by C. M. King
I Cherish Your Heart
C.M. King
Copyright © 2015 CM King
All rights reserved.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by means without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. Nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
All characters in this publication are fictional and any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
Editor – Tanya Keetch – The Word Maid
Cover – Sarah – Sprinkles On Top Studios
Dedication
To Linda
Your strength, courage and determination never cease to amaze me. I am so blessed to have you as a friend.
Table of Contents
Joel
Chapter 1 – Aftermath
Chapter 2 – Birthday Celebrations
Chapter 3 – Friend In Need
Chapter 4 – Apologies
Chapter 5 – Mixed Signals
Chapter 6 – Betrayal
Chapter 7 – Heaven
Chapter 8 – Courage
Chapter 9 – Reunited
Chapter 10 – Forgiveness
Chapter 11– Chocolate Thief
Chapter 12 – Reconnection
Chapter 13 – No Place Like Home
Chapter 14 – Surprise
Chapter 15 – A Friend Indeed
Chapter 16 – Ice Ice Baby
Chapter 17 – Cat Fight
Chapter 18 – The Morning After
Chapter 19 – Payback
Chapter 20 – Birthday Surprise
Chapter 21 – Intruder
Chapter 22 – Puppy Love
Chapter 23 – Shopping Trip
Chapter 24 – Spa Day
Chapter 25 – Old Ghosts
Chapter 26 – Family At Last
Chapter 27 – Better Than The Book
Chapter 28 – Goodbye
Chapter 29 – Holiday
Chapter 30 – The One
How to Get In Touch
Joel
Pain. It coursed right through me, suffocating me. I could feel the darkness weaving its spell around my heart, filling up every fibre of my body until I could barely breathe. There wasn’t one part of me that didn’t want to go back in time, to undo those words. But there was a finality to them that could never be undone. It was for the best, I was doing it for her. It was my last selfless act in setting her free. I would always love her with all my heart, but sometimes love just wasn’t enough.
A tear slipped down my cheek, and I quickly swiped it away, pressing my nose against the glass. My eyes soon became fixated on her fragile body curled up tight on the bench below. Every part of me ached to go to her, to beg forgiveness for my cruel and heartless words. But she’d seen right through me. She knew in that instant that every word spoken was just one damn lie. She was always so perceptive in reading my moods. My fingers clawed against the glass, itching to touch her, to calm her, to tell I loved her with every beat of my heart. Yet my feet stood frozen, my body completely still as barely a breath left me while my mind taunted me with sweet memories of the past.
I wouldn’t allow her into my darkness to taint such beauty. I would sacrifice my own happiness to save hers. She would never have to endure the pain I kept buried deep within me, to be with someone who lived a torturous existence inside their own head. She deserved better than me, and in releasing her despite my own heartbreak, I was offering her the future that I would never be able to give her.
I knew she wouldn’t leave willingly, that she’d beg me with every breath in her body to fight to save the type of love you only experience once in a lifetime. But I had to be strong. This was what I had to do, the decision had already been made, and there was no going back.
Grasping the phone I dialled the number while my eyes remained fixed upon her. I knew within minutes she’d be gone, that my eyes would never rest upon her beautiful face ever again. But I had to put her first even if it meant destroying my own heart.
His soft familiar voice filled my ears, and I gave myself a few moments before I felt certain I was composed enough to speak.
“Hello, Elijah, it’s Joel . . .”
Chapter 1 – Aftermath
They say time is the greatest healer but with every day that passed, I missed him even more. It had been three months since he left, three months since he broke my heart. He took everything from me the moment he walked away. The only reminders were photos I could no longer bear to look at, now just an aching reminder of what I’d lost.
Each night I had my own ritual, the T-shirt that he left barely carried his scent, but I slept with it beside me, burying my nose deep. It still felt like he was here, tricking myself into believing that at least for a few short hours I was not alone.
The ring that he gave me no longer resided on my finger, but now on a chain around my neck, resting close to my heart. So I was spared the constant reminder of the vow he broke. But I was unable to completely remove it from my body, like my heart still clung onto that small piece of hope. It was foolish really, but I didn’t have the strength to fully let go.
In the early days I was filled with a hope that he would return, that he’d show up at my door with that breathtaking smile. But after ninety-four days, that hope had slowly diminished. With each day that passed another part of me died, my chest remained hollow, my heart forever missing. He took that with him the moment he left.
After a long and tireless search, I had tracked down his uncle only to find it was to no avail. Joel had made no contact with him and if that weren’t the case, the man certainly would make the best poker player. The sympathy that was there in his eyes throughout was enough to start the tears. He had tried comforting me in an awkward like hug. I could see that only goodness radiated through him and was able to understand why Joel held such a strong bond with him.
The only information I was able to prize out of him was concerning the row. It had escalated beyond control and had ended in a fistfight between Joel and his dad. Robert had tried contacting Joel several times after, but it wasn’t until after my visit he realised just how much of an impact it had on him, for him to throw away the one real love of his life.
