"Okay, I'm gonna give you that one because in your own cocka-mamie way you make sense. Is it okay if we go back to bed?"
In the garden, Fanny sat back on her haunches. "If I knew somebody worthy of my affections, I'd contemplate an affair."
"It's not the answer. You have to deal with the problem first. I know what I'm talking about, Fanny."
"Sometimes I ache, Sailie. I'm not a cold, hard person. I have feelings and needs, and I don't know what to do."
"When it's right you'll know. You have to make decisiorts where Ash is concerned. That's where vou have to start."
"What about you, Sailie?"
"I don't know. I have a lot of thinking to do."
"I learned something a while ago. When something disastrous happens, something good usually happens right afterward. If you aren't too caught up in your misery, and you keep your heart and your eyes open, you can usually see it. I'm probably not explaining this right. It doesn't have to be a big major happening, it could be something as simple as seeing a rosebud open or a child's drawing made just for you. In this case it's Billie. Come along, Mrs. Thornton Senior, I have lots to tell you about your youngest granddaughter. We need your advice. First, though, we're going to have a big, whopping breakfast."
Sailie smiled. "Lead on, Mrs. Thornton Junior."
16
"I think this is what I've missed the m.ost during my life," SaUie said, indicating her boisterous grandchildren. "I'm glad they get along so well. You're going to miss the boys when they leave. I know I'll miss them."
"Just two more days and they're off to college. Give me a kick if you see me start to blubber, Sallie."
"Who's going to give me a kick?" Sallie asked.
"Me," Fanny said sprightly. "You're excused, don't slam the door!"
The two Mrs. Thorntons watched indulgendy as the four youngsters hurtled through the kitchen door, shouldering each other out of the way in their hurry to ride down the mountain to Chue's, where a baseball game was scheduled for one o'clock.
"I should leave, Fanny. I've been here six weeks. It's time for me to . . . it's time."
"Have you made any decisions?"
"No."
"Have you called Devin?"
"No."
"He must be a very patient man, Sallie."
"Among other things. Have you heard from Ash?"
"No. I was going to call him today to remind him the boys are leaving, then I said to myself, why should I do that? He's their father, he should know. I'm so glad Simon is coming. I long to meet him, after all these years. The boys are really looking forward to driving crosscountry with him. Do you think they badgered him into doing it."
Sallie chuckled. "I wouldn't be surprised. I guess they were astute enough to know their father wouldn't make the trip and grown boys don't want their mother showing up with them to hold their hand and then wailing her head off when it's time to leave. It was my understanding that this was all arranged early in the summer. It doesn't surprise me that you and I are the last to know. Simon always waits till the eleventh hour to make announcements. Is everything ready for the party?"
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"The Colemans arrive tomorrow, sometime before lunch. At first Seth said he couldn't make it, but I think Agnes talked him into it. They're all coming in the Coleman plane. One minute I feel elated and the next minute I feel like I'm losing ..."
"Your children. Life goes on, Fanny. Sometimes I think it would be nice to be able to stop time. It seems to be modng so fast these days. I remember the day the twins were bom so clearly. Now look at them! They're going to be campus idols, or whatever good-looking young men are called these days. W'Tiat will we do if Ash is a no-show at the party?"
"Try to gloss over it I guess. What else can I do?"
"If he knows I'm here, he might not come. I'm sure PhiHp has told him I've been stadng here. Maybe I should . . ."
"Don't even think about leadng, SaUie. I wish you had allowed me to invite Dedn. He's part of the family and he adores the boys. It's not fair, Sallie."
"I fibbed to you earlier, I did call Devin this morning. Simon will bring him up this evening."
"That's one positive thing you've done since you've been here."
SaUie smiled, but the smile didn't reach her eyes.
"In two weeks the girls will be leaving for school. I hope I didn't make a mistake, Sallie."
