Dear Aaron

by Mariana Zapata

  “I feel like it’s my birthday,” I whispered to him, unable to quit smiling. Aaron flushed deeper but smiled back. “Can I…?”

  “Whatever you want,” he said, swallowing hard, watching me straighten and sit up, slowly scooting over.

  I reached for his stomach first, moving my hand across from one rib to the other. I moved my hand down the center of it, passing over the hollow of his belly button, going over the trail of blond-brown hairs leading down, side by side with thin veins, toward the thicker patch at the root of his penis. I had just grazed his pubic hair, and Aaron had just arched his hips upward with a rough breath, when I started moving my hand back up, toward his pecs, watching his face to make sure I wasn’t doing anything wrong.

  With my hand flat on him, I rubbed up over one pec, feeling the flat hair on his chest tickle my palm. I even rubbed my thumb around the pink of his nipple before moving over and circling his other pectoral, the muscle firm and warm. And then I swept my palm down one more time, trailing my fingertips over the slabs of his abs, watching in a trance as he held his breath while I did it.

  “Why are you so handsome?” I asked him, joining my other hand so I could feel all over his stomach with both like I’d never get this chance again.

  Aaron let out a breath that could have passed for a laugh if it didn’t sound so pained. “You can thank my parents another time,” he basically groaned, arching his back and into my touch.

  I smiled. How could I not? Lowering myself to my side, it was my turn to stretch against him, stretching against this beautiful naked man who felt like he was mine. That seemed like he was mine. Like he belonged to me. Raising my eyes to his face, I lowered my mouth to brush my lips against the slab of ribs closest to me, listening to him hiss. He was smooth there, and so warm, all I wanted to do was wrap myself around him and soak him in.

  But I didn’t do that. I moved my lips to his belly button and gave the skin right above it a kiss.

  “Ruby,” he hissed. “Come here.”

  “I am here,” I said, kissing a spot below his belly button.

  He groaned. “No, here,” he said, his hands coming up to pat directly over the center of his abs.

  Nervous, so freaking nervous, I swung a leg over his waist so I straddled his stomach, straightening my back so I kneeled over him, unsure of what he was asking for but knowing it wouldn’t be nothing. He was smiling softly at me from where he lay, a flush covering his chest and neck. The feel of his hands landing on the outside of my thighs made me jump a little. But he watched me as he dragged his hands upward under the legs of my shorts until his fingertips seemed to graze the lower half of my bottom cheeks.

  And then, one hand disappeared for all of a moment and the next thing I knew, there was pressure over my slit, right at the top, dragging down the length of it. Aaron watched me with those brown, brown eyes as he moved what had to be the pad of his thumb up and down the seam of my lips over my underwear, pausing right at the top with a gentle circle that had me sucking in a breath.

  He smiled.

  And he did it again.

  And again, and again…

  “More,” I pleaded, more than likely sounding crazy.

  And he gave me more, his touch gentle, light, circling and drawing a line straight down the center of me before going back up again for seconds, thirds, fourths, fifths, tenths and twentieths, until I could feel how wet my underwear was, I could feel how achy the middle part of my body had gotten. There was no way Aaron could have missed it, especially when his other hand slipped inside the leg of my shorts and tugged my underwear to the side a moment before the hand that had been driving me crazy, did the same thing again except this time over bare skin.

  Then he slipped a finger inside of me and I lost it. In and out, one finger and then eventually two fingers, crooking and then sliding, forcing me to drop down to hold myself up on my hands and knees over him. His mouth found one of my nipples and gave it a nip that had me shuddering. It was the first time anyone other than me or my vibrator had been anywhere near the center of my body. Not even the other idiot, the original idiot, had gone there.

  I only knew I was panting because I could hear myself as I moved my hips around his fingers for more. And just as I started to tighten, to feel an orgasm starting right at the juncture of my thighs, he stopped.

  He freaking stopped.

