by Amity Cross
She could be at one of two places, and I hoped it was the one I was thinking of. After what she’d done for me last night… I hoped I’d find her there.
I got into my car and drove through the streets of Melbourne, along Nicholson Street through Carlton, crawling with the early evening traffic. I got stuck behind a tram packed with commuters, waiting until they got off at the stop at a set of traffic lights. I fretted until the red switched to green before passing, trying to think of all the things I needed to explain to Ren. I drove and drove until I reached Brunswick Road, my hands tight around the steering wheel.
Her car was parked on the street in front of the little cottage, a light from within illuminating the frosted glass set into the door. She was here.
Pulling into a free spot down the street, I locked my car and made my way up the front path. Standing on the porch, I knocked on the front door of Josie’s house and waited.
There were footsteps inside, and my heart sped up. Boom, boom, boom echoing in my ears so loud it was the only thing I could hear other than her approach.
Then the door opened, and she was there.
Bright, shining, beautiful and fierce like electric sparks in my heart.
My Spitfire.
“Ash?” She blinked hard, her eyes looking dark and heavy like she’d been crying and crying without end.
“You look surprised,” I said, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jacket, feeling pretty rotten that this was all because of me.
Standing back, she opened the door wide and waited for me to step inside.
I hesitated. “Ren, I—”
“Come in,” she interrupted. “Please.”
I hadn’t been to Josie’s house before. I mean, I’d dropped Ren off a couple of times, but I’d never seen the inside. It was really nice. All hardwood floors and modern fittings, which was a stark contrast to the heritage facade.
Ren led me into the lounge room.
I sat on the edge of the couch and stiffened when she positioned herself right next to me, her leg squashed against mine. I blinked hard, trying to gather my thoughts. She always did this to me—her presence, her touch. She was everything and everywhere. I needed to keep my head if I had any hope of explaining my screwed up thought process to her.
“I missed you this morning,” I said when it was clear she was waiting for me to start.
“I did what I could,” she said after a moment. “I brought you back and took you home. Pushing you further…” She sighed. “You had to come here on your own. Making you would’ve been wrong.”
She was right. I had to want to tell her about the things that troubled me. That was the only way we could work.
“I would’ve come earlier. It’s just…” I sighed. “I went to the hospital.”
Ren tensed but didn’t push for answers.
“He’s gunna be okay,” I went on. “I took care of everything.”
She blew out a long breath, her shoulders sagging. “Good,” she murmured. “Good.”
I tensed as her hand found its way onto my thigh.
“Do you want a drink?” she asked awkwardly.
I shook my head. “I’m okay.” I wasn’t okay.
“I didn’t want him to kiss me,” she blurted, her eyes full of pain. “He just—”
“I know.”
“You do?”
I nodded. “You never would’ve come to find me at The Underground if you did.” Her hand rubbed up and down my thigh, soothing. “Going back there must’ve been hard for you.”
“Yeah,” she murmured. Glancing at me, her brow furrowed. “What changed? You went somewhere, and you weren’t the same afterward.”
Bowing my head, I closed my eyes and saw the look on my father’s face and my mother’s submission. I shook my head like it would get rid of their bitterness.
“I got it into my head that I had to go see my parents,” I said.
Her mouth fell open, and her eyes began to sparkle with tears. “Oh, Ash…”
“You can imagine the reception I got.” I ran my hands over my face. I had to keep going. All or nothing.
“You know that they abandoned me and Violet after…you know,” I went on. “That was bad enough. Anger…well, it’s always run in the family. My dad, he’s like this, too.”
“No,” Ren said fiercely. “He’s not like you at all.”
“He never hit us for kicks or anything. I only copped it when I deserved it.”
“The hell—”
“Ren. I was out of control then. I was a bad kid through and through. I probably deserved a good beating for the shit I put them through—”
“But you didn’t deserve it!”
I shrugged. “Him hitting me only made the monster grow. Your dad… Your dad turned everything around, but it was already too late.”
She buried herself against me, her hand tightening on my thigh.
“When you said you didn’t want to marry me, I planned on asking you anyway, but I had to see them first. I had to make sure that I wasn’t like him because if I was… I knew I’d hurt you sooner or later.” I took a deep breath, my throat feeling tight. “He stood there and saw the man I was, and I still disgusted him. He told me I was a fuck up, that I was a monster. That I’d never be any different.”
“But you are different,” Ren cried. “You’re not—”
I wound my arm around her back, and she stilled. “So I pushed you away because it was still there. The anger. It was better to hurt you now than later. That’s what I told myself.” I paused, closing my eyes. “Then when I went to The Underground, I wanted to prove him wrong. I had nothing left, and it hurt too much, so I went back.”
“You never lost me, Ash,” she said. “Never. I was hurt, and I had to get some distance. I know I said some ugly things…”
“I know,” I murmured. “I know.”
Ren raised her had and caressed my cheek. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You know why, Ren. I didn’t want you to have to deal with my family drama after yours. I wanted to protect you from the inevitable fallout.”
“You wanted to protect me from you.”
I flinched. When she said it like that, it sounded totally fucked up.
