism was born, and the people are more gentle and civilised.’
‘Have you ever said that in front of the other three Winds?’ Simone said, amused.
‘All the time,’ the Phoenix said. She gestured towards the van. ‘The villas are at Bangtao Beach.’
It was a twenty-minute drive to the resort. We passed plantations of trees, all of them with large sloping scars on their trunks and cups at the base.
‘Oh, rubber trees,’ Simone said with interest. ‘Never seen them before.’
‘It is a minor source of income for the island, after tourism,’ the Phoenix said. ‘Here we are.’
The lobby was a series of pavilions with pyramid-shaped roofs spread around a large resort-style pool. The staff bowed their heads low, raising their hands to touch their faces. The Phoenix went to the desk and picked up our keys, then took us out to where the demons had loaded our luggage onto a golf buggy.
The villas were all constructed around a central lagoon. ‘So much water!’ Simone said as we were driven to our accommodation. ‘The main area has that big pool, and you have this lagoon…’ She stopped and realised. ‘Oh.’
‘Wait until you see your villa,’ the Phoenix said.
It had the traditional high-pitched Thai roof with flame-shaped decorations at the bottom of the arches, and a small sign outside: ‘Madam Emma Donohoe, Lord Leo Alexander and Princess Simone Chen’.
The entry hall opened into a large, high-ceilinged room lined with polished timber; the interior walls were smooth and white with dark wood surrounding frames. All of the soft furnishings were a rich dark red silk, and an ornamental table held an arrangement of bird-of-paradise flowers that was nearly two metres tall. The floor-to-ceiling windows were open and looked out onto the villa’s private pool, which had a glass-walled spa set into it. Its infinity-style edge meant that the far end appeared to merge with the lagoon. There were a couple of timber sun lounges set next to the pool.
Simone took a running leap and dived straight over the spa into the pool. She travelled underwater to the far end, kicked off without surfacing and swam underwater back to us. She surfaced, floated out of the pool, dried her clothes and landed lightly on the polished timber floor. She took a deep breath. ‘Okay, where are our bedrooms?’
The Phoenix gestured down a corridor. ‘Your bedroom is this way, miss.’
Simone gasped when she saw the room. It had its own pavilion, with a king-sized bed covered in plush cushions, floor-to-ceiling glass on three sides, and high courtyard walls two metres from the glass to give the room privacy. The entire area was surrounded by a blue wading pool, the water only half a metre deep; a pair of plastic chairs sat in the pool on either side of a table holding a decorative flower arrangement. Simone appeared to be contemplating diving into this water as well, then changed her mind. She turned back to the Phoenix. ‘Is this because your family stays here?’
The Phoenix nodded. ‘They can’t set fire to the neighbourhood when they’re surrounded by water like this.’
‘Good idea, I suppose,’ Simone said.
The bathroom was larger than the bedroom, with a door leading to a spa-sized outside bath.
A kind-faced man in the all-white of house staff appeared and clasped his hands in the Thai greeting.
‘This is Kwan,’ the Phoenix said. ‘He is your personal staff here. He will cook your breakfast to your liking. If you want a massage, just tell him.’ She gestured towards Kwan and he gave Simone a mobile phone. ‘Press redial and he’ll be here for you. There are a couple of bikes out the front for transport, and the beach is about five minutes down that way,’ she said, pointing. ‘The resort has several restaurants, and it’s part of a multi-resort complex as well. If you like, Kwan will take you in the boat across the lagoon to
eat at the other hotels in the complex. If you want to go shopping or anything, Patong Beach is about twenty minutes away.’ She spread her arms and the red silk of her outfit shimmered. ‘Enjoy.’
Simone threw herself into the Phoenix’s arms and hugged her. ‘Thanks, Auntie Zhu.’ She pulled back and greeted the Phoenix the Thai way. ‘And sawatdee.’
‘Take some time to settle in,’ the Phoenix said. She turned to me. ‘Emma, a quick word before I leave you to it?’
I followed her back to the villa’s main area. ‘Just a word of caution,’ she said. ‘This is a tourist place in one of the world’s poorer nations. We do have some difficulty with maintenance of the resort as trained and capable technicians are hard to find. There is crime here, also some underworld activity. I do not interfere—it is not my place as a Celestial unless demons are involved—but be aware that there is a criminal element and they will try to rip you off if you go into town.’
She saw my face and smiled. ‘It’s not that bad. You and Simone can go into Patong and have a wonderful time and not realise any of it exists. It is a pain in the neck for me, however. Just avoid the bars—not that I think I need to tell you this—and be aware of pickpockets, thieves and rip-off artists who will see you as wealthy tourists and try to take advantage of you. Take Kwan with you; he is a senior member of my demon staff and well-known around town.’
‘Thanks, Phoenix,’ I said. ‘Um…you’ve shown us Simone’s bedroom; what about Leo and me?’
‘One of you will have to sleep on the daybed in the living room, it converts into a third bedroom. The other can take the second floating bedroom, identical to Simone’s, on the other side of the villa.’
‘By precedence rules, the Immortal Lord Leo should take the other bedroom,’ I said.
‘Yes, and good luck trying to make him,’ the Phoenix said. She nodded to Kwan. ‘Make it so.’
Kwan nodded and headed towards the living room area.
She raised her voice and called to Simone. ‘I’m coming back tomorrow and you and I are going to spar, young lady. I want to see how you’ve progressed.’