  “Aaron, please,” I started to cry out, getting caught off guard when he sat up, his hands frantic on my hips as he shoved my shorts and underwear down my thighs, helping me maneuver them off in this tangle that only wasn’t awkward because we were both so desperate. So damn desperate.

  In the blink of an eye, he was on his back again and I was straddling his hips that time. Aaron watched me as he licked his palm and wrapped it around the broad, hard flesh that was lined up right along my lips. His fingers brushed the sensitive skin on the crease as he rubbed his palm up and down his length twice before pressing himself to where I was warm and wet and so needy it might have been pathetic if I’d cared. The smooth cap of his head brushed against my clit as he slicked his palm up and down, licking it once more before doing the motion all over again.

  Then he lined himself up with where I’d played enough in the past to know was my entrance, and with flexing hips and his hands on my waist, he pushed upward at the same time I sat on the shaft standing there upright waiting for me. One inch at a time, I held my breath as he stretched me and kept on stretching me, going where only one other person had gone before, but somehow, I couldn’t remember anything about that one and only time.

  And then, with a slight sting that was nothing to write home about, and just enough discomfort to make me not want to move for a little while, my bottom hit his thighs and we both gasped. Neither one of us moved, breathed, did anything but just… exist.

  “You okay?” he asked roughly after a moment, sounding almost entirely like a different person.

  I nodded, flexing my inner muscles like that would help them get used to the new friend they’d made who wasn’t anywhere near being small or skinny. And Aaron groaned, ragged, long, his abs heaving as he blinked like he was in pain. “Are you okay?” I asked him with a hiss of something that wasn’t pain when he seemed to flex the big muscle buried inside of me in response.

  Aaron smiled, swallowing, gulping, his breathing off.

  I prodded at his shoulder, earning a moan from deep in his throat as he moved inside me. “Hey, if you croak on me right now, I’ll never recover.”

  A pained smile grew across his mouth, and he pretty much groaned, “I’m not okay. I’m never going to be okay.”

  I laughed and that only made him moan more.

  Aaron tipped his head back, arching his upper body. “Ruby,” he whispered, “move, just move a little, and I’ll tell you anything you ever wanted to know. I’ll do whatever you want me to do, I swear to God… I might die if you don’t,” he wheezed out.

  Well.

  When he put it like that…

  I swallowed the knot in my throat as I lifted my hips just an inch and dropped back down. Okay, all right. Then I did it again, up and down, taking a little more each time, it feeling so much better, so much better after every movement. I had no idea if I was doing it right, but I tried to do what I’d seen in movies before. It wasn’t like it was rocket science. Moving my hands to his chest, I started taking it all, every inch of his length until it felt like he’d almost come out, that big cap the only thing still inside of me, and I dropped back down with a hiss.

  It was Aaron’s hands on my waist, kneading, that made me start grinding against the base of him when I’d sit back deeply enough that I was on his lap. And then, then, it was amazing. Beyond amazing. With each grind of my clit against his pubic bone, the need to orgasm became more pronounced. Achier. And from the way Aaron was breathing, he was close too.

  I froze, hovering over him, but he pushed me back down and made me circle my hips as I was impaled on him, over and over again, and I came. I
came with a cry, with a swallow, with a groan that had me falling forward, my chest against his, the side of my face doing the same.

  And then Aaron groaned, grunted, his body stiffened, every muscle tensing as he jerked out of me suddenly, hot, sticky warmth covering my upper thighs as he clutched me to him.

  I pulled back after a moment and looked down at him, breathing so heavily I wasn’t sure I’d ever stop, and I said the words he had to know were in my heart. The only time I’d ever said them out loud and to one person… and maybe that was the proof I didn’t need right there. Loving Aaron wasn’t something I could just keep to myself, it burst out, stretching every seam in my soul and body. When you loved someone, you told them. There was no other option.

  And I told him my greatest truth, like it was something I was proud of and would tell anyone… because I could and would. “Maybe this is the wrong time, but I don’t care. I love you, stalker.”

