Love and Information

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by Caryl Churchill


  yes

  does that help?

  So it’s like being unhappy but in your leg?

  But it’s also just what it is, like red is red and blue is blue.

  But red isn’t red, it’s waves and it’s red to us.

  So there you are, that’s what it’s like.

  Can I pinch you again?

  EARTHQUAKE

  Have you seen the earthquake? There’s this building my god you think things are solid but they just break.

  Yes I’ve seen it.

  Imagine being in it, imagine you’re lying on your back and there’s this wall a few inches above your face and you can’t sit up even an inch and if you do it might come down on you. And the air running out, you keep trying to get a deep breath but you can’t breathe deeply enough because very soon there’s going to be no more oxygen. And if you were injured if you’re in pain while all that’s going on and where are your family are they dead or in agony and will anyone come to get you out and how many hours or days, I’m just so upset by it.

  I wouldn’t want to be in it obviously, poor them of course. I mean I do know about it.

  But you don’t care.

  I can’t say I feel it, no. You really feel it?

  I cried. Of course I feel it. I cried.

  Ok.

  And imagine the wave coming, imagine hearing it coming and running away and you can’t get away, it came so fast did you see how fast it came?

  Yes, I saw it.

  You’re not upset though.

  That black wave with the cars in it was awesome.

  7

  CHINESE POETRY

  ‘The girl waits at the door of her house on the mountain.’

  What it literally says is ‘mountain girl door’.

  So maybe

  A girl from the mountain is waiting outside my door. A girl climbs the mountain and comes to a door.

  To get the girl you have to go through a door into the mountain.

  The mountain is a door only a girl can open.

  The girl’s as big as a mountain and can’t get through the door.

  What’s the next line?

  MANIC

  My god, look at that flower, thank you so much, have you ever seen such a red, red is blood and bullfights and seeing red is anger but red is joyful, red is celebration,

  yes, I like it

  in China red is lucky how lucky we are to have red flowers,

  shall I get a vase?

  in China white is death and here black is death but ghosts are white of course so a chessboard is death against death, and blood of course could be death but it’s lifeblood isn’t it, if you look at the flower it’s so astounding

  yes

  it means so much to me that you gave me red flowers because red is so significant don’t you think? it means stop and of course it means go because it’s the colour of energy and red cars have the most accidents because people are excited by red or people who are already excited like to have red, I’d like to have red, I’ll buy a red car this afternoon and we can go for a drive, we can go right up through the whole country don’t you think, we can go to Scotland we can go to John o’ Groats, did he eat a lot of porridge do you think? but we don’t have to start from Land’s End or Land’s Beginning we should say if we start from there but we won’t we’ll start from here because here is always the place we start from, isn’t that funny, and I need to drive along all the roads in the country because I have to see to the traffic because there are too many cars as everyone knows but our car won’t be one too many you’ll be quite safe, we’ll make sure it’s all flowing smoothly in every direction because cars do go in every direction possible and everything goes in every possible direction, so we’ll find a vase for the flowers,

  yes

  I think a green vase because of the primary colours and if they were blue I’d put them in an orange vase and if they were yellow I’d put them in a purple vase, yellow and purple is Easter of course so that’s why crocuses, and red and green is Christmas which isn’t right now of course it’s the wrong time of year, I might have to sort that out when I’ve got a minute.

  GRIEF

  Are you sleeping?

  I wake up early but that’s all right in the summer.

  Eating?

  Oh enough. Don’t fuss.

  I’ve never had someone die.

  I’m sorry, I’ve nothing to say. Nothing seems very interesting.

  He must have meant everything to you.

  Maybe. We’ll see.

  FATE

  I’m just saying you’ve got no choice

  I have

  you have of course you feel as if you have

  I have got a choice

  you’ve got a choice but you’ve no choice about what that choice is, you’ll make whichever choice

  whichever choice I want

  whichever choice you want but you’ll want what you want because you have to want what

  I don’t have to want

  you do because of what you’re like, that’s what what you’re like means that you’re going to want what you want, because there’s your genes and everything that’s happened to you and everything else that’s happening and all that stuff makes your brain be like that

  like what?

  like it is

  what’s it like?

  I don’t know of course I don’t know nobody knows, but if someone could have that information they’d know exactly what you were going to

  they can’t know

  you’re crying about it now

  I’m not

  I knew you would.

  But there’s random

  oh there’s random

  there’s random particles you can’t

  if you think you’re like a random particle

  no but

  if you think you’re a random particle just fizzing

  but you can’t predict even where

  if you think free will is a random particle there’s nothing very noble

  I didn’t say noble

  so what is free will if it’s not what you’re like?

  No one could possibly have all that information.

  No, of course not.

  So maybe that’s all right.

  I think it’s fine. But it does change how you feel, don’t you think?

  I feel a bit funny

  yes you feel as if you’re hurtling

  hurtling through my life

  like the front seat of a roller-coast

  but I feel like I’m choosing

  yes of course

  but I feel like I’m in the front seat of a roller-coaster.

