The Beat and The Pulse Box Set 1

by Amity Cross

  I spoke when I was spoken to, but mostly I kept to myself. It was easier, maybe not healthy, but it allowed me to cope. I was smart enough to realize something needed to change, but I didn’t know what it was. Confidence? Maybe, but how did you get that? It didn’t grow on trees, and no amount of wishing would make it true.

  Andrea had warned me off Lincoln in her subliminal catty way and it was another kick in the guts I didn’t need. I already knew he would never be mine, so what was the point?

  Ren stuck with me for a couple of days to make sure I was understanding my new job, which made the settling in a little easier to handle, but by the end of the first week, I’d picked most of it up like an old pro. It was ironic really. Ash had a talent for athletics and I had a talent for office administration. How boring could you get.

  I went in to Pulse on Saturday, even though I didn’t need to, and pulled a half-day getting the office just the way I liked it. I decorated the place by sticking up a framed poster with a motivational quote about fitness on it, getting a potted plant for the empty corner, and just generally making the place more inviting. If I was going to spend most of my time hiding out in that place, then it had better be visually appealing.

  Come Monday morning, I was ready to get back into it with renewed enthusiasm. It was never going to be easy after so much time hiding away, but now that I knew Lincoln was going to be hanging around, I could mentally prepare myself with the bit of distance Sunday afforded me. Dr. Ormond had said much the same thing when I saw her at my regular Thursday night appointment. At least I was on the right track, I supposed. A little at a time was all I could do.

  First order of business was branching out, and by branching out, I meant, skipping my morning coffee at home and getting one at Pulse, which was where I now found myself. I stood outside the kitchen, my feet stuck to the spot. Confidence, Violet, I thought to myself.

  Stepping inside, I paused as I saw Bobby unpacking boxes of supplements. He glanced up and smiled when he saw it was me.

  “Hey, Violet,” he said.

  I moved further into the room, casting my gaze around. I hadn’t been in here yet, and I was surprised at how clean it was. Bobby must run a tight ship.

  “There wouldn’t happen to be any coffee in here?” I asked shyly.

  “Not a Monday person, huh?” he asked, leaning his elbows against the table and ticking something off the invoice in front of him.

  “Mornings in general.”

  “I’ll make you a cup. How do you like it?”

  “Black.”

  He laughed, shaking his head. “Strong and dark, got it.”

  Venturing further into the kitchen, I studied his tattoos while he turned the pot on. They were all black and gray, no color, and from what I could see, some kind of geometric design…almost like a kaleidoscope. He had well-defined arms and a broad chest, but he didn’t look like he was a fighter, just a fit kinda guy. From the little I’d seen, Bobby seemed friendly and carefree and hadn’t once looked at my tits. I decided I liked him.

  “I ain’t no Masterchef barista, but I do know a good bean,” he said as the smell of coffee began to fill the kitchen.

  “Thank you.”

  He poured the steaming liquid into a mug and nudged it across the bench. “You’re welcome.”

  Curling my hand around the handle, I picked up the mug and breathed in the rich scent of coffee before taking a sip. Wow.

  “Good?” he asked and I nodded. “Told ya. It’s the fancy organic kind from Indonesia, you know the one where monkeys eat it, shit it out, and they wash and sell it.”

  My eyes widened, and for a beat, I thought he was serious. “Don’t,” I said, cracking a smile.

  Bobby started laughing. “I knew I’d get you to smile sooner or later. Glad it was sooner.”

  “By telling me my coffee is a derivative of monkey shit?”

  “You are a Fuller, right?” He cocked his head to the side.

  “Point.”

  “New jobs can be rough,” he went on. “It’s nice to have a mate. Believe me, I’ve worked in some shitholes. I know.”

  “Thanks.” Yeah, I did kinda like the guy.

  “I’ll slide this in your inbox later,” he said, waving the invoice around.

  Movement out the corner of my eye made me pause awkwardly, the mug poised halfway up to my lips.

  “Stop being such a dirty bastard.”

