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course the money from the sale of Black Mountain to the government. I always thought of the contents of the safe as Cotton's money, never mine. It's the way you thought of Jake's money. I used two boxes of the money to pay for the power and sewage plants, because Cotton would have liked that.
By now, I imagine Ash is over his head in debt. Convert the contents of the safe into cash and bail him out, Fanny. When Ash first came to me with the idea of Babylon, I looked into it. The cost made my eyes water. If, as I suspect, you opened the safe because you've used up all the available monies, this will lightenyour burden. Parcel it out carefully, Fanny, because Ash has no money sense.
When the time is right, give my sons the contents of the box. Everything is clearly marked. You, Fanny, are the caretaker of my life.
One last thing. In the bottom of the box with the stocks and bonds, there is a special letter. Again, when the time is right, in your opinion, I want you to follow the instructions in the letter. I hope I haven't put too heavy a burden on your shoulders. You and Devin are the only two people in the whole world that I ever trusted. I understand now how Cotton must have felt when he entrusted his fortune to me. When Babybn is finished and you have the dedication ceremonies, I'd like it if you'd dedicate separate rooms to Cotton, Devin, and Philip.
Be happy, dear child, for life is so very short. Follow your heart, the rest will fall into place.
All my love and ejection, Sallie
Your rump and shoulder will be sore for a week. I think you should blow up that ugly safe the first chance you get.
Fanny smiled through her tears.
25
Fanny picked at her salad, her eyes on her daughter. "This is a very nice restaurant. The food is even good."
"If it's so good, why aren't you eating?" Sunny chided.
"I guess for the same reason you aren't eating. I'm too excited. Thirty days till Labor Day. The only word to describe that building is magnificent. I'm very proud of you, Sunny. How are the grand opening plans going?"
"On schedule. A lot of money changed hands on the strip. Oh, those naysayers, they're eating their nasty words these days. I hate to admit this, but I had Tyler place a bet for me. We're going to use the money to pay for our honeymoon."
"Sunny, you finally said yes?"
Sunny beamed. "We're getting married the week after Christmas, just like I promised Grandma. Thank God, I didn't tell her which Christmas. Everyone is coming for the grand opening. Our whole family will finally be together at one time—Grandpa Logan, Mrs. Kelly, Uncle Daniel and Uncle Brad, the Colemans. When was the last time that happened?"
"Never. Someone was always missing." She hated herself for asking, but she needed to know. She tried for a nonchalant tone and knew she failed when Sunny's eyes sparked. "Is your Uncle Simon planning to attend?"
"Of course. He groaned when I told him it was black tie. He asked about you. Mom."
"I'm sure he did. It will be nice to see him again."
"That's exactiy what Uncle Simon said." Sunny made a little face. "Mom, guys like Uncle Simon and Tyler only come along once in a lifetime. Don't blow it for some silly reason. I know you love him. Hell, everyone, including Dad, knows you love him. You aren't getting any younger, Mom."
"Thank you, Miss Know-It-All."
"What are you wearing to the opening. Mom?"
"Billie is making me something outrageously beautiful. She's bringing Admiral Kingsley, Riley, and Amelia. It's all going to be so wonderful."
"How's Dad? I've been afraid to ask. He said he was coming to town this week. Was he just saying that?"
"What did he say when he came to town last week?"
"He found fault with everything. Grandpa Logan settled his hash, though. I like that saying and Grandpa did it so slick Dad didn't even know what was happening. I miss them already and they just left yesterday. Mom, there's no way Babylon could have come in on schedule without Uncle Daniel and Uncle Brad. Your brothers are just like you, Mom. Grandpa had his finger on everything, I knew
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he would make things right when he fired everyone on the site and brought his people from Pennsylvania."
"He's getting salty in his old age," Fanny smiled. "From the time I was a little girl, I thought he was perfect. I'm more convinced than ever."
"Do you know how wonderful that sounds, Mom? I wish I could say something like that about Dad."