“It didn’t work last time, remember?” she asked.
“Nope.” I dropped my arm and leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees.
“You’re not your father, you hear me? You’re not him. You’re good and kind and I love you. You’re the best father Violet ever had.”
She was so passionate, it knocked me for six, and hearing those things come from Ren meant a great deal. I believed her. I really did. If I was like him, then I wouldn’t try and fix the things I broke. I wouldn’t have been there for Violet or Ren… I wouldn’t have gone to the hospital and fixed things with Steel either.
I wasn’t my father.
“The ring…” She let whatever she was going to say dissipate into the air, and it hung heavily between us.
“I bought it a couple days after I mentioned it to you,” I said with a shrug. “I saw it in a window, and it reminded me of you.”
“A piece of jewelry reminded you of me?”
“Ironic.”
We sat in silence, allowing all my revelations to sink in. She was still here, so it was a good start. There was still hope that we could fix this thing between us. I would always love her even if she fell out of love with me.
“I can’t survive without you,” she blurted, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. “But when I saw you in that cage, it was terrifying.”
“I’d never hurt you, Ren,” I said desperately. “Not intentionally. Never.”
“I know. We’ll work through it.”
Remembering what Violet told me, I said, “You’re the only one who has ever brought me back.”
Placing her forehead against mine, she reached up and traced my lips with her fingers. She was trembling, her breathing shallow, so I curled my hand around her wrist, pushing her a
way. Leaning forward in a moment of desperate hope, I kissed her.
And she kissed me back.
Pulling away, she brushed her lips against mine and whispered, “Ask me.”
“What?”
She pressed something into my hand and said more forcefully, “Ask me.”
Glancing down, I saw the ring I’d bought for her sitting in my palm. That stupid fucking ring started all of this bullshit.
“Maverick,” Ren prodded.
It was her name for me that sparked life back into my soul. Despite all of the heartache, I still wanted it—her and me tied together for eternity. Thinking back to the day I walked into that shop, I realized I’d do it again. Buy her the best, give her the best and be the best I could be for her.
Taking a deep breath, I raised my gaze to hers. “Ren Miller,” I murmured. “Will you marry me?”
She smiled, and her entire face lit up.
“Yes.”
21
Ren
Staring at my reflection in the full-length mirror, I sighed.
I was in Violet’s bedroom in Ash’s Toorak house, wearing this white streamlined dress, my hair all done up on my head with little white flowers stuck in it. There was make-up on my face and lipstick on my lips. Lip. Stick. Ugh.
I’ll give it to Josie, she really knew how to put together a wedding, entirely solo, with two weeks’ notice. Food, music, celebrant, guests, flowers, rings, dress… She was a powerhouse.
“Ren,” Violet said with a sigh. She was perched on the edge of her bed, watching me with a dreamy expression.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I grumbled, smoothing down the dress with my palms.
“Like what?”
“Like I’m a powder-puff.”
She burst out laughing and shook her head. “Once a fighter, always a fighter.”
“Dresses and me never got along,” I retorted as Josie stepped into the room.
“Shut your face, Ren Miller,” she declared. “I picked it out for you myself. Say that again, and I’ll walk right outta here.”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic.”
Josie had picked well, I’d give her that one. She’d squashed me into so many dresses they all started to look the same to me. There’d been lace ones, ruffled ones, full skirts, fishtails, strapless, corsets and dresses of all shapes and sizes, but we’d finally settled on a totally unorthodox knee-length lace dress, with an inbuilt corset. It had tiny shoulder straps that were bedazzled with little crystals and a slight flare on the hem so there was a little twirl to it. Most importantly, it wasn’t ‘flooffy’ at all.
Josie had finished it off with a pair of three-inch white heels and a simple silver necklace with a teardrop pearl. Simple. Classic. Totally Ren Miller if she had to wear a dress.
“She won’t be Ren Miller for much longer,” Violet said, and I glanced back at my reflection, taking in the entire ensemble.
Renee Fuller. It had a nice ring to it, and it was only a change of two letters.
“We better get downstairs,” Josie exclaimed, looking at her phone. To me she said, “Ten minutes, okay?”
I nodded, blowing out a sharp breath.
“You’ve got this, Ren,” she added with a wave.
“Kick ass,” Violet added like I was going downstairs to battle it out in the cage.
Just as suddenly as they’d blown in half an hour before, they blew out, and I was alone with my thoughts and this dress. Glancing over the ensemble, I twisted this way and that, and then shrugged to myself. Not bad. Not bad at all.
There was a knock at the door, and I turned. “Come in.”
Ash’s head appeared, and I squealed. He was wearing a black three-piece suit with a silver tie, and a white rose was pinned to his lapel. He looked totally hot, but he wasn’t meant to see me until I went downstairs.
“You’re not meant to be in here!” I cried, trying to wrap my arms around myself and crossing my legs. Like that would hide the dress. It just made me look like I was trying to hold in my pee.
“I couldn’t take it anymore,” he said, prowling toward me.
I frowned as he slipped his hands over my waist and turned me around so my back was against his chest. “Couldn’t take what?”
