The Beat and The Pulse Box Set 1

by Amity Cross

  I caught Ash’s eye through the cage as I toed my line and he smiled, nodding once. My lips curved into a grin and I turned to face Claw. She scowled at me before raising her fists in a show of strength.

  I wondered how she’d try and take me down this time. What would I do? That was the crux of it. What would I do and then do the absolute opposite.

  As the bout began, she started circling, darting forward every now and then, testing my reflexes. On the fourth lunge, she kept going and slammed into me. I stumbled back a step and we grappled, both of us trying to secure a hold, but not being able to get it.

  Crying out in frustration, Claw backed off and we faced each other again. This time, I was on the offensive and threw a punch over her guard. I clipped her on the jaw and she stumbled to the side. While she was disoriented, I slammed my knee into her stomach. She hunched over, but used the momentum to shove me backward.

  “Reign!” A familiar, slimy voice from the sidelines filtered through my focus and I shook my head to clear it. “I remember how your cunt feels.”

  My gaze snapped to the edge of the cage and caught on a satisfied looking Hammer and I froze. I wasn’t in the ring anymore. I was in Beat, face down on the mat, a heavy weight pushing me down…an unwanted finger pressing into me.

  Stars exploded in my vision and my head snapped to the side, the world violently spinning out of control. I hit the mat, my head cracking against the hard leather, screams and yelling echoing from someplace far off. I couldn’t stop it, I couldn’t react, my control was just…gone.

  I was out.

  I was vaguely aware of being carried, my limbs being jostled around uselessly by the movement.

  Is this what all those women felt when I knocked them out?

  I’d never been KO’d before and to put it bluntly… Fuck, it sucked.

  “Ren? C’mon Ren, wake up.”

  Hands cupped my face and fingers pried open my eyelids and I squinted at the sudden burst of light.

  I was lying down someplace.

  “Give her a minute.” A voice I didn’t recognize. “Her pupils are responsive; she’ll come round in a few minutes. Give her some room to breathe.”

  Typical Ash, I found myself thinking. Just let me sleep a while longer.

  It was inevitable when I started to surface, my vision starting to come back, with black spots fading into blinding light. Blinking hard, I groaned, trying to clear my head.

  “Ash,” I rasped, lifting my hand to grasp my head.

  “Ren, thank fuck,” Ash said, relief flooding his voice.

  I squinted up at him as he came back into focus. “Fuck, my head hurts.”

  He started to laugh in relief and pressed a cold pack against my temple. Swatting him away, I tried to sit up but a man I didn’t recognize pressed his hands onto my shoulders.

  “Stay down for a while longer,” he said. “You might be disoriented for a while yet.”

  Ash pressed the cold pack against my head again and I winced, but I let him fuss. Ash Fuller playing nurse was kinda hot and if my pride wasn’t hurting more than my head was, maybe I’d be a little turned on by it.

  “Don’t worry Spitfire,” Ash murmured. “We’ve all been there.”

  “You’ve been knocked out?” I scoffed, staring up at him. “Fat chance.”

  “Yeah, I have,” he retorted. “You’ll be fine.”

  “My head will be fine.” I wasn’t so sure about my pride.

  Fuck. I’d been KO’d. I’d let Hammer get to me. Me and everyone else was worried about Ash being weak, but I was the link that broke. I’d let him down.

  Something inside me said it was a stupid thought, but there were a lot of voices arguing against it. I’d let Hammer get to me, therefore I was weak. I. Was. Weak.

  “You’ve had a brilliant run if this is the first time you’ve been KO’d Spitfire. It doesn’t mean anything.”

  “Did you see it?” I whispered, wondering if Ash had seen the moment I lost my focus. Had he seen Hammer?

  He shook his head. “I saw you fall. I didn’t see the punch.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut, kind of glad he didn’t. Too many questions, too many things that could make him snap.

  “You’ll bounce back from this,” he said. “I’m here to help.”

  “The points...”

  “Don’t worry about the points. There’s more than enough time to make them up.”

  I rolled my eyes and put my hand on the cold pack, swatting his big paw away.

