by Kylie Chan
‘My Lord,’ the staff said, and stood quietly waiting to be dismissed.
‘Want to see some of the other stuff happening here?’ he asked me. ‘Come and check out the lab where we have your blood sample. My kids have been having a field day with it, and they want at least a litre more.’
‘Have you cloned me yet?’
‘Not for want of trying.’ He turned to the staff. ‘It’s late. Start again tomorrow. I’ll make the fibreglass foundry available to you.’ He winked at one of the women. ‘When are you on next, Doriene?’
She blushed. ‘Next week, sir.’
He beckoned her towards him. ‘Come here, lovely.’
She approached him shyly and he grabbed her around the waist, pulled her in and kissed her long and hard. He released her and she fell back, breathless and bright-eyed.
He grinned at her. ‘See you next week, sweetheart.’
‘I cannot believe your own wives call you sir,’ I grumbled as we went out the double doors and down the corridor to the next room.
The Tiger stopped and crossed his arms over his chest. ‘So when you were training with Ah Wu and he was teaching you the arts, you never called him sir? Student to Master?’
I rose on my coils. ‘Once we were out in the open about our feelings, no. If I did, he’d correct me.’
He shook his head and turned away. ‘Stupid bastard.’
‘Up yours, Devil Tiger.’
He turned back to me and spread his hands, irritated. ‘What is this thing with the devil tiger? In the last twelve months it seems everybody’s saying that! Where did it come from?’
‘Lok talks.’
‘That dog needs his balls cut off.’
‘So, my friend, do you.’
‘Humph,’ he said, and opened the next set of doors.
This was a pathology lab, with benches holding rows of glass test tubes and chromatic DNA tests. A centrifuge, loaded with more test tubes, spun in one corner.
‘One Twenty-Eight’s on your case,’ the Tiger said.
The son heard us and came out from behind the barrel of an electron microscope. He appeared to be about twenty, but something about him suggested he was much older. He was Chinese, but with a shock of pure white hair and the tawny eyes of his father. He smiled with the same charismatic roguishness and I shook my head.
‘You have been cloning,’ I said.
‘Nope, just the occasional sapling falling not too far from the tree,’ the Tiger said.
One Twenty-Eight strode to his father and clasped his arm around his shoulder; he was about twenty centimetres shorter than the Tiger. They shared a brief embrace then turned to me, both grinning the Tiger’s little-boy grin.
‘Asshole overload,’ I said.
They bowed at exactly the same time, their grins not shifting. One Twenty-Eight fell to one knee to me, then jumped up and returned to the centrifuge, beckoning me to join him.
He pressed a button and the unit stopped. He flipped open the lid of one of the chambers and pulled a test tube out with a long pair of callipers. ‘This is your blood,’ he said, moving the test tube so I could see it more clearly. ‘Normally, when you centrifuge human blood, the platelets sink to the bottom as a red layer and the clear plasma fills the rest of the tube. In your case…well, see for yourself.’
The top half of the test tube contained plasma, the next quarter held red blood cells, but the bottom quarter was black, oily demon essence.
One Twenty-Eight became serious. ‘How do you control that?’
‘That was after I’d spent some time on the Celestial as a snake,’ I said. ‘Usually the demon essence is about half.’
He shook his head and returned the test tube to the centrifuge. ‘With that much essence in your blood you should change to demon the minute you return to the Earthly. I don’t know how you manage.’
‘The stone helps me,’ I said. ‘I also have help from Kwan Yin.’
‘Ah,’ One Twenty-Eight said, understanding. ‘That explains it.’
I couldn’t help it; I smiled even though I knew it wasn’t a good look. ‘You’re a scientist. What she does is so far removed from science it doesn’t matter.’
‘Exactly,’ he said. ‘I research what I can, and then just accept wonders like her. I let her be her and don’t worry about how she does what she does. That’s the essence of the Tao.’
‘You’ve attained the Tao, you’re an Immortal,’ I said with wonder. ‘You should be a single-digit son.’
‘No, he shouldn’t,’ the Tiger said.
