by Amity Cross
“Tuesday?” I offered lamely.
“It’s Wednesday night, Sparks,” he said before sighing.
Fuck it. “Well then, it’s probably a good thing if we get together and talk.”
“I’ll say.”
I swallowed hard. “I can’t stop thinking about—”
“Don’t say it,” he interrupted. “A month, Holly.”
I didn’t like it when he used my real name. When he called me Holly, I knew he was pissed. I didn’t know him that well yet, but it was how he told me he wasn’t happy without actually saying it.
“Friday,” I declared, feeling tears prick at the back of my eyes. “Can I see you Friday?”
“Yeah. Friday.”
17
Josh
Sitting in my car, I stared out the window at Pulse Fitness.
It was this huge warehouse space, not far from The Underground, that was all brickwork with shiny modern fixtures. Described in a single word, it was posh.
I was still off-kilter after Sparks’s call last night. I’d pretty much given up on ever seeing her again. I’d imagined her hooking up with that douche, Archer, and that had done nothing but make me fly into a rage. The mirror would never be the same again, and I definitely wouldn’t be getting my bond back on the apartment. He was much more suited to her considering the statement that had come from her very own lips. Surgeons dated surgeons. Of course, they fucking did.
What use was it pining over Sparks when I still didn’t know what I was going to do with my life. Thinking about the fight last week, I knew it was smart not to go back in there, but without The Underground, what did I have? I didn’t have Sparks. I just had myself and a long, bleak existence to look forward to.
Once, I’d trained so I’d be powerful. I’d failed so many times because I’d been weak, and I’d built up my strength, only to have it fail once more. I’d landed in hospital, and now my back was fucked up. Did I care? I should.
Sliding out of the car, I shuffled toward the doors of the gym, still not entirely sure I was going inside.
I knew the rumors that had flown around The Underground about Ash Fuller, aka Maverick. I’d never known the guy, apart from the beating he gave me, but we had a lot in common if what people said were true. A bleak past, no future, and a fuck load of demons. Layers of anger and regret that had sunk so deep there was no end.
Staring up at the facade of Pulse, I wondered if I could turn my life around like he did. He had a successful business, a woman to love, and someplace to go. What he also had was the million dollar winnings from a Championship fight. I had a couple of thousand bucks that I’d won the week before. Without the prospect of another bout, I had shit all.
I was a small fry compared to that guy. Attempted murder had nothing on the real thing, no matter what label the suits put on it.
Shaking my head to clear it from the cobwebs of the past, I opened the front door and stepped inside, hoping I might find some answers inside.
The smell of leather and sweat smacked me in the face as I crossed the threshold, the muted sounds of music floating through from the main part of the building. Through the windows that separated the foyer from the gym itself, I caught sight of the usual rows of cardio machines. Bikes, treadmills, cross-trainers, and most of them were full. Considering it was six a.m on a weekday, it was kind of surprising.
The front desk was unattended, so I rang the bell and leafed through the flyers littered across the surface. Personal training, nutrition, fitness classes, some stupid yogalaties bullshit… Typical gym lineup.
The music increased in volume as a door opened, and a tall, statuesque woman with long, dark hair appeared. She was beautiful, but I also recognized her as Ren Miller, one-time AUFC fighter who turned down the gig for that cesspool that left me out on the street for dead. I didn’t know how she could stomach it, but I guess she had this place now.
“Hey,” she said brightly. “Welcome to Pulse Fitness. Are you interested in a membership?” She looked me up and down and nodded slightly.
“Yeah,” I muttered, realizing she didn’t know who I was. Probably a good thing to keep it that way.
“You look like you already know your way around a gym,” she went on. “We have the full setup and then some. If you’re into MMA, traditional boxing, or Thai kickboxing, we’ve got instructors and classes.”
“I’m just looking for a quiet place to work out,” I said, going along with the charade.
“Well, we’re not exactly quiet in the traditional sense of the word, but you’re welcome to come in at any time and do your own thing. All the programs are optional. Here.” She picked up a flyer from the haphazard stack and handed it to me. “We have memberships for every kind of person. From casual visits to the whole shebang. There’s a free pass for a week so you can give us a shot to see if you like it here.”
Peering at the flyer, I actually began to warm up to the idea. Their prices were better than the shithole I currently trained at. Pulse was further away from my place than the other joint, but if there was a free pass…
“If you want to come and have a look, I’m more than happy to show you around,” Ren said, sensing my deliberation.
Peering through the glass into the gym, I wondered if it was actually healthy that I’d come here. What if Maverick recognized me? Did I want him to? I had no idea what I’d hoped to achieve by coming here. Closure, hope, direction? Who the fuck knew.
“Yeah,” I heard myself saying. “That sounds good.”
“Great!” She smiled widely at me, bouncing on her heels. “I’m Ren, by the way. My husband owns the place.” She stuck out her hand, and I shook it.
“Josh.”
“C’mon,” she said, waving me forward. “Grand tour starts this way.”
She opened the door to the gym, and I stepped through into the large space. The roof seemed to be a thousand feet high, the rows of skylights letting in more light than any fluorescent tube could.