"They'll be home the first weekend of every month. It's the best school in the state. Mentally, both of them are ready for it. Sunny needs a big dose of discipline as well as a few lessons in ... in ladylike behavior. Billie needs children her age. Don't get selfish on me now. Think of it in terms of independence. You'll also have more time for your business. You said you wanted to go to New York and to Hong Kong. It's time for Fanny to think about Fanny. You need a life beyond Sunrise."
"I have the business . . ." Fanny said lamely.
"Yes, you sit here designing and make sample garments. Bess runs the offices and Billie takes care of the Texas end of things. You need to involve yourself more. It's your business, Fanny. You gave birth to it, you nurtured it, and you watched it bud and blossom. I don't want to see you make the same mistakes I did. You did this with nothing but guts. W^at I have was given to me. There's a big difference. You can't do it halfway, the way I did. Either you take hold all the way or you sell now while you can make a big profit. My advice would be to talk it over with Simon. I don't know if you know this or not, but Nevada is a community property state. VVTiat that
means is Ash is entitled to half of everything you have. You might want to give some thought to that."
"I'll talk to Simon." For the first time, Fanny thought. She could hardly beheve she was going to meet this paragon at last. What would he be like?
"How many people are coming?" Sallie asked.
"Around a hundred, I have things planned for the older people, the middle-aged people, and the youngsters. Birch is going to organize a baseball game. Sunny is the shortstop, whatever that is. Sage says she can catch a pop fly better than any of the guys at school when she's in the outfield."
"I'm almost afraid to ask this, but do you know if Moss is coming?"
"As of last night, Billie didn't know. She said she refuses to beg him. She and Moss aren't. . ." Fanny stopped herself This was not the time to discuss Billie's problems. "She did say Thad Kingsley, Moss's best friend, was coming, but in his own plane."
"I'm looking forward to seeing Simon. I miss him terribly. He's so independent, so unlike Ash. I ask myself often why he's never married, and the only answer I can come up with is he didn't like Philip and my marriage, and he's afraid the same thing might happen to him. He would make such a wonderful husband and father."
Fanny made a production out of getting up from the table to allow Sallie time to wipe at her wet eyes. She wanted to cry herself at the change in her mother-in-law in six short weeks. All the life, the spontaneity, and the sparkle seemed to have gone out of her. Would Devin or Simon be able to bring it back? Perhaps seeing Seth might help.
She doubted her own thoughts as she led the way up the winding stairs.
"Fanny, what time is it?"
"Ten minutes past ten."
"Simon should have been here by now. I worry about him; he drives the way he flies a plane."
"What? And he's going to be driving my sons cross-country! I thought you said he was the stable one of your two sons."
"He is. I will caution him as you will, too, to drive sedately. Simon is responsible.
"I hear a car." The panic on Sallie's face was almost comical. Amused, Fanny watched as Sallie ran into the house to freshen her
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makeup. Maybe she should do die same. Too much trouble, she muttered to herself as she got up from the front steps where she and Sallie had been sitting for the past hour.
"Fanny, I don't believe you've met Simon," Devin said, climbing from the car.
Fanny wished she had followed
Sallie into the house to freshen up. She knew stray tendrils of hair had escaped the rubber band that pulled her hair back. She'd eaten off her lipstick hours ago, and there was no powder on her face, so she knew her nose was shiny. Her blue jeans, oversize shirt, and sneakers were hardly fashionable. She wished that she had listened to Sallie when she suggested she change into a sundress to show off her golden tan.
"It's so nice to finally meet you," Fanny said, extending her hand.
"No, no, we aren't going to shake hands. I'm your brother-in-law. That means we're family." Before Fanny knew what was happening she was in Simon's arms and he was hugging her tighdy as he kissed first one cheek and then the other. She was aware of the heady scent of his woodsy after-shave, the faint odor of pipe tobacco, 2ind the clean smell of him. In that one brief glance she knew ex-acdy what he was wearing even though the porch Hght was dimly yellow. She took a moment to marvel at the thought before she stepped aside, her cheeks flushed, her heart racing. This was a man. Her heart continued to race.
