According to most of the town, Sallie Coleman was a whore. According to the people who really knew her, she was a lusty saint. And none of it was any of his goddamn business. In less than six months he'd be gone, and Sallie Coleman would be a memory. He wished he knew what she was thinking about him, right now. Was he just her teacher? Did she feel the same attraction he felt? That kiss under the misdetoe had been his undoing.
"I'd like to kiss you again, Sallie. Right now, this very minute," Philip blurted. He told her then about his visit to town and what had transpired, right down to how much he'd paid Red Ruby. "Are all those stories true, Sallie? If they are, it's all right v^dth me. I just want to know. I need to know. I'm falling in love with you. I don't know how you feel and I need to know that, too. I'm ready to marry you if you want me." Jesus God, had he just proposed marriage? By the look on Sallie's face, he had. His face and neck felt like a bonfire gone wild. He stood his ground, though, feet firmly planted, one leg and thigh smack against the desk because he felt weak in the knees.
Sallie stopped writing. Cotton's words roared in her ears. "My past or whatever you perceive to be my past, is mine," she told Philip. "You can believe whatever you want to believe. I will not deny anything you've said nor will I discuss it. I did not ask you anything about your past nor Vkdll I. I will say I am disappointed that you went to Red Ruby. Had you asked me, I would have recommended Beaunell Starr's establishment. Ruby robbed you." She paused for a moment, then blundered on. "I don't think I'm in love with you, but I like you very much. What happens if we do get married and I never fall in love with you? What if we aren't compatible ... in bed? Did you think about that?"
"The girls at Red Ruby's didn't have any complaints," Philip said.
"They get paid not to complain," Sallie said sweedy. "I need to think on the matter overnight."
"You're making it sound like a business arrangement. I just asked you to marry me. It was a yes or no question."
"Philip Thornton, you told me nothing is black or white. You said there are always shadings of gray, and a person needs to make decisions based on facts. This is the same thing. Isn't it?"
"This is a matter of the heart. Emotions. It isn't a business deal. Do you care for me enough to marry me and bear my children?"
"I don't know. I have to think about it. You're complicating my life, Philip. Marriage to anyone was not something I planned on. I
do want to marry someday and have children. Someday isn't right now. Do you still want to kiss me? If you do, I'm willing."
"Finish your paper, Sallie."
"You're upset, aren't you? Look at it this way, Philip. What kind of person would I be if I was less than honest with you? The kiss under the misdetoe was very nice. I dreamed about it. I hesitate to ask this, Phihp, but ask I must. In my paper for my aspirations and goals, should I mention your proposal and what I feel?"
"Do whatever feels right for you. I've never censored anything of yours. I might make a suggestion, but that's as far as I will go. You're eating into your time by talking, SaUie."
"You didn't say there was a time limit."
"There's always a time limit. Don't make me use my green pen-cH."
"You're not indispensable, Phihp Thornton," Sallie snarled.
"Neither are you, SaUie Coleman. Write! And don't bother to give me an answer in the morning. I don't want to hear it."
"Touche, Phihp. I am writing. As for my answer, it would have been no anyway. You're my danm teacher. Act like one instead of pouting like a httle boy."
Phihp stared at Salhe's bent head, at the golden curls tumbling about her ears. He wanted nothing more than to hold her, to smooth back the curls and whisper in her ear. He looked away, but it didn't help.
Philip banged his fist on the desk. Sallie raised her head to stare at him. "You want a damn teacher? You got yourself the best damn teacher there is. Hand in your paper. Now!" he roared, his voice carrying all the way into the hall and down the stairs.
SaUie slapped her unfinished paper into Phihp's hand. A second later she was off her seat and at his desk, reaching for the green pencil. "Here, let me hand it to you. Make no mistake. Mister Thornton, this is the last green mark you'll ever give me. I was wrong to cadi you a htde boy. You're a jackass!"