  With the side of my face to the warm, damp skin of his chest, he whispered the words right back to me as another hand landed on the small of my back. “I love you too, Ruby Cube. You know that.”

  Chapter 24

  I was sad.

  Sadder than sad.

  I was so damn sad it made my mouth taste like ash. It made my heart ache.

  I’d never really experienced grief before, but this sure as heck felt pretty close to it. So far, I’d been lucky enough to never have anyone close to me die, but this… I could understand how some people never recovered from it if this was a fraction of what it felt like to lose someone.

  Neither one of us had said much the last hour and a half since we’d left the beach house en route to the airport. He’d brought me breakfast at the crack of dawn again, but instead, this time, we’d woken up in his bed together. We’d showered together, with him washing my back and kissing my shoulders and hugging me while we were wet and slippery. I’d sat at the kitchen island while he’d cooked, and then we’d headed to the deck together to eat the waffles and side of berries he’d made.

  We both knew what today was. What going to the airport meant. It meant this vacation was over. Our time together had come to an end.

  It meant that Aaron would have to drive back to Shreveport, say goodbye to his loved ones, and then drive all the way to Kentucky to get back to his base.

  It meant I’d go from spending all day with him to… not.

  Every single thought that ricocheted around in my head since reality had really settled in had been focused on the fact that I had no idea when the next time I would see him or be near him would be.

  And honestly, I’d been fighting back tears the entire time. This didn’t seem fair. It didn’t seem fair at all that now that I had him, I had to let him go. I had to go back home. For the first time in forever, there wasn’t so much comfort in it.

  “Did you check in to your flight already?” came Aaron’s low, distant voice from behind the steering wheel. We’d left later than we should have, but I hadn’t really cared or worried too much about how close we were cutting it.

  I swallowed hard, fighting back the sadness that seemed capable of crushing my lungs. “No,” I muttered as we passed a sign pointing us toward the airport.

  It wasn’t my imagination that Aaron slowed his truck down. “Ruby…”

  I didn’t want to look at him. I couldn’t. “I wish I could stay here with you longer,” I said, keeping my gaze focused on the blurry scenery outside the window. “And I feel really bad I’m not as excited as I should be to go see my dad because I’m sad to leave you.”

  “Ru,” he whispered, gulping so loud I could hear him.

  I wasn’t going to look over. Nope.

  “Hey,” he said, steering the truck to a cluster of lined up cars that told me our time was about to run out. “I don’t want to drop you off either, you know that, don’t you?”

  I shook my head, still looking outside. Where was a rainstorm when I needed one? I couldn’t even hiccup without him hearing it.

  “Ruby,” he repeated, and I pinched my lips together as he pulled into the drop-off lane, trying so hard not to cry. I knew I failed when at least five tears just jumped right out of my eyes.

  “Ruby Cube,” he said. “Would you look at me?”

  I shook my head again, two more tears jumping to their deaths of shame.

  “Hey.”

  I swallowed and slowly turned my head to look at him, totally conscious that there were tears in my eyes, and I had no hopes of hiding them, and knowing full well that the second I looked at him, I was going to cry.

  And that’s exactly what happened.

  One second I was looking out the window, and the next, I was shifting in his passenger seat, meeting those warm brown eyes, and then four tears turned into a hundred and I whispered, “Why does it feel like I’m never going to see you again?” I blubbered.

  Before I could register what he was doing, Aaron undid his seat belt and reached for me, his hands going to my face across the center console, palming me, cupping me, bringing us forehead to forehead. His lips hovered millimeters from mine, full and a shade of pink I’d only ever seen on him before, and he said the words that ate me up completely. “This isn’t goodbye. You know that, don’t you?” his voice croaked, pretty much ending my life.

  I didn’t get a chance to answer before he answered his own question, his voice breaking and creaking and raspier than ever. “You know that. You know you’ll see me again,” he claimed, to me, to himself, to everyone in the world.