  “Do you want to hang here for a bit or...?”

  “Take me back to Beat,” I said, not wanting to be here any longer. I didn’t want to see their stares and hear the whispers. Reign of Terror wasn’t so terrifying anymore. She had a chink in her armor. Something that could be exploited.

  I let Ash help me off the stretcher, curl his arm around my waist and lead me from The Underground, his assurances that I’d bounce back from this going straight over my throbbing head.

  I’d choked. Again. Right when things mattered the most.

  How was I meant to come back from that?

  31

  Ren

  Ash never left my side all night.

  Usually, I’d find it totally swoon worthy and still be in bed asleep in his arms, but that wasn’t my reality. Instead, I’d left him asleep and ventured out into the morning where the only people around were the garbage guys with their truck and the birds. Couldn’t forget the birds. The flowering gum across the street was swarming with little green, red and blue Rosellas as they squawked and screeched in their ADD need for a sugar high.

  I walked down to Sydney Road, feeling like the only person in the entire city awake at this hour. I needed some me time so I could think about what to do. I had to do something. A new mindset, a strategy for countering this uncertainty that Hammer had poisoned me with. If there was something I could do, I still wasn’t sure what it was.

  Stepping around the corner onto the usually bumper to bumper Sydney Road, I saw the sign for the coffee shop was out on the street. I glanced through the window and saw Seth behind the counter playing with his phone. I hadn’t seen him in months, but he hadn’t seemed to have changed at all. He was still this tall, lanky hipster with his artfully arranged hair, glasses and designer stubble. He was just…familiar. There wasn’t a soul in sight, so I pushed open the front door.

  The scent of roasted coffee hit me square in the face as I stepped inside, the little bell over the door jingling. Seth glanced up and instantly pocketed his phone when he saw it was me.

  “Ren Miller?” he asked, feigning confusion.

  “The one and only.”

  “What’s got you up so early?” He glanced over my shoulder. “And so alone?”

  I shrugged. “I needed a walk.”

  “Where is everyone?”

  “Josie’s in Sydney.”

  “I know. I’ve seen her photos on Facebook. You should really get one of those you know.”

  I raised my eyebrows and screwed up my nose. “I’m fine with obscurity, thanks.”

  “Everything okay?” he asked, leaning over the counter.

  I shrugged.

  “I’m taking that as a no.”

  “I’m just… Things are hard right now.”

  “Where’s Ash?”

  I wanted to say that I needed a break, that Ash didn’t understand, but that was only because I hadn’t told him the real reason I’d let Claw KO me. In short, I was humiliated and I didn’t want him knowing. I was meant to be strong in this.

  “At Beat, I think,” I replied.

  Seth straightened up and glanced around the cafe. “Look, it’s pretty dead in here, I’m sure Joseph won’t mind if I sit with you for a while.”

  I stared up at him and wondered why he gave a damn when I hadn’t seen him in so long.

  “It’s cool,” he said with a lopsided grin. “Life gets busy. You’re a super Street Fighter.”

  I couldn’t help laughing at his stupid video game
reference.

  “What do you want? Hot chocolate?” He pulled down a mug and began dumping powder into the cup and smearing chocolate sauce on the inside. “On the house with all the trimmings. I’ll even give you an extra marshmallow.”

  “Why are you being so nice to me?”

  “Why are you being so hard on yourself?”

  I sighed. “Point.”

  “I know we never worked out as a couple, but I like to think I’m not that kinda guy. You know, the one who dumps a girl just because she doesn’t feel the same way. You can’t help the way you feel.” He nodded to the empty cafe. “Have a seat and I’ll be out in a sec.”

  There was no way I could or wanted to argue with that. Seth was the good kind, the stuff of fairy tales. If I had of felt the same way about him, then life would’ve been easy. Uncomplicated and predictable, but it wasn’t what my heart wanted.

  While he made us up a couple of drinks, I sat at the table near the window, the one Josie and I always used to sit at. It was familiar and calm and exactly what I needed.