As time rolled on, I wondered just how dedicated to his promise he would be. After all he had needs. I wasn’t naïve enough to know that after a while he would eventually turn back to the person I had despised. The thought alone was enough to bring on the tears, the insecurity taking its usual hold. I couldn’t bear to think of him seeking comfort in others. I chose to bury it, to lock it away. If I concentrated on it too much, it would slowly destroy me. I no longer had any hold over Joel; his decisions now were not my concern. I had to let go, after all he had. I never imagined a life without him, well, one that was worth living. But now I was faced with the awful truth—to exist in a life that no longer included Joel.
Chapter 2 – Birthday Celebrations
“Izzy.”
My ears registered the noise but it was like being submerged under water, his mouth was moving, but I just didn’t hear the words. My mind was always busy wandering somewhere else. I spent most of my days like this, zoned out. It was the only way to keep sane. It was like I’d unhooked the plug on real life and checked out of my head, but being around Elijah that never lasted long. Alone I would spend hours subconsciously drifting in and out. I knew it wasn’t good for me, but right now it was the only coping mechanism that worked.
“Izzy, are you even listening to m
e?”
“Yes, Elijah.” I huffed as I sat back on the bed, bringing my knees up to my chin. His words instantly made me go into defensive mode, waiting for his usual interrogation to start.
“What did I say then?”
Oh shit.
“What do you mean?” I asked in an attempt to buy some time as my brain struggled to recap the last five minutes, wondering what he’d actually said.
“What was I just talking about?” He crossed his arms, and his eyes bored deep into mine.
This was not good.
The chances of it being about himself were always pretty high. It was his favourite subject after all and always a safe bet to go with.
“You were talking about your birthday?” I replied, feeling hopeful my answer was correct. I’d be in for a world of pain if it was wrong.
Elijah narrowed his eyes at me as his tongue flicked across his lip. “Lucky guess. Now listen up, we need to make arrangements for the big day.”
Oh god.
I needed this lecture like a hole in the head. I stopped my eyes mid roll knowing his were firmly locked on mine. Instead I just sat frozen, busy rolling my eyes internally where he couldn’t see.
“This needs to be taken seriously, Izzy. It’s my big day, and I want everything to be perfect.”
Jeez, always such a drama queen.
“Fine,” I snapped. Not feeling up for another one of his lectures, I’d do anything just for some peace and quiet.
Elijah smiled and pulled out a pad. “So we’re having the meal at Dukes, the new restaurant in town. There are ten of us going, unless you have anyone you’d like to invite?”
My eyes widened at his plus one suggestion, my mind automatically returning to Joel. Once again being reminded I was left all alone.
A warm hand brushed up against my shoulder. “Hey, I’m sorry if I’ve upset you.”
“You haven’t, I just need to get used to the fact I’m on my own.” I couldn’t look up at that precise moment. I could barely breathe. My heart felt like it was being squeezed at the reality of my words that were so cruel and painful.
“Hey, you’ll always have me and Sam. We’ll always be there for you.”
I smiled softly at his sweet words. “I know and thank you.” He was trying his best to be there as a friend, but there was no avoiding the gaping hole left in my heart.
“What time do we have to be ready?” I asked, quickly changing the subject. I couldn’t handle his look of pity a moment longer.
“Saturday at seven p.m. We’re taking a taxi there, so we’ll pick you up on the way. Make sure you wear a dress,” he said sternly.
My eyes instantly flashed to his in annoyance. “I’ll be far more comfortable—”
Elijah quickly cut me off. “We’re going out afterwards to a club, so you’re wearing a dress and if not, then I’ll march you back up the stairs to make you change, you got me?”
“Jeez, okay, loud and clear.” He wasn’t taking any prisoners.
“Good girl and make sure you curl your hair too. We’re going all out, and I want you looking hot. I guess while I’m here I might as well pull out the outfit, so I know you’ll be perfect.” He threw open the wardrobe doors, sifting through the rows of clothes, finally coming to rest on a short white dress that was trimmed with black. “Perfect,” he said, almost to himself.
“I guess I don’t get a say then?” I huffed while he blatantly ignored my comment.
“Now we need shoes.” He twisted his face, scrutinising my shoe rail. “Ah ha, these will give you a colour pop.” He lifted up the red stilettos and grabbed the black clutch holding them together. “Yeah, I think that will work nicely.”
I pulled a face, not looking forward to traipsing around in shoes, which would literally shred my feet the majority of the night. I’d gotten used to my comfy clothes but turning up at the restaurant in sweats and Converse, I was guessing was not an option.
The moment he turned around, I put on a big old fake smile to masquerade my annoyance. I didn’t want him having another go at me; I just wanted to be left in peace.
Twenty minutes later, I was left alone with my thoughts, sinking deeper into the darkness, welcoming every single part that circulated through my veins. I didn’t need to put on an act with myself, there was no need to hide my own misery. It was the only time I truly acted real.
