make her into an American in no time at ail. You want her to dress like us, don't you?"
"I would like that very much. Thank you."
"It is my pleasure. I love doing things for you and Su Li. Both of you have made me so proud. Well, I have to be on my way."
"Say I said hello to Mr. Simon. I miss him even if he does trample my flowers. He does not have a gende hand with the seedlings. He is like a bull in a china shop."
"I'll tell him you said that." Sallie could hear Chue's laughter as it followed her down the hill.
It was four o'clock on Wednesday afternoon when Sallie walked into the house in town. "I'm home, Tulee? Simon! Ash! Philip! Vm home." W^here was everyone?
"No one home, Miss Sallie," Tulee said quietly. "No one home many days."
"Where did they go? Did they leave a note?" Tulee shook her head. Sallie shrugged. "All right, if they get back, tell them I'm home. I have to go out again. Have dinner ready for six o'clock. Make something really sweet for dessert."
"Su Li come for supper. She call on telly phone."
"Oh, good. I'll be back soon,"
When Sallie returned, Su Li was waiting for her, but Sallie's family was still absent. "This is very strange—we always leave notes, Tulee said they've been gone many days. Do you think something happened?" Sallie asked anxiously.
"Of course not. Tulee gets her times mixed up. I looked for notes, but yours was the only one I could find."
"Let me see that. I didn't write this! This is Simon's prindng! He wasn't v/ith me. Why would he do this?" Sallie raced through the rooms and up the steps, Su Li behind her. Simon's room was first. "I don't have to look through his things, Su Li. He's gone. The family picture of all of us is gone. He would take that. His suitcase is gone. I shouldn't have forced the college issue. Maybe he's with Ash. That's probably the stupidest thought I've ever said in my life." She was babbling tearfully, her heart thundering in her chest, as she moved to Ash's room.
"Ash is gone, too." Her eye fell on the family picture on Ash's desk. Ash would never take the picture. He didn't have a sentimental bone in his body. His shaving gear, his football trophy, and his bankbook were gone, the important things in his life. "I know where they went, Su Li, and I am going to kill Philip with my bare hands."
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"Where, Miss Sallie?" Su Li asked.
"They ran off and enlisted. Philip must have signed the papers for them. My God, Su Li, Simon is only sixteen years old. How could he do this to me?"
"Hush, you don't know any such thing. Maybe they just went away for a few days. Let's go into your room and see if they left you a note. That's where they would leave it, not in their rooms. You go to your room, and I'll check Mr. Thornton's room. How will I know what's missing?"
"I'll check his room myself." A moment later she said, "He didn't go with them. I know everything he has and nothing appears to be missing except him. I don't believe this. Nothing's here, no note, no letter. Nodiing."
'Tes, there is something." Su Li handed Simon's note to Sallie. "Simon would never leave without telling you, and this is the place he put his letter. Under your pillow."
A long time later, when there were no more tears, Sallie stood, her eyes cold and hard. "I need to fmd Philip. Do you have any idea where he might be, Su Li?"
"I can go out and look for him."
"I think I . . . Let me make a phone call first." Sallie picked up the phone, waited for the operator, and quiedy said, "2456."
"Red, this is Sallie Thornton. If Phihp is there, would you please tell him to come home. It's a family emergency. If he isn't there and you see him, give him the message."
"I'll send him home, Sallie."
"He's at Red Ruby's, Su Li." Suddenly she was so tired she could barely stand.
The moment Philip Thornton walked through the door, Sallie said, "I need you to explain why you allowed our sons to join up. Don't deny it, Philip. Oh, hell, what's the use? It's done. I cannot, I will not, forgive this, Philip."
"Sallie, are you saying Simon . . . ?"
"Don't play me for a fool, Philip. Are you saying you didn't know . . . ?"
"That's exacdy what I'm saying. I did sign the papers for Ash. I'd do it again, Sallie. I know nothing about Simon."
Sallie held up her hand. "Do not talk to me, Philip. I'm too upset
and I don't want either one of us to say things we'll regret. We cannot undo this."