“We’ve got a separate area with free standing and fixed weights,” Ren said, beginning her spiel. “There are bags along the far wall and a bunch of ropes. Over the back is a fully kitted out octagon, which comes in handy since we have a couple of guys who are training for the AUFC. My husband, Ash, is their coach. Are you into fighting?”
I glanced at her, unsure what to say. “A little.”
“Well, he’s available for some one-on-one sessions, but his time is pretty taken up by the guys. We do have some other trainers who would love to take you on, though.”
She ushered me forward, showing me the lockers and change rooms, then the kitchen where they had on-site nutrition and cooking classes. Finally, she guided me through the rows of cardio machines, and that’s when I saw her among the early morning exercisers.
Charlie Croft.
Her gaze met mine, and she stood, her expression guarded. What was she doing here? I didn’t know she was in with the Fuller’s. Blinking a few times, I came to the conclusion that it really was her.
“Charlie?” I asked, staring at her blankly for a moment.
“Josh,” she said, coming to stand before me.
“Hey,” Ren said. “I’m just giving him the tour. You guys know each other?”
“Yeah,” Charlie said. “I know the big lump. I can take over if you like?”
“Charlie,” she scolded with a wink. “You’re a customer. You don’t have to do that.”
“Nah, but I haven’t seen this guy in ages.” She thumped me on the arm. “I’ve got to cross-examine the guy.”
“Great,” I drawled.
“All right, if you say so.” Ren turned back to me and smiled. “If you’ve got any questions, I’ll be floating around. Oh, and if you’re interested in that free trial, let me know, and I’ll get you hooked up.”
“Thanks,” I said and she left Charlie and me alone for the cross-examination.
As soon as we were alone, Charlie grabbed my arm. “What are you doing here?” She glanced over my s
houlder in the direction Ren had disappeared.
I shook myself free. “Looking for a new gym.”
She didn’t look convinced. “What’s up? You look beat.”
Glancing across the floor to where Maverick’s wife was talking with a staff member, I frowned. I wonder if she knew what her man had done for me.
“Leave it,” Charlie said, laying a hand on my shoulder. “No good will come of that.”
“I know,” I muttered. “I’m not sure why I came here…”
“Answers.” I turned my attention back to her. “You got them all when he paid for your medical expenses.”
“So it was Fuller,” I said. I’d suspected he had after what he’d done to me, but it had never been fully explained.
“I confronted him about it not long after I spoke to you in the hospital,” she confirmed. “He knows you’re okay, and that’s all that needs to be said about it.”
Shit, she thought I was here to punch on with the guy. “Charlie, I didn’t come here to cause trouble. I don’t hold a grudge. I knew the score when I went into that cage.”
“Then why are you here?”
I shrugged, not wanting to tell her that I was hoping to find an answer to the meaning of life…or at least a clue to point me in the right direction.
“It’s a better gym than the one I was going to,” I replied lamely.
Charlie rolled her eyes. “Then come train with me a while, smartass.”
I followed her across the mats where we positioned ourselves among the weights.
“So, how are things going with that pretty doctor?”
Narrowing my eyes, I began stretching out my arms, intending to start with some reps on the dumbbells before getting into the heavier stuff. There was a metaphor if I ever saw one.
“Oh, c’mon, tell Auntie Charlie about it,” she prodded.
If my head weren’t so full of Sparks, I would’ve been pissed that she was patronizing me.
“It’s just…” I trailed off with a shrug.
“She’s a fancy doctor?”
Glaring at her, I picked up the dumbbells and began some repetitions. Of course it was because she was a fancy doctor and I was a deadshit nobody, but I wasn’t going to admit it to Charlie. Not when she was a fucking cop and just going with the flow where The Underground was concerned.
“We went out, had a great time all over her apartment, then nothing. After a month, I’d pretty much given up,” I said, mentally scolding myself for sounding like a chick.
“It’s a busy job,” Charlie replied, picking up another set of dumbbells and sitting across from me. “Every time I have to go into the hospital for a job, those guys are run off their feet. It’s a big responsibility. And, dude, I don’t want to know how many times you’ve done it with the poor woman. Boundaries.”
I sighed. “That doesn’t make me feel any better.”
She smiled at me and began lifting. “Woman.”
My lip curled. “Fuck off.”
“I’ve seen tougher fighters than you going mushy for the right woman,” she went on, ignoring me.
“Maybe, but Sparks is different. She’s…” I didn’t know how to describe how I saw her.
“She rescued you,” Charlie said. “Nursed you back to health, stole your heart and—”
“Don’t finish that,” I interrupted with a roll of my eyes.
She snorted.
“She’s this big shot surgeon with a fancy apartment. She’s smart as hell, and I’m just a guy.”
“She intimidates you?” I glared at her. “Calm down. It’s okay to be intimidated by someone, even a woman. It drives us to want to be better. Unless you’re the jealous type, then you just pout in a corner.”
“That’s the thing,” I said. “What prospects do I have? I can’t offer her anything. I fight at The Underground. Look how that turned out for me. I don’t have anything else to give her.”