* * *
Saturday rolled by and as much as I wanted to languish in my own pain, it was Elijah’s birthday. He would hunt me down and personally dress me himself if I even attempted to get out of going. I needed to ease myself into this, so I began drawing a bubble bath, hoping the mixture of soothing aromas would de-stress and lighten my present mood.
Lying back I tried to blank out what was ahead of me tonight. Elijah, of course, would be in top form entertaining everyone. I would have to fix on a smile and put up with it all for a few hours until I returned home, and then the mask would slip once again. I would take tonight as a way of reacquainting myself with my old friend vodka. Losing my mind for a few hours seemed like the perfect form of escapism right now. Maybe tonight wouldn’t be so bad after all?
The taxi arrived at six thirty sharp, and Elijah leapt out before it had even come to a halt. “Well, hello, sexy girl, see I knew behind all those layers there was a hot body. You are so rocking that dress and goddamn those heels, if I was a straight guy you’d certainly be getting lucky tonight.”
His lips pressed against my forehead and I pulled back, embarrassed by all the attention. Only to find the taxi driver and Sam looking over at us both, grinning. He cupped my chin with both hands, his eyes staring deep into mine. His face suddenly grew serious and brought a frown to my own. “Thank you for coming out tonight. I know you’d rather be curled up in your sweats, lost in your Kindle world, but I need my best friend here on my birthday.”
I nodded as a tear broke free from my eye, which he quickly swiped away with his thumb.
“Hey, we don’t want to ruin this beautiful made up face, we’re going to have so much fun tonight. I’m going to get you away from what goes on inside this pretty little head of yours. Tonight is all about forgetting and partying till we can’t stand anymore.”
I smiled at his enthusiasm. “Perfect, that’s just what I need.”
“So madam, are we ready to go?” he asked in an overly posh accent, holding out his arm. I slipped my own into the crook of his, setting off for what would be one hell of a night.
When we arrived at Dukes we were taken to a large table, I was guessing from the fancy tableware it was definitely ours. I could almost guarantee Elijah would have popped in earlier, just to scrutinise and make sure everything was perfect for tonight. There were place cards stood around the table, I was slightly miffed that I wasn’t sitting next to Elijah. Though it was no coincidence, he was more than likely trying to push me into being more sociable.
He came back smiling with a round of drinks from the bar. I quickly took several gulps of the vodka for some Dutch courage before I sat down, feeling awkward when everyone else began to arrive. The majority of people I didn’t recognise, they had formed friendships with Elijah through Sam, and much to my dismay, they were all couples. I instantly regretted coming, suddenly feeling like the spare wheel amongst everyone else. By now I was on my third vodka, I hadn’t had much to eat, so on an empty stomach it was going straight to my head. But I wasn’t going to survive this night sober. The last empty chair was beside me as everyone talked amongst themselves. I sat feeling like the odd ball until finally the last person arrived. My eyes instantly shot Elijah a look of anger when the chair was pulled out beside me.
“Hey, Iz.” Ryan smiled, taking his place. Elijah squirmed slightly under my death stare. He had made no mention that Ryan was attending tonight. He knew I wouldn’t be amused by his meddling.
“Hey,” I replied, quickly taking another sip of my drink. By the looks of it, I would need plenty more before the night was through.
“So I haven’
t seen you around much, how are you?”
“I’m fine, thanks.” It was all I could manage. I wasn’t mentally ready to be in another guy’s company. I was certain once the meal was over I was definitely heading home.
We all ordered our starters as the general buzz of voices once again filled the air.
“You look really gorgeous tonight, Iz. The colour suits you, you almost look angelic.” His eyes lingered on me longer than was acceptable, and I felt a shiver of unease run down my spine.
I scoffed as his remark, taking another swig of vodka.
Angelic?
I felt far from it.
Elijah was now in full swing, telling stories as everyone looked on in great amusement. Sam just sat back, letting him take the full limelight. I barely touched each course. My only appetite was for what stood in front of me in the glass.
Ryan was sat sipping on his beer, chatting to the person sat beside him. But his worrying glances hadn’t gone unnoticed, watching me slowly finish glass after glass. I declined dessert and Elijah shot me a look, but I chose to ignore it. I was in no state to talk to him at the moment. It was his birthday and for that reason alone I would remain quiet, but after tonight we were definitely having words.
I got up to go to the toilet, but my legs slightly buckled underneath me.
“Whoa, Iz, are you okay?” Ryan asked, bringing attention to me so everyone turned in reaction to his voice.
Fantastic.
“I’m fine,” I shot back, walking off.
But I wasn’t.
I could feel myself slightly stumble with each step, but I needed no help from anyone. After rinsing my hands I took a look in the mirror, my eyes were glassy and I could barely focus. I stood leaning against the counter, waiting for the room to stop spinning.
Opening the door I was surprised to find Elijah stood waiting, he pushed himself off the wall instantly coming over. “Iz, what’s wrong?”