  Like it was my default reaction, I froze as Lincoln appeared beside me. After the other day, I’d avoided him like the plague. Actually talking to him wasn’t part of my new super-duper plan to conquer my fear and grow my confidence tree.

  “Hey,” Bobby complained. “You took it there.” To me he said, “I’ve known the guy for a week, and look how he treats me.” He winked before turning to start picking up some of the boxes.

  I shifted from foot to foot, the coffee in my hands forgotten. Lincoln turned his attention to me, obviously wanting to say something but hesitating. His green eyes were bright, and in that moment, it was like we were…I dunno, more. I wondered if it was actually me that had him tongue-tied or just plain old regret at letting it slip he knew my secret, but for the first time, I didn’t want to run. I guess that was progress.

  Turning, I sat the mug down on the bench, glad for the short reprieve from his gaze. How could a guy look at me like that? I mean, really look like he could see right through me.

  “Violet,” he said after a beat. “Can I talk to you?”

  I shrugged, not trusting myself to speak.

  He glanced at Bobby who’d disappeared out into the storeroom. “In private?”

  I nodded. “Upstairs.” There was no way I was going to avoid this conversation, so it was better it went down sooner rather than later.

  Deciding I needed the coffee more than ever, I picked up the mug and left the kitchen with Lincoln hot on my heels. As he followed me up the stairs, I was overly aware that he was right at ass height. Did he like the look of my ass? Oh, fuck. The stupid shit I thought.

  Opening the door, I flicked on the light and sat my coffee down on the desk. Lincoln stepped in behind me, and suddenly, my little home away from home felt really small. I almost cracked a window to let some air in.

  He closed the door softly, his eyes on mine again, and I found myself having another ‘deer in headlights’ moment.

  “Listen, about the other day… I didn’t know that Ash hadn’t mentioned he’d told us.”

  “It wasn’t his business,” I snapped, still irritated as fuck that he knew.

  Lincoln sighed, his brow furrowing. “It doesn’t change my opinion about you, Violet.”

  “It does,” I said, my voice wavering. “I can see it in your eyes.”

  “My eyes?”

  “You never used to look at me like that.” It was out of my mouth before I could stop it. Looked like the confidence tree was more like confidence ivy. Maybe I’d better cut it back some.

  Lincoln sighed, running a hand over his face. It was so quiet I heard his skin rasp against the slight shadow of stubble that coated his jaw.

  “Just,” I began, pausing when I felt a lump form in my throat. “Just keep it to yourself if you don’t mind.”

  “I wouldn’t dare tell anyone,” he murmured, his green eyes finding mine.

  In that split second, my heart felt like it was going to burst. I was in trouble, I already knew it, but I wasn’t getting out of it… I was in lust with Lincoln Hayes for life without parole.

  My lips twinged, turning up slightly at the corners. “Good.”

  “Listen, if you ever wanna…” he muttered with an awkward shrug.

  Super buff, fighter extraordinaire Lincoln Hayes awkward? It probably had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. It was my aura screwing with his.

  “What?” I asked when he didn’t move or finish his question.

  He looked torn for a moment and shrugged again. “I dunno.” He turned and opened the door, glancing back once more
. “My lips are sealed.”

  I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. The door closed. He was gone, and the moment had passed. If I was one of those chicks from the romance novels I devoured, I’d suck it up, run out into the hall and finish his question for him.

  If I ever wanna what? Have coffee, have lunch, hang out…and fuck forbid, talk? Disappointment flared hot and hard all over my pathetic body. He didn’t want me. Did I really want him?

  Yeah, I think I’d like to spend more time with him, but I wasn’t sure the kind of time I was thinking about was on the same wavelength as his. Friends, lovers, boyfriend… I didn’t know which line to draw, or which one I was ready for.

  It didn’t matter. He stopped himself from asking, which was as good as a slap in the face with a wet fish. Lincoln Hayes didn’t want me. I got it Universe, stop flaunting it.

  Hear that? That earsplitting crack that sounded like a tectonic plate shifting and crumbling, leveling an entire city? Yeah, that was my heart.