  A moment later, Seth sat a mug of hot chocolate, and some marshmallows on the side, in front of me.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t seen you much lately.” I curled my hands around the hot mug, even though it was pushing on blistering outside.

  He sat across from me setting down his latté. “I get it Ren, I told you. Don’t worry about it.”

  “It’s just… I’ve got caught up in things with Ash and stuff…”

  “Stuff?” He eyed me and I cast my gaze away.

  I ran my hand through my loose hair, shoving it away from my face. “There’s a lot riding on the next few weeks…”

  “Shit,” Seth exclaimed and leaned forward, pushing my hair back from my temple. “Is that a bruise?”

  I shrugged his hand away and let my hair fall back again. “It’s nothing.”

  “Ren, it’s fucking black.” His eyes narrowed and he said, “Was that from fighting or did—”

  I didn’t let him finish that sentence. “No,” I hissed. “He would never hurt me like that.”

  “Then it was from a fight?”

  “Occupational hazard,” I retorted.

  “Ren.”

  If I was going to tell someone about it, it may as well be Seth. He didn’t know all the players so he might actually get it. “I was knocked out.”

  “Fuck. Are you okay? Did you get checked out?” His alarm for my well being kinda brightened me a little.

  “I’m okay. It hurt for a little while, but I’m okay.”

  He grabbed my hand and curled his fingers around mine and I stared at our joined hands, not sure what to do.

  “It’s dangerous Ren,” he said. “People die from just falling over and hitting their head the wrong way. What makes this any different?”

  “I can handle it,” I muttered.

  “Can you? Because it looks like it’s eating you up.”

  It was. How could I explain it without telling him the whole story? I couldn’t.

  “It’s a set back,” I said instead. “It happens to everyone at least once.” I echoed Ash’s words and if I said them enough, maybe I’d believe them. Believe him.

  The door swept open behind us and the bell jingled furiously, and when I turned in my chair it was already too late. Ash fisted his hands into Seth’s shirt and pulled him out of his seat, wrenching his hand from mine.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I yelled, stumbling to my feet.

  “Keep your hands off her,” Ash snarled at Seth, his expression dark.

  I knew that look, that storm that was gathering underneath the surface and my heart did a nosedive. He’d been watching our exchange through the window. He’d seen Seth touch my face and hold my hand…he’d gotten the wrong idea.

  “You keep your hands off him,” I cried, beating my fists against Ash’s shoulder.

  Seth held his hands up and out like he was trying to calm a wild beast. “We were just talking. Nothing else.”

  “You think I don’t know what you’re up to?” Ash hissed. “You wanted her before and you still do. Ren is mine.”

  “Let him the fuck go!” I screeched.

  There was a commotion out the back and Joseph appeared looking all wild and European with a rolling pin in one hand. “Get outta my cafe!” he roared. “No fighting or I call the cops. You got it?”

  Ash let go of Seth’s shirt and didn’t even glance at Joseph. “You don’t get to touch her.”

  I dug my fingers into his arm and tugged him towards the door. “Get the fuck out Ash.”

  He snarled one more time at Seth before turning on his heel and grabbing my wrist. I was hauled from the cafe and if it wasn’t so empty I would’ve felt even more humiliated. Actually, I wasn’t sure there was a difference.

  Once we were outside, I wrenched my hand from his grasp and strode down the street, disappearing around the corner. With everyone gone, Beat was closed until the beginner MMA class that night, so we had the entire place to ourselves which meant we had free rein to let rip at one another.

  Ash slammed the door shut behind me and flipped the deadbolt closed with a bang that made me flinch. He’d never directed his anger at me before and it kind of scared me when he turned and strode toward me, his expression full of so many swirling emotions. I was doing it tough, but so was he. He’d been so together lately it was easy to assume, easy to think he had a handle on it, but Ash was a master at hiding his true feelings.

  “Ash, I—”

  “We’re a team,” he said, hurt etched in his handsome features. “You know how much it pissed me off to see you with him?”

  “We were just talking,”

  “He wants you,” he said sullenly.

  “We went out once,” I cried. “Once Ash, and that was before we were even a thing.”