"I v^sh you could too, Sunny. Hey, just out of curiosity, whose idea was it to install handicap ramps at the casino?"
"Uncle Daniel's. He saw how difficult it was for Dad when he came dowqi here. If Dad is going to work the floor like he said he was, he's going to have to have maneuverability. One whole floor is designated for the handicapped. The Nevada Sun did a write-up on us last week. Just yesterday I heard the other casinos are scurrying to do the same thing. We have the edge, though. Ten months, Mom, and we did it! I feel like I'm going to bust wide-open. I just wish Dad had said one kind word. Just one."
"He knows. Sunny. It's hard for your father to see all this and to know he lost control."
"There you go. Mom, making excuses for him again. The day of the grand opening he'll be Mister Charm himself I sent invitations to the guys in his old squadron. Do you think that was a mistake?"
"For Mister Charm? He'll pull it off". I can't even begin to comprehend how an operation this size is all going to come together in a mere thirty days. How do five dining areas ..."
"Very carefully, Mom. We have a five-star chef for starters. Good management people. I managed to snag some of the employees, mosdy women, from other casinos. I'm going to give them a chance to move up the ladder. Women are loyal. Mom. They hate that bullshit they have to take from male employers. Someday, Mom, I'm gonna be the biggest, the best, the most respected powerful woman in this town. That's a promise too. It won't be men that get me there either, it will be women. Wherever she is, I want Grandma Sallie to be proud of me. She set it up, so I have to think she knew I could do it."
"I know it too. Sunny," Fanny said.
"Everything's under control. Aunt Bess has been a tremendous help. We've got good experienced casino p)eople working for us. You can go back to the mountain and not give another thought to the opening. .'Ml you have to do is show up." She paused, then reached
out to hug her mother. "Bye, Mom. Think about calling Uncle Simon, okay."
Fanny didn't answer, but she hu^ed Sunny back.
The moment Fanny parked the car she knew something was wrong. The door to her studio was standing open and Daisy was nowhere in sight She whisded for the litde dog and called her name. A chill ran up her back. She went inside, knowing Ash had been here going through her things. Thank God she'd taken the important things back to the safe. How had he gotten in? Did she forget to lock the door? Every inch of floor space was covered with bills, estimates, change orders, canceled checks, memos from her brothers and father.
Fanny ran to the house. The nurse and therapist's cars were gone. The sjjecially equipped van was standing in the driveway. She opened the back door and walked into the house through the kitchen. She called to Daisy and to Ash. She found them both in the living room, staring at the television. The volume was muted. "Ash?"
Daisy squirmed from Ash's lap and ran to her, leaping into her arms. "Ash? Where's the nurse and therapist?"
"They're gone. I paid them off" and kicked them out I'm moving back to town tomorrow. I can take care of myself"
"Ash, have you been drinking? You know you can't drink with that medication. What happened?"
"Like you don't know what happened? Your goddamn family is what happened. You went behind my back."
Fanny sat down. "Ash, it was the only way to bring the building in on time. I asked them to come here for you. For you. Ash, because I knew how important Babylon is to you. Does it really matter who finished up? You can be proud, Ash. You'll be king of the strip. There's not another building that can come
close. Sunny told me all two thousand rooms are booked for the opening."
"You fticking lied to me. You sneaked behind my back. You knew I'd say no, so you did it smyway."
"I didn't lie, I simply didn't teU you because I knew you'd say exactly what you just said. I'd do it ^ain too."
"Jesus, do you have any idea how much I hate your guts?**
"I think I have a pretty good idea. I'm sorry about your accident I hate seeing you in such agony. If there was something for me to do for you, I'd do it. If you needed a kidney transplant, I wouldn't
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hesitate to donate one of mine, but I can't free you from the pain. My God, I wish I could. I wish that more than anything. I'll drive you down the mountain tomorrow. What were you looking for in my studio and how did you get in?".