  That night, I went home and cried while I watched eight back-to-back episodes of Arrow on Netflix.

  Ash was at Ren’s place again, which was still at Beat, so I assumed they were doing their midnight training thing. I was grateful for the space because if he caught me crying, he’d start looking for skulls to crack.

  The next morning, I dragged my bleary-eyed self into Pulse, my stomach stewing knowing that Lincoln would be there. I’d never been rejected before, but I also hadn’t put myself in the position that allowed me to be. The shelves of training manuals in my bedroom hadn’t prepared me for the reality and it was much, much worse.

  Luckily, when I arrived, it was before him, and I closed myself in the office. Just thinking about the guy had me in knots. Hammer had taken more than my dignity that night. He’d taken my entire life and my ability to live and cope. It seemed to be the cruelest fate of them all.

  Sinking into the chair, I closed my eyes and willed away another slew of tears that threatened. I’d thought I’d cried them all last night. There was a loud knock and I jerked upright, my eyes flying open and launched myself to the filing cabinet. False appearances and all.

  I felt like I hadn’t seen my brother in days after our argument and deep and meaningful conversation next door. I busied myself with filing a new lot of invoices when he deigned to make an appearance.

  “Hey, squirt,” Ash declared, bounding into the office. ”Big news.”

  The last time he said the words ‘big’ and ‘news’ was when he was telling Ren I’d taken this job. I wondered what harebrained scheme he had cooking this time.

  “You’re finally taking that holiday?” I asked, not entirely serious.

  “Yeah, actually.” He rubbed a hand through his hair, a grimace plastered on his face.

  I raised my eyebrows, and a million different scenarios, including one where I balled up the financials of my brother’s pride and joy, were running through my mind, and for a moment, I forgot about the six-foot-two fighter downstairs that had unknowingly shattered my heart.

  “Ren and I are going to Thailand,” he said. “There’s a dude that offered to do some training with us. Thai boxing. It was where I told everyone I was when…” He shrugged. “I figured it was time to go and actually learn some of that shit, you know.”

  Yeah, I knew. Pro boxing in Thailand was his cover story for his time in prison for fucking up the guy who attacked me.

  “How long?” I asked, pushing the unwelcome thoughts from my brain.

  Ash shrugged. “A month or so.”

  “A whole month?” I swallowed hard.

  “You’ll be right. Lincoln knows the deal with downstairs. That kid’s switched on. The instructors know their shit, and Bobby, the kitchen wiz, knows his shit. This place runs like clockwork.”

  Lincoln. My stupid heart twisted yet again.

  “Oh, and I know you’ve been bringing your lunch to work so you don’t have to go down into the kitchen,” Ash said, “so I ordered you a bar fridge for the office.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “I know, I need to go out there more…”

  “Yeah, you do, but it’s only been a little while.” A grin split his face. “I know you bring chocolate and sugary crap, and the guys will be tempted.”

  I knew he was trying to make light of the situation, and I shook my head. “Stop trying to be nice. I need a kick up the bum.”

  “Then I expect results by the time I get back, squirt.”

  I made a face. “Only if you promise to stop calling me that.”

  “Deal.”

  8

  Lincoln

  Never thought I’d say it, but I actually liked working at Pulse.

  Not even two weeks into the gig and I hadn’t missed the AUFC once. I was too busy to dwell on that shit, what with training the guys and trying to figure out Violet Fuller. The frightened little mouse with the smoking hot body. Motherfuckin’ puzzle if I ever saw one.

  Andrea, the chick from the party, had been sniffing around from day dot, and I almost took her up on her offer for some casual sex, but I soon got it in my head that fucking where I worked was bad news. Andrea certainly wasn’t one of substance and only seemed interested in what was on the outside and what was in my pockets.

  Glancing into the other room, I saw her running on a treadmill, her tits bouncing. Realizing I was staring, I glanced away, turning my attention back onto Cole and Ryan, the two fucking idiots I was helping Ash train. They wanted to try for the AUFC, but as far as I was concerned, they had a long way to go before they could try for anything.