  “I saw the way he was looking at you!”

  I stared at him in disbelief. “Are you hearing yourself right now?”

  “What were you telling him?” He stared at me, waiting for an answer, but the words died in my throat. “What were you telling him that you couldn’t tell me?”

  “I—” I choked out.

  Ash threw his hands into the air. “You were the one who told me about secrets Ren. You told me we were a team in everything.”

  He was right. He was so fucking right it hurt and I felt tears begin to spring into my eyes. If he loved me, then it shouldn’t matter right? It was for better or worse...

  “It was Hammer,” I said.

  Ash stared at me, his expression contorting into confusion.

  “He was on the sideline yelling disgusting things at me.” I shuddered. “I froze…I…” Choked.

  His face began to redden again. “What…”

  “When I was knocked out. I—”

  “Ren.”

  “You don’t understand Ash,” I exclaimed. “That night...I choked. I let fear rule me. With him there…”

  “I told you Ren. I’m not going to let him touch you. He won’t.”

  “I was weak!”

  “He’s playing with your mind. You can’t let him.” He ran his hand over his face and scowled.

  Fuck, he was right. Hammer wanted to rattle me. Throw me off my game.

  “He said… I was here.” I gestured to the spot where Hammer had attacked me. “I was here…again.”

  Ash cursed and swept me into his arms. “What did he say?”

  I shook my head, curling my fingers into his T-shirt. “It doesn’t matter what he said. He got to me.”

  “I know you don’t like hearing it, but you can’t let him get to you. I know it’s hard.” He sucked in a deep breath, burying his nose into my hair. “I know more than anyone how hard it is, but you have to hold on.”

  “I know.”

  “The long game Spitfire. It’s all about the long game.”

  “I didn’t want…” I sighed. “I understand now.”

  “Understand what?” I felt some of the
tension leave his body, his muscles softening.

  “When you didn’t want to see me.”

  “Talk to me,” he murmured, letting my comment drop. “Don’t talk to him.”

  “I can talk to other people,” I said sullenly.

  “I don’t want that guy knowing our business. He’s had his fuckin’ hands on you...”

  “Don’t,” I whispered, pulling back so I could see his eyes. “Don’t. He doesn’t know anything. Seth just wants to help. He’s a friend, one that I’ve probably treated terribly, but he’s just a friend.”

  “I don’t want—”

  “Do friends do this?” I asked, sliding my hand down the front of his shorts. I curled my fingers around his cock and started stroking. I didn’t have to do much; he was already sporting a semi.

  “Ren…” He started to complain, but he groaned, moving against my hand.

  I tilted my chin up, brushing my lips against his. “I promise I won’t keep things to myself anymore.”

  “I love you Ren. I can’t—” He gasped as I squeezed, increasing my pace. “Everything. I need everything.”

  I got it. He wanted every part of me, the amazing and the crap. He was trying his best to give his all to me in return. We were trying.

  I flicked the tip of my tongue against his bottom lip. “Take me upstairs.”

  “Low blow Spitfire. You know I can’t resist.”

  “You need to apologize to Seth.”

  He groaned as I slid my hand from his shorts. “Later, right now I want to fuck you stupid.”

  Ash hauled me up the stairs and flung me down on my bed, covering my body with his. We stripped and tossed our clothes in all directions, hands grasping greedily at each other. Emotional fucking.

  He didn’t stop to please me; he just fisted his cock and pushed straight inside. I thrust my hips to meet his, desperate for the connection, desperate for that too-full feeling. I was ready; I was always ready to take whatever he had to give.

  “Don’t keep me out,” he moaned, swirling his hips, grinding against my clit so hard I cried out.

  “I’m pretty sure you’re all in.”

  His only answer was to pull back and thrust, our bodies coming together in a slap that drove a spike of pleasure through me like a shockwave. I didn’t want him to stop, I wanted him to fuck me hard and as if he sensed what I needed, he pounded into me over and over, letting the beast within him come to the surface. He knew I loved the rabid animal fucking. Loved it and needed it and when he drove me over the edge, it was to a place where everything was right.