by N J Adel
We were humans, yet deep inside we were all basically animals, fueled with need, trying to survive.
Joshua went through with the lecture, ignoring the lustful glances, and the overacted giggles that burst every time he made a Psychology inside joke.
I, too, ignored it for my sanity. Although the physical attraction I had for Professor Asher was undeniable, our relationship had to be strictly professional.
I really shouldn’t be involved with another professor for obvious reasons. Besides, there was no way I could compete with all these beautiful, young women crushing on him. I was way out of my league here. It’d been so long since I’d been in the game. Except for my students, I’d long forgotten exactly how to be around…people, not just men.
My total fuckup with Joshua was enough proof.
What was I thinking throwing judgments right and left, accusing a man I’d just seen of being another monster like Declan?
Note to self: even if you’ve suffered, you have no excuse to be a bitch.
Second note to self: it’s time to start healing…for real.
I couldn’t let Declan control me anymore. This grip he had on my mind had to be removed. Broken. Sooner than later.
Joshua glanced at me with a hint of a smile every now and then as if making sure I was all right. I hoped it was only a professional gesture, and he, too, wasn’t projecting. I could see it in his eyes, a protective urge of sorts induced by his earlier trauma. I didn’t want to pry earlier or even ask about the kind of trigger he mentioned. Psychosis? Substance abuse? Self-harm?
It could be many things, and they were all unpleasant. Nothing I’d want to be a part of.
But…
As much as I hated the effect Joshua had on me—and the effect I might have on him—part of me wanted to extend it as long as possible. I felt timid and uneasy around him yet intrigued. I had this feeling a man like him saw the world differently; he would show me the world in a way that I never knew existed. And for some reason beyond all logic, even if he was screaming trouble, I believed I’d be safe if he was just there.
The lecture concluded. On the next one, it was his turn to audit, and mine to do what I was born to do.
I made my way to the front of the auditorium and sat my bag on the desk. Then I walked up to the white board and wrote my name. Professor Ferro.
Not Professor Montgomery.
I couldn’t help the grin on my face or the tears forming in the corners of my eyes as I watched my name up there.
For the first time in what had seemed to be forever, I was me.
Everything I’d worked really hard for, everything I’d cried and sweated and bled for had come true today.
Turning to see the young faces heading my direction, I didn’t think I’d ever been happier.
The looks from the male students reminded me of the steamy glances Joshua was receiving earlier from the girls. A myriad of emotions hit me at once. The satisfaction of feeling attractive to eighteen or nineteen-year-olds. It made me feel beautiful and desired even if I’d never act upon such taboo flirtation in any way. Then a certain memory crept to the back of my head and clawed at my heart.
It was my first month as a professor. One of my students had been giving me the ‘I have a crush on you’ face, yet he’d been so polite and never crossed the boundaries I’d carefully set. Until one day, I showed up with a split lip. He approached me after class, his eyes soft, his young face all determination and concern.
“I can help you,” he had urged.
He was so innocent. I lied to push him away, but there had already been rumors. I thought I hid the bruises well. It turned out Declan had been bragging to his friends about the things he did to me.
When lying didn’t work, I begged. I knew if Declan saw him, it would be the end of the boy’s future. And Declan always watched. He had eyes on me everywhere.
The door to the classroom had opened just then, and my monster of a husband was there. My heart sank when my student spun and stood in front of me like he could save me.
I had been so afraid Declan would physically hurt the boy. But all Declan had done at that moment was hide behind a psychopath’s sickening smile and linked arms with me, escorting me out.
At home, he broke my jaw that night. And the next day, my student was expelled.
I took a deep breath, hoping Declan was getting his ass kicked every night in jail. Then I dismissed all the negative thoughts and bad memories, nudging myself back to present time. There were no monsters here to bury me in fear. No one was going to get hurt because some psycho thought he owned me. I was safe, and so were my students.
I was safe. I repeated it over and over in my head like a sacred mantra.
And with Joshua in the room, I felt even safer.
“Good morning, class.” That was all it took for confidence to wash over me as if I’d never been hurt or crushed once. “My name is Professor Isabella Ferro, and I’ll be your General Psychology teacher this semester.”
CHAPTER 10
BELLE
Joshua led me to the food court, a wince on his face as if he was constipated. “You were amazing up there.”
“Thank you…I guess.”
“You guess?”
“Well, your facial expressions rarely match your words. You look like you’re in physical pain while complementing me.”
The line between his brows deepened. “That’s not… I really meant what I said.”
“Yet you’re still frowning.” I glanced away from him as we reached the barista counter. Two more seconds and I’d be drowning in those eyes and forbidden fantasies I should have never pictured. “Can I get you anything?” You could use some fibers.
“Lunch is on me,” he said it as a statement. Then he ordered before I could even respond.
Again, I didn’t like that. The last thing I wanted was someone making choices for me, taking control of any aspect of my life without permission. “Shouldn’t you at least ask me what I’d like to have?”
His face eased a little. “If you don’t like it, you can always order something else, but I have a feeling I’ve guessed your preferences correctly.”