  Unlike me and Dean, they’d started late and had been training on and off with some fuck, who didn’t know his asshole from his ear, over in the eastern suburbs. I don’t know how Ash found them, but they were better off here if pro was where they were wanting to go.

  “What’s with the office chick?” I heard Cole ask.

  Turning with a sigh, I gave him a warning glare. He was almost as tall as me, maybe six-one, with an armfull of tattoos and a shaved head, his physique pretty toned for a twenty-year-old guy.

  “She’s just shy,” I said thinly, not liking him talking about her like that.

  “But I heard—”

  “She’s just shy,” I repeated more forcefully. “Don’t believe everything you hear.”

  Cole shrugged. He was a good guy, just fucking young for his age. Everything he did and thought about was fueled by testosterone, and it was a good thing he was in this gym focusing it on a goal rather than sticking his dick in random women and beating up on every prick who looked at him funny. Ash recruited him for a reason, and I knew it was because once upon a time, Ash was that dickhead kid.

  “You want more of a challenge?” I nodded at the bench press and whistled for Ryan. “Spot this fucker, will ya?”

  “On it,” he called out.

  I nodded to the rack of weights. “Go up five kilos.”

  Cole narrowed his eyes in challenge. “Ten.”

  “Five.” I jabbed a finger at his chest, and just to spite me, he went for ten. Little fuck. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  “I’ve got him, Linc,” Ryan said, assuming the position as Cole lay down and flexed his fingers around the bar. Ryan didn’t have any tattoos, but he was as ripped as Cole and just as severe looking with his crew cut. A pair of numbskulls if I ever saw ‘em.

  Shaking my head, I leaned back against the wall and watched Cole struggle. Letting him fuck up was part of the process, so said Ash, but it was my job to make sure the shit didn’t break his neck or collapse a lung when he couldn’t hack it. When they stopped a minute later and went down five like I’d suggested, I kept my mouth shut.

  Glancing up as I caught sight of Ash approaching across the mats, I said, “Hey.”

  “How’s the kid going?” he asked, watching the two fucking stooges bench press.

  “Cole lacks discipline,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

  “I know, but he’s getting there.”


  “He reminds me of you,” I retorted, poking the beast.

  “Must be why I like him so much.” Ash laughed, mimicking my stance. ”Listen, Ren and I are going away for a couple of weeks.”

  “Yeah? Where to?”

  “Thailand.”

  I raised an eyebrow, keeping one eye on Ash and the other on Cole, who was still pressing more weight than I liked.

  “I wanted to ask you how you felt about taking care of the guys for me.”

  “You trust me with the kids?” I asked, grinning lopsidedly.

  “Unlike some people in this joint, you’ve got your head screwed on. Just wanted to make sure you were cool with it, considering your shoulder and the AUFC.”

  I shrugged. “I’m not going anywhere any time soon.” I’d had another scan and appointment with the physiotherapist the day before and all he’d said was ‘hmmm’, which was doctor code for ‘you’ve got a ways to go yet’. “I’ve got no contractual shit if you’re worried about that. As long as I can keep my appointments with the physio, then I’m good with it.”

  “Sweet. You’re a lifesaver.”

  “No problem.”

  Ash shifted, turning so his back was to the boys. “Listen, I wanted to talk to you about Violet.”

  I stilled, my brow furrowing.

  “She had a go at me big time yesterday.”

  I knew where this was going, and I wasn’t entirely sure if I was about to be beaten up or not. Should I start running? It wasn’t a secret that Ash was overprotective of his little sister. I was beginning to feel the same way, crush or no crush.

  “Listen—” I began, but Ash held up his hand.

  “It was my fuck up,” he said somberly. “It wasn’t my place to tell you guys in the first place, regardless of my standing or not.”

  Whatever had happened to Violet had changed her beyond recognition. I knew the basics after Ash had let us in on it, which hadn’t been his choice since it was that or be forced apart from Ren. He chose Ren, of course, but at the expense of letting his and Violet’s secret out into the open.

  “It never even crossed my mind to discuss it with anyone,” I said, narrowing my eyes. “It’s none of my business.”