Philip's shoulders sagged as he walked out of the room.
Su Li walked with Sallie upstairs to her room. "My mother was wrong, Su Li. I was wrong. I thought it was my firstborn who would break my heart, so I took steps to prevent that from happening. It's the second son that breaks your heart. How could I know that? I thought I was safe, immune. I know now how my mother felt. How could I have been so wrong? What did I do to deserve this? Did this happen to me because I don't love Phihp? Am I being punished?"
"No, Miss Sallie. Your sons will be fine, I feel it here," Su Li said, thumping her chest. "We Chinese know these things. Beheve me. You're weary, sleep."
"You're a wonderful friend, Su Li. I should tell you that more often. Is what you said, true?"
"Yes. Nothing will happen to your sons. I would feel something and I feel only lighthearted. That means they will be all right."
"That sounds like bunk to me," Sallie muttered.
"That's because it is bunk. I've already forgotten the old ways. You made me into an American. Seriously, Miss Sallie, both your sons will be fme. I believe it, and you need to believe it. We'll talk in the morning."
Sallie was already asleep, tears on her lashes.
Su Li setded herself for the long evening ahead.
The following morning Sallie did something she'd never done in the whole of her married life—she cleaned house. Wearing one of Tulee's shapeless housedresses, her hair bound around her head with a clean rag, she plunged into the work at hand. She lined up her cleaning supplies neady in the haUway before she entered Ash's room. In her hand were three flour sacks. Willy-nilly, she dumped his belongings into the sacks and dragged them out to the hall. She didn't waste a second staring at his mementos or fingering his possessions. When she finished, she dragged the sacks to the stairway and kicked them down the stairs. Later she would have Philip carry them to the basement.
Her next chore was to rip the curtains and draperies from the windows. The bedding was her enemy as she pulled and tugged. The bundle went over the hallway banister to land in the foyer. She scrubbed, then polished. When she was finished with the hand
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sweeper, she backed out of the room and pulled the door shut. If she had had a key, she would have locked the door.
At the top of the steps she called to Tulee. "Bring me a cup of coffee, please," she said, sitting down on the top step. She sat like an urchin, her legs apart, her scrub dress mcked between her legs as she wiped at the sweat dripping down her face. "And a cigarette. Bring the whole pack along with an ashtray."
SaUie was on her third cigarette and second cup of coffee when the doorbell at the foot of the steps peeled once, twice, three times. She made no move to go down the steps to answer it. Through a cloud of smoke she watched Tulee open the door.
"Devin Rollins to see Mrs. Thornton," she called.
"I'm up here, Mr. Rollins," Sallie said as she blew a perfect smoke ring. "I thought you were going to call first. That is what you said, isn't it?"
"I've been calling for several days, but there was no answer. There are some papers that need to be signed. I brought them along. If this is a bad time, I can come back another day, or you can stop by the office."
"Step into my office," Sallie said, pointing to the space next to her at the top of the steps.
Eyes twinkling, a wry smile on his Hps, Devin Rollins climbed the steps and took his place next to SaUie.
"WTierever are my manners? Coffee, cigarette?" SaUie said dryly. "Tulee, fetch another cup for Mr. Rollins and a
clean ashtray."
"I'll have both. This is.. . ah . . . cozy. I don't think I've ever conducted business on a staircase before. Yes, your knee or mine?" He grinned as he held out paper and pen.
"Mr. Rollins, surely you don't expect me to sign these papers without reading them!"
"Absolutely not. I'll just drink my coffee and smoke my cigarette while you read them. My next appointment isn't until after lunch. Peruse to your heart's content. Signing these papers in no way obligates you to use my services. I'm simply tidying up my uncle's part of the business."
Sallie scanned the papers in her hands. She had no idea what she was reading, she was too aware of the man sitting next to her. He smelled of tobacco, soap, and something else that reminded her of her garden in Sunrise at the beginning of summer. It was an earth smell, clean and fresh. She wondered what she smelled like. Octagon soap and No Worry bleach. A heady combination if there ever
was one. She noticed her broken nails for the first time, the polish cracked and chipped. Her hands were already red and dry-looking. She cringed when she looked down at her bare feet.