One Twenty-Eight shook his head. ‘It’s a long story, but who cares anyway. What I care about is how we can change you back. How long does it take you to reduce from half to a quarter demon essence?’
‘Two weeks.’
‘So if you stayed on the Celestial for a month, it would vanish completely?’
‘No,’ I said. ‘The process slows down; it reduces by a fraction of its existing amount. It’ll go down by half each week. At the end of six weeks, the amount that it reduces by is negligible.’
‘You’ll never completely remove it if that’s the case,’ he said.
‘And I’ll never walk the Celestial Plane as a human.’
‘Can you remove it?’ the Tiger asked his son.
One Twenty-Eight paused, thoughtful. He opened the canister on the centrifuge, pulled out the test tube containing my blood and studied it again. Then he put it back and shook his head. ‘No. Nobody on the Celestial can fix this. The only one who would have even a remote chance is the Demon King himself. He may be able to manipulate the demon essence and clear her blood.’ He turned to us. ‘Have you tried to negotiate something with him?’
‘He wants to impregnate me in exchange,’ I said.
One Twenty-Eight sucked in a quick breath. ‘Spawn of you and the King? That would be very bad.’
‘How bad?’ the Tiger said.
‘I’m not even considering it, so it doesn’t matter how bad!’ I snapped.
‘Lady Emma’s been taught by the Dark Lord himself; he’s given her advanced skills in energy control,’ One Twenty-Eight said.
‘Lot of good it does me with my blood full of shit,’ I said irritably. ‘I can’t do anything with energy while I’m in human form.’
‘What about serpent form?’ One Twenty-Eight said.
I hesitated, then: ‘The energy is different.’
‘Beside the point, ma’am. Your cauldrons have been sparked and your gates have been opened; this is near impossible in a normal human. You’re a powerful demon, I can see that, and you are one step closer to Celestial than anything the King has access to. Spawn from you and the King would have unique skills and an edge over anything else in Hell.’
‘Yep, that sounds bad,’ the Tiger said.
‘He wouldn’t spawn anything more powerful than he is,’ I said. ‘He’d have to be completely stupid to do that. The minute the spawn were aware of their power they’d try to depose him and take his place.’
‘I know. It’s an interesting dilemma,’ One Twenty-Eight said. ‘I’d love to know what he really wants out of this; it’s possible he doesn’t want your spawn at all. He’s always been exceptionally devious in his dealings.’
‘His word is good,’ I said, protesting.
‘Doesn’t stop him from being exceptionally devious,’ One Twenty-Eight repeated.
‘Keep at it, find a way,’ the Tiger said. He turned to the DNA tests on the counters. ‘Anything show up on these?’
‘Nothing at all,’ One Twenty-Eight said. ‘The technology isn’t advanced enough for us to do a general search without knowing specifically what we’re looking for. It looks normal. Normal human DNA.’
‘Take some now while she’s a snake and compare,’ the Tiger said.
‘I was going to ask that,’ One Twenty-Eight said. ‘Ma’am, do you mind?’
‘If there’s any chance of finding out what I am, take as much as you like,’ I said; then hesitated when he approache
d me with a large syringe. ‘Whoa, wait a minute—that thing’s as big as a milk bottle.’
‘You have about three times as much blood in serpent form, ma’am, won’t hurt you to take a little more,’ he said.
I hissed with pain as he slipped the needle into my skin between the scales then drained me from the back of my neck. ‘Hurry up, this hurts.’
He pulled the syringe free, stabbing me with pain again, and wiped the wound with a bandage. ‘Thank you, ma’am. If anything shows up I’ll be sure to let you know immediately.’
The Tiger spoke without looking at me as we made our way back out. ‘If the Demon King is the only one who can fix you, perhaps you should be trying to work something out with him.’
‘John said Nu Wa and the Three Purities—remember that,’ I said.
‘I doubt they’ll be able to help you, babe. Nu Wa is an unknown quantity, and the Three Purities are more like an unknowable quantity.’