“Do you now?” I was too angry to listen while he’d talked to the barista. There was no way he could have guessed what I liked to eat, though. I hated food everybody loved like mayo, eggs and onions. And for coffee, I only drank a cup in the morning. Anything more than that and I’d never sleep.
She returned with my lunch tray, reciting the order back. “One honey cinnamon tea, one turkey sandwich no onions or mayo, and a blueberry muffin.”
What the hell? “Yes,” I uttered, dumbfounded.
“Did I get it right?” Joshua asked.
I cocked a brow at him, and he was smirking. “In the creepiest way ever.”
His smirk turned into a smile for the first time. I could see now why he didn’t do it so often. He looked like a predator that had just cornered a prey. His eyes moved up and down my body slowly, and eventually settled on my eyes, as if he was seeing me, from the inside out.
Creepy, and a bit inappropriate. But for whatever reason, not only had I accepted it, but also I wanted more of it.
My mind was screaming, yet my body was betraying every ounce of lucidity in me. Thank goodness for padded bras; my nipples were pointing directly at him like little bullets ready to be shot at his mouth.
I loved to see him looking at me, fully digesting me. So primal, so untamed.
Then his smile vanished. “I thought you were joking, but it looks like I really scared you.”
That’s what he got from my staring? I really need to work on my horny looks.
“I’m not scared of you, Professor Asher.” My voice fell at the end, and the way I said his name sounded like something naughty I’d call him while he was on top of me, tying my wrists.
Seriously, Belle. Stop it.
With shaking fingers, I reached for the tray, but his hands were faster. I gasped at the brush of his accidenta
l touch. His fingertips were so cold, yet they sent a jolt of heat through me that made me shiver some more.
“Allow me.” He carried the tray, unbothered, like nothing happened.
“Thanks.” I sighed, ambling to a free table. We sat across from each other. He took off his glasses for a second to clean them with his tie.
Damn, those eyes. That was too much beauty for one person to have. I dropped my gaze, and it landed on his lips.
This is ridiculous. I give up.
How was I supposed to fight the temptation when he had all this? The smell, the face, the gaze, the lips, the body, the voice, the way he carried himself, the fucking glasses, even his name. I was crushing on Professor Asher whether I liked it or not. Hard.
With him around, my new life was not going to be as easy as I thought it would be.
I tore open the plastic case of my sandwich and munched on it like a starving animal, not bothering with how I must have been looking to him right now. My gaze wandered to the floor to ceiling windows of the food court, taking the view of the surrounding woods and the gray sky. It was very odd how the weather changed so rapidly around the day here. One minute it was sunny, the next it was dreary. Just like the emotions this man, watching me with intent interest while I was stuffing my mouth with turkey, struck in me.
“Aren’t you going to eat anything?” Please. Do anything awkward or ugly or disgusting. You’re a man. It’s not going to be this hard.
“I had a big breakfast,” he said. “Also, I prefer decent meals that aren’t microwaved. If you’d like, I can show you the finest of Forest Grove’s grills when you have the time.”
I listened, lost in the depth of his voice. At times, he seemed to have an accent that I couldn’t place, but then he’d speak again, and it would be gone.
Also…was he asking me out?
Not prepared for such question, I pressed hard on my thumbnail, a bad habit I had since I was a child, and later I changed into an anchoring technique to tone down anxiety. “Where are you from?”
“Oregon.”
“Really?”
“Is that so strange?”
I shrugged, scarfing down the last bite of my sandwich. “I thought I detected an accent and sometimes you speak like you came out of Persuasion.”
He put his glassed back on. “I reckon I just like Austin.”
Give me a break. “You? You like Jane Austin.”
“Actually, Persuasion is one of my favorites.”
My nose crinkled. “I hate that book. Why would anyone like that book?”
His jaw flexed, and his gaze seemed distant. “I like it because time didn’t get in between. They waited for each other, and in the end they got their happily ever after.”
A fucking brooding, helpless romantic! A tormented soul with a broken heart! Oh, please. Just drop down your pants and put it in my mouth.
“What seems to surprise you, Professor?”
“You.” I gulped on my cinnamon tea. Ummm…so good. “Contradiction after contradiction, it’s giving me a whiplash.” And big gushes between my legs. I really need to change my panties.
“I only contradict what you expected. Perhaps you just need to put all your assumptions aside and give yourself a chance to know who I really am. Then make your judgment, if you must.”
He won again. I ran a hand through my hair, pressing my nail on the other. “You’re right.”
Now, he was surprised. “That’s new.”
“What is that?”
“A woman telling a man he’s right.”
I laughed under my breath. “If you stick around long enough, I might contradict your expectations too, Professor.”
“I should take my own advice then.”
The rest of the cinnamon tea flushed my cheeks with its tender warmth. “Would you mind if I start the next class? I know we don’t have a plan or a schedule yet, but until we do, I want to be teaching it.”
“I…” He frowned, his Adam’s apple bobbing with a swallow. “I think it might be best if I did.”