"They appear to be in order," Salhe said.
"Then you'll sign them."
"No. Leave them, I'll look them over later and drop them off at your office tomorrow,"
"Then you just pretended to read them. There's nothing complicated or momentous in any of them. A delay could cost you money. Perhaps you should consider giving your attorney your power of attorney. Time is money, Mrs. Thornton. Just because you have a lot of it doesn't mean you can sit back and do things at your convenience. It's a foolish way of doing business."
"Really," Sallie drawled. Maybe he wasn't her destiny after all. "You're being pushy, Mr. Rollins. That will not endear you to me. rU sign the papers when I'm damn good and ready. Another cigarette?"
"Why not. Are we haing lunch up here, too?" He laughed then, a sound that sent chills up and down SaUie's spine. "I don't think I've ever been called pushy before," he said. "Exacdy what does that word mean to you?"
SaUie stared at the man sitting next to her. "It means you're treading on my privacy when I'm in a vulnerable state. You want me to do something I don't want to do. At the moment. I didn't say I wouldn't sign the papers. I said I wanted to read them again, and then you gave me a lecture on time and money. That's pushy. For sure I won't sign them now. I don't like people telling me what to do. When I make a mistake I learn from it, and then I don't make the same mistake again. Do you understand?"
"Point taken. What's for lunch?"
"Crow."
He laughed again—and SaUie shivered again.
"Tulee!" WTien the old Chinese woman appeared, Sallie said, "Bring us two ham sandwiches and some pickles, please. And some fresh coffee."
They talked as they munched, mostly of Alvin Waring and his years of devoted service. "He told me so much about Sunrise. I'd like to see it someday. He spoke very highly of your sons, Simon and Ashford. These are very good pickles. In fact these are the best pickles I've ever eaten. Not too sour, not too sweet, just right. Do they have a name? Do you mind if I eat yours?"
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"Be my guest. I'll have Tulee give you a jar when you leave. When are you leaving?"
"Just as soon as I finish your pickle. You've already forgotten that I said I had an appointment after lunch. Obviously, I interrupted something you were in the midst of. I do thank you for spending time with me."
SaUie didn't know if she should laugh or cry. "I was clearing out Simon's and Ash's rooms. Simon ran away last week and enlisted. I didn't find out until last evening when I got back fi-om Sunrise. Phihp . . . PhiKp signed the papers for Ash to enhst. He left on Monday. I didn't know. I should have known something was wrong. I didn't. So, as you can see, I'm . . . What I'm doing is—"
"Trying to erase them fi"om your life. You can't do that, Miss Sal-he. Oh, you can clean their rooms, put their things in storage, but how do you remove them from your heart? You're just doing physical things to get you through a bad time. Your sons appear to be fine young men. They're doing what they perceive to be their duty. You can't fault diem for that."
"It's not that simple, Mr. Rollins."
"It never is. Please, call me Devin. Mr. Rollins is my father and grandfather. I'd like it if you would allow me to call you SaUie, the way my uncle did." SaUie nodded, her eyes miserable.
"When you're done, you aren't going to feel any better, you know."
"I know."
"Why don't you put everything back. That might make you feel better. It's something to think about."
"I'll think about it," Sallie said.
"No you won't. My uncle said you were pigheaded at times."
"That won't endear you to me, either," Sallie snapped.
"I wasn't trying to endear myself to you. The truth hurts sometimes. You said something about giving me ajar of pickles."
"Go into the kitchen and ask Tulee to give you one."
"Shall we set up an appointment, or should I just drop by? There's a lot to be said for spontaneity. I enjoyed our meeting. The next time you must allow me to take you to lunch."
Devin was four steps below her, his eyes locked on hers. Instead of being flustered by her appearance, instead of being nervous and jittery at their closeness, she felt exhilarated as he looked deeply into her eyes. "Tell me something," he whispered.