I stopped and lowered my voice. ‘The Demon King offered me a list of possible trades I could make for having the essence cleared.’
‘Well, that’s a start. What were they?’
I looked around. ‘I’ll only tell you in a place where nobody can listen in.’
He turned in the other direction and held his hand out. ‘This way, ma’am.’
He led me away from the lifts to an empty room at the end of the corridor. It was an operating theatre, complete with a surgery light that, from below, looked like a face.
I turned away. ‘I’m not hanging around in here.’
‘Wait,’ he said, and touched the back of my neck. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘This looks very much like the place where I was injected with demon essence and turned into something that should be destroyed on sight.’
‘Well, get over it and tell me what the Demon King offered.’
I struggled with my serpent energy centres to remain calm in that awful place. ‘Vow to me you won’t pass this information on to anyone. Anyone. Understood?’
He hesitated. ‘That’s awfully dramatic.’
‘Promise!’
‘I vow I will not share this information with anyone.’
I dropped onto my coils and wound them more comfortably. ‘I can’t remember all of them, but you’ll get the gist of it after only a couple. Your incarceration in a Celestial Jade cage for a thousand years.’
He stepped back slightly. ‘Whoa.’
‘Either of the other two Winds in a similar situation. The life of Michael MacLaren; actually he asked for his head.’
‘Damn!’
‘Liu Cheng Rong held on the tenth level for ten thousand years. Or Meredith; either would do.’
‘You can stop now—’
‘Simone’s powers locked out for the rest of her life; reduce her to a normal human girl.’
‘That would remove our greatest fighter…’
‘All your wives.’
‘No way.’
‘All the demon armies of the Thirty-Six returned.’
‘This is crazy. Are all the options as stupid as that?’
‘Yes. And they’re all about other people suffering to clear me of this. That’s why you can’t tell anyone; I’m scared someone might actually do what he asks.’
‘I’ll give him my wives,’ the Tiger said, thoughtful. ‘Easily done.’
I slithered away and back again. ‘And that’s exactly why I don’t want anyone to know! Do you have any idea what he’ll do to them? You can’t do that, and that’s an order. You are not to offer the Demon King anything in return for my humanity.’
He paused, then: ‘Yes, ma’am.’
‘Some of your wives are Shen. Some are demons who changed sides. If the Demon King were to get his hands on them—or their children from you—he would have an army to use against us. Don’t even think about it.’
‘Your words have been trailing my thoughts,’ he said, and nodded once, sharply. ‘I’ll keep it quiet.’
‘Good,’ I said, and headed towards the lifts again. ‘Let’s go, I have work to do.’
‘Delegate! It will leave you more time for—’
‘Eating and screwing. Yes, I know. There are never enough hours in the day for your quota of eating and screwing.’
‘You got that one right, baby.’
CHAPTER 18
When I arrived home, I heard a bang from Simone’s room then a hissing that sounded as if she was hushing someone. I went to the door and tapped on it. ‘Hey, Simone, can I come in?’
‘Just a second!’ she called urgently, and there was more hushed discussion.
‘Do you have a boy in there?’ I said. ‘Michael, is that you?’
Simone opened the door a crack. ‘Nobody here but me.’
‘Don’t lie to me, Simone, you really suck at it. Who’s in there? I’d like to say hello. You don’t need to hide anything, sweethear—’ I swallowed the word. ‘Simone.’
She smiled tightly. ‘Nobody here but me. I’m watching a video, that’s all.’ Then came the sound of water hitting carpet and she squealed. ‘No, Freddo, bad boy! Not here on the carpet…’ Her voice changed to a moan. ‘Oh damn.’
I opened the door wider and saw the demon foal in the middle of the room, ears back, eyes half-closed, back legs stretched out wide, urinating in a high-pressure stream onto Simone’s bedroom carpet. The smell was so strong that my eyes watered.
Simone grabbed Freddo around his middle and they both disappeared.
I went to the kitchen to find Monica. ‘You’ll never believe what’s happened, Monica. Can you get some carpet cleaners up here? We have something of an emergency.’