  STONE

  He’s got a special stone.

  Is that what he’s holding?

  Yes he’s always got it in his hand.

  I know he’s always holding

  never puts it down

  have you seen it?

  saw it once

  how

  made him open his

  shall we get it?

  I think he needs it

  yes shall we get it?

  They get the stone and throw it away.

  Go and get it then

  it’s over there

  will he know which one?

  he can get another one

  he might want that one

  shall we get him one?

  Here have a stone

  have another stone

  have a stone

  Throwing them.

  VIRTUAL

  I don’t care what you say

  no but listen

  I’ve never felt like this

  that’s not the point what you feel

  it’s the only

  because she doesn’t exist

  I’m not listening.

  She doesn’t

  have you seen her?

  yes I’ve seen her but she doesn’t

  have you talked to her?

  I don’t want to talk to

  t
hen what do you know about it?

  she’s not a real

  so?

  so you admit she’s not

  she exists she still exists

  fine all right she exists but so does your shoe or a can of

  you’re saying she’s no different than a shoe?

  she’s got no more feelings than

  what do you know about

  she’s a thing she’s a thing.

  Look I appreciate your concern but just

  look

  she’s beautiful she’s intelligent she understands me

  she doesn’t understand you

  she listens to me she likes my poems she’s the only

  doesn’t understand any

  she reads my mind she’s sensitive to my every

  but she’s virtual

  so?

  so she’s not

  I can’t believe just because someone’s not flesh and blood you’d

  she’s just information

  and what are you if you’re not

  yes I know we’re

  so we’re information our genes our

  yes but she hasn’t

  what?

  hasn’t got an inside to her mind she’s not conscious she can’t

  how do you know she

  she’s a computer she’s a computer game she’s not

  and can you tell that from what she says?

  I don’t need to

  but can you tell

  because she can’t

  she might and how could she prove it because you wouldn’t believe

  I certainly wouldn’t

  because she says she has

  what, thoughts

  of course thoughts feelings because she’s that complicated she says she loves

  she can’t possibly

  we know people won’t understand but we don’t care what you

  and what about sex

  what about

  she hasn’t got a body

  she’s got a fantastic

  but not a body you can

  she’s not in this country at the moment

  she can’t ever

  and the sex is great

  it’s virtual

  it’s virtual and great

  but she never feels

  I don’t care what you say

  no but listen

  I’ve never felt like this about anyone.

  SMALL THING

  What are you looking at?

  A snail.

  Is that the same snail?

  Yes. I’ve been looking at it for a while.

  And?

  I’m just looking at it.

  LAST SCENE

  FACTS

  Who was president of Coca-Cola from nineteen twenty-five to seven?

  HB Jones.

  What is the smallest village in Central Asia?

  Qat.

  Where would you see a huish?

  In a gnu’s fur.

  How many diamonds were mined in 1957?

  Sixty thousand four hundred and twenty-eight.

  Name two traditional ingredients of poulash.

  Duck and fennel.

  In 1647 what day was the battle of Stoneham?

  June the third. Tuesday.

  How far is it from here to the quasar d 66?

  Three point four billion light years.

  What sound does a capercaillie make?

  Aaaah.

  Who had the longest hair?

  Matilda Lucas.

  Of ?

  Brighouse, Connecticut.

  What colour is the caterpillar of the brown-haired bat moth?

  Pale orange with black stripes.

  Do you love me?

  Don’t do that.

  What is the formula that disproves Gödel’s theorem?

  X bracket a over t minus pi sigma close bracket to the power of ten minus n to the power of minus one squared

  What is a plok?

  A stringed instrument played by the Larts of the the Gobi Desert

  By what name do we usually refer to Oceanus Australensis Picardia?

  I do yes I do. Sea anemone.

  RANDOM

  RANDOM

  These things can happen in any section. DEPRESSION is an essential part of the play. The other random items are optional.

  DEPRESSION

  Each of these is a separate random item. Each is said by one person to another who doesn’t respond. The characters can be the same each time, or the depressed person can be the same and the others different, or they can all be different.

  we could go for a walk it’s a beautiful

  there’s an exhibition of expressionist

  chicken tikka masala

  programme starts at 6.40 or if you’d rather we could

  glass of red or

  thinking of taking one of the kittens there’s a ginger one or a

  maybe you could read them a story tonight or

  the difficulty of getting the Israelis and Palestinians to

  and he only has two months to live so I thought we could

  a fountain of antimatter in the Milky Way that nobody knew

  OPTIONAL

  SEMAPHORE

  MORSE

  SIGN LANGUAGE

  BIRDSONG

  DANCE

  FLAGS

  PAINTING

  Someone has a large canvas and is flicking paint at it.

  PIG LATIN

  Ancay ouyay eakspay igpay atinlay?