"And you're a whore!" Philip shot back. He wanted to bite off his tongue the moment the words came out of his mouth. He was so distraught he didn't see Sallie leave her seat and stomp from the room.
How could he have said such cruel, degrading things? The urge to cry was so strong he was forced to knuckle his eyes. With his eyes squeezed shut he missed Sallie's return.
"Mr. Thornton, I'm ready to resume our lessons if you are. I'd
like to think that both of us are mature enough to allow us to get past this . . . this awkward time. Why don't I leave the room again and return, and we'll start over. We'll pretend it's seven o'clock in the morning. We'll agree not to mention our respective outbursts. Do you agree?" Philip nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Sallie left the room and returned moments later to take her seat. She stared up at Philip expectandy.
Philip handed Sallie her papers. "Thirty minutes, Sallie."
The January incident, as Sallie thought of it, was never mentioned again, but the damage was done. Philip insisted on eating in the kitchen, doing his ovm laundry, and taking care of his quarters. Sallie, in turn, worked harder than ever, oftentimes getting by on as lit-de as three hours' sleep. She waited for words of approval, for gold stars, encouraging words, none of which were forthcoming.
Weeks and months crawled by. Before Sallie knew it, it was early June, almost summer.
On a bright sunny morning, Philip handed Sallie a bound booklet. "This is your final examination, Sallie. It will take you all day today and all day tomorrow to finish it. I'll grade the exam tomorrow evening. On Wednesday I'll leave for Boston. I'm placing you on your honor for this examination. I'll be going to town to make my travel arrangements. I know you're going to do well, but I'm going to say good luck anyway. Remember to take your recess breaks."
The knot in Sallie's throat prevented speech. She nodded, her eyes miserable.
"There's no time limit on this examination, Sallie. You have all day. Take your time, think about the question, and try not to wear down your eraser. I'll see you tomorrow evening. If there are any messages at the telegraph office, I'll bring them with me." Sallie nodded again.
The moment the door closed behind Philip, Sallie burst into tears. She raced to the window to watch Philip cross the yard to his cottage. He was really going back to Boston on Wednesday. These past months she'd refused to think about this time, preferring to imagine that Philip would always be with her, teaching her forever. Now he was giving her a final examination. He would then walk out of her life and return to Boston, where all the ladies had unsullied reputations.
Sallie cried as she watched Philip greet Chue before he climbed into the car. These past five months had taken a toll on her both physically and mentally. She'd worked hard to make sure she didn't get a single green mark. If what Philip said was true, she now had the equivalent of a high school education.
The test booklet on the center of the desk seemed to glare at her. She hated the thought of opening it and didn't know why. WTiat would Philip do if she failed the test? If she deliberately failed, would he stay on? Would he assume responsibility? Would he think he was a failure as a teacher?
A short twenty minute camap might help, she decided. Since there was no time limit to the test SaUie convinced herself that she would feel better, more refreshed after a brief nap. She didn't disturb the booklet on her desk as she left her seat. Maybe she wouldn't take the damn test at all.
Sallie flopped down on her bed and closed her eyes. She fell asleep immediately and didn't wake until the middle of the afternoon.
Refi-eshed, Sallie opened the booklet, read the instructions, and then closed the book. She squeezed her eyes shut, not understanding the strange feelings rushing through
her. She felt like she could do anything she wanted to do. She'd never felt so alert. She knew her adrenaline was flowing at an all-time high. She opened the booklet again, her pencil poised.
Four hours later SaUie closed the booklet. She didn't check her work—there was no need. She'd known all the answers. Thank God for all the notes she'd taken during the year. Early on, Philip had said, "The faintest pen is better than the sharpest memory." Of course, she hadn't understood the meaning at the time. Now she did.
She looked up to see Su Li standing in the doorway. "I'm finished, Su U."
"Test much hard, missy?"
'*'ery difficult. Mr. Thornton didn't go easy on me at all. I think I answered all of the questions correcdy. I wouldn't be surprised at all to find the second half of the test even more difficult."