"Mom, you're looking better than ever," Simon said, lifting his mother high in the air and swinging her around. He turned till he was facing Fanny and said, "I could do this to you with one hand. You're skinny as a rail. Mom, make her eat."
"She eats like a truck driver. It's all in the genes," Sallie said happily as she linked her arm with Simon's.
"You didn't tell me she was so gorgeous," Simon said in a loud stage whisper.
Fanny felt her entire body grow warm as she followed Sallie and Simon into the house. "Devin, would you like something to drink? Simon?"
"A cold beer would be nice. A sandwich would go real good with the beer," Simon said.
"Don't forget the pickles," Devin said.
In the kitchen Fanny leaned against the counter to take deep breaths. Something was happening to her, something she hadn't felt for a very long time. In a few brief seconds she found herself attracted to a man she'd never met before. She should run upstairs to the bath-
room to comb her hair and put on lipstick. No, too obvious. She pulled a turkey and a ham from the refrigerator. She sliced and sliced, and when she was finished she had two sandwiches that were five inches high. She added potato chips and pickles along with the beer to the tray.
He was so tall he dwarfed her when he reached out to take the tray. He smiled when he said, "Now that's what I call a sandwich. Mom used to make them like that." His voice was deliciously husky. Fanny shivered in the oversize shirt.
"I know," Fanny said. In her life she'd never seen a more handsome man. She sat down next to Sallie and immediately got up. "I imagine you have lots to talk about. I'll say good night."
"No, no, stay," Simon said.
"Darling, Devin and I are going to take a walk in the garden. Keep Simon company."
"Devin, your sandwich . . ."
"I'm taking it with me. I love eating in the garden and listening to the night sounds."
"Oh, let them go. It will give us a chance to get acquainted. Where's Ash?"
Fanny stared into cobalt blue eyes. "I have no idea," she said.
"Oh. Is that one of those questions I shouldn't have asked?"
"You can ask anything you want. Ash doesn't live here anymore. On occasion, he visits. Is there anything else you want to know?" Her voice was colder than chilled milk. Why was that?
"I'm sorry. I didn't know. It's been a while since Ash and I have spoken."
"Are you saying you haven't spoken to your brother in five years?" Fanny asked.
"No, not at all," Simon said warily.
"Well, that's how long this has been going on."
"Ash isn't exactly the confiding type. He plays everything pretty close to his chest. I didn't mean to stir something up here. I apologize, this is none of my business."
"Don't apologize. Everyone knows, now you know. We work around it."
Simon finished his sandwich. "Would I be out of line to ask why you don't do something about it?"
"I was going to do something, but Ash said he had a list of men as long as his arm who would swear they had an affair with me. In case you're wondering why I'm telling you all this when we just met.
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it's because . . . I'm sick of the lies, sick of covering up, sick of the whole damn thing. Tomorrow ... he could . . . what he could do is ... is show up, maxe a scene, and ruin everything. I panic just thinking about it. I worked hard on this party, to give the boys a nice send-off."
"I don't know what to say," Simon said, leaning over the coffee table to stare at her.
"That's pretty much what everyone says. But, I can top that. I don't know what to say, either."
"What does Mom say?"
"I do my best not to involve your mother. She has her own problems with Ash. She's going through a very bad time right now. I'm glad you came, she needs you. More than you'll ever know. I also think it's pretty shabby of you not to visit more often. Your business can't be that time-consuming. Everyone gets a vacation. Are you a selfish person?"
"Jesus. You are outspoken, aren't you?"
"Pretty much so. I didn't used to be, but I am these days. When you say it right up front there's no room for doubt. I had to learn the hard way. If you don't feel like answering my questions, don't."
"I didn't say I didn't want to answer your questions. My business is very time-consuming. I do take an occasional vacation. No one has ever accused me of being selfish, at least not to my knowledge. It's possible that I am, and I'm too dumb to know it. I call my mother twice a week. I'm not much of a letter writer, but I do write. It works for us."