Fifteen minutes later, Simone returned, cowed and sheepish. She came into the office and sat across the desk from me. ‘Sorry, Emma. I’ll clean it up, I promise.’
‘Him piddling on the carpet was worse than him pooping on it, I swear. The whole flat reeks of it.’
‘I’ll have the water elementals flush the carpet for me.’
‘Carpet cleaners are on their way to steam-clean it.’
She thought for a moment, then concentrated. ‘I told Monica to cancel them. I can make the elementals steam.’
‘You can’t make them soap and deodorise the carpet as well, so tell her to bring the carpet cleaners up,’ I said. ‘But let your elementals have a try first.’
She grimaced and dropped her head. ‘Okay. Sorry, Emma.’
‘Why didn’t you go to the Celestial to play with him? A Hong Kong flat is not the ideal environment for a young horse.’
‘He wanted to see my room.’
I shook my head. ‘Can’t you find something else to do?’
She swung her chair around in a circle. ‘I’m so bored! I have nothing else to do!’
‘Contact the principal of CH and make an appointment to see him tomorrow with a view to Simone starting school next week,’ the stone in my ring said.
‘Can I? Will he see me so much earlier than the original appointment?’ Simone said.
‘Ask him and see,’ the stone replied. ‘Emma, I’ve opened a composition email on your desktop with his address in it. Email him and ask him.’
The stone had already written the formal text of the request; all I had to do was fill in the blanks.
To: Principal, Celestial High
From: Emma Donahoe
Re: Princess Simone Chen of the Northern Heavens
This honoured servant of the Jade Emperor requests an audience with the honoured Principal of the First Celestial Middle School with regard to the possibility of the early admission of Princess Simone Chen of the Northern Heavens. Your kind consideration of this matter is appreciated.
Signed and chopped.
‘Oh, Emma, you have an appointment next week to collect your chop,’ the stone said.
‘What?’
‘Cool, you’ll have your own seal,’ Simone said. ‘I wonder what they’ll pu
t on it.’
‘I never ordered this,’ I said. ‘It’s totally unnecessary. As a Westerner I’m not obliged to have one.’
‘Too bad,’ the stone said. ‘Everybody said you should have one, so they had one made and it’ll be ready next week.’
Simone leaned on the desk. ‘Why do they say “signed and chopped” on emails when there’s no signature or chop at all?’
‘The words are the signature and chop,’ the stone said. ‘The idea of them.’
Simone leaned back. ‘That’s stupid.’
I hovered the mouse over the send button. ‘Are you happy to start at CH earlier?’
She hesitated for a moment, then nodded. ‘I have to go anyway. I’m bored as hell here so might as well go sooner.’
‘Very well,’ I said, and clicked the button.
Simone rose. ‘I’ll see what I can do about that carpet before the cleaning guys get here. His pee smells awfull!’
Fifteen minutes later, I received a reply from CH.
To: Emma Donahoe
From: Principal, Celestial High
Re: Re: Princess Simone Chen of the Northern Heavens
This humble servant of the Celestial is gratified to provide the Princess with an appointment to discuss the possibility of her early admission into this institution. If it is suitable for your Highnesses, a time of nine o’clock Hong Kong time tomorrow morning has been set aside for you to put your case to the Principal. This humble Worthy also requests the attendance of the Princess’s relation Bai Hu, the Esteemed Emperor of the Western Heavens, to speak on her behalf.
Signed and chopped.
‘Tell Simone,’ I said to the stone. ‘And ask the Tiger.’
‘Tiger says yes,’ the stone said. ‘Simone says—’
Aww, do I have to wake up early tomorrow? Simone said into my head.
‘Back to school, Simone, no more sleeping until lunchtime,’ I answered.
I won’t be able to sleep at all with this smell in here! I might have to move rooms!
The carpet cleaners showed up early the next morning. Simone had moved into her father’s room for the night, and when she came out it was obvious she hadn’t slept well. The cleaners shook their heads and tutted at the state of the carpet, then spoke to me with some difficulty in English.