Su Li watched as Sallie walked to the fi-ont of the room to place her test on Philip Thornton's desk. She turned to see Su Li holding out a tall glass with ugly-looking dark liquid in it.
"Missy drink and then go to bed. I put cloths on eyes and massage neck and head."
Too tired to argue, Sallie did as instructed.
The crisp white curtains were billowing into the room when Sal-he woke the next morning. She stretched luxuriously, taking a moment to discover how she felt. She felt wonderful, ravenous. She had a second exam to tackle. She tiptoed into the bathroom, and gasjDcd when she saw herself reflected in the mirror. There was a sparkle in her eyes and a faint pink glow to her cheeks.
"Su Li," she caUed.
Su Li appeared at her elbow a moment later. "Missy very much hungry?"
"Very much hungry, yes. A big breakfast. Flapjacks, eggs, bacon, toast, jam with lots of butter. A big glass of apple cider and a huge cup of coffee with lots of cream. I'll be down as soon as I take my bath."
In the tub full of soapy bubbles, Sallie's good mood darkened. She could be as beautiful as the first spring flower, and it wouldn't change anything. Phihp was leaving.
SaUie sat in the garden, her hands folded in her lap. She hated sitting alone like this in the quiet evening. Phihp should have been back by now. She told herself she wasn't worried, but she was. She felt anxious about her test results, anxious about Phihp's leaving, anxious about her future. She did her best to calm herself by taking deep breaths and listening to the cheerful sounds of the night birds and the crickets. While the deepening lavender shadows of twihght dropped around her, SaUie began to feel more comfortable. She watched a parade of ladybugs circle her shoe. Did bugs have intentions? Did they know where they were going? What was the point of circling her shoe? She wondered if Philip knew the answer. She made a mental note to ask him, then she remembered he was going away.
Even though they had been like polite strangers to one another these past five months, she was going to miss him terribly. She knew that PhiHp was stiU in love with her. Even though he kept a polite professional distance, she could read his feelings in his eyes. Cotton once said the eyes never hed.
Now that her education was fairly complete, she'd have to move back to town and take charge of her business. She could continue her education by reading. She could start up her own hbrary. She
could buy every book ever written if she wanted to, once she returned to town. She also had to decide if she was going to hire a financial person to help her understand the stock market. It was time her fortune earned more money.
The back porch light went on at the same moment she heard the car return. Carefully, so as not to disturb the ladybugs, Sallie moved her foot. She took her time walking back to the house so she wouldn't look anxious.
At the bottom of the stairs she saw him. She wanted her heart to beat faster at the sight of him, but it didn't. She wanted to feel the urge to run up the stairs after him, to beg him not to leave, but the only thing she felt was reUef that he was back. She called his name. He turned, his face serious. He offered no smile.
"How did you find the examination?"
"More difficult than I expected. Were there any messages at the telegraph office?"
"None, Sallie. I checked. Excuse me."
"PhiHp . . . I. . ."
"Yes?" Even fi-om her position at the bottom of the stairs she could see the hope in his eyes.
"Nothing."
"Is anything wrong?"
Was there? "I was wondering why ladybugs would circle a person's shoe. In the dark. Don't bugs, like people, sleep or hide or something, when it gets dark?"
PhiHp laughed. "I'm afi^d I don't know the answer, SaUie. Perhaps your next teacher will know. I told you, I don't know everything. You like to think I do, but I don't" He smiled again, his eyes warm and soft.
Sallie's heart fluttered. "I see."
Philip laughed again. "No, you don't see at 2ill. People usually say, 'I see' when they don't see at all. It's just a phrase. Is it important for you to know about ladybugs? I can look it up if it is."
"Not really. What time will you be leaving in the morning?"
"Around ten o'clock. I'll correct your test as soon as I get back to the cottage. If you prefer, I can do it in the classroom."
"Whatever is best for you, Philip."