“It’s not always about stuff, Josh,” she said, shaking her head like I was a moron. “Sometimes, it’s about more than that. The spiritual connection between the souls of two lovers.”
I rolled my eyes at her new age lingo. “Is that what you call your relationship with Rebel?”
“Shut it. You know what I mean, so have a think about it.”
“What spirit do you know that can pay the bills?”
She glanced at me. “You need a job?”
“I need a direction.”
“A career, huh?” She thought for a moment as we lifted our dumbbells in unison. “What about the Police Force?”
I glanced at her, waiting for the punch line, but she was being totally serious.
“You’d be good at it,” she went on. “It’s a lot of training straight up, but we could use muscles and a good head like yours.”
I snorted. “My back’s not what it used to be.”
She paused what she was doing and glanced at me, her blue eyes narrowing in concern. “I heard you got back in the cage.”
I shrugged. “I won…”
“But?”
I shook my head.
“Fuck, Josh. I’m a detective, and right now, I detect that you’re not telling me the full story. Give me a little credit.”
Fucking cops. Couldn’t get anything past them. “They told me it was reckless.”
Charlie sighed and put the dumbbells down. “They as in Dr. Walsh?”
I nodded. “There she goes, shrinking my balls yet again.”
“It’s not emasculating,” she said. “It’s reality, and sometimes, reality fucking sucks. You had tenderness the other night, didn’t you? Back at it too soon?”
I sighed, remembering the ache in my spine and the unbelievable rage that had driven me into the cage in the first place. I hadn’t cared if I’d paralyzed myself…and I hated my life now. What would it be like having a tube stuck in my cock to piss?
“Without fighting, I don’t know who I am,” I said truthfully.
Silence, then she stood and came to sit beside me, placing her hand on my shoulder. “I think I get it now,” she murmured. “You don’t think you’re good enough for her.”
I was struggling with a lot of things, but having Charlie voice them, made them feel even more daunting. They were a mountain I’d never be able to conquer.
“You know I’ve seen your file, Josh,” she went on, beginning to walk on dangerous ground. “If this is stemming from what happened—”
“Shut up,” I hissed, knocking her hand away.
Charlie edged away slightly and held up her hands. “Fine. Suit yourself. If you need a mate to talk about it with, you can always count on me.” She rose to her feet and began shaking out her limbs. “I’m not going to put up with your temper, though. I get enough of that shit with Kane.”
That was the thing about Charlie. She was a detective in a man’s world and had to act like one to get through the day. I didn’t envy her, but I understood well enough.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered. “It’s just a sore spot. I want to forget about it.”
“Understandable. Listen, I’m going to do some k’s on the bikes if you want to join me?”
“Yeah. I need some advice,” I said. I’d been an asshole to her when she was only trying to help, which I fucking needed, and Charlie seemed to be my only ally in the war against myself.
“More?” She groaned. “It’s been going so well for us today.”
“I’m seeing Holly tonight,” I admitted. “I’m still pissed at her, and I don’t want to stuff it up if there’s even a slight chance we can work shit out.”
“You sly dog,” she exclaimed, laughing. “You were holding out on me.”
“It may be fucking useless…”
Charlie smiled and wove her arm through mine. Guiding me toward the bikes, she said, “Now, let me tell you a secret about us womenfolk.”
18
Holly
Staring at the boiling pot of pasta, my nose wrinkled. How long was I meant to leave this on for?
<
br /> I was currently trying to make good use of my kitchen, but I was making a mess out of everything, no matter how closely I followed the recipe. Like a metaphor with an epic punch line, it was looking exactly like the chaos I’d made of mine and Josh’s fledgling relationship.
I’d invited him to come around to my place and had fully intended to cook him a nice dinner, drink some fancy wine, and straighten things out. I was going to be calm, apologetic, and real put together. I was not going to allow myself to submit to my base instincts, meaning I wasn’t going to fall to my knees and beg with my mouth at the sight of him. It was some kind of high-class plan for seduction…or something like that.
The intercom went off, and I flailed, trying to find a place to put the sauce-laden spoon down. Settling for just dumping it on the bench, I ran across the apartment and let Josh in. Flipping open the lock and wedging the door open a crack, I went and checked my reflection. Twirling, the black dress I wore flared at the hem. Pretty good, Holly.
“Hello?”
I ventured back out when I heard Josh’s voice filter through the apartment. He was standing just inside the door, his gaze wandering around the boxes I’d finally started to unpack.
“Hey,” I said, walking forward.
His gaze turned to me, raking up and down my body, and then his nose wrinkled. ”What’s that smell?”
Sniffing, the distinct smell of burning pasta filled my nostrils. “Fuck!”
Running into the kitchen, I yanked the smoking pot off the stove and dumped it into the sink, thankful that I’d had enough intelligence to turn on the exhaust fan. The last thing I needed was to evacuate the entire building over some fucking pasta.
“Shit, shit, shit,” I wailed, grabbing the spoon off the bench and stirring the Bolognese sauce. It wasn’t looking so hot.
Josh was standing beside me, looking amused, but I was borderline frazzled. I was trying to impress him, not put a nail into my domestic coffin.
“You’re not a cook, are you?” he asked, his lips quirking.