"I wanted to see what was so Ricking wonderful about that hole in the wall. You left the door unlocked. You never once invited me down there. It's a damn dump, the furniture is old and worn, the appliances are even older." His voice was spiteful and whiny.
"I told you way back in the beginning that I was a plain, simple person. I don't need or want all those fancy things you crave and need to exist. That was the one thing SaUie and I did have in common. I think this might be the right time. I'll be right back. I have something for you."
Fanny ran to the studio for the key to the secret room, and then back to the house. She galloped up the steps and down the hall to the room with the safe. She rummaged through the box, laying the things Sallie left for Simon on the floor. She didn't bother to close the safe, but she did lock the steel door leading to the hallway.
"This is for you, Ash. Sallie left it to me to give you when I thought the time was right. I don't think there will ever be a more right time than now. I want you to know I'm taking all the liquor out of this house, and your medication. I'll leave what's needed for the night. I'll have Mazie fix you some soup and a sandwich. I'll be up first thing in the morning to drive you down the mountain. Ash, did you hear what I just said?"
"Go away, Fanny. I don't want to look at you anymore. I'm in so much pain I want to die. How the hell do you know I was drink-ing?"
"Because I can smell it. The doctors warned you not to drink while on your medication. Ash, I'm not a paramedic, I won't know what to do for you if something happens. You can't put that kind of burden on my shoulders. It would take an ambulance an hour to get here. I can't live like this anymore."
"I can't either. I'm going to do something about it."
A knot of fear formed in Fanny's stomach. "I don't like the way that sounds, Ash. If you're trying to scare me, you're succeeding. I also want to know who that strange man is who's been coming up here three times a week. The one you meet in the kitchen."
"He's a supplier. You try to make something out of nothing all the time." Ash's voice was so defensive, Fanny knew she was on to something.
"He's a drug dealer, isn't he?" Her heart started to pound inside her chest at Ash's wary look.
"Where in the hell did you get an idea like that?"
"From you, Ash." Before he could respond, Fanny was standing over the wheelchair, her hands rummaging in the side pockets. "I knew it!" she shouted triumphandy. She held up two thin packets wrapped in butcher's paper. She moved away from the wheelchair and Ash's outstretched hands. "My, God, Ash, what are you doing to yourself? This is going down the drain."
"Fanny, no! Please. You don't understand. The pain... The pain is unbearable at times. I can't handle it It doesn't take the pain away, it just dulls it so that I can .. . live with it. I need it. If you never believed anything else I've ever said to you, believe that."
"There has to be a better way," Fanny said desperately. "Listen, Ash, I heard about this clinic in Boston that is supposed to be the best of the best. It's Leahy or something that sounds like that. I can look into it, and I'd be more than willing to take you there for an evaluation. They make new discoveries every day. It will be a week out of your life, Ash. We could do it now, or we could wait until after the opening. If there's even a remote chance, take it. Anything, Ash, will be better than sitting in this chair and becoming a drug addict"
"I've had aU the tests I can handle. We both know nothing can be done, so why are we even discussing it? Give me back the stuff."
"No. Can't we at least try?"
"Why are you being so danm thickheaded, Fanny? Su Li, the pgu^on of the medical profession, brought in the top doctors in the country. Hell, I even went through that acupuncture where they stick needles all over you. Nothing works. Don't you understand, nothing goddamn works!"
It was true, and Fanny knew it. Did she have the right to destroy the one thing that gave him some measure of comfort? If she returned the drugs to him, if she turned a blind eye to what he was doing, did that make her an accessory?
"If I give these back to you, will you promise not to drink?"
"HeU, no."
"Then I can't let you go back to town. Sooner or later someone will find out what you're doing. People will use it against you, Ash. I know it's considered fashionable to take drugs at parties these days, but what you're doing goes beyond that. How do you plan on working at the casino looking like a rag doll with glassy eyes? Have you given any thought to that, Ash?"