"I imagine you're anxious, so I guess I'll do it in the classroom." He smiled again. "You look very pretty this evening, SaUie. Is that a new dress?"
"Thank you. Yes, it's new. I'm relieved that I don't have to wear
that awful blue skirt and blouse anymore. I might just bum them tomorrow."
Sallie felt her heart flutter again. This was the first personal conversation between them in months. Suddenly she wanted to keep talking, to tell Philip how she felt, but the words stuck in her throat.
"That sounds like a smashing idea. Is there anything else, SaUie?"
"Well, I... no, Phihp, there's nothing else."
Philip nodded, his eyes downcast. Sallie watched until he was out of sight.
It was close to midnight when she finally gathered up the courage to venture fi*om her room. She'd heard PhiHp in the hall and on the stairs an hour ago. That meant her test had been graded. All she had to do was walk back to the classroom and look at her grade. She felt a total, all-consuming rush of fear. It took every ounce of willpower in her body to make her legs carry her down the hall to the classroom. From her position in the open doorway, Sallie could see the test booklets on her desk. Next to them was a gift-wrapped package. A going-away present. From Phihp.
Her hands clammy, SaUie advanced, and with one, wild, jerking motion, she reached for the booklets: A-h, A-I-. The word Congratulations was printed in red letters across the top of each booklet. Sal-he sat down at her desk and cried. When there were no more tears, she untied the yellow ribbon on the package. She stared at the contents for a very long time before she burst into heartbreaking sobs. Her very own official high school diploma! A smadl note in a crisp white envelope fluttered to the floor. Her hands shook so much she could barely open the envelope. She cried harder as she read the cramped script.
Dear Sallie,
While I was in town I spoke with the principal of the school. I explained your situation, told him how advanced you were, and showed him a copy of your final test. Of course I had no grade far you at the time. Mr. Brannigan told me if you earned an A,you deserved the diploma. As you can see, Mr. Brannigan, as well as the president of the school board, signed it, based on my word that you would pass withfiying colors. It was left to my discretion, Sallie. I can truthfiilly say, no student deserves this diploma more than you. I wish there were an award for dedication. I would nominate you immediately. I want
you to be proud ofyourse^ because I am so proud of you I want to shout your achievements to anyone who will listen.
I'm sorry that things between us have been so strained these past months. Ifs ntyfatiU, and I am truly sorry. Iwantyou to know and believe that I will miss you and will think aboutyou every day. Please write to me and let me know how you are doing.
AH best wishes, Philip Thornton
The framed diploma clutched to
her breast, Sallie ran barefoot in her nightdress through the house and out to the garden.
In his room overlooking the garden and the cemetery, Philip watched Sallie, his eyes misty with unshed tears.
How was he ever going to get through the days and get on with his life when he returned to Boston? How did one survive a broken heart?
Already bathed and dressed, Sallie waited for the dawn to creep over the horizon. She wanted to make sure Philip didn't sneak off without saying good-bye. All night long she'd agonized over his departure. She finally admitted to herself that she didn't love Philip, but she was more than fond of him. She should be able to shake his hand, kiss him on the cheek, and say good-bye. In her heart she knew it wasn't going to work that way. She was going to blubber like a baby and say all kinds of silly things.
How kind and wonderful he was. Someday he'd meet a fine Boston lady amd get married and have children. She felt herself cringing at the thought. Philip would make a wonderful father. He'd play and romp with his children. He'd bandage their hurts and read poetry to them. He'd teach them right fix)m wrong. He'd listen to their prayers at night and take them to church on Sunday. His children would grow up to be as kind as he was. The fine Boston lady who snared him would have no regrets. Phihp would be a dutifiil, devoted husband. Together they would watch their children grow, taking pride in their achievements along the way and finally growing old together, sitting on rocking chairs on the firont f)orch where they'd reminisce about bygone years.
What would she be doing while they were living their lives? Working in her bingo palace, singing songs for her customers, counting her money, spending money on things she neither wanted nor
Vegas rich Page 8