  Pinching my lips together, I wanted to tell him that it didn’t feel that way. That this felt like goodbye forever, but maybe it was just the part of me that didn’t completely understand or accept separation. I could admit it. When my dad had first moved back to California, I’d cried every day for months. I’d gotten used to the idea, but it had taken time. There was no hiding it. And yet this… this felt just like that but worse somehow because I didn’t know what would happen to Aaron in his career.

  I wanted it all, as selfish as it made me.

  All of it.

  With his forehead still pressed to mine, his mouth kissed one of my cheeks and then the other. He brushed my lips with his, tenderly, tenderly, tenderly. One corner and then the other. His hands the gentlest thing I’d ever felt in my life. And he spoke into my skin, into my heart, my soul, everything in me. “I don’t want to leave you. I want to turn this truck around and take you back to the house with me, and then I want to take you to Kentucky and have you there while I figure my life out this next year. With you.” He gulped, trailing off.

  The sound that came out of me was somewhere between a laugh and a sob, and I didn’t miss the smile he made into my cheek.

  “This is just for a little bit. You know that, don’t you?” he pleaded into me. “Tell me you know that.”

  Did I know that? It didn’t take much soul searching to know that I did. I did know he didn’t want to drop me off at the airport, to let me go back to the place I’d almost always called home.

  The thumb he had on my right cheek made a swipe across it. His nose touched mine, and his voice was weak as he whispered, “You can come visit me whenever you want, and don’t say anything about the money. Visit me every month. Every other week. Fucking every week if you want,” he offered. “This is only temporary. Understand me?”

  I closed my eyes and nodded, not having the strength in me to say words that wouldn’t come out like cries and pleas of take me with you, please, please, please.

  “I love you, Rubes, and I know you love me too,” he whispered. “You’re the one who told me a few thousand miles wouldn’t really matter in the grand scheme of life, remember?”

  That had me almost cracking up. Almost, but it sounded broken, and I didn’t sound like myself. “Yes,” I croaked, admitting it but not wanting to.

  “You and me, we’ll figure this out. We’ll make this work.”

  I was back to pinching my lips and nodding, a few more tears streaming out of my eyes at t
he infinite sadness that weighed down on me even though I knew he was speaking the truth.

  “I love you, stalker. Time. Distance. Nothing is going to change that. We’ll figure this out, I promise.” He kissed my lips again, and that time I kissed him right back. Warm lips on warm lips, and I wished we had a motel to stop at to get under the covers together, skin to skin, his chest to my face, his legs wrapped in mine, one last time, just one last time. I should have been embarrassed by how clingy I was being, but I couldn’t find it in me. Not even a little.

  “Do you believe me?” he asked, brushing the tip of his nose against mine like I would have loved in any other occasion.

  I nodded.

  “Tell me.” He kept on Eskimo kissing me. Holding my face. Keeping me together. “Tell me,” he repeated, sounding almost anguished.

  “I believe you,” I said. “My head knows I’ll see you again, but my heart thinks you’re leaving me here and I’m never going to see you again.”

  “Never see you again? I couldn’t forget you in a hundred years if I tried, Ru. And nothing would get me to try. Not a single thing. Everything happens for a reason, remember?”

  “What happened for a reason?”

  “You got me in the program. They could’ve given my name and address to anybody else, but you got me.”

  I just barely held back a choke. “I thought you got me.”

  His voice was low. “No, Ruron. You got me.”

  I screwed my eyes closed and nodded, leaning into him so that I buried my face into his neck. “I’m probably going to be a really shitty, clingy girlfriend.”

  “You couldn’t be shitty at anything.”

  I laughed.

  “You’re mine, RC. That’s not changing.”

  I gulped, feeling like I was drowning. With a sob stuck in my throat, I nodded, quick, quick, quick. I was going to cry. I was going to freaking cry for real, and I didn’t want to.

  “I wanted to park—”

  “It’s okay. I need to run in anyway,” I gritted out, staring at the dashboard. I swallowed. “Will you give me a hug outside at least?”