His gaze met mine in the mirror. “Let’s run away.”
“Ash,” I scolded. “Everyone’s out there.”
I could hear the sound of muffled voices and the clink of glasses drifting up from the garden below. Everyone was here. Everyone who mattered at least. Dad, Violet, Josie, Dean and Lincoln, Hamish, Ryan and Cole from the gym, Bobby, Seth and even Joseph from the cafe around the corner from Beat. There was a bunch of other people there from both gyms, along with some of the big wigs from Pulse’s sponsors. Caleb had even deigned to shown up after Ash had stern words with him. I was glad I wasn’t there for that conversation, but at least the two men had straightened it out.
“I don’t give a shit,” Ash said, holding me tightly. “I’d be happy if we just signed the bit of paper and slipped the rings on our fingers. No fuckin’ confetti.”
“We didn’t get any confetti,” I said with a grin. “Are you disappointed?”
He smiled, his eyes lighting up. “Fuck the confetti.”
“But we’ve got bubbles. Do you like bubbles?”
He grinned and shook his head. “I can deal with bubbles.”
I swirled the ring around my finger, the ring that Ash had put there himself two weeks ago, and smiled. Shit, nothing would ever be easy with us. When we fought, it would be bitter, but when we made love, it would be explosive. All or nothing.
“I’d be happy with that as well,” I began.
“What? Eloping?”
I nodded.
“Good, let’s go. We’ll take my car. It’s faster than yours.”
“Ash!”
“I can’t take it any longer. I want you.”
“I was going to add that we should go down there and do this thing so we can tell the entire world, the parts of it that matter at least, that you’re mine and I’m yours.”
Ash furrowed his brow, the cogs in his head turning.
“Besides,” I said. “Josie would be heartbroken.”
Ash grunted, a smile pulling at his lips. “You’ve got a point. Being on the ass end of her wrath is not a place I want to be.” He pulled away and slapped me on the ass. “You look like an angel by the way.”
I screwed up my nose, and he laughed.
Pressing against my back, he lowered his lips against my ear. “I’m going to bend you over and do you from behind later. Keep the dress on.”
“Kinky,” I said with a laugh.
He pressed his lips against my neck. “Hurry up and get downstairs. The sooner we do this thing, the sooner I get to be inside you as your husband.”
I shivered. “Say it again.”
“Husband.”
I squirmed in his grasp. “Stop it, you’re turning me on.”
“Hu—”
Twisting in his arms, I slapped my hand over his mouth. “Downstairs like a good boy or the bending will commence in t-minus five seconds.”
Curling his fingers around my wrist, he pulled my hand away. “Under the thumb already.”
I shook my head. “From day one, Maverick.”
He backed away. “Give me five minutes to position myself.”
I nodded once, and he was gone. Glancing back into the mirror, I realized I didn’t feel scared at all. It seemed like forever ago that we’d stood in our kitchen and he’d mentioned getting married. I’d screwed my nose up at the thought of standing where I was now. I never understood why, but I’d never seen marriage in our future. I thought we didn’t need it and now that I was here, mere minutes away from tying the knot with Maverick… Shit. I’d been the biggest idiot out there. I should’ve made him get down on one knee the moment the word slipped from between his perfect lips.
Yes. Yes. A gazillion billion trillion times yes.
S
moothing down my dress one last time, I left Violet’s bedroom and made my way downstairs. When I peered through the double doors that led out to the patio, Josie snapped to attention and clapped her hands. Music started from outside, and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
Then I stepped through the doors, and Dad took my arm. For a split second, I was dazed, but then my gaze met Ash’s. There was nothing but him. Maverick. I was that dazzled by the man who’d broken and repaired my heart more times that I could count that I didn’t even feel the moment Dad let my arm go. I forgave him, I trusted him and I loved him.
I stood before Ash and saw the look in his eyes. He didn’t need to hear all the words that went with the whole getting married part. He didn’t need to hear the vows or have all our loved ones hear them. This was always about him and me.
Me and Him.
Maverick and Spitfire.
The celebrant cleared her throat and began. “We are gathered here today—”
“I do!” I exclaimed, flinging the bouquet into the gathered crowd. It smacked Hamish in the face, and he blinked in bewilderment.
Ash began to laugh, his gaze fixed on mine. “I totally fuckin’ do.”
The celebrant sighed dramatically and shook her head. “Then kiss the bloody bride. I take check or direct deposit.”
Josie clattered over to us in her six-inch heels and handed us the rings. Ash slipped mine on, and the matching silver band fit perfectly against the engagement ring like pieces of a puzzle. Then I slid his ring on his finger, and it was done.
Glancing up, I hardly had time to catch my breath as his mouth collided with mine. There was cheering and clapping from someplace far away, but all I could feel was his lips, his tongue and his taste… He overpowered the world, and all the bad fell away. We’d fought like hell to get here and I hoped… No, I knew it would be smooth sailing from here.
He kissed me like it was the first time, deep and hard. If I was attached to a heart monitor, I’m sure the spike would’ve been right off the charts.
Ash Fuller was mine. He would always be mine, and I would always be his.
Forever and ever, burning brightly without end.