"It works for you, you mean. It doesn't work for Sallie. I know this. She would never say anything to you, but that doesn't mean I can't say it for her. You should have come here right away when . . . when things started to go bad for her. That's my opinion of course."
"Wait just one damn minute. I offered to come, she said no. She said she was coming up here to Sunrise to get herself together."
"Those were just woras. She wanted you to care enough to come on your own. She watched the road for days. Sometimes people say things and mean something else. Sallie is your mother—you should be able to figure ner out."
"This is one of those women things, right?"
"Sunny always says, and this is a direct quote, 'Oh, that's one of those penis things, right?' If it helps you to believe that, it's okay with
"I'll be damned," Simon said, throwing his head back and laughing until tears gathered on his lashes. "I think you made the right decision to send her to that academy for young ladies. She might have to repeat a term or two if she doesn't conform."
"I know. She's what she is, and she isn't changing." Fanny laughed.
"I was trying to make a good impression," Simon said.
"Me too. Guess I didn't. How come you haven't married?" Fanny asked, propping her feet up on the coffee table. She lit a cigarette. Suddenly she was very comfortable with this man with the salt-and-pepper hair and the wonderful voice that sent chills up and down her spine.
"Why do you want to know? I didn't know you smoked."
"I was making conversation. It seemed like a good question. You know, get it out of the way early on. Should someone have told you I smoked? Does it even matter? You smoke. I do a lot of things these days that I never did before. I chew gum when I'm designing, and I gobble peanuts by the bag."
Simon laughed. "I'm glad you told me that. I almost got married twice. I'm the one who broke it ofTboth times."
"Oh. Do you miss having children?"
"I do. I want to thank you for sharing your children with me. I'm very fond of all of them."
"I don't think it's any secret that they adore you. Ash has a hard time with those feelings."
"I didn't know that. He does know I'm driving the boys to Pennsylvania, doesn't he?"
"I don't know. I hate to keep saying that, but we don't communicate. I'm sure the boys told him."
"I hope so, I don't want to step on to
es here and cause a problem. Where are the kids?"
"Down at Chue's. They like to shoot baskets in his driveway in the evening. It's a nice evening, would you like to walk down?"
"Sure. Should we tell someone where we're going?" Simon asked, a devilish glint in his eye.
"You can if you think it's necessary. I'm of the opinion we're both old enough to go out at night as long as we're home before midnight. When I was growing up my father always made us be home when the streetlights went on. It was to teach us responsibility. We didn't have watches in those days."
"And did it?"
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"Oh yes. I've tried to bring my own kids up the same way. Sunny is the rebel. She absolutely refuses to conform as you put it. No amount of punishment can make her change her mind. Next year she'll be going off to college and then it will be just Billie and me. I don't know how I'm going to handle that."
"One day at a time in the beginning. I imagine you'll do what I did when I left. You throw yourself into whatever it is that makes you happy. Happiness is very important."
"You sound like you aren't too happy, Simon."
"I'm not sure I know what happiness really is. Since I don't know, I guess I'm not."
"I think happiness is kind of nebulous. People, myself included, tend to think it should be this euphoric feeling that cloaks you and makes you immune to all other emotions. In my opinion, happiness is litde bits of things. For me, for example, it was the birth of all my children, then it would be something they did or said, a small gift that made me smile. Sage used to bring me dandelions. One year Sunny gave me a handmade gift certificate that said she would rub my neck and shoulders every night for a month. She did too—she never missed a night. She guaranteed me a smile every night for a month. I feel happy each time I see Billie sitting at the drafting table. One of Chue's flower arrangements for the dining room table gives me happiness. There's a litde brown bird that nests in one of the cottonwoods in the cemetery. It trusts me and wall perch on my fmger. That gives me happiness. I believe each person is responsible for their own happiness. To depend on other people to make you happy is a mistake. That's just my opinion of course. Your mother and I talked about this a while ago. I think she agrees with me. What's your view?"
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