“No way. Abnormal Psychology is my jam. I’ve been looking forward to this class all day.” I left my seat. When he didn’t get up or relax his face, I raised a brow. “Unless you think I can’t handle a senior class?”
“You know I don’t,” he said, rising to his feet. “You really need to stop using that defense mechanism every time you want something.”
I rolled my eyes, a sheepish smile sneaking up on me. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologize. I…” He held my gaze in a way that took my breath away. “Please understand that I can’t help but to feel very protective of you.”
His words—and voice— toyed with my emotions. I felt on display under the intensity of his gaze. My tongue darted to lick my lips compulsively. So I turned to biting them and realized that this was also awkward. I was suddenly very aware of every single little gesture I was making, and my thumbnail didn’t survive my attack.
The pain yanked me out Joshua’s trance, bringing me back to reality. “Because of…my face?”
His lips twitched. “Of course. What else?”
Yeah, what else? So wake up, Belle. Wake the fuck up. The only reason behind his interest in me was that I reminded him of someone else.
I plastered the best fake smile I could muster. “Is there something particularly dangerous about the next class?”
Here came that wince again. There was something troubling this man more than he was sharing, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried. It was understandable he wouldn’t spill his guts to a stranger he’d just met. But I had a bad feeling about whatever he was hiding. As if…it had something to do with me, Belle, and not just an old trauma.
“No,” he said in surrender. “I only thought you might want to slow down, take it easy on your first day.”
I shook my head, frustration dulling my senses. “Well, I don’t. But thank you for your concern.” I started out of the food court.
He followed in silence until we reached 402B. It was a classroom, much smaller than the auditorium. Reluctantly, he took a seat, asking me with his eyes if I would change my mind.
I ignored him and tried to ignore the feelings that were punching my guts now. The students piled into the class, and I watched with growing interest, the negativity sifting away bit by bit.
This, standing up here, was all I needed for life to be good again. I didn’t need a man. I didn’t need to slow down. I didn’t need to break my nails. I needed to teach. I had to teach.
When I thought everyone was there, I started to speak. But then I saw two more students walk in.
My heart skipped a beat then hammered against my ribs. My skin went ice cold then searing hot. I felt like I was going to pass out, like I was dying and my whole life was flashing before my eyes.
Or so I hoped.
Shoot. Me. Now.
Please.
It was them. Alec and his twin. The man—BOY—I fucked against a wall and his twin brother who watched. Right here in my classroom. As my students. Staring right through me.
Sick to my stomach, I wanted to bolt, to run outside that door they had just come through, screaming at the top of my lungs a big fat FUCK. But my feet were glued to the floor.
No amount of fingernails or classes was enough to take away the deep shit I was in.
CHAPTER 11
ALEC
Stupid! Stupid! What was I thinking?
I grumbled at myself as I stormed out of the campus with Kayden, following Belle’s scent.
We’d gone to see her in her office after the lecture, but she wasn’t there. I’d tracked her everywhere on campus, and when I couldn’t find her, I sprinted outside, leaving the truck behind. I probably should have taken it to track her faster, but I was too angry with myself.
The look on her face when we entered the class would haunt me for the rest of…for the rest of the time we were allowed together.
I’d done something highly inappropri
ate and very dangerous. For her. For us. Kayden was right. I might have ruined my chances with her this time.
What had I been thinking following her to the club last night? Talking to her? Fucking her against a fucking wall?
I wasn’t. I did not stop and think about what I was doing. I couldn’t resist staying away. On her birthday. I had to be there. Seeing her inches away from me, smelling her, watching her dance… How was I supposed to keep my distance? How was I supposed to wait?
I knew the rules well, and what I did was cheating, but I didn’t care. That parasite worked with her. He was given a head start. I had to do something. I had to make her see me first. I only thought if I did, she’d feel me, like me, bond with me so that she would choose me when the time came.
But it was a mistake. I hurt her, put her in danger, and now she wouldn’t even look me in the eye. I let my lust and love for her overtake me. I fucking bit her for moon’s sake.
What if it was more than a love bite? What if I had really bitten her?
“Hey,” Kayden nodded at the coffeehouse across the street, “I found her.”
Stopping in my tracks, I jerked my head toward the glass walls where she sat behind. Her forehead rested on her hand as she stared vacantly at the table. Then her finger wiped under her eyes. Was she crying?
My heart hurt with all the pain I’d caused her. She’d seen enough. It’d killed me she had to be out there alone all this time with that motherfucker without any interference from us. It was her path that would lead her here to the pack. To me.
Now, instead of making it up to her, wiping away all that shit she’d seen, I’d made her more miserable.
She was probably afraid I’d tell someone about what we did last night. The student who would brag about tapping the teacher, stupidly exposing her. The rumors that might cost her the job and the reputation she’d just gotten back. But the only danger I posed to her was the beast that had once…
“Come this way before she sees us.” Kayden dragged me from where I stood and my pitiful monologue, and then we hid behind a few trees in the park across the coffeehouse.