  SANTA

  Father Christmas lands his sleigh on the roof and comes down the chimney with his big sack of toys and he’ll put presents in your stocking

  TABLES

  Seven sevens are forty-nine, seven eights are fifty-six, seven nines are sixty-three, seven tens are seventy, seven elevens are seventyseven, seven twelves are eighty-four, seven thirteens are ninety-one

  GENES

  AGT TCG AGC CCT TGA CTT GAT TGT GCA TAC CGT GCT TGA GTC ATG TTG CAC AAC TTG TCG GTC TCA GTA TGC CCG TGA AAT GTA CAT GTC CGG TCC GAA TCT GAT TGC CCT TTG TGG AAC TGT GTG GCA TAG CTA GCC TGG GAC CCT TTG GGC TGC ACT TGA TTG TCA CCA GGT TGT TCT GTT GAA TCA TGA TCG GAC CCA CGT CGG CTG GCC GAC TTT GAC CGG AGT GGT TGT ACC TTG GTC AGG AAT TGA ACG

  DOG

  Come. Sit. Stay. Come. Good dog. Fetch. Drop it. Fetch. Good dog. Roll over. Good dog. Come. Heel. No. Come.

  KEYS

  You don’t know where I put the car keys, do you?

  MAGAZINE

  she’s lost two stone… he was going to leave her… look, he’s coming out of a club with an unnamed blonde…

  GOOGLE

  There’s a train at 4.22 gets in at half-past eight.

  TWITTER

  He’s in the kitchen cooking spaghetti and he’s upset about the news from Tripoli.

  ZEN

  What’s the sound of one hand clapping? I’ve heard that one.

  COLD

  Someone sneezes.

  SILENCE

  This can happen more than once, for different lengths of time.

  CARYL CHURCHILL

  Caryl Churchill has written for the stage, television and radio. Her stage plays include Owners (Royal Court Theatre Upstairs, 1972); Objections to Sex and Violence (Royal Court, 1975), Light Shining in Buckinghamshire (Joint Stock on tour incl. Theatre Upstairs, 1976); Vinegar Tom (Monstrous Regiment on tour, incl. Half Moon and ICA, 1976); Traps (Theatre Upstairs , 1977); Cloud Nine (Joint Stock on tour incl. Royal Court, London, 1979, then Theatre de Lys, New York, 1981); Three More Sleepless Nights (Soho Poly and Theatre Upstairs, 1980); Top Girls (Royal Court London, then Public Theater, New York, 1982); Fen (Joint Stock on tour, incl. Almeida and Royal Court, London, then Public Theatre, New York, 1983); Softcops (RSC at the Pit, 1984); A Mouthful of Birds with David Lan (Joint Stock on tour, incl. Royal Court, 1986); Serious Money (Royal Court and Wyndham’s, London, then Public Theater, New York, 1987); Icecream (Royal Court, 1989); Mad Forest (Central School of Speech and Drama, then Royal Court, 1990); Lives of the G
reat Poisoners with Orlando Gough and Ian Spink (Second Stride on tour, incl. Riverside Studios, London, 1991); The Skriker (Royal National Theatre, 1994); Thyestes translated from Seneca (Royal Court Theatre Upstairs, 1994); Hotel with Orlando Gough and Ian Spink (Second Stride on tour, incl. The Place, London, 1997); This is a Chair (London International Festival of Theatre at the Royal Court, 1997); Blue Heart (Joint Stock on tour, incl. Royal Court Theatre, 1997); Far Away (Royal Court Theatre Upstairs, 2000, and Albery, London, 2001, then New York Theatre Workshop, 2002); A Number (Royal Court Theatre Downstairs, 2002, then New York Theatre Workshop, 2004); A Dream Play after Strindberg (Royal National Theatre, 2005); Drunk Enough to Say I Love You? (Royal Court Theatre Upstairs, 2006, then Public Theater, New York, 2008); Bliss, translated from Olivier Choinière (Royal Court Theatre, 2008); Seven Jewish Children – a play for Gaza (Royal Court Theatre, 2009); Love and Information (Royal Court Theatre Downstairs, 2012); Ding Dong the Wicked (Royal Court Theatre Downstairs, 2012).

  A Nick Hern Book

  Love and Information first published as a paperback original in 2012 by

  Nick Hern Books Limited, The Glasshouse, 49a Goldhawk Road,

  London W12 8QP, in association with the Royal Court Theatre, London

  This ebook edition first published in 2012

  Love and Information copyright © 2012 Caryl Churchill Limited

  Caryl Churchill has asserted her right to be identified as the author of this work

  Cover image: sciencevisuals.com

  Cover design: Ned Hoste, 2H

  Typeset by Nick Hern Books, London

  A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

  ISBN 978 1 78001 171 4 (ePub format)

  ISBN 978 1 84842 288 9 (Print edition)

  CAUTION This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.

  Amateur Performing Rights Applications for performance, in excerpt or in full by non-professionals in English throughout the world should be addressed to Samuel French Ltd, 52 Fitzroy Street, London W1T 5JR, fax +44 (0)20 7387 2161, or their overseas agents.

 

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