At that precise moment Sallie would have told him the combination to the Sunrise wall safe. "What?" she whispered in return.
"Why do you paint your toenails?"
Sallie's jaw dropped. She pulled her arm up to toss the coffee cup in his direction, but he was at the foot of the steps and out the door. The door opened a second later. "I'll get the pickles another time." She could hear him laughing as he made his way down the walkway.
"Destiny, my ass," Sallie muttered as she walked down the steps. "A pain in my ass is more like it." She knew she was being crude, but she didn't care. Devin Rollins stirred something in her she didn't want to deal with. Something she hadn't felt for many years.
Sallie spent the rest of the afternoon putting everything back into Ash's room. When she was finished she closed the door quietly, her head bowed. She took a deep breath before she walked into Simon's room. She sat down on the edge of the bed and tried to imagine the times Simon had come in here to hide his hurt and anger. Probably as many times as Ash had gone into his room. She said a prayer, then asked God to keep her sons safe. There was nothing else for her to do.
It had been a long time since she'd really looked in here because Simon liked privacy, though he often invited her in. During those times she sat on the chair or on the edge of the bed as she listened to his problems, some of them real, some imagined. Always, though, there was an undertone of unhappiness.
Ash, on the other hand, had an open-door policy. He didn't care if she came in or not. Many times she'd seen him lazing about in his underwear. He'd never been shy or embarrassed the way Simon W21S. He was messy where Simon was neat and tidy. How Ash managed to go out of the house looking like he stepped from a bandbox was beyond her comprehension. His bathroom was always sloppy with spilled water, wet towels, the mirror dotted with shaving soap, and dirty clothes on the floor. No wonder Tulee was always tired.
SaUie thought about the many mistakes she'd made during these last years, all with good intentions. So many mistakes. Wearily she made her way to the bathroom. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She looked like a scrubwoman after a long hard day of work. And looking like this, she'd had lunch on top of the steps with Devin Rollins. He liked her pickles. She started to laugh and couldn't
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stop. When she finally calmed down she started to cry—^for the past, the present, and whatever the future held for her.
Sallie woke with a headache pounding behind her eyes. It was going to be one of those all-day headaches. A soft knock sounded on her door. She recognized Phihp's knock because it was always tentative. "Come
in, PhiHp."
"I thought you might like some coffee. I saved Tulee a trip up the stairs. You have one of your headaches, don't you?"
"I felt it coming on all day yesterday. I'll take a headache powder and it will go away. Do you want to talk about something, Philip?"
"I guess I want to talk about the boys. SaUie, as God is my judge, I believed Simon was with you. He planned it all very carefully. He tricked both of us. I'm more than willing to take the blame for s^-ing the papers for Ash. I don't think it was wrong, Sallie. It might be the best thing in the world for the boy. It just might make a man of him. I'm not blind to his faults, Sallie. I wanted him to be the exact opposite of me. I went about it all wrong. I don't want you to hate me; our relationship is strange enough as it is. We need to talk about that, too. Would you Uke me to move out or to retire to Sunrise? I can't bear to see you unhappy."
"I've been unfair to you, Philip. I'm truly sorry. What do you want to do? Whatever it is, it will be all right with me. I tried so hard to guard against this happening, but it happened anyway. I don't think I can describe the devastating feelings I experienced. I wish ... I could turn the clock backward. I feel such ... a loss. My God, Philip, what if something happens to them? How will we deal with that?"
"I don't know, SaUie. I guess we trust in God the way every other parent does. We aren't special when it comes to something like this. One of the conditions to me signing Ash's papers was that he 2igreed to write faithfully. I don't know what to say about Simon. I want to believe he'll write, but more than likely he won't. He concocted some cockamamie scheme, and he won't want to jeopardize it. I'm certain he'll call, Sallie. Let's agree to think positive about this."
"All right, Philip. Which brings us back to you. What do you want to do?"
"I want us both to be happy. If we can't be happy together, maybe we can be happy apart. It's going to be hard on both of us now with the boys gone."
"Doyou want a divorce, Philip?"
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