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"Jesus Christ, Fanny, all I do is think. Do you have any idea how many times I thought about taking my own life? Thousands, millions of times. I don't have the guts. I don't want to die, no one wants to die."
"You have to stay here, Ash. If I'm going to be a party to this, you have to be where I can keep my eyes on you. I don't want the kids to know about this. Ash. I want your promise."
"I'll promise anything you want. I'm going to have real bad days, Fanny, days when the street drugs won't work. I go crazy when that happens. That was bullshit about me going to town. I know I can't make it on my own. I know I'm dependent on you. I'm giving you my promise in good faith. Now, can I have my packages back?"
Fanny handed them over. She wondered how she was going to live with this dangerous, dark secret.
"What's all this stuff, Fanny?"
"Things your mother left for you. I'm going to leave you now. Ash, and go to the studio to clean it up. I'll speak to Chue. You'll have to manage on your own this evening. Can you do it?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I can do it, Fanny. I'm sorry about the mess I made in your studio. Can we play some chess this evening. I think I have a new move."
"I'U see. Ash."
Ash waited until he heard the door close before he wheeled his chair to the couch. By gripping the arm of the sofa, he lifted himself onto the cushions. His face was beaded in sweat when he leaned back against the cushions, the box at his side. At first his eyes were puzzled at the assortment of things inside the box. Then he understood. Small things from every year of his life. His christening hat, his first baby shoes, his report cards, his football letter, his first pock-etknife, whose blade was so dull it wouldn't cutJell-O, the horn from his first bicycle. His hands trembled when he picked up the packet of photos. They chronicled his life, from the day he was bom until his return from military service, at which point his mother had relinquished his life's mementoes to Fanny.
The photographs brought tears to his eyes. When they overflowed and rolled down his cheeks, he made no move to wipe them away. When his vision cleared, Ash picked up one of the diaries, realizing they were in chronological order.
His mother's life.
His life.
Together in the same box.
Did he have the guts to read the diaries? His body started to shake. Here it was, right in his face. The answers he'd longed for aU his life. How ironic that it was given to him now, at the worst time of his life. Maybe that was why Fanny chose today to give it to him. She said today was the right time. He couldn't help but wonder how she knew.
The first diary was nothing more than a small notebook that seemed to cover the first three years of his mother's life, when
she first arrived in Nevada. Thereaft:er, the journals were leather-bound and embossed in gold. Each diary covered five years.
He forgot about the pounding inside his head, forgot the searing pain in his back. He didn't see Fanny standing in the doorway nor did he see or hear Mazie when she brought him his dinner.
It was past midnight when Ash closed the last diary. He rubbed at his eyes as he placed the treasures back inside the wooden box. He struggled to an upright position, reached for his canes. The first jolt of pain was horrific. He clenched his teeth, but kept on walking, through the living room, to the hall, out the front door, down the walkway, around the comer, and on to the cemetery. He was breathless with the effort he expended to get here, to this low brick wall. He dug his canes into the soft earth to give him the balance he needed to lower himself to the wall.
He looked around, marveling that he'd made it this far on his own. The pounding inside his head had abated, the searing pain in his back was a dull ache. He found himself marveling at that too.
What was it Simon had said that day so long ago? You simply open your heart and you talk. He did, the words tumbling out so fast he had trouble keeping up with them.
With Daisy in her arms, Fanny stood sentinel, a safe distance away. "If there's a way, Sallie, for you to give him a sign, something ... anything, this is the time to do it. Between us, maybe we can save him from himself" Daisy whimpered softly in her arms. "Shhh, it's going to be all right."
The sign she requested, if it truly was a sign, came a few minutes later in the form of two shooting stars. She thought she gasped, but a second later she rezdized it was Ash who had made the noise. Even from this distance, the moonlight allowed her to see his clenched fist shoot in the air.
"Thank you, Sallie," Fanny whispered. She stepped deeper into the night shadows when she saw Ash prepare to get up. She watched, her eyes wide in disbelief when